You Found Me
by Absent Heart
Summary: Prequel to 'I Hate Myself For Losing You'... It only takes one moment, one meeting to change two lives forever!
1. Chapter 1

**Well i really wasnt meant to be posting this yet as i wanted to get a few more chaps written but you lot gave me such good reviews for the last chap of 'I Hate Myself For Losing You' that i was feeling generous plus i fell down the stairs last night and so im all bruised and sore so instead of enjoying the good weather im sat with my laptop on my lap and wallowing in my misery!!**

**So this is the first chap and im really really really nervous because with my other story it was my first so no one was expecting much but cos you all said you were looking forward to this i really dont want to disappoint anyone!!! **

**And basically its them Mer/Der meeting for the first time so all i ask is for you to Read, Enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!**

**You Are The Woman**

Dropping her bag onto the floor Meredith reached for the discarded magazine on the empty chair next to hers, it wasn't one she'd usually pick out for herself but right now it was better than nothing.

As a rule she hated hospitals and what she hated most was waiting around in the lobby of one, far too much of her eighteen years had been spent doing exactly this already.

With a single phone call her mother had managed to ruin her weekend and where as normally both mother and daughter were pretty good at avoiding time spent with the other this time Ellis Grey had been insistent.

Now Meredith was left regretting deciding against just simply not turning up because it was more than obvious all that was install for her when her mother did bother to turn up was a lecture. The same lecture she had been hearing for most of her life, about how she wasn't living up to the Grey name and how her behavior was a constant embarrassment.

A five hour drive, a waste of a Friday night and all for what… a lecture she could repeat in her sleep and that was already forty minutes late in coming but really she knew she should of never expected any different not from her mother anyway. Though Ellis Grey was a great docter, a fantastic surgeon mothering however was not one of her skills.

So here she was pissed off, tired and in no mood to try and hide it as her foot tapped impatiently and she turned each page with increasing force.

With a tired sigh Derek ran a hand through his hair leaning back against the wall, his eyes lazily scanning the lobby as he waited for his best friend.

The second however that his gaze rested on the blonde angrily flicking her way through a magazine his weariness after a thirty six hour shift vanished and every wish he had made for Mark to just hurry up he regretted because he couldn't think of anywhere else he would rather be.

Long dirty blonde hair hung in soft waves down past her shoulders and a lavender sweater clung to curves that caused his palms to sweat and his heart to beat faster.

Finally as if she felt his stare she raised her head and for him it was like being punched in the stomach, the breath leaving his body as he lost himself in the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen.

Now though she was staring right back with a scowl that instead of scaring him off only piqued his interest further. Derek was well used to women giving him the come on but never in all his twenty eight years had he been scowled at quite so adorably.

Though he wasn't quite smiling there was a warm glow radiating from those striking blue eyes that made it clear he would need only the slightest encouragement to do so. But whoever this stranger was she knew just by the way he leaned with his head tilted slightly that he expected girls to fall at his feet, blush when he smiled and that wasn't for her.

In her mind arrogance and an ego of the kind he obviously possessed was well in need of a being dented so she scowled right back. Yet even she who had denial down to a fine art couldn't ignore the warmth his gaze bathed her in or the way her heart had flipped in her chest when their eyes first met. And then there was the fact it was hard not to be impressed by his thick skin as he disregarded her scowl to sit down beside her.

"You shouldn't scowl at me … … Or ignore me!"

Derek hadn't realized he was going to come over till his feet had started moving and it wasn't like he really had much choice in the matter. There was something he couldn't describe or try to explain that told him this girl whoever she was, was someone he needed to know.

He had only added the ignoring part when she had done just that but there was something in his voice that made it impossible for her to keep doing so.

"And why not?"

"Because I'm someone you need to know to love,"

"So if I know you I'll love you???"

Meredith knew the grin playing on her lips was ruining the effect of her skeptically raised eyebrows but she couldn't help it.

"Oh yes."

Derek nodded wondering why the hell he was using these lame lines that even Mark would have been embarrassed off and Addison… god he didn't even want to think of what Addison would say if she could hear him.

"You really like yourself don't you?"

Her grin turned in to a full blown smile and Derek was once again left with the feeling of having his breath sucked right out of him and was unable even if he had wanted too to resist smiling right back at her.

The moment his lips curled into a smile that lit those blue eyes Meredith knew without a shadow of doubt she was lost because she Meredith Grey who didn't believe in soul mates or love at first sight was unable to rid herself of the thought no matter how stupid it was that this man had been made to complete her.

"Just hiding my pain… So hot angry lady what do I call you?"

"Meredith,"

"Meredith…"

He said her name as if he was tasting something sweet sending shivers of desire straight down her spine, Meredith tried to hide it with a laugh which even to her own ears sounded shaky as he took her hand.

"And arrogant ass what do I call you?"

"Derek, Dr Derek Shepherd… … And Meredith I have a feeling I may of met my match!"

Staring in to the mesmerizing green eyes that held the same slightly puzzled look that he guessed was reflected in his own Derek knew that wasn't just a line.

This girl, Meredith whoever she was evoked something in him he had never felt before and all he knew was he didn't want this moment to end, he couldn't let it end.

With his large hand still holding hers Meredith found it impossible to look away and how she wasn't sure off but she knew her life was never going to be the same again.

"Is that so?"

"Mmm hmm… … So how about you stop waiting for who ever it is you're waiting for and come for a drink with me instead?"

Derek did his best to act casual but he was nervous and for the life of him he couldn't remember ever asking a girl out and feeling this way before.

And for a second he was sure she was going to say no, he watched intently as she took one more look around the lobby before a glint of steel flashed in her eyes and her lips set in a firm line.

"You know what Dr Derek Shepherd that sounds like a great idea."

Standing up Meredith held out her hand to him and without a single doubt or second thought for Mark he stood up taking it in his own and allowing her to lead him out of the hospital.

_You are the woman that I've always dreamed of  
I knew it from the start  
I saw your face and that's the last I've seen of my heart_

**So... ?**

**Short i know but it's just an introduction and like i said this story wont have any absent Derek and is concentrating on the start of the relationship etc... Right well the next chapter should be up soon but for the first few chaps it might be a bit longer between updates but i will try for it to be only a couple of days...**

**But for now PLEASE show me some love and let me know what you think by hitting that blue/purple button and REVIEW!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**WOW so i never expected a response like that and i'm seriously chuffed so THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! **

**But well i only hope this Chap goes down just as well cos it took a lot of wrangling to get it at least in some way how i wanted it so i hope i havent disappointed anyone**... **This chap is mainly MerDer but then introducing some other familiar characters and i know it's a little slow right now but the pace will pick up so bear with me.**

**So all i ask of you is Read, Enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!**

**Almost Honest**

Slipping out from underneath the arm that had been thrown over her sometime in the last few hours when finally out of exhaustion they had slept Meredith edged away from the very naked and tempting body of Derek Shepherd.

Grabbing hold of the nearest item of clothing to hand which happened to be one of Derek's t-shirts, Meredith pulled it over her head, allowing herself for a brief second to revel in his scent. Goosebumps raising at the memories his smell, the mixture of after shave and something that was unique to him evoked.

Before clearing her thoughts with a brisk shake of her head she quietly so not to wake him made her way out of his room and towards the bathroom.

However as much she was able to shake herself away for now from the memories she was unable to shake away the feeling of regret at the thought that though this wasn't her first shower here it very well might be her last.

Ever since they had fallen wrapped in each others arms through his apartment door Friday night they had barely left his room but it was Sunday now, time to get back to reality.

It was simple one night stands were her forte, ones where you didn't stick around and spend the weekend together and you could walk away without a pang of regret, ones that didnt leave you feeling like this because already with Derek Meredith felt way out of her depth.

In her hearts of hearts she knew there was just no putting this feeling down to the after glow of amazing, mind blowing sex it went further, too far for her and she was sure that he felt it too.

She had caught him more than once watching her with a thoughtful smile and the avoider in her was screaming for her to do what she did best and run as far and as fast as she could away from this man before she fell too deep if she hadn't already.

With a helpless sigh Meredith stepped into the shower lifting her face to the full force of the water, wanting to wash all this away, cleansing her, returning her to the cynic who didn't believe in any of this who was angry and had sat waiting impatiently for her mother to turn up...

Reaching over for the girl who he had just spent the most magical weekend of his life with Derek found only a empty space, causing him to quickly sit up a sense of panic mixing with immense disappointment in his stomach, his heart beating hard in his chest.

But it only took the sight of her clothes still tangled with his on the floor, her bag still sat on top of his desk for relief to flood through him and it was only then that the sound of the running shower reached him. Fully aware of the fact it was still only the two of them in the apartment a wide grin spread across his face as he rolled out of bed.

The first Meredith knew of his presence was when the shower door slid back and Derek pressed his body up against hers his arms going to and around her waist whilst his mouth went straight to her shoulder sucking and biting at her skin.

Not giving her a chance to speak scared of what she might say as soon as shr turned Derek crushed her lips with his, his hands going to her hips lifting as her legs wrapped around his waist.

As he slid inside her filling her in a way no other man had before, her back against the cold tiles their moans of pleasure bouncing off the walls, every thought she'd had of making an escape disappeared. It was too late anyway she was lost, well and truly lost and had been ever since she had first looked into his blue eyes.

Leaning against the headboard Derek watched as she stood barefoot in front of his mirror, dressed only in her jeans and bra running his brush through her still wet hair.

He couldn't take his eyes off her she enthralled him, outshone with ease every memory he had of the women that had come before her even the ones he would of sworn before this weekend that he had loved.

But with it came fear, fear that once Meredith left today that would be the last he saw of her and he couldn't bear that thought it made his palms sweat.

Growing up in a house with four girly girl sisters, parents who were teenage sweethearts who still held hands and were openly in love it was hard not to believe in true love, soul mates and a happily ever after and he had a funny feeling Meredith was it for him.

It was the need in him to know her really know her but where as he had shared so much she had given little, all he knew was her name and that she attended Dartmouth and could handle her vodka and tequila a lot better than he could.

"So when I call this number will it be you who answers or some dodgy Chinese takeout?"

Though he tried to keep his voice casual he knew there was a slight edge to it but was unable to do anything about it.

"I don't like Chinese food so I don't know any takeout numbers but it might be the number to my favorite Italian… I always get them confused."

Meredith said lightly trying to hide the fact she was having to fight the urge to turn around, lose herself in a pair of blue eyes and fall into his arms.

"Meredith…"

As soon as he heard his own voice Derek could of happily kicked himself, he sounded just like the legions of girls who had passed through Mark's bedroom door once upon a time and he hated it.

"Look I don't know what this is but I've given you my number and I never give out my number well not my real one and the same goes for my name but you have both so can we just… …"

Even though he wanted so much more he was willing to except this for now just as long as their was a next time, a chance for him, for this to grow.

"Go with this for now yes we can but technically remember you've only given me half your name I don't know your surname…"

Meredith stilled as it hit her, the reason why she couldn't, didn't want to give him her last name. He was an intern, but more importantly a surgical intern Derek had told her all this yesterday while she had laid curled up beside him his hand running through her hair listening intently wanting to know all she could about him.

He worked at the same hospital as her mother and there was no way he didn't know who Ellis Grey was, everyone with an interest in medicine knew her and it was stupid to believe that he wouldn't make the connection between them not when he knew when they had met she was waiting for someone.

Panic lined with guilt balled into a tight fist in Meredith's stomach as reality really did hit her like a smack in the face because she knew once he did find out everything would change.

Instead of who she was he would only see the eighteen year old daughter of his boss and Meredith hated even the idea of that. She wasn't sure how old he exactly thought she was, he hadn't asked and as she watched him through the mirror the decision made itself.

It may be avoiding, lying by emission or simply putting off the eventuality of it all blowing up in her face but Meredith wasn't ready to let him go, watch him walk away not yet and though she was pretty sure it would hurt more in the long run she was willing to run the .

With a deep breath Meredith turned plastering a smile to her face.

"Instead of sitting there watching me like some weirdo shouldn't you be getting ready for work, I mean you're an intern and aren't interns dogs bodies, the bottom of the surgical food chain and all that?"

"Ah but this dogs bodies shift doesn't start till midday and so that gives me at least three hours and there is only one way I want to spend it and it doesn't involve clothes?"

Closing the distance between them he lunged pulling her giggling down onto the bed his lips fusing with hers as his hands reached for the button of her jeans.

"Who the hell are you?" Derek breathed breaking the kiss to stare down into her eyes "And when can I see you again?"

Having made the decision to take what she could, treasure and enjoy every moment Meredith rolled them over straddling him watching with pleasure as his eyes darkened in desire as she rocked her hips against him.

"What are you a girl with all these questions?"

Bending Meredith trailed kisses down the column of his throat, her teeth sinking in to his skin causing him to groan as his hands moved up to cup her breasts.

"Just enjoy it, enjoy me…"

She whispered her fingers tugging on his hair, her lips returning to his as she sucked his bottom lip in to her mouth closing her mind to everything but him and the pleasure of his touch

"I can do that…" Derek moaned in response "And as for me being a girl I'd say you need a lesson in anatomy young lady …" And with that Derek flipped her back onto her back causing Meredith to screech in delight.

* * *

Letting herself in to her mother's house Meredith knew there was little reason to be quiet as it was not likely for Ellis to be even home at this time of the day. 

In fact days often passed without her stepping through the door but never the less it didn't hurt to be careful and her mother was definitely not the predictable type. All she wanted was the overnight bag she had left here Friday and to change her clothes before heading back, a task that shouldn't take longer than twenty minutes.

"Meredith is that you dear?"

Coming back down the stairs Meredith still managed to jump even though she had realized instantly it wasn't her mother especially as she had been addressed as dear. She had jumped because her mind had been on other things or one person in particular and the voice had snapped her out of the day dream.

"Yeah only me, I just came to get my bag."

Meredith smiled at the old woman who met her at the bottom of the stairs giving her a brief hug, she wasn't one for hugs not really but for Molly she always made the exception.

It was Molly or Mrs. Tundel as Ellis insisted she should call their house keeper who with Ellis always being too busy had come to her parent evenings, school events and even her high school graduation.

And Meredith could never forget the comfort Molly had brought into her life ever since Ellis had hired her when she was seven. Her nannies had come and gone but Molly had always stuck around the closest Meredith had ever had to some sort of mother figure.

"Dr Grey is on the war path, she knows you were in town this weekend and yet you didn't meet her… I'm afraid she isn't pleased…"

"Is she ever where I'm concerned...? Anyway Dr Grey was forty minutes late and that was more than enough for me I'm afraid I wasn't pleased either…"

Meredith grinned as Molly's thin lips twitched for a second before her face returned to its usual placid expression, no one knew better than her how difficult it was between mother and daughter and though Meredith knew her loyalty and affection laid with her she also knew Molly out of respect would never say a bad word against her mother.

"Should I tell her you bumped into some old school friends and simply lost track of time, I mean she… …"

As she trailed off looking flustered Meredith finished for her.

"Doesn't know any of them to ask awkward questions, it's up to you but you could always tell her the truth that I simply got tired of waiting and had a better offer! Now I have to go but I'll see you soon."

Meredith kissed her cheek knowing that whatever her mother heard it wouldn't be that, Molly had been playing peace keeper and negotiator between them for far too long to make that beginers mistake.

"Oh and dear I would use an oil based foundation tomorrow to cover that rash on your neck and how many times do I have to tell you how un lady like it is… I just hope this one is a nice boy?"

Laughing as she crossed the hall back towards the door Meredith stopped just before going through it picturing a smiling Derek in her mind as her fingers touched the offending hickey on her neck.

"I hope so too."

* * *

Taking the seat next to Addison in the gallery over looking the O.R where Mark was scrubbing in Derek felt her all seeing eyes look him over with increasing interest. 

"Who is she and if you dare tell me it's that slutty blonde nurse who's been shoving her over inflated chest in your face for the past three months I will hit you…"

Derek tried to look innocent but couldn't help but grin; this was a prime example why Addison Montgomery was the perfect woman for his best friend. Addie was fearless, she didn't mince her words and didn't waste any time in getting to the point.

"And don't try to play the innocent with me, I had Mark at my place because you made him homeless for the weekend and I've seen you enough around women over the years to recognize the signs… So who is she?"

"She's not like any of them Addie… I can't explain it but, it's just I… …"

Derek ran a hand through his hair turning pleading blue eyes in her direction remembering all the times over the years when she had helped him, told him what he needed to do.

They were both very similar and from the moment they had met the first week of med school he had liked her, attracted to just how together she was, how she held herself but there had never been anything more than friendship between them.

Though they were perfect as friends it was obvious to the both of them that anything more would end in disaster, it wasnt ust their fights that would go on for days on end it was simply the people they were. Plus he had been looking for her, someone who could take his best friend, his brother in hand ever since at the age of eight Mark had tumbled into his life.

"Oh my god Derek you're falling for her… I can't believe it; do you even know her name?"

Addison's voice was no more than a whisper so as not to draw attention to them yet it was full to the brim with incredulity and disbelief.

"Yes of course I do, it's Meredith her name is Meredith."

A smile lit his tired eyes a reminiscent grin lifting his lips because just the simple task of saying her name was like being back with her. He could almost feel her silky skin underneath his fingers, taste her, and inhale the flowery scent that seemed to surround her.

It was that exact look, the faraway glint in his eyes that worried Addison the most because the last thing she wanted was for Derek to get hurt and this situation had all the possibilities for it,

"Derek you have spent two days if that with this girl, you don't know her and I mean really know her not just what does it for her… So whatever you do don't get too deep, not yet for your own sake!"

Addison warned but she had the feeling it was already too late. They could argue like worst enemies but when it came down to it she loved him, he was her family, the three of them were a family and she had always known once he fell Derek would fall hard and fast but this time she wasn't glad to be proved right.

Leaning over he kissed her perfectly made up cheek.

"I know I don't know the details but I know her Addie, I know how she makes me feel… Just trust me on this Meredith she isn't like anyone else!"

"Derek…"

Addison started but he cut her off getting to his feet as his pager went off,

"I have to go that's Dr Grey and her mood is not exactly all sunshine and roses today." Shrugging he pressed a kiss to the top of her head and squeezed her shoulder "Don't worry about me I'm a big boy Addie!"

Watching him leave Addison sighed shaking her head at his retreating form.

"Crap!"

* * *

Louise her roommate was out when Meredith eventually got back to her dorm but there was a note taped to the fridge inviting her to a party. But for once she wasn't interested and it wasn't just fatigue that was stopping her, it was the memory of Derek. 

Every male she might meet tonight would only pale in comparison and there was something telling her that it wouldn't just be tonight it would be every night on from this.

Stripping off her jacket as she went on into her room Meredith's whole body stilled at the sight of the blinking red light on her answer machine.

She had two choices, one to press play hoping it might be Derek whilst running the risk it might be her mother making her feelings about being stood up all too clear or she could just delete it and never know. But the slim chance of hearing Derek's voice was too much to resist and she was duly rewarded.

"I miss you which make me feel stupid and sound stupid too but I do and I wanted you to know that… So I will call you, I will definitely call you … again … Goodnight Meredith."

The silly smile was stuck to her face as she lent back on her bed, Derek missed her and had called and would call again and that was all she wanted…

To make memories that she would be able to cling onto when the time came and he walked out of her life which he eventually would especially when he found out the truth about who she was.

The though caused the smile to slip slightly but pushing the eventual from her mind Meredith lent over and pressed the play button again.

_I was almost honest  
Well, I was almost honest_

**Well okay this Chap is long but it does set the story up... **

**Derek doesnt know how old she is or who her mother is and Addison... well Addison is just worried cos their friends and no one wants their friends to get hurt... And Mer has decided not to tell him... **

**Oh and this is based in 1996 or 1997 and as i was only 7/8 then sorry if some of the details are a bit iffy... ?**

**I dont know what else to say just the next chap might not be up for a week, it really depends on how my revision goes but for now LOVE it or HATE it PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Oh u guys are great and i love reading the reviews you leave, they make my day... So a HUGE THANK YOU for everyone of them!!! **

**So this is Chap 3 and we're still kind of getting in to this story and this chapter is mainly MerDer apart from introducing Elliot...? **

**Ive been trying to update this chap since last week so sorry for the long wait but the site decided to start working this morning so hopefully we're back to normal!!!**

**Right so back to this, all i ask is that you Read, Enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!**

**So Blessed**

"So what time is Dr Zest expecting you?"

Elliot asked leaning back on her bed, lazy brown eyes watching Meredith as she stood naked but for a towel in front of the mirror.

Meredith had told him about Derek but it had taken a bottle of tequila poured down her throat to get more than the basic details out of her and he couldn't help but have hope. There were reasons, reasons that she kept to herself why she was so shut off, why her heart was hid behind so many barriers but from what she had said or more importantly hadn't needed to it seemed to him Derek Shepherd had a chance that no one else had had before.

"Seven, I'm meeting him at his apartment…" Turning around to face him Meredith lifted up her hair "Up or down?"

Elliot was her friend, a real friend and sometimes Meredith felt as if he was her only one, she had friends like her roommate Louise who she went to parties, out for coffee with but none of them were people she let know her where as Elliot had just seemed to get her right from the start without having to try something Meredith knew wasn't easy to do.

"Definitely down and put on the red lace bra and panties set I brought you… … So no second thoughts because you wouldn't be you without at least a mini breakdown, but I warn you if you are planning one you don't have much time so hurry!"

The handsome slightly feminine face was watching her with a look of expectancy that in any other mood would have made her smile.

"Shut up Mr. Oh let me credit check you before I date you…!"

"Oh a little touchy, always a sign!"

"I'm fine!"

"Ah but is that Meredith Grey fine or the universal standard because we both know how big a difference there is….?"

Meredith sighed her fingers twisting together there was no way getting away from it they both knew agreeing to see Derek again was a step she had never taken before.

"I'm taking what I can so when he… when he walks away I can use his memory to… …" She ran out of words but Elliot was all too happy to finish for her.

"Sustain you through every night of crappy sex for the rest of your life I think were you words last night, but please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong?"

"I was drunk!"

Meredith tried to defend herself but it was useless she hadn't been that drunk that she couldn't remember her words.

"Isn't there some kind of saying about how the drunk you being the real you or some crap like that….? Mer you had the time of your life with this guy so … … …"

"But what if it was just that? One magical moment in time or if it isn't then I fall for him and, oh god……. Elliot what am I doing?"

Helpless green eyes that he had been unable to resist ever since Meredith had first stumbled into his arms drunk trying to fight off a horny frat boy turned on him with a silent plea. Crawling over the bed to her Elliot put an arm around her shoulders and kissed her forehead.

"Giving him a chance because I hate to break it to you but you are besotted sweetie and the amount of time you two have spent on the phone I'd say he is too… And though I know you will argue this point with your trademark stubbornness I really think you should just tell him the truth! Honesty is the best policy and all that!"

"What have you swallowed a book of pointless unhelpful sayings this morning…? If so what's the one for sorry you're screwing your boss's daughter???"

Folding her arms across her chest Meredith eyed him with the exact stubbornness he had been talking about.

"I didnt think so... So what now Dr Phil?"

Her catty tone drew an appreciative grin from him as he got to his feet pulling her with him.

"Now you get off your ass, get dressed and drive to New York! When there you will have the best sex of your life with a man you're losing the battle not to fall for and then be back in time to meet me for coffee tomorrow to give me the gory details!"

Elliot told her as he rooted through her wardrobe, picking clothes out and throwing them at her till a whole outfit was piled at her feet.

"Move it Grey!"

* * *

"We could have met at the hospital it would have been easier than having to find this place again and it would have saved you from waiting out here for me?" 

Said the voice that was becoming near unmistakable to her, whose owner had haunted everyone of her dreams for the past three nights and possessed her every thought. It had the effect of bringing Meredith's head up quickly, only for her eyes to widen in shock at the sight that met her.

Sat astride his bike Derek pulled his helmet from his head to give her his best smile, his heart thumping hard, desire pulsing through him as Meredith rose from the steps leading up to his building her green eyes lighting up in welcome.

"I hate hospitals; they're full of surgeons with serious god complexes …. More importantly though you ride a motor cycle?"

Walking towards him Meredith couldn't help but smile at the thought of how perfectly he fit the image of every teenage girl's ideal rebel right now, especially hers.

Thick black curls messy from his helmet begged for your fingers to run through them, his leather jacket clung to broad shoulders whilst blue eyes shone with something Meredith wasn't sure whether to be scared of or captivated even further by.

"I do." Derek nodded holding out a hand to her which she took with a teasing smile leaning in closer towards him.

"Mmm you do... and just so you know if you had let that slip Friday night then there would have been no need for those lame chat up lines you used,"

Meredith breathed her lips inching closer only to pull back every time he tried to capture them with his own.

"Is that so….? Well I guess I should note that for future reference, you know the next time the mood strikes me to pick up a real angry looking girl in a hospital lobby."

"You should,"

Meredith agreed finally doing what they both wanted and let their lips meet in a teasing kiss, both exploring the taste and feel of the other before her hands moved into his hair urging Derek to deepen the kiss, all teasing forgotten as passion took over.

This is what he had fantasized about doing ever since she had left him and as his tongue delved into her mouth Derek was hit by the thought that Meredith was a girl he could happily kiss for the rest of his life and never grow tired of it.

When the kiss finally broke leaving them both gasping for breath Meredith dropped her hands to play with the hair at the back of his neck leaving him to pull her closer taking a moment to simply breathe her in.

"You said all surgeons have god complexes so what does that make me?" Derek whispered her earlier comment having stuck in his mind and once the fog of desire had cleared it had came back to him.

Meredith thought of every surgeon she had met growing up and couldn't help but be repulsed by the idea that one day Derek may end up the same that he might end up just as distant, as cold and unreachable to the people he was meant to love just like her own mother.

"A god complex in training I guess…"

Though she didn't know it all humor had left her voice leaving it hollow as pain flashed in her eyes so quickly Derek couldn't be sure that he had imagined it.

"Well I will just have to keep you around to make sure that doesn't happen."

Tipping her chin up Derek smiled down into the eyes that seemed to tempt him just to forget everything and everyone.

"I thought about you so much, I kept wondering if you'd changed your mind, that you wouldn't come…."

"I nearly didnt." Meredith admitted with a shrug "I'm a mess Derek, a mass of contradictions, a psychologist's wet dream with more intimacy issue than you could imagine… But you, you make me willing to take a risk I otherwise wouldn't dare."

Her rush of words came to an abrupt end as his lips crashed against hers, he didn't care if she was the most messed up girl in the world or if he had to fight for her every step because he didn't need to know her well to know she was worth it.

"I don't care I'm just glad you came… Now let's get upstairs so I can show you just how worth the risk I am…" Derek whispered biting down on her bottom lip as he took her hand pressing it against his erection.

"Perfect!"

* * *

With her head pillowed on his chest Meredith listened to the steady beat of his heart unable to remember another time in her life when she had ever felt so comfortable, so secure with someone even Elliot. 

Derek's left hand rested possessively on her hip his thumb making small circular movements whilst his right hand was gripped tightly in hers their fingers tangled in a tight knot. Both unwilling to close their eyes for more than a second all too aware the time for her to leave would come soon enough and neither wanted to miss a moment.

"Do you have any plans for the weekend?"

Breaking the easy silence they had fallen into Derek pressed a kiss into her hair, smiling as her hold on his hand tightened. This wasn't the embrace of two people who simply enjoyed great sex together it was more and was only confirming every thought he'd had during the past three days.

"Apart from getting in to a hot doctor's pants you mean?"

"So you think I'm hot huh?"

Meredith didn't have to see him to know he was smiling smugly she could hear it all too well in his voice.

"And who said I was talking about you?"

"Oh you are I'm a hot doctor."

"No what you are is an arrogant ass!"

"Ha so you say but I disagree, I say this hot doctor rocks your world and that why you should invite him up to your place at the weekend."

Lifting her head Meredith used the light from the window to look at him, her own expression wary all banter forgotten.

"Why when I can just come here?"

Derek didn't understand what he had said to change the mood or to cause her to look at him like that.

"It makes more sense that's all, I don't finish till late Saturday night which means I will get there early Sunday morning and won't have to leave till mid morning Monday. Which means we can have breakfast together without you having to rush off…?"

He explained shrugging his unease at her reaction away and Meredith knew what he said made perfect sense and there was no way she could refuse him not when he looked at her like that.

It wasn't that concealing her mother's identity would be a problem whilst he was there but there would be no hiding her true age and it seemed time to take a little of Elliot's advice at least on that matter.

"How old do you think I am?" Meredith blurted it out before she had time to change her mind.

"Right now I'm hoping legal cos if not my thoughts alone could end me up in jail and I'm too pretty for jail…"

"I'm being serious!"

Meredith insisted only for Derek in one quick movement to roll her beneath him, his lips roaming down her neck to her breasts.

"So am I,"

"Derek freaking Shepherd!" Ignoring the majority of her that didn't want him to stop Meredith tugged at his hair. "For one moment take your mind out of the dirt!"

"But you like dirty and you like it when I do this… and… this."

Meredith moaned her body arching as he expertly rolled her right nipple between his fingers, his teeth grazing over and along her collar bone in small nips.

"I do but I can't think straight when you do that and, and we need, I need to talk…"

Finally with a sigh of defeat knowing she wasn't about to let this go Derek rolled off her moving so they were laid face to face, his hand now cupping her cheek.

"Okay you win…. Right your age, I don't know but I'd say twenty one…?"

"That's what I thought…. Um you should know just in case it ever comes up or if you happen to take a look at my license I mean not that you have a reason to but if you are coming up on Saturday… … That's if you still want too because once you know you might …"

In any other situation her rambling would amuse him, he would find it adorable the way her forehead wrinkled but he was starting to get nervous himself now and the way her hands were absently stroking up and down his chest wasn't helping with his level of concentration.

"Tell me you are at least eighteen Meredith?"

"Well yeah but… …"

"Oh thank god!"

Derek muttered under his breath and before she could say anymore his lips took hers hungrily as he hitched her leg up over his hip pulling her body to him, closing the remaining gap between them.

"So you don't mind about the age gap, that I didn't tell you?" Meredith gasped as his hand slipped down between their bodies to find her, pushing one finger deep inside her wetness his mouth now at her neck.

"I mind that you keep talking…" Derek groaned pulling back so their eyes could meet realizing that for the first time he was getting a glimpse of a side to Meredith he didn't know existed.

The whole weekend they had shared, all the hours they had spent on the phone she had been feisty, teasing, playful but never once vulnerable and it brought out a protective instinct in him that no female ever had before so he spoke from his heart.

"I can't mind because I never asked and no I don't give a damn about the age gap… Ten years may seem a lot now but in a few years it won't be anything… So unless there is any thing else you think I should know will you please kiss me…?"

Meredith thought of the fact that her own mother was his boss, the surgeon who only a little while ago he had been talking about with awe in his voice but the guilt was forgotten the moment she remembered his words.

"_Ten years may seem a lot now but in a few years it won't be anything,"_

And the look in his eyes, the intensity had told her this wasn't a line but a simple fact and that she wasn't reading too much in to it, Derek meant every word.

Grabbing hold of his face with both hands Meredith pulled him down giving her all in that kiss as one more barrier around her heart crumbled

_Precious one  
Don't ever leave me  
Forever need me  
This way_

**So you know when i first wrote this Chap i liked it as in i want to update it now like it but now im not so sure and Meredith told Derek about her age... Which had to happen now and his line "_So unless there is any thing else you think I should know_**" **well you know thats gonna come back and bite Mer pretty soon.**

**And this story i find is a lot harder to write than 'I.H.M.F.L.Y' so i hope you lot bear with me but updates should be back to normal now which means i should have one up by the end of the week.**

**Oh and this chap sooo belongs to 'eks-06' who helped me come up with Elliot so he kinda belongs to her!!!!**

**But now all i ask is that you PLEASE hit the blue/purple button and REVIEW!!!**


	4. Chapter 4

**THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to all of the people who reviewed and** **i was going to update tomorrow but i decided to do so today just to reward you :)**

**Okay so this is Chap 4 and in my opinion its the last of the introduction chapters and its introducing Ellis and its mainly well all of it really apart from one bit is Mer/Der and its another loooong one well not to long but you get what i mean so im shutting up but all i ask is you PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE Read, Enjoy and REVIEW!!!**

**To Be Around You.**

With his head propped up on his hand Derek was content to simply lie and watch Meredith sleep as he tried to figure out just what it was about her that left him for the first time in his life feeling so wide open. He was defenseless, unprotected when it came to her and not only did it have the effect of baffling him but also leaving him more than a little scared.

Scared because it was a month to the day since Meredith had scowled her way into his heart and he was left with the distinct impression that he was no near to really knowing her than he had been that night.

If someone chanced to ask him who her friends were, what her parents did for a living, where had she been born or grown up he wouldn't have an answer for them.

And as each day passed and he fell harder for her it bothered him more and more because he wanted nothing more than to know her, know what made her who she was. As it was it seemed to him they were living in a bubble, a bubble where just the two of them existed and sometimes he was left feeling like this was some kind of dream and he needed more than that, he needed more of Meredith.

Opening her eyes Meredith found a pair of puzzled blue ones staring down at her, lips that brought her so much pleasure turned down in a thoughtful frown.

"What are you some weirdo who likes to watch girls sleep?"

She asked tiredly only a little reassured by his smile as he bent to kiss her. His fingers lingering to stroke over her face in a caress that was conflicting with the look in his eyes.

"Maybe."

It was the same look of distraction that had haunted her last night over their dinner at the small Italian bistro when he hadn't even tried to tease her over the fact their waitress was doing everything to catch his attention. He had still been as attentive as ever but just not himself and she couldn't help but feel worried for what this meant for her, for them and it had kept her awake long after he had fallen asleep.

Seeking comfort from the path her thoughts were taking Meredith turned burying her face in his neck letting out an inaudible sigh of relief as Derek gathered her close. She didn't want to think that there was a chance he was changing his mind about them or that he didn't need to know about her mother to see the disadvantages of dating her and that he might leave just like everyone else did.

Stroking his hand through her hair Derek kissed the top of her head well aware that no woman had ever fitted so perfectly into his arms as Meredith did and it was only as his eyes settled on his watch that he reluctantly broke the embrace.

"I have to get up but you should go back to sleep Mark wont be around and you look exhausted," Derek told her not missing the shadows around her eyes as he brushed her lips with a gentle kiss.

"No it's fine, I'm fine… I'll go back to my Mom's." Her smile was brief as her fingers ran through his hair in a gesture he had come to expect, looked forward too and saw as unique to her.

"And I'll see you tonight?"

"That's if you still want too…?"

His hands at her shoulders Derek pushed her down onto her back using his body weight to keep her there so his hands were free to move up and cup her face.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know do I, it's just you seem… Last night at dinner and now again I just thought maybe that yo."

Her rambling was cut off as he covered her mouth with his own using her gasp of surprise to seek entrance, it only took a moment for the gasp to turn into a moan as she arched against him her fingers stroking down his back grabbing at his hips to pull him closer.

This time as he pulled back his smile was real, the satisfied smirk she had come to expect from him and caused her body to melt with desire.

"That never fails in shutting you up…"

He laughed having to catch hold of her hand before she could do the damage he had learnt from experience she was well capable off, for the last month he had been carrying around marks from their bouts of play fighting that would ultimately turn into sex from scratches down his back to teeth marks in his shoulder.

Meredith was a spitfire he knew that and he wouldn't want her any other way and if he had learnt anything about her it was that she was bossy and he liked it, he liked that she kept him in line when so many other girls older than her had let him call all the shots.

" Meredith you are the one person after a long shift who I want to spend my time with, there are things we should talk about but right now I have more pressing thoughts that include me, you and my shower!"

* * *

Entering the kitchen of her mother's home Meredith pressed a kiss to the housekeeper's cheek who greeted her with a warm smile, a knowing gleam in her large blue eyes. 

"Yes Molly I do know what the time is and no this isn't the first time I have seen this side of six o'clock…"

Pouring herself a glass of juice Meredith took a seat at the breakfast bar watching as Molly went about her work.

Over the last month they had fallen easily in to the routine of Meredith turning up unannounced, sometimes staying only for a few minutes others longer all depending on whatever shifts Derek was working or when she had to get back and so far Molly had managed not to ask the question Meredith guessed must be on the tip of her tongue.

This morning though she was more than grateful for the little piece of normality, comfort Molly provided, Derek wanted to talk and talk they would and Meredith hated the whole idea of this talk or what it might mean.

She wasn't ready to let him go not yet and the truth was a simple one Derek Shepherd was becoming to mean more to her than she ever thought possible.

He made her happy but not only that his presence seemed to settle her and Meredith couldn't remember the last party she had been too or class she had skipped due to a hang over. There wasn't that need in her anymore not when she knew it was a guarantee he would call, listen and just be him.

"Now isn't this an unexpected honor let alone a first…? Meredith Grey out of her bed before noon or am I being presumptuous and the truth is you haven't been to bed yet???"

Her mother's voice from the doorway sucked the easy atmosphere from the room filling it with the same tension that existed whenever mother and daughter met.

"I could say the same, how is it possible that the hospital is surviving without you?"

Meredith said taking a bite out of the toast Molly had placed in front of her only for it to turn to cardboard in her mouth as she felt Ellis's hard penetrating stare drill into her back.

"So would it be too much to expect an apology from you for standing me up for dinner last month?"

"Are you feeling well mother?" Meredith used the most pleasant voice she could muster filling it with over the top concern.

"Excuse me?"

The ominous sound of china hitting the work top was enough to tell Meredith that she had successfully managed to grab her mother's attention.

"Well you remembered we were meant to have dinner, are you sure you're not sickening for something? Maybe you should get yourself checked out cos this really is a first?"

"Young lady I will not stand for this attitude from you in my own home and if you put as much effort into your studies as have this dragged out childish rebellion then there wouldn't be a need for me to take time out of my … …"

"But you didn't, you were over forty minutes late!"

Meredith felt her voice slowly rise as she turned, green clashing with green for the first time.

"And excuse me for saving us both from something neither of us wanted and would only waste both of our time!"

"Yes that's something you know a lot about isn't it…wasting time! It's that great talent of yours that causes me to have to suffer the embarrassment of hearing just what a failure my only child is!"

Meredith didn't give any outward sign that Ellis's harsh words had effected but inside was a different matter and out of the corner of her eye she saw Molly send a silent plea for her to walk away now rather than get into another row.

"Yeah well next time leave a message on the machine, we both already knows how it goes that is unless you've come up with some new material…?"

"Why you ungrateful brat I don't see …"

The familiar sound of her pager stopped her in her tracks as nothing else could and glancing back up from the screen she looked Meredith up and down.

"I don't have time for this now but this isn't over young lady and seen as you are in town I expect you home for dinner this evening."

"I cant I have plans, so why don't I save you the trouble and tell myself once more I am a terrible disappointment, someone that will amount to nothing and you wonder everyday why you saddled yourself with me because since the day I was born I've been getting in your way…. That's about right isn't it?"

Pushing past her mother not giving her a chance to react Meredith stormed out of the kitchen and up to her old room slamming the door behind herself wanting to vent out her anger and frustration.

There had never been a time in her life when they had been close not that she could remember anyway but over the last few years it had got steadily worse. She had tried to stop looking for her mother's approval but as easy as it was to accept that her mother would never change she couldn't help looking for that, just once for her mother to be proud.

It wasn't long though before her door was opened again and a tray was placed down beside her on the bed.

"I brought you up some breakfast, I'm afraid with you not being here there's no cold pizza but I do have French toast and some of that swill you call coffee…Don't dwell on it my dear I don't think Dr Grey means half of what she says, she's your mother she loves you."

Molly brushed the hair back from her face with gentle fingers as Meredith let out a humorless laugh that was painful to hear.

"Oh we both know that isn't true… She means every word and if her pager hadn't gone off we would have heard a lot more."

Meredith muttered as she sat up, shrugging her shoulders as if none of it bothered her but the one person she wouldn't believe her was the exact woman stood in front of her.

"My dear you are a good girl, a little wild perhaps, stubborn and obstinate but a good girl none the less and I'm sure your young man would agree,"

"And how do you know there is one?"

"Well something has to be bringing you home and putting that lovely glow in your cheeks so forget about this morning and concentrate on that."

Molly said softly patting her shoulder before leaving her and Meredith wondered would she still have that glow in her cheeks after tonight.

* * *

Entering the bar where they had arranged to meet it only took Derek a few seconds to spot Meredith in the Friday night crowd. Sat at the bar with a number of empty shot glasses lined up in front of her Derek still found it hard to believe that she was only eighteen and he thought it no wonder that she found it so easy to get served. 

But it was only as he got closer that he was able to read her expression and it was very similar to one her face had worn while he had watched her that night in the lobby. A tightness around her mouth while green eyes that he had seen shine with laughter, glow with passion were now dull with something close to fear or maybe pain.

Forgetting his own confusion that lately had seemed to follow him around Derek approached her from behind putting both arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder as he waited for her body to relax against him.

"A charming, handsome, over worked intern who has been thinking about you all day would really like to buy you a drink is that okay with you?" He asked kissing his way up her neck till he reached her ear.

Even before he had spoken Meredith had known it was him and all she wanted was to turn, lose her in him allowing her mother and everything else to be forgotten in Derek's sweet embrace.

But she couldn't, all day his need for them to talk had nagged away at her and now she was near breaking point, her nerves stretched as far as possible and whatever was going to happen she needed to get it over with.

Yet what was more confusing was surely if you were planning on breaking up with someone then you didn't have mind blowing morning sex in the shower or greet them like this …?

"Yeah sure that would be good,"

Nodding Derek pressed a last kiss to her cheek as he sat down on the stool besides her ordering them both a beer whilst Meredith added another shot for herself on the end.

"Everything okay?" Derek questioned a little in awe as she knocked the shot back in one as if it was water and not tequila.

"Huh… Oh me I'm fine just great but yeah you said this morning that you need to talk so maybe we should go do that."

Confused as she refused to meet his eyes for more than a second Derek took her hand guiding her over to a spare booth at the back of the bar, sliding in next to her.

"Meredith are you sure you're okay?" Derek asked again watching in shock as she moved over putting distance between them.

"Fine, hunky dory but you, your not fine obviously as you wanted to talk so talk!"

Meredith babbled staring down at the beer mat she was twisting between her fingers her grip so tight her knuckles were slowly turning white and only stopped when he placed his hand down over hers.

"What the hell is it?" Derek demanded it was obvious she wasn't fine, the same way she hadn't been fine this morning. "Tell me!"

Finally raising her eyes Meredith stared up in to his, both gazes unwavering as she took a deep breath.

"You said you wanted to talk and you're acting weird not… Derekish. I mean you didn't even notice that trampy waitress last night and then the whole weird watching me sleep thing and the funny looks you keep giving me… I've never done this, I've never been here before so I don't know what the right way to do it is or how a guy acts but if you want this to end then will you just tell me!"

Derek for the first time in his life was totally speechless; he didn't know whether to laugh at the absurdity of the thought of him actually finishing this when he was living for these short times with her or to cry. Cry because this was only proving how little he really knew because what ever had happened in her past had done the damage that was here now.

"Derek…?"

Tears were forming in her eyes as if his silence was a telling answer.

"No!"

Grabbing hold oh her Derek cupped her face wanting to reassure her without any declaration he knew damn well she wasn't ready for.

"God no, I don't want that ever, it's just I want to know you, I need you to just let me in a little… Give me something, I need something …I don't know you and I want too and there is nothing you could tell me that would make me change my mind about this, us I just want you to let le in…"

"Oh?"

A mixture of joy, relief and something she wasn't ready to put a name too spread through her and wanting nothing but what she had refused herself earlier Meredith sank against him.

Clutching at his jacket as she kissed him hungrily, Derek's response immediate as his tongue sought entry into her mouth, groaning in protest as she pulled away.

"Home, go we need to go …"

* * *

Both still trying to catch their breaths Meredith kissed him laughing as he rolled her naked body back on top of his catching sight of their clothes scattered all around the room. 

"Mark will kill me if he ever finds out what we did on this couch; it's his pride and joy." Derek chuckled patting the leather lovingly as Meredith watched him wide eyed taking the courage to speak before it left her.

"So um details, you want details…I'm not very good at this, I've never done it before…?"

"I can teach you but for now just little things, things so I know this isn't some dream."

"Okay,"

Nodding Meredith took a few seconds to simply breathe, to figure out what to say as her fingers absently played with the hairs on his chest, now she guessed would be the perfect time to bring up her mother, but she couldn't …

He could tell her a million times there was nothing she could tell him that would change his mind but she guessed your screwing your boss's daughter wasn't something he had planned on being in there.

And if today had taught her anything it was that she no matter what she had thought at the start she wasn't strong enough to let him go and there was no way she would allow him to be dragged into the mess that was her and her mother.

"Meredith…?" He prompted causing her to look at him instead of staring in to space.

"Up till a few months' ago I had pink hair and wore a lot of black, you know the whole pissed off at the whole world wouldn't be caught dead at prom well yeah that was me… I was born in Seattle I lived there till I was five and even now I still love the rain, I grew up in Boston, Washington D.C and moved to New York when I was sixteen…"

As he watched her, feeling her tremble slightly love surged in his chest as she gave just that little insight he had been looking for but before he could speak her hand covered his mouth.

"Shut up I'm on a roll! My best friend who I will never be parted from is Tequila but person wise it's Elliot but even he knows he comes second and um my favorite color … its blue not light blue dark and I love eighties music and I well your one of the only people who call me Meredith its Mer and I'm lost this is all new to me so your going to have to be patient and that's it that's all you get…"

Letting out a deep breath that she had been holding in Meredith finally uncovered his mouth hoping in her rush of words he would forget just what detail she had left out.

"Okay you can talk now,"

"Mer huh, yeah it suits you… And this pink hair phase do you have photos cos the whole pissed off at the world thing yeah its kind of put all these porny pictures in my mind and quite frankly it's hot!"

_Something that you do  
Hypnotizes me  
Sets my soul at ease  
Every time you're near me  
I'm in heaven baby_

**So that was that... **

**Well i had to get this in and this Chap seems like the perfect oppertunity to do it, Derek needed more but Mer hasnt done this before so when he says talk she assume he wants to break up with her which gives him an insight to! **

**But this bubble there living in ... yeah well its about to blow up and i promise Mark and Addie will start to be about more i just wanted the first few chaps to be MerDer so all i ask now is that you **

**PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW and the next chap should be up Mon/Tues!!!**


	5. Chapter 5

**The alerts arnt working are they??? **

**But anyway as always a huge THANK YOU to all the people who reviewed I REALLY do love reading each one and they do help so i'd be sooooooooo grateful if you keep them coming!**

**Anyway back to this it's Chap 5 and I've had this idea in my head for this chap since like chapter 9 or so of 'I.H.M.F.L.Y' and frankly Im just glad to get it out and though it hasnt come out exactly how i planned i hope you all like it!!!**

**So all i ask is that you Read, Enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!**

**Fools in Love**

Pulling her jacket tighter around herself Meredith leaned back against her car that she had purposefully parked in the space next to Derek's motorcycle.

This wasn't a planned visit and it wouldn't have even happened if her one lecture for tomorrow hadn't been canceled and due to Elliot's great idea of surprising Derek rather than calling him she had been waiting out in the cold for over half an hour now so not to miss him.

Walking out of the hospital alongside Mark Derek stopped in surprise as he recognized the familiar figure as the streetlight shone down on blonde hair and the car she was leaning against causing his heart rate to increase, his stomach to churn in anticipation.

Noticing Derek had stopped Mark did the same watching Derek as a wide smile lit up his handsome face in a way he had never seen before.

"What?"

Mark asked and it seemed Derek had to tear his eyes away from whatever he was staring out.

"I have to go; we'll do the drink another time I promise!"

Without any further explanation Mark was left standing there as at a run Derek crossed the car park but the moment he swung a slim blonde up in to arms with a shout that was soon followed by an infectious feminine giggle Mark had all the answers he needed.

For the last month or more there had been a large part of him that had felt as if he was losing his best friend and this was the first glimpse he was getting of the mysterious Meredith. It wasn't much though as her face was hidden from view with Derek's arms tight around her and for a second he could well understand just why Addison was so worried about him. With a shake of his head and a sigh Mark turned heading back into the hospital deciding to wait for Addison after all knowing he wouldnt stand a chance of pulling Derek away.

Unable to quite believe that she really was stood in front of him and the long wait for the weekend was no longer looming over him Derek took her lips in a sweet kiss.

"Three days…" He breathed brushing the hair back from her face as Meredith smiled up at him in a way that never failed to remind him just how lucky he was.

"Thirty three hours to be exact, so am I right in thinking you like your surprise?" Meredith asked slipping her cold hands inside his jacket to stroke up his back.

"You are but what are you doing here?"

"My professor has food poisoning."

"God bless food poisoning!"

He murmured to be rewarded by another of her giggles before she managed to turn it in to some sort of disapproving frown.

"That's mean and as a doctor you're meant to sympathize with the sick…?"

"I do fully but I get to see you so I would gladly wish food poisoning on him at most a couple of times a week…" Derek grinned pushing her back against the car "So what did you have planned for this surprise of yours?"

"Only to take you to bed!" Meredith's answer was prompt her lips returning to his unable to resist the warm glow in his eyes.

"Ah now that is why I keep you around I knew there must be a reason for it and there it is … your porny mind!"

Derek whispered his breath fanning her cheek as his lips moved up to her ear his hands going down into the back pockets of her jeans anchoring her to him.

"Only one problem I can't kick Mark out tonight so that means it's time for you to meet Mark and Addie too if she's there!"

Trying not to show just how little this idea appealed to her Meredith scanned her brain for any other option, any legible excuse.

She wasn't ready for that because from what Derek had told her these were two of the most important people in his life and she had the distinct fear that they might hate her. Then it hit her Molly's words when she had popped into the house this evening, her mother was out of town till tomorrow giving her the perfect way out.

"There's always my mother's, she's out of town till tomorrow so we'll have the whole place to ourselves!"

"Out of town… so just you and me huh?"

"Just me and you." Meredith agreed nipping at the skin at the base of his neck smiling in satisfaction as he groaned.

"Definitely back to your mothers."

Getting out of her car Derek stared up at the large imposing brownstone that Meredith had parked in front of, he wasn't sure what he had been expecting but it certainly hadn't been this.

"You live here…?"

It wasn't so much a question but coming round the car Meredith went up on tiptoe and kissed him quickly, chastely.

"No my mother does, this is her home not mine."

Taking hold of his hand Meredith tugged impatiently on it.

"Derek are you planning on standing out here looking at it or are you coming inside?"

"What does she do, you've never said?"

Glancing down at her he felt confused once again as her eyes went everywhere but on him causing his eyes to narrow slightly.

"Mer?"

"Hands, yeah she does things with them… You know to people yeah using her hands but we really don't need to go there now, we have other things to do!"

Determined to take his mind of her mother Meredith traced the outline of his lips with the tip of her tongue before sucking his bottom lip into her mouth.

"Come on."

Pushing up against him she felt his body react immediately to his closeness as he hungrily kissed her his fingers pushing in to her hair.

"No more talking."

"No more talking."

Derek agreed following the tug of her hand this time as she led him up the steps towards the front door. Immediately his mouth going to her neck the one spot Meredith was sure only he knew about as she searched through her bag for her keys, he seemed also to know the effect it had on her as his arm slipped around her waist to steady her.

"God Mer!"

Derek forgot everything as her head turned making it possible for him to capture her lips, his tongue pushing its way into her mouth.

"If you carry then your neighbors will be getting one hell of a show…."

He said on a groan grabbing hold of the hand that was stroking the length of his erection knowing he was only a few seconds away from losing all control.

"You started it…"

"And just get us inside and I will finish it."

By the time the front door was shut behind them Meredith had lost her jacket that followed the way of her bag to the floor, her fingers busy at the button of his jeans her mouth doing battle with his for control.

"Upstairs."

And tearing herself from his grasp Meredith made a run for the stairs leaving him opened mouthed staring after her with nothing else to do but chase after her, his laughter mixing with her screeches.

* * *

Pulling Meredith closer to him Derek sank back against the pillows his mouth turning up in a smile as he felt her lips press against his neck as he took his time in taking his first real look at her room. 

"Are you sure this really is your bedroom?" He asked because in comparison to the state of her car and dormitory it was as if another girl lived here.

Meredith's car even on a tidy day looked like someone was living out of it and as for her room at Dartmouth he wasn't even sure he had seen the carpet yet. Well able to read his track of thoughts Meredith giggled pushing at him as she buried her face in his neck murmuring in a mixture of amusement and contentment.

"It's down to Molly; I think that because I never used to let her step foot in here she now relishes my absence and takes full opportunity of it! I'm not even sure where half my stuff is…"

"Molly?"

Derek questioned curiously catching the warmth and affection in her voice that had been lacking when she had described this ostentatious house as her mother's home and not hers.

"Our housekeeper she's been with us since I was seven, you'd like her everyone does."

"She'd love me everyone does!"

"Wow your ego is huge!"

"It's simply the truth, people love me… Ouch!" Derek complained as Meredith slapped his arm none too gently.

"That is for being arrogant and I'm seriously starting to think you never got enough of those growing up!"

"Mmm well I suppose you could always put that right now…?"

Meredith laughed as he sat up moving down the bed to pull at her ankles until she was straddling him her arms going around his neck, her legs at his waist.

"You have dirty in your eyes Dr Shepherd!"

"And so do you which is why we are perfect for… …"

Her bedroom door opening caused him to stop abruptly and turning his head Derek came face to face with the last person he expected to see and felt Meredith freeze in his arms.

"Crap!"

"Indeed Meredith, Dr Shepherd isnt it...? Yes well I wonder if you wouldn't mind detangling yourself from my daughter and leaving…Meredith I'll be waiting downstairs I think its time we had that long overdue talk!"

Her voice as cold as the emotions on her face Ellis left shutting the door behind herself with a sharp click.

Staring at the door from which his boss had left through the disbelief he was feeling written all over his face, only coming out of the trance as Meredith removed herself from his now slackened embrace.

"Derek….?"

The way she said his name made it sound more of a plea but he couldn't do this not right now because right now he felt as if his whole world was spinning out of control. Jumping off the bed he grabbed at his clothes, throwing them on unable to believe this wasn't just some terrible nightmare he was about to wake up from.

He had been a fool, such a complete fool that the fact she hadn't offered up her last name hadn't set off the warning bells in his head, he had met her at the hospital for gods sake surely that should have been a big enough clue.

The only excuse he could come up with though that at least made this any better was he had been so caught up in Meredith, in the way she made him feel that when she had given details he had been so desperate it had seemed enough.

"I'm sorry…"

Staring up at him whilst knowing it wasn't enough it was all Meredith could think of to say. Derek's face was ghostly white, his mouth set in a hard line and when he finally looked at her blue blazed black with anger.

"No you do not get to say sorry; you do not get to apologize as if that will make everything okay!"

Running his hand through his hair Derek paced a few steps back and forth trying to get some hold on his anger before he stopped and faced her again.

"How could you do this to me? How could you not tell me? She's my boss Meredith, my boss's boss… She's fucking _the_ Ellis Grey!"

"I know who she is Derek so there's no need for you to point it out and I well … I couldn't tell you, I may of wanted to but I couldn't it would of changed everything! But this, this isn't how I wanted it, wanted you to find out and that is what I am _sorry _for!"

Meredith's voice was raising to meet his now and he hated the way his heart ached, crying out for him to just take her into his arms as unshed tears turned the green he loved a stormy grey.

The stubbornness that was the only thing stopping the tears from falling as she bit down on her bottom lip was a characteristic he now recognized as something she shared with her mother.

Every time he had gone on about Ellis Grey to her, described in detail some amazing surgery she had preformed and all along he had been telling her own daughter and it was that thought that allowed his anger for now to win the battle of his emotions.

"So basically you would never have told me…? I can't believe this; I can't believe that you don't know me well enough to know I wouldn't have given a crap… … … … Damn it Mer say something don't just sit there looking at me like that!"

Avoiding his gaze Meredith started to dress keeping her back to him, she didn't have an answer for him, one that in any way could explain her reasoning for this.

"I don't know, it all seemed so simple at the start I never … I never expected this, us and I told you I warned you that I didn't do this… I'm sorry, just sorry Derek okay!"

Staring at her bare back as she pulled her jeans up over her hips Derek nodded slowly as he picked his jacket up from the floor having to hold back his own tears now because the finality in her voice told a lot more than her actual words did.

"Yeah me too."

Turning to leave it was the sound of a muffled sob that stopped him as nothing else could; reaching past the pain, the sense of betrayal to the core of him that was in love with her despite everything.

"Mer,"

His voice had gentled and feeling him coming back towards her Meredith knew what she was about to do was what was best for him no matter how much it may hurt it was best for Derek. She couldn't, wouldn't let him get involved in this not when it was very well possible for her mother to do damage to the career that he loved and that was so important to him.

"You were right I never would have told you and that is something that can't be fixed so please just go okay, I'll make sure my mother understands…"

"Meredith???"

Nothing she had caused him to feel in the last few minutes could compete with the way he felt about her, he didn't want this to end they could get over this. Once the anger had faded, after he had had time to think Derek knew he would still want her but right now he had no idea how to reach her.

"Go, get out Derek!"

Meredith shouted turning around using every bit of will power to meet his eyes with a cold stare of her own and realizing just how useless it was Derek did as she asked.

* * *

Uncovering her face from behind her hands Meredith wiped her tears away trying to find in herself the strength to go downstairs and face her mother. She was hurting more than she ever thought it possible and the moment Derek had stopped himself from leaving she had know it was up to her to make him do it. 

This, her it wasn't what he needed, he may not know it now but she did, there was just too much baggage and she couldn't allow him to sacrifice anything for her. Ellis Grey was a force to be reckoned with and after growing up with her Meredith had learnt through necessity how to handle her but Derek no she couldn't expose him to that.

The time it took for her to walk to the door and all the way down the stairs Meredith repeated over and over again that this was for the best, this feeling wouldn't last forever and maybe it wasn't only Derek who could make her feel this way but deep down she knew that was a lie.

Ellis met her in the entrance hall, her cold hard stare traveling over Meredith as she slipped into her jacket and collected her bag from the floor.

"Just when I think there isn't one more stunt you can possibly pull you go and do it, when will this end Meredith these childish attempts to get my attention?"

"It's not about you, not everything is about you!" Meredith argued her voice instantly at a shout as Ellis raised her eyebrows in mocking sarcasm

"Oh I'm so sorry but when I come home to find my eighteen year old daughter acting like a slutty tramp in bed with one of my interns then it does happen to strike me as being very about me!"

Listening to her mother Meredith clenched her hands into tight fists trying to keep her mouth shut, to keep control over her temper.

"Is your plan to humiliate me, maybe sleep your way through the hospital?"

"Get over yourself already for god's sake! I slept with Derek or acted like a tramp as you call it for one reason and one reason only… I liked him!"

"Oh you liked him how sweet, I'm glad to know your morals hold you to at least _like_ someone before having sex with them… But what do you think Derek, a doctor, a grown man could possibly like about you…? So which ever way you look at it yes it was about me!"

"He didn't know, he didn't know who you were and right now I'm thinking he's a lot more pissed off at me than you could ever be… So don't you dare make out that Derek was in any way doing this or doing me for his own gain and I am so sorry if that dents your over inflated ego!"

Meredith screamed but apart from a look of distaste at her choice of words her mother showed little reaction but Meredith knew her well enough to know how close she was to losing her temper.

"Do I detect some honesty in you for the first time in I don't know how long but Meredith now he does you will not see him again do I make myself clear?"

"Perfectly but who I decide to sleep with is no concern of yours and just to set your mind at rest I never expose who you are just incase they assume I am in any way like you!"

With that Meredith turned on her heels and headed for the front door.

"Don't you dare disobey me on this Meredith I want you to stay away from Derek Shepherd?"

Not bothering to answer Meredith slammed the door shut behind herself running down the steps to her car, wanting nothing more than to be far away from this house, from her mother but most of all from Derek.

**So yeah the bubble well and truly burst ...**

**And well Derek i tried to make him angry and though he is this is Meredith you know the girl he's fallen for and though he's hurt he doesnt want to leave her not like that but Mer knows now it's out or she thinks it's all for the best so she tells him to go...? **

**So yeah thats that and the next chap well should be up by the end of the week but i cant make any promises and all i ask is that you all PLEASE hit the blue/purple button and REVIEW!!!**

**You never know it might encourage me to have it up sooner!**


	6. Chapter 6

**So im doing this silly but adorable even if i do say so happy dance cos you got me passed 100 review's and this is only the sixth chapter so im HAPPY :) and i want to THANK you all cos right now i could happily kiss each one of you but please dont let that scare you off!!**

**Now back to this is Chap 6 and well to be honest its not that great of a filler but a needed one and needed for the Addie/Markness of it and also for the first Ellis/Derek showdown so all i ask is you FORGIVE ME and Read, Maybe Enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW !!! Oh and yeah the title sucks !!!**

**The Silence That Comes With Not Having A Choice**

Unseen by Derek Addison continued to watch him, her heart sinking further in her chest as he dropped the phone receiver back into its cradle for the third time in a space of a few minutes only then to rub his hand over his face in what seemed to her a gesture of utter hopelessness.

Not only did he looked tired and washed out but the satisfied, contented smile that had been plastered to his face since first meeting Meredith had gone taking along with it so it seemed his power of speech because ever since he had fallen through the apartment door last night reeking of scotch and blind drunk he had hardly uttered more than a few words.

Coming up behind her Mark didn't need to ask to know what she was doing and though Derek may not of noticed yet he was pretty sure everyone else had.

"You know you're not being very sly babe and if you carry this on people will start to think you've traded me in!" He teased only to receive a sharp dig in the ribs that caused him to grunt in pain."What was that for?"

"For being you when i have more important thing's on my mind... Now you can make it up to me by going and talking to Derek"

"About what?"

"Seriously?" Addison turned to stare at him "Something obviously happened last night and unless you want me to trade you in you will go and find out what!"

"Why don't you? Derek tells you just as much as he does me anyway and then you can put your offer in about swapping us but I doubt Shep will be up for it…?"

Mark shrugged leaning back against the wall only for Addison to smirk as she.raised her eyebrows suggestively knowing full well that what she was about to say Mark wouldn't be able to let pass.

"Who said anything about it being Derek?"

"What the hell? If it's that jerk of a cardio resident I'll kick his ass!"

Mark fumed in his anger missing her satisfied smirk as she crossed her arms over her chest.

"Well go and talk to Derek then, I'm worried about him Mark."

"And you'll stay away from that jerk?"

"I will."

Addison nodded smugly knowing she had won the battle as with a sigh Mark crossed reluctantly over to where Derek was sat at the nurse's station.

He really didn't see the point of this other than to keep her happy, Derek was stubborn and would only talk if he was ready too and if not Mark would be told exactly where to go.

They had been inseparable since the age of eight, doing everything together but that didn't mean that Derek was any easier to get to talk when he didn't want too or that he knew a way around his stubbornness. And in his opinion it came from having four very nosy older sisters who had never been out of his business, vetting every girl Derek had dated and it was no surprise Derek liked his private life to be kept that way.

"So you want to talk about why last night you went from being all over a hot blonde in the car park to rolling in blind drunk looking like Nancy had just told you Santa didn't exist all over again?"

Already prepared for a rebuff Mark was surprised when leaning back in his chair Derek raised bloodshot weary eyes to meet his.

"Did you know Dr Grey has an eighteen year old daughter?"

Derek asked combatting Mark's question with one of his own and as Mark shook his head he let out a humorless bitter laugh.

"Yeah neither did I, until that was she walked in on me and that daughter naked in bed together."

"Crap."

"That's exactly what Mer said…"

"Your Meredith is Meredith Grey, daughter of Dr Ellis Grey our boss, one of the foremost surgeons in the country, award winning _the_ Ellis Grey…" He said his hand dropping on to Derek's shoulder only to be shaken away.

"Yeah I know who she is thanks I don't need her credentials and she's already seen a lot more of me than I ever wanted!"

"What did Meredith say; did she have a reason apart from wanting to screw with you that is?"

"She told me to get out and as she isn't answering any of my calls either I'd say she meant out of her life too." Derek sighed running his hands through his hair tugging on the ends as Mark looked at him now confused.

"Isn't that what you want, I mean the chick lied to you, lead you on so why the hell are you chasing after her?"

"I cant just walk away from her." Derek told him picking up the phone again only to slam it back down before his face went into his hands, this silence was killing him he wanted to talk, tell her he didnt care but it seemed she wasnt going to give him the chance too.

"Look so I'm guessing the sex is electric because I cant think of another reason that kept you going back and forth but shit she's the dragons daughter, you know the same woman who had me doing rectal exams for a week…Do you know what she could do to you, is it worth it when half the females in this place would drop their panties for you?"

Mark demanded his eyes pointedly traveling to the nurse stood a few feet away who was sending hopefull looks in Derek's direction but he didnt even notice and Mark wondered not for the first time just what was so special about this Meredith. Derek had dated more than his fair share of girls with a couple of serious relationships thrown in there but never had he been this wrapped up in a girl before as he had been for the past month and a half and what was worrying him most was that he didnt seem to care about anything but her.

"It's not about the sex!" Derek bit out from between his teeth.

"What?"

"Meredith it's not about the sex… Its her hair the way it smells, her giggle, the way she calls me an arrogant ass... It's her Mark and I couldn't care less who her damn mother is!"

Slamming his chart back into the rack he walked off leaving an open mouthed Mark staring after him.

"Well?" Addison demanded coming straight over to lean over the nurse's desk.

"He's lost it, completely lost it!" Lowering his voice he moved closer to her "This Meredith she's Dr Grey's daughter and you want to know how he found out she walked in on them and what more he doesnt care... So it's your turn Addie, fix this fix my brother!"

* * *

Answering the page that he had been waiting for all morning Derek knocked on the door to Ellis Grey's office, every speech he had come up with, practiced flying straight out the window. 

By the time he'd drank his third double scotch last night his anger had burned itself out as he knew it would leaving a pain so harsh no amount of alcohol and he'd certainly tried had reached it. Even now it was a dull ache that he couldn't shake off and with every phone call Meredith didn't answer it got that little bit worse.

The familiar brisk voice told him to enter and before Derek knew it he was looking in to a pair of eyes so like Meredith it took his breath away. The feeling however didn't last long and gave him the answer to why he hadn't noticed it before because as alike as they were in shape and color there was a vast difference that anyone that had spent time with Meredith could see.

Her eyes really were the windows to her soul from shooting sparks of anger, burning with desire or as he'd discovered last night they could cloud over with sadness they hid nothing where as her mothers seemed to give absolutely nothing away.

"This fling you've been having with my daughter I'd like you to tell me how long it's been going on?"

She started speaking as soon as the door was closed behind him, her voice demanding the answer and Derek felt torn between respect for the great surgeon whose immense skill he admired and a want to protect his own privacy.

"I think th…"

"I didn't ask you what you think Dr Shepherd I only want the facts, now if I'm right which I have no doubt I am you met the night I was meant to have dinner with her which would mean this has been going on for the last six weeks!"

Derek had been cut off so bluntly that for a second he didn't know what to say and as he wasn't one to blush he didn't know why he was starting now as slowly heat spread up from his neck.

"No need to answer I can see I'm right and all I want to tell you is that this is where it ends, you will have nothing more to do with my daughter."

"What?"

"You heard me, now Meredith informed me last night that you had no knowledge of our connection and so it would seem unlike you I know when she is being honest so I think it's best if you forget you ever met her and we say no more about it."

This time Derek wasn't torn, he was long past the age where he would allow someone to instruct him in his own private life and even if he had remotely wanted to forget Meredith he doubted it would even be possible.

"I cant do that Dr Grey, I wont do that! Who you are makes no difference whatsoever to the way I feel about Meredith."

"It makes a difference to me, you do not know her I do and you are not right for Meredith and she does not need the distraction that you would be... Are you aware that she is only eighteen?"

"Yes she told me that."

Derek couldn't stop that reminiscent smile that lifted his lips as he remembered that particular night but he had a strong suspicion Ellis Grey would not appreciate the story. Nor was he able to rid himself of the nagging thought that neither of them could claim to really know Meredith.

"And that doesn't bother you, effect your conscience in any way knowing you have been taking advantage of a mere child because Meredith may be a lot of things but an adult is not one of them.?"

"How can you call her a child she's …? Look Dr Grey I mean no disrespect but what I chose to do outside these hospital walls is of no concern of yours!"

"It is when it concerns _my _daughter, Dr Shepherd you will do well to heed me and stay away from her now I have a surgery so that will be all!"

"No it wont, your daughter is very important to me I care about her and if your worried that I may hurt her I can assure you I wont."

"You wont have a chance to because you will stay away from her and I wonder Dr Shepherd just how important she is, how much you care in comparison to your career? There is nothing remotely special about my daughter but you; you could have a great career in front of you!"

"Your wrong and if you cant see just how special Meredith is then I feel sorry for you because its you who is missing out on something wonderful and I'd like to remind you my private life is just that and is _no _concern of yours or has anything to do with my career!"

Though neither of them had raised their voices the conversation had gone well beyond the boundries of attenting and intern, pushing back his chair knowing if he didn't leave her office he really would say something he may live to regret Derek headed to the door leaving a shocked silence behind him

* * *

Looking up as Addison took the seat next to him in the cafeteria putting her tray down with a sense of purpose Derek groaned. 

"If you have just sat here to give me a lecture, don't bother because I am really not in the mood…"

"So by that am I right in guessing you've seen Dr Grey, what did she have to say?"

Addison asked watching as he pushed his food around with his fork but Derek wasn't surprised by her question he had known as soon as he told Mark that he would go back to her not a lot stayed private between the three of them.

"That if I know what's good for my career I will never see Mer again was the gist of it… Oh and how I had been taking advantage of a child!"

Derek muttered his mind going back to last night for what felt like the millionth time wondering if Meredith's silence was down to the same instruction from her mother. Yet it didn't fit, he couldn't see her doing anything she was told especially if it came packaged in the way of an order so as far as he was concerned there must be another reason for it, for the lies too.

"A child…? Oh god Derek how old is she?"

The look of outraged shock on her face caused his lips to twitch into their first real smile of the day.

"Don't look at me like that I haven't broken any laws Mer is eighteen."

"And you knew this?" Addison asked incredulously and Derek nodded warily

"I did." He said managing to duck just in time to successfully avoid the hand that had been aiming for his head "Use your words Addie!"

"My words… Oh you do not want to hear my words... Maybe for the first time in his life Mark was right you have lost it! What were you thinking Derek? Were you thinking because you cant of been using your brain!"

"For the last time I don't care how old she is or who her damn mother happens to be!"

"I would because if Dr Grey puts her mind to it she could easily make this place hell for you and what I really don't get is why aren't you pissed that Meredith didn't tell you and left you to find out like that?"

"I was but Addie if you had seen her last night she… …" Derek stopped running his hand through his hair unable to forget the tears she'd refused to shed, the muffled sobs that had stopped him from leaving.

"She warned me after that first weekend that it wouldn't be easy and Meredith she is worth this fight!"

"Worth losing your career over, have you heard yourself Derek?" Addison demanded feeling like she didn't even know the man in front of her and meeting her eyes Derek said the three words that had been rebounding around his head for the last sixteen hours.

"I love her…"

"I knew it; I knew this would end in trouble… You don't even know each other not really and how do you know that in a couple of months this wont be all over anyway?"

She wasn't trying to be mean or hurt him but he was her best friend and therefore his welfare came before someone she didn't know and who he was willing to risk so much for.

"Addie this isn't something that will fade, fizzle out Mer is it for me and if I let her go I'm going to regret it!"

"But how do you know she feels the same, she's eighteen Derek have you forgotten how young that really is especially emotionally...? I bet she isn't even thinking that way yet and there are bound to be so many more men before she finds the one!"

Getting up Derek's eyes were filled with the stubbornness that over the years she had come to expect from him but also something more determination.

"You wont change my mind and this isnt any of your business."

"I'm trying to look out for you…" Addison said helplessly but she was talking to his back as Derek walked away.

* * *

On the couch her knees pulled up to her chest Meredith covered her ears with her hands trying to block out the sound of the ringing phone coming from her bedroom. 

"So are you going to tell me what's wrong and why we are ignoring the phone for the second time in five minutes?" Elliot asked his eyes narrowing as he watched her, not missing the signs of tears on her cheeks or the dark shadows underneath her eyes all evidence of a sleepless night for the wrong reasons.

"I'm suffering from daughter of Ellis Grey disease but don't worry I'm the only known sufferer and it's not contagious…" Meredith muttered refilling her waiting shot glass on the coffee table before knocking the tequila back in one. "The only cure is tequila and vast amounts of it!"

It wasn't the answer he had been looking for but simply the mention of her mother gave him enough of an idea. He had never met Ellis Grey himself but had seen enough of Meredith after one of their run ins to pick up on the classic signs but there was a difference this time.

"I'm going out on a limb here and guessing mother dearest ruined the surprise for Dr Zest?"

"Oh no Derek got his surprise in fact it was a night of them... but for him I doubt his boss, my mother walking in on us naked pre sex was his favorite!"

Meredith didn't think she would ever forget that look on Derek's face, the mixture of betrayal and disappointment or the battle between pain and anger in his eyes. The five hour drive back her had been completed on auto pilot with unstoppable tears streaming down her cheeks.

But she was all out of tears now and the only choice open for her was the bottle on the coffee table because no matter how many times she told herself this was what was best for Derek it didn't make her feel any better.

"Oh Mer…" Elliot said on a sigh passing her the bottle as he dropped an arm around her shoulders.

"What did he do, do I need to go sort him out for you?"

This made Meredith choke as an unwilling giggle escaped past her lips.

"You'd risk breaking a nail for me…? Oh now I know you love m… …" Elliot groaned as what started out as a giggle turned into a dry heart wrenching sob as Meredith turned burying her face in his sweater.

Though she was grateful for his comfort as his hand stroked over her hair Meredith couldn't help but wish he was someone else. Someone who when he held her she felt safe from the world, made her feel for the first time in her life that she belonged and that person was Derek.

"Come on Grey it can't be that bad… He was bound to be angry but he'll get over it and if it's him who's turning your phone red hot I'd bet he's already half way there…?"

"It's not that… I knew he would be angry and I thought, I thought… … god I don't know I just didn't think it would be so hard!"

Pushing her back Elliot tipped her chin up so she was looking at him.

"Hang on here did Derek actually say it was over?"

"Not exactly I told him to leave, I made him!"

"Why?"

Elliot was confused now because her guilt aside for the last few weeks he had never seen her any happier and though they hadn't met yet for what Derek had done for Meredith he liked him already.

"Because he was already half way to forgiving me and I couldn't let him do that… … I can't let him be dragged into this, make him open to attack from my mother or put at risk what he loves… I won't do that!"

There was a point with Meredith when he knew he had gotten all she would give or when he knew it would be useless right now to try and change her mind and them for now had just reached it. So with a kiss to her forehead he got to his feet.

"Right then well I guess as your human best friend and with the help of your alcoholic one it's up to us to make you feel better… Movie with plenty of man candy, more tequila and a gallon of strawberry ice cream seem the right place's to start but first we have a message jam to sort out!"

Pressing play on her answer machine Meredith deleted her way through the numerous messages from her mother but it was Elliot's hand that stopped her from doing it to her last and most recent message.

"Just listen to it; you owe him that at least because as much as I love you and sympathize this was all started with your lie…"

"Shut up!"

Meredith hissed as Derek's voice filled the air, in it the same pain she was feeling and for a second she wasn't sure whether what she was doing was her best idea.

"Mer would you please just pick up even if just to insult me … I'd gladly swap that for this silence, I just want to talk I don't want this to be it… Six weeks it isn't enough for me, I need more... I want more!"

"Are you sure about what you're doing. He doesn't seem the type many girls would let go if they had a choice?" Elliot asked as the message ended pressing the replay button himself as Meredith simply stared down at the machine as if she expected someone to jump out of it.

"But that's it I don't have a choice..." And this time before Elliot could stop her as the message played through again Meredith deleted it.

**Okay Okay not my best chapter and quite frankly i dont like it but as i said it's needed and the lack of MerDer yeah it sucks but the next chap should make up for that so dont abandom me just hold that in mind!!**

**Right well next Chap up by Mon/Tues but all i ask now is PLEASE REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Ahh seriously you guys are AMAZING and THANK YOU so much for all your great reviews!!!**

**Right well orignally this started off as a really long chapter but i decided to split them in to two well for no particular reason than it seemed to fit so much better that way so consequently this chap is a little shorter and so most probably be the next one but at least it's MerDer and my McDreamy isnt being a McJerk!!!!**

**So all i ask as usual is you Read, Hopefully Enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!**

**Total Eclipse Of The Heart!**

Coming out of the bathroom a towel wrapped around his waist Derek stopped as Mark eyed him suspsiously from his own bedroom doorway.

"What are you doing up, your not working?"

"I'm going up to Dartmouth."

Derek answered simply and honestly, it had been two days since Meredith had told him to get out, since her mother had told to stay away from her and he couldn't stand this silence any longer. Meredith had ignored every one of his phone calls, not answered any of his messages so as far as he was concerned this was the only choice open to him, if Meredith wanted it to be over then she could say it to face so at least he could have a shot at changing her mind.

"Are you serious?" Mark demanded shaking his head as if he thought he was mad "After everything Dr Grey said to you?"

"I have too, I need to sort this out and if you met Mer you would understand why…" Derek told him going on in to his room only for Mark to follow as he knew he would.

"What I understand is that if her mother felt like it she could kill you and make it look like an accident or just request you to her service which is what she did yesterday and make you her bitch!"

Though Derek shrugged his shoulders he knew what Mark was saying was the truth, for the whole of his shift yesterday he hadn't been let near an actual patient or within visual distance of an O.R and he guessed it was her way of showing him just a taste of what she was capable of if he chose to disregard her wishes. But what she had been wrong on was when placed up against his career Meredith didn't seem any less important nor did he feel any more inclined to give her up.

"Then I'll just have to get used to being her bitch wont I…?"

Derek shrugged and opening his mouth to speak Mark changed his mind and promptly shut it,knowing just how useless it would be to argue with him.

Derek hadn't listened to anything him or Addison had said so far and it didn't look like he was about to start now either, he just didn't get why when Derek had his pick of the girls and had done all his life he had to be so set on someone so complicated, who complicated the dream he had been working towards for half of his life.

"I hope she's worth all this I really do…" Mark nodded resignedly and the grin that had been missing lately from Derek came back in a flash.

"Oh she is."

* * *

Running his hand through his hair his other palm sweaty as it held his helmet in a tight grasp Derek wondered why after the whole drive up here had been spent aching for this moment his stomach had decided to now ball itself into a tight fist of nerves. Waiting for her door to be answered it felt like that first night in the lobby all over again. One of those terrifying moments where you knew whatever you said or did next could change everything, change the rest of your life and suddenly he felt all to unprepared for it. All he did know was he wanted Meredith back because if this was what a few days felt like with her he didn't even want to hazard a guess at how bad forever would be. 

But when after what felt like hours the door was finally opened it wasn't Meredith or even her roommate who stood in front of him dressed only in a pair of jeans. The sight had the effect of turning that fist of nerves green with jealousy, bile to rise in his throat that made it near impossible to get anything more than her name pass his lips.

"Meredith?"

Looking the stranger over Elliot recognized him immediately even before he spoke, he was exactly how Meredith had described him right down to the blue eyes which were now dark with what he guessed to be jealously.

"She's still asleep."

If this was anyone else Elliot would have allowed the devil in him to rule his head and maybe play with him a little but he couldn't do it. Not when the man in front of him looked as if he was sufferring just as much as Meredith was and whilst knowing she would probably kill him for what he was about to do Elliot decided to help anyway.

"But you might as well come in because I don't think me telling you to go away would have any effect!"

As soon as he stepped aside Derek walked into the sitting area Meredith shared with her room mate but instead of sinking down onto the couch as his tired body wanted he began to pace.

"Who are you?" Derek asked as he felt the brown eyes continue to follow his every movement before he stopped trying to look at him without prejudice. Trying not to think this guy had just come from Meredith's bed, from her arms because those were the type of thoughts that made him feel ready to commit murder.

"Me??? Oh there's no need to look at me like that cos right now I am the closest you have to a fairy godmother and you don't need to introduce yourself cos you are Mer's Dr Zest!"

"Dr Zest…?" Derek repeated finally sitting down as his exhausted brain tried to figure out the meaning of the rest of that speech.

"Yeah you know five times plus a night, can't keep your hands, lips or teeth off her…Headboard banging, bedspring squeaking, screaming orgasms that kind of Dr Zest!"

In any other mood Derek would have shrugged off his embarrassment with a cocky grin and a laugh but now he could do no more than shrug yet it did give him a clue to who he was actually talking too.

"Which means you are Elliot, who's well aware he comes second to… …" Derek started repeating what Meredith had told him only to be cut off.

"Tequila… Yeah well she doesn't appreciate me." Elliot laughed only to become sober again quickly "She's pretty broken right now more so that usual well more like worse than she was before she met you!"

In fact Elliot wasn't sure if he had seen Meredith totally sober once in the past forty eight hours but what he was sure about was that it couldn't continue and he was pretty sure the only person with the power to fix Meredith was the man sat infront of him.

"You don't look too great either?"

"I'm pretty broken right now too…" Derek said managing a wry smile as he ran his hand over his face "So what do I do?"

Without answering Elliot disappeared into the small kitchen only for a matter of minutes before coming back with a mug of coffee and handed it to Derek who took it gratefully.

"Get ready for a fight; Mer is stubborn even more so when she believes what she is doing is best for you..."

"What's best for me…? Too many people seem to think they know what that is yet so far no one has asked what I want!" Derek said bitterly before taking a long drink of the coffee as Elliot continued to watch him.

"Which is what?"

"Meredith."

"Good then don't let her push you away… I'm going to go but if she asks which she will tell her it was Louise who let you in I'm t…" He got to his feet as he started speaking but before he could finish a sarcastic voice from behind them interrupted.

"And this from the boy always preaching on about honesty being the best policy… … I'm disappointed!"

Both turned quickly to find Meredith groggily pushing the hair back from her eyes as she scowled at them both.

"This is so my cue to leave, nice to meet you Dr Zest!" Elliot grinned at Derek as he snatched his shirt up from the back of the couch keeping out of Meredith's reach on his way to the door. "Thank me later sweetie!"

Making full use of the chance offered to him as Meredith stood motionless staring at the door Elliot had just left through Derek hungrily took in every inch of her much like a starved man would a three course meal. Desire pulsing through him as his heart beat hard in his chest but this time not from nerves as he recognized the over sized t-shirt slipping off her shoulders as one of his own.

In his eyes Meredith never looked anything but beautiful but that didn't mean he was blind to the dark circles under her eyes which were all the more prominent because of how pale she was and all Derek wanted was to fold her in to his arms and tell her it was all going to be okay. For one brief moment when finally green met blue for the first time he was sure he was going to get his wish , the feeling lasting right up until the shutters came down and Meredith crossed her arms over her chest defensively.

"What are you doing here Derek?"

All her energy being used to fight the urge to throw herself into his embrace Meredith knew that the coldness she had used to get him to leave her mother's house, the same coldness she was aiming for now was obviously lacking in strength as a warm glow lit up his eyes. The same look Meredith thought bitterly that had got her into this mess in the first place.

"Apart from wanting to meet Elliot and remind myself just hoe hot you look wearing one of my t-shirts you mean…? Well I wanted to find why you've been ignoring all my calls… You get that that is rude right?" His smile grew as a hot blush swept up her cheeks, her fingers tugging at the hem of the t-shirt to pull it lower down her thighs.

"Well it was a wasted journey… It's over; done so you can just go."

The fact that he had made her blush with his teasing didn't help make her feel any better, there was nothing she wanted more than to be with him and saying anything other than that was the biggest lie she had told him yet. But what else was there for her to do, this decision hadn't been easy and she had made it for his sake and him being here, looking at her like that could only make this harder.

"But I don't want it to be…" Derek murmured softly stepping closer to her only for her to back off further towards her own bedroom.

"Yeah well we don't always get what we want." She replied bitterly and shaking his head Derek stretched out a hand too her, approaching her as he would a frightened animal.

"I do." Derek sighed trying his best to ignore the stab of disappointment the sense of rejection as she quickly but her hands behind her back "Please Mer cant we at least talk about this …?"

"There's nothing to talk about… It's over so just leave me alone! Please Derek…"

What started out as a normal if slightly raised tone of voice soon turned into a cry of frustration as turning Meredith ran back into her bedroom only Derek moving quickly to jam his foot in the door stopping it from being shut completely.

"No I won't let you do this, walk away just because the going has gotten a little rough!"

"A little rough??? Don't you get it I lied to you right from the start and I would of kept lying to you…My mother is your boss and this, this is my choice I made it and it's up to me if I walk away!" Meredith shouted pushing at the door "Now move your freaking foot!"

Refusing to budge Derek bite down on his lip to stop the groan of pain as again the door pushed against his foot, his own frustration building along with the appreciation of the strength in such a tiny person.

"Damn it Meredith I won't let you do this … You cannot just breeze into my life turn my world upside down and then just leave!"

Shouting himself now he knew if his foot wasn't jammed in this doorway he would of laughed at her come back, imaging her stamping her foot as she shouted right back.

"I can do whatever I want!"

"And what about what I want…? Don't I count for anything in this?"

"This is my decision!"

"And it's the wrong one… You can't do this to me because, hell because I need you!"

"You need me?"

Meredith questioned forgetting for a second what they were arguing about in the whole newness of that statement, no one had ever needed her before. All her life she had felt like a spare part, an unwelcome intrusion and she couldn't quite believe that someone so together like Derek could need her.

"Yes I need you, I want you and I have a feeling that I won't ever be able to get enough of you or be cured from this no matter what happens or whatever lie you chose to tell!"

"You make me sound like a freaking disease…" Meredith muttered trying not to let the emotion his words had caused creep into her voice and sensing his moment Derek took it with both hands pushing the door fully open and before Meredith knew it he had hold of her shoulders.

"Get your hands off me!"

Meredith managed to yell before his lips crushed hers in a fierce kiss, biting down on her bottom lip then sucking it into his mouth and it was too much for her to resist he was too much for her to resist. A moan escaped only to be answered by a groan as her mouth opened beneath his allowing him instant access as her hands went up around his neck, her fingers slipping into his curls.

Backing further into the room they fell back onto the bed, Derek coming down ontop of her as he finally broke the kiss.

"I wont lose this Mer not for your mother or anyone but I cant be in this on my own… Tell me this isn't all one way?" Derek demanded urgently as her shaking fingers helped strip him of his shirt her nails scraping down his bare chest.

"Tell me!"

Capturing her hands he pulled them up over her head holding them there as she stared up at him allowing just for now her heart to rule her head, to just believe in him to believe that this really could be okay.

"It isn't!"

_And I need you now tonight  
And I need you more than ever  
And if you'll only hold me tight  
We'll be holding on forever  
And we'll only be making it right  
Cause we'll never be wrong together_

**So that is that ... It's not the best but not the worst kinda midway, average...**

**Mer's given in for now cos come on how many of us could really resist McDreamy but they havent had that talk and they need that talk which will come most likely in the next chapter... Which i'm 99 sure will be up around Friday maybe Thurs if i can...? **

**But all i ask is one more thing and that is for you to please pretty PLEASE REVIEW!!!!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Does THANK YOU get boring if so i'm sorry but i really really mean it, i appreciate every single one of your review so THANK YOU!!!**

**Anyway this is Chap 8 purely MerDer and as warned it's kinda short but the cuteness hopefully makes up for it and it's just finishing off really the last Chapter so thats it thats all i have to say so all i ask is that you Read, Enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!**

**Childhood Dreams**

Sprawled out on his back his breathing slowly returning to normal Derek feeling more content than he could ever remember feeling felt the exhaustion of the past few days catch up with him. His eyelids began to droop right up until the second the warm sweet scented body whose legs were intwined with his as she curled beside him suddenly moved.

"I cannot believe this…? You Derek Shepherd are an oversexed ass and god I … I have absolutely no freaking self control!"

Meredith screetched as she jumped up pulling on the t-shirt he had not so long ago ripped off her and the first pair of sweat pants she could find, feeling the need for protection not only from him but from herself too.

"Which is why Meredith Grey we are the perfect couple and what we've just done only proves that…?" Derek smirked pushing himself up the sheet pooling around his waist and he was like a magnet drawing her eyes straight to him. Desire that never seemed to go away when he was near refueling and it was like a physical pain to tear her eyes away.

"No we are not a couple, we cant be a couple… I don't know how to be a part of anything and haven't the last few days shown you that! Then we have my mother… … My mother who will make your life hell and enjoy every second of it!"

Meredith was freaking out and in such an adorable way that Derek was torn between what to do first, laugh or kiss her.

"I can handle my mother I have years of practice but you…? Oh she will cut you open and string you up using your small intestine… Is that possible…? If not she will find a way if she hasn't started already, has she, has she called you in to her office yet???"

Pacing the small space around the bed Meredith racked her brain for the source of madness that had come over her and came up with only one answer. It was him he did this to her, it was that same madness that had made her stay the whole weekend that had made her give him her number that had made her ever think she could do this without falling in love. But she wasn't in love she couldn't be, she didn't fall in love, she had never fallen in love and there was no way she was starting now, it was an illusion she was in lust nothing else, nothing more Meredith repeated over and over in her mind wanting to convince her disbelieving heart.

"Mer… Mer … Meredith!" Derek laughed unable to hold it in any longer as he reached out as she passed him catching her around the waist bringing down onto his lap.

"This is not funny Derek!" Meredith chastised feeling put out as he continued laughing and saw no other option as she slapped him her hands connecting with his bare upper arm.

"I'm sorry it's just you look … Oh Mer you look so cute pacing about like that all hot and bothered making not much sense about your mother planning to murder me!" Derek managed to get out through his laughter as she pouted at him before he caught hold of her wrist before she could slap him again.

"Yeah and if you knew her really knew her so would you… My mother makes Satan look like a fluffy sweater wearing, kitten loving… … I don't know what but what I do know is you're an ass!" Groaning her head dropped onto his shoulder as he planted kisses up her neck.

"I am an ass." He agreed affably nipping her earlobe as she tried to hold back the smile but he could feel the upwards movement of her lips against his shoulder.

"You are! I was fine well nearly fine till you told me you needed me and then you freaking went and kissed me… …And when you do that the whole world turns kinda porny and I forget everything, the reasons why we cant do this but now, now I remember!"

"And that only means we should spend all our time kissing, I like the kissing … more kissing I say!" Derek emphasized each word with a kiss each more intense than the last and it took more strength than Meredith knew she possessed to pull away from him.

"I don't get you Derek I lied! Your boss whose my mother caught you naked in her house and if I know her has already told you to stay the hell away from me so why are you doing this, why are you chasing me… Why aren't you pissed at me I deserve at least a little pissed??"

"She has and I was but I want this, I want you more…! Look I can deal with the whole with holding information lie thing and your mother but what it seems I cannot deal with is losing you!"

Totally serious now all laughter forgotten Derek cupped her face with both hands his gaze intent as Meredith feeling half mesmerized could only nod.

"It is not your mother who makes it impossible for me to feel normal, who makes me terrified with just how little control I have when it comes to how I feel… It is you, it is you Meredith who makes me sick to the stomach when you dont answer my calls who drives me half insane so that i cant sleep at night for thinking of you!"

"Again I sound no better than a disease!" Meredith muttered wanting him not to see just how deeply his words had touched her nor the effect the glow in his eyes was having on her.

"Ah but a very cute one, adorable in fact and one who is fantastic in bed… Not my diseases can claim that you know!"

Her hands trailed up past his neck and into his hair as she let out a long sigh, there didn't seem much point in fighting this as it was she doubted he would let her.

"I just … Derek I'm sorry you know for it all …"

" I know but no more talking , no more thinking just not now we can do that later!"

* * *

With Derek's head in her lap Meredith absently stroked her fingers through his still damp curls a soft smile lifting her lips lighting up her eyes every time their gazes met. This was all so new to her but she guessed it was what normal couples did, laid about on the couch not really speaking, relaxing, comfortable with one another in that silence. Yet she had a feeling that with anyone else but Derek it would have felt forced, contrived and not so completely natural. 

"This will work Mer, me and you I mean." Derek said opening his eyes once more to find her looking at him with a thoughtful expression.

Today so far had been more than he had hoped for, confirming every thought he'd had about them, about her. Mark, Addison and Ellis Grey could say whatever they wanted about age, complication of circumstances but as far as he was concerned Meredith was it for him and he would prove it to her too.

"Not if my mother has anything to do with it… … Derek I don't want you to end up regretting this, I don't want to be someone you regret but I know me, I know my mother and I can't promise you won't…?"

Meredith murmured her voice shaking slightly as her hand moved down from his hair to his stubbled jaw, the tips of her fingers tracing his lips only for him to kiss each one, a gesture as erotic as it was sweet.

"You won't be you could never be… And as for your mother there is nothing she could tell me about you or anything she could do that would make that happen… … Plus I'm kinda looking forward to it I have a thing for being bossed about by women named Grey, well one in particular." Derek said grinning purposefully making light of it as he took her free hand squeezing it as their fingers entwined.

It was still hard to believe that the girl looking down at him with so much vivacity in her eyes, in her face was really the daughter of a woman whose lack of warmth, emotion was notorious throughout the hospital.

"I just don't want you to suffer…"

"But I have been anyway and that would have only got worse… Look if your mother doesn't like it then it's her problem to get over not ours!"

"So this is it, this is us…?" Meredith whispered, coming out as more of a question than she had planned as his arm snaked up around her neck to pull her down to him.

"This is it this is us!" Derek told her a glow of heat in his eyes as her lips moved closer before coming down hungrily on his eliciting a groan as she pulled away.

"You do no there is no point in trying to hide this from her? My mother has ways of knowing, finding out everything and now she is suspicious we have no chance."

"But who said anything about hiding? This is our fresh start which we do out in the open, no lies or secrets and we face the dragon together!" Derek told her the little giggle escaping past her lips doing nothing for his level of concentration.

"Dragon???"

"Yeah it's what Mark calls your mother… His first week of internship was spent doing rectal exams after he tried to charm her into letting him in on a surgery!"

Though she didn't know Mark she had seen pictures and Derek had told her enough about him to able her to get a clear idea of what happened and she knew how her mother would have reacted. Her giggles were so infectious it wasn't long before Derek though having no idea exactly why she was laughing was laughing along with her.

"Mer you and your mom I don't want to come between you?" Becoming serious again Derek asked and if he hadn't been looking at her with so much concern Meredith knew she would of only laughed harder.

"There's nothing to come between there never has been…"

"Oh…"

Though her answer had been blunt he was more shocked by the look in her eyes, the same particular look of disillusion that had been there when she had talked about surgeons, their god complexes and how she hated hospitals and finally it clicked into place.

"She's the reason for your whole surgeon god complex theory isn't she? It's because of her you hate hospitals so much…" Nodding Meredith smiled lopsidedly down at him.

"Yeah but that's a story for another day… today I want nothing more than to take advantage of having this place to ourselves and of you!"

"And you call me over sexed …?" Derek laughed quickly sitting up moving around so he was straddling her lap pushing Meredith back into the cushions.

"Oh you are!"

"So are you!"

"Not as bad as... …" But that was as far as Meredith got before his mouth covered her effectively cutting her off and as she returned his kiss Meredith knew she would never find someone who fit her so well, who seemed happy for her to just be her.

_Can't believe you need me  
I never thought would be needed for anything  
I can't believe my shoulder would carry such important weight_

_You, you are, oh you are  
The little boy made for me in the stars  
In the star, that's why I can't let you go  
The little boy made for me in the stars  
_

**Ok well that was that...**

**Not much to say really they talked and they had sex alot of sex... But well i think we're getting into the story now and will start to see more of the other characters and maybe introduce a few new ones and the next chap should be up Tues but all i ask now is PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!**


	9. Chapter 9

**You guy's know the deal by now a HUGE HUGE HUGE THANK YOU for all your great reviews seriously i appreciate everyone and they do help the juices flow that lil faster!!!!**

**Any way this is Chap 9 and it has no title for the simple reason that my brain is so full of revision at the moment that not much else is slipping past long enough for me to catch it! **

**And i have to warn you this Chap is mainly a build up for the next one and if it's not that good then blame the McBarWhore in the promos and the gossip that she might be in a few episodes in S4 too!!!**

**But anyway all i ask is you Read, Enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE Review!**

Crossing the cafeteria to where Mark and Addison were sat a little apart from the groups of other interns Derek felt the hard stare of Ellis Grey follow his every step and he was pretty sure the fact he wasn't on her service to torture today was only adding to her fury. Instead he had been assigned to the Chief of Surgery on a neuro case that had come into the pit last night while he was on call.

"Man if looks could kill…?" Mark laughed turning in his seat to look at him after both him and Addison had tracked his progress including the older woman's gaze who had followed it.

"I'd be dead already I know but I'm not worried yet according to Mer she's probably in the planning stages of her killing me by strangling me with my own intestine…"

Derek shrugged his grin aimed at Addison who had snatched the pudding she knew he wouldn't eat from his tray in an action so familiar it was now part of their routine, part of his routine to get the pudding even though he never ate it.

"So she doesn't know you two are still seeing each other?"

"Not yet no … At least I don't think so, Dr Grey hasn't mentioned Meredith since that day in her office and Mer talks more about their housekeeper Molly than her mom but wouldnt you...?!"

Just saying her name only reminded him of how much he was missing her; it was nearly a week since he had last seen her due to his shifts and her classes so he had had to be satisfied with the hours they had spent on the phone. But he wasn't and it left him now counting down the minutes of the eight hours till he could see her.

"You know I think Dr Grey must be the first parent who doesn't want you dating their daughter, it used to be me they chased off but you, you were their dream future son in law!"

Mark laughed remembering what more than one of his ex's had told him about Derek, about how he was the type of guy you could see yourself having a future with. The father of your children who would teach your kids to play ball in the park, teach them to ride their bike, who was honorable and would never purposefully hurt you.

"And the one girl you go nuts over her mother hates you and has told you to stay away!"

"Yeah thanks for that!" Derek said grimly the irony of the situation hadn't passed him by and turning to Addison he sighed.

"Your still up for tonight aren't you??

"Why what's going on tonight?" Mark demanded leaning forward looking between the two of them.

"We are finally having the pleasure of meeting Meredith…?" Addison said trying to hide just how curious she really was to meet the girl who had captured Derek so completely causing him to disregard everything.

"And neither of you thought to ask me?"

"No!" They said together before Derek reached over patting Mark's shoulder whilst trying not to laugh as he pouted like a three year old.

"Every one knows you do as Addie tells you anyway!"

"Exactly."

"Fine so where are we meeting the mysterious Meredith?"

"The bar down the street but there are rules."

Derek said and where as usually he wouldnt want to share her especially when it had been a while since they had seen each he wanted Meredith to become an integral part of his life and that meant meeting Mark and Addison.

"Rules?" Addison repeated her voice dripping with disbelief.

"Yes you will be nice; you will not bring up sex, her age or say anything about naughty school girls!" Derek told them looking directly at Addison then Mark each time.

"Also neither of you will mention her mother!"

"So I'm guessing Meredith has no idea that thanks to her today is the first time you've been let near a patient since her mother found out?" Addison asked and shaking his head as his pager went off Derek got to his feet.

"No and you will not be the one to tell her… … I mean it Addie!" He added easily reading her expression and guessing her thoughts behind it.

"Please both of you just do this one thing for me!"

* * *

Trying to settle herself comfortably in the chair which Meredith was pretty sure was the same one she had been sat in the night she met Derek she now waited for him to appear again. 

This whole out in the open thing was all fine and good in theory but the reality after a week of talking about it was a different matter, it saw her constantly scanning the lobby for even the smallest sign of her mother and therefore her jumping every time the elevator doors opened.

However her nerves weren't being helped by the fact tonight was the night she was meeting Mark and Addison for the first time. Every little bit of the Meredith who was terrified out of her wits still by the whole relationship thing was screaming on the verge of a freak but she couldn't do it. She wanted, needed to make a good impression not for her own sake but for Derek's, fighting with her mother was one thing but she couldn't allow him to do the same with his friends.

"Keep looking like that and I'm going to start to think I'm not the only intern you've seduced and that your worried that any minute the other's one going to turn up?" Derek teased leaning over the back of her chair to kiss her neck resting his chin on her shoulder as Meredith leaned against him cheek to cheek.

"So you've finally realized you are just one of many men I am currently dating…?"

"I have and may remind you I'm the best of them all…" Derek whispered seductively between kissing and biting her neck in a way he knew drove her wild.

"Also the most arrogant… " Meredith said on a moan pulling herself out of reach "Anyway where did you come from?" She asked turning her head to look at him pretty sure there was no way he could of slipped past her without her noticing.

"Over there I took the stairs!" Derek said his heart beating in anticipitation as she stood up moving round the group of chairs so she could do what she most wanted and fall into his arms and squeezing her tightly Derek sighed

"I missed you."

Staring up into the eyes that were bright with emotion Meredith nodded hungrily bringing his lips down to hers.

"Me too… So what made you take the stairs tell me it has nothing to do with the fact my mother's office is mere feet away from the elevators?" Meredith teased twining her arms around his neck, her fingers slipping up to tangle in his hair.

"I doubt even my mother would go as far as to bug the phone lines because that's the only way she could know anything…?"

"I know but I just didn't fancy sharing a confined space with her not when in my head I'd be imaging all the things I want to do to her daughter!" He admitted with the type of grin that did nothing for her blood pressure and was a prime example of why her self control was so low around him.

"Is that so?"

"Mmm Hmm…" Derek murmured just millimeters from her moth before with a groan closing the rest of the distance.

It was a discreet cough that brought them out of their own little world and turning Derek found himself not face to face with Ellis Grey but instead his Chief of Surgery.

"Dr Grant…"

"Dr Shepherd I just wanted to tell you how well you did today, it was a good catch and I think you have quite a career ahead of you in Neuro."

Though the older mans words were directed at Derek he was studying Meredith closely and looking at her Derek was surprised by her defiant smile and the way she went on to address him.

"Uncle Miles."

"Meri my dear I thought it was you but I found it a little hard to recognize you with your natural hair color, don't tell your mother but the pink was always my favorite."

Derek had to choke back the laughter as Meredith had her head patted as if she was a small child and it was only her glower that stopped him.

"Me too but I'm thinking of going back to the blue but Derek seems to want a return of the pink too."

The older man laughed as he squeezed Derek's shoulder but Derek's attention was once again on Meredith's face and he knew exactly what was going through her mind. This man who she called Uncle Miles was obviously a friend of her mothers and it was hitting home just what a short time remained of them keeping this is anyway to themselves.

"You have your hands full here Shepherd the Grey woman are full of fire especially Meri here… Now I'll leave you to get back to your evening but Meri I cant understand why your mother never mentioned you two were seeing each other?"

Before Derek could say a word he felt Meredith return the hold of his hand and squeezed it gently .

"Its kind of all new and you know Mom but give my love to Caroline wont you." She said and Derek for some reason didnt trust the sudden sweetness in her voice.

"Oh I will." Dr Grant nodded to them both a little flustered as he walked off Derek thought and before he could get a word in Meredith had turned on him.

"And if you ever call me Meri it wont be my mother you need to be worried about being in confined spaces with…" She hissed as he began to chuckle

"So it's Uncle Miles is it and just for future refence how many of my bosses are you on first name terms with?"

"Mainly only the ones who cheated on their wives with my mother but then there are all her other cronies…"

"What your mom and Dr Grant seriously?"

"Yeah years ago when we lived in Washington DC…. I came home from school early and went to the hospital but that was the last time I ever made that mistake." Meredith shrugged her voice as matter a fact as if she was talking about the weather.

"Images I really don't need Mer."

"You asked and isn't this how the whole sharing thing works?" She was mocking him and he knew it and laughing he kissed her

"Your mother's sex life now that Mer I swear you can keep to yourself."

"And couldn't you do that with your friends? I really don't need to meet them yet maybe next week so you keep them till next week!"

"Ah no this is different I want to share them and they want to meet you… you have nothing to worry about so come on!" Derek reassured kissing her one last time before helping her with her coat his mind still unwillingly on the past of his boss that she had revealed.

* * *

"Mer if you really don't want to do this tonight then we don't have too we can just go back to mine…."Derek spoke as her grip on his hand continued to tighten the closer they got to the bar so much so his fingers were beginning to hurt. 

This may be what he wanted, believed they needed to move on be a real couple and away from the bubble of secrecy that had surrounded them before but he didn't want to push her.

Derek was offering her the perfect way out but no matter how much she may want to take it she didn't want to disappoint him.

"No it's okay, I'm okay I'm fine… … Really I'm fine?" Meredith found herself adding at the disbelief written all over his face.

"Really, really?" He teased with a smile guiding her closer to the wall so there was still room for other people to pass on into the bar and looking up at him her words came out in a rush.

"It's just I'm scared well not scared, scared but more worried…"

"About what?" Derek asked in confusion as her hand rose up stroking his face her eyes meeting his for a brief moment before sinking.

"I'm the girl who you are putting so much at risk for and though you haven't said anything I bet my mother is making your life hell every chance she gets and I really just don't want your friends to hate me!"

Tipping her chin up Derek forced her to look at him, his voice as insistent as his gaze as his hands moved up to cup her face so she couldn't turn away.

"No one could hate you Mer it's just not possible, they will adore you just like I do."

"You adore me?" Meredith repeated beginning to feel warm under his heated gaze.

"I do and so will Mark and Addison!"

"You sure?"

"I promise." Derek murmured before capturing her lips letting out a muffled moan as her tongue entered his mouth, her nails digging into his shoulders as he pushed her back against the wall.

"She enjoys sex in public places I like her already!" A very male voice that Meredith didn't recoinigise interrupted one that caused Derek to pull away with something somewhere between a groan and a laugh.

"And what did I tell you?"

"But wasn't the no sex rule directed at Addison?" The man shrugged with such a devilish grin that even though her cheeks were red with embarrassment she couldn't help but smile right back.

"And where is Addison?" Derek asked his hand automatically going to his hair to tidy it realizing for the first time just how in public view they were.

"She had charts to finish up but more importantly this is the mysterious Meredith Grey?" With Marks grin still in evidence and Dereks hand holding on to hers for the first time she had the feeling this might not be so bad. There was something about him that reminded her of Derek maybe it was the cocky arrogance she found so amusing a sign that he was going to be someone she liked.

"And you're the recovered man whore Mark Sloane?"

There was no doubt about it Meredith Grey was beautiful not that he had expected any less from Derek but the second she smiled, really smiled it hit him what was so special about her. He felt as if he could reach out and touch her happiness the glow that surrounded her and one look at Derek the way he smiled Mark knew this, her it really was it for him as he'd been saying all alongand there would be no changing his mind.

"So he's filled you in on all my good points then??"

"Just a few…" Meredith teased the sparkle in her eye mirrored in his as Mark pulled her away from Derek dropping his arm around her shoulders.

"Which means its my turn to fill you in on some of Derek's"

Watching Mark lead her in to the bar Derek let out a sigh of relief as Meredith shot him a wide smile over Mark's shoulder but quickly following his smile slipping as he caught exactly what Mark was telling her to make her smile.

"Mark I'm warning you!"

**Okay so that was that not great, a little choppy infact but i promise next Chap will be better much better and that Chap should be up by the end of the week but i'm not promising!!! **

**So all i ask is you PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW and it might make me, encourage me to update faster but anyway JUST PLEASE REVIEW (Ive retorted to begging!)**


	10. Chapter 10

**As always a HUGE THANK YOU to everyone of you who took the time to review i really do appreciate them and they do have the effect of hurrying along the updates! **

**Well now this is Chap 10 and its all MerDer really with Mark and Addie throen in too and its finishing off the last Chap so all i ask is you Read, Enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!**

"Could you stop laughing at me?" Derek muttered his voice one of disgruntlement as Meredith continued to giggle into his neck.

Already he was half regretting ever letting Mark anywhere near her but on the other hand he was grateful to him for putting her at ease, bringing her out of the shell she tended to retreat into when she was nervous. Even if it did mean sacrificing himself and some of his most embarrassing memories, the type you locked away to do it and he couldn't lie there was no better sound than her intoxicating giggles.

"I'm not laughing at you…"

"You are laughing at me."

Derek sounded somewhere between a petulant child and a man who was himself was trying not to laugh and it had the effect of causing her giggles to escalate. Pressing her face further into his neck she tried her best to stifle them to make it possible for her to speak more than a few words.

"Its just when it comes to mother's and sex your pretty jinxed and it's something I should have been warned about, you should carry a warning sign…"

"I am going to kill Mark."

"Well I'm just glad it didn't put you off for life… … I mean your own mother walking in on you whilst you are in the throes of losing your virginity god that could have left some serious scars!"

Derek's lips twitched at this and the smile continued to grow as the pressure on his neck turned into gentle kisses, little nips of her teeth as she moved up to his jaw.

"I am really glad…" Meredith said on a sigh using her hand to turn his head that needed little urging so their lips could meet in a kiss that left him wishing he could carry her out of the bar and straight to bed or the nearest place with a lockable door..

"I'm still going to kill him." Derek told her pulling away for breath his eyes drifting over to where Mark was stood at the bar.

"No don't I like him and I like hearing about you when you were younger!"

"You like Mark, you shouldn't like Mark he's an ass who should only be tolerated and kept away from the general public!"

"No he's like a little boy who's never quite grown up and I like that I like him but not as much as I like you!" Meredith whispered returning her hand to his cheek the day's worth of stubble tickling her palm as she simply smiled up at him. With that one blissful smile that last little corner of his heart was lost, lost to her in that moment.

Glancing back at their table Mark couldn't help the slow smile that crossed his face they were totally lost in each other to the extent the rest of the world might as well not exist. And though like Addison he had been against this right from finding out whom Meredith really was if not before just seeing them together like this was enough to put him in his place.

Meredith was bright, lively, smart, and full of unconscious charm and the little regard she showed for Derek's ego could only be a good thing having seen too many girls pander to it in the past. There was also something about the way they clicked and he had been in her company for less than thirty minutes and he was already himself a little in love with her.

"Come on more stories!" Meredith demanded as soon as he sat back down watching a little in awe as she knocked back her shot of tequila before picking up her bottle of beer and that was another thing in her favor, the girl could drink.

"My life wouldn't be worth living…" He laughed well aware of the warning frowns being sent his way by Derek.

"Oh don't be worried about him; I can keep Derek in hand."

"Mark I …" Derek started only to be cut off as that very hand covered his mouth her smile again one he found hard to resist so he sighed in resignation.

"Okay when he was nine his sister Nancy …" Mark was interrupted this time as Derek downing his beer got to his feet.

"If you are going where I think you are I'm going to need more alcohol." Scowling at the pair of them he brushed Meredith's hair with a kiss as he passed leaving Mark to recount for the eager Meredith the time his sister had swapped his sports kit for a girl's one the morning before gym class and the humiliation that had followed.

Though she was listening intently to every detail and laughing with it Mark didn't miss the way her eyes would constantly go to Derek at the bar and when the story came to an end he sighed.

"You know for the last two months you are all he's talked about, thought about…" He murmured half to himself and she could think of nothing to say to that so she asked the question she knew Derek would never give her an honest answer too.

"How bad is it with my mom? Derek can try to protect me all he wants but I know my mother and there is no protecting yourself from her she has ways…."

Mark hadn't been expecting this from her and it only served to raise her even further in his esteem giving him a glimpse of the strength that was belied by her more fragile beauty. He knew Derek wouldn't want him to tell her and he was pretty sure that had been one of the rules yet the large green eyes were demanding an answer.

"If Shep says he can handle it then I'd believe him and well your mom she's a great surgeon and not that bad a boss!" The last bit was a lie and he was sure she knew it as she laughed.

"And this coming from the man who calls her the dragon…?" Choking on his drink Mark felt a faint blush creep up his cheeks unable to believe that Derek had told her that, surely you didnt tell your girlfriend her mother was known as the dragon.

"He told you that?"

"He did, he tells me a lot!" Meredith nodded finding his embarressed disbelief just as entertaining as she had the stories about the younger Derek and shaking his head Mark leaned forward in his seat.

"Okay what else has he told you?"

* * *

Checking his watch again and feeling incredibly like a third wheel, a complete and utter gooseberry Mark looked over towards the entrance in time to see Addison come in. 

"Finally." He sighed bringing both Derek's and Meredith's attention away from each other and back to him.

"It's Addison." Derek told her kissing her cheek as he squeezed her hand as Meredith paled not enough for anyone else to notice but him someone who had spent hours just watching her he could.

So far her and Mark had gotten on like a house on fire with Mark treating her the same way Derek had seen him do a million times with his own sisters and though he knew there would be no more protest from him Addison was a different matter. In his mind Meredith was much more a guys girl where as Addison was just like his sisters a real girly girl and that there to him seemed the problem but though he wanted Addie to like her even if she didnt it would make no difference to the way he felt.

Watching the tall red head walk towards them Meredith tried not to feel like a silly child playing at being an adult but she couldn't seem to help it.

Addison was beautiful, sophisticated right from the top of her perfectly styled hair, immaculate make up, designer clothes and right down to her shoes that looked like they cost more than her whole wardrobe put together and it was hard not to make comparisons between them. Full of confidence and poise Meredith could well understand why she was the woman who had set Mark on the straight and narrow and from what he and Derek said kept them in line.

"Addie this is the mysterious yet charming Meredith Grey and already you have something in common … She agrees Derek is an arrogant ass too." Mark made the introductions earning an instant retort from Derek.

"And Mer this is Addison Montgomery and she thinks Mark is a juvenile ass!"

"Nice too meet you Meredith." Addison smiled politely looking Meredith over and finding her far from what she had expected but she want quite sure why.

"And you're right on both counts they are asses and I apologize for leaving you with just the pair of them!"

Meredith felt her shoulders begin to relax as the green eyes watching her so closely warmed up a little and a chuckle escaped as both Mark and Derek looked more like a pair of chastised school boys.

Addison watched as the laughter transformed her face from looking like a deer caught in the headlights to eyes that sparkled, a grin that was infectious and that gave much more of an insight to what Derek must see to have him so hooked.

"Mer this is the point where you're meant to jump in and defend me…?" Derek told her kissing her laughing face but shaking her head she pushed him away.

"I cant she's right and you know it!"

"See I told you!" Mark said standing up " Il go get the drinks in… Shep?"

"Coming." Derek nodded before turning to Addison and mouthing "Be nice."

Tearing her eyes from Derek's back Meredith turned to Addison willing herself the courage to say what she had too.

"Look I'm expecting the third degree and I never expected it to be off Mark, and I'm not saying I don't deserve one I probably do what with my mom and everything so if there is one coming can we just get it over with before he comes back…?"

Startled by this Addison looked at Meredith and for the first time recognized a strength of character and she liked it, admired her for not backing down.

"I cant Derek set some rules and if I break them he'll go around giving me those eyes, you know you ran over my puppy look and they drive me mad!"

"So I'm not the only one he uses them on… … He's a bit of a yeller to isn't he?"

"Yeah that's usually his last resort if the brooding doesn't work… It's the pampered baby boy syndrome he's too used to females pandering to him and the same goes for Mark!"

"But they are both charming…" Meredith put in only for Addison to pull a comical face of mock disappointment as she shook her head at her.

"Oh don't tell me that I was just starting to like you!"

As the time went on Addison found herself being more and pleasantly surprised by Meredith, Mark was right she was charming and it was getting harder and harder to believe that she was in anyway relegated to Ellis Grey let alone her daughter.

She seemed to do with ease what non of Derek's previous girlfriends had been able too and that wasn't just fir into their small group so naturally. It was the way she handled Derek, laughing at him calling him out on his arrogance in a way that not only seemed to wrap Derek round her finger but Mark too.

There body language also spoke volumes neither could go long without touching the other but not in an over the top way. His hand would stroke hers, their fingers tangling together, Derek would kiss the top of her head or Meredith would simply lean against him bringing a smile to both their eyes. It was revealing a side to Derek she didn't think she had seen before and it was enough to make her wonder if he hadn't been right all along.

"You look thoughtful…?" Mark whispered in her ear and smiling Addison nodded.

"I think I like her," She said just low enough for his ears only earning herself one of his widest grins.

"I do too."

"You do what???" Derek asked curiously catching the looks passing between his two best friends and the way they were both looking at Meredith.

"Think that Grey here deserves better than you…"

Mark answered him cheerfully before a movement to the left of Derek caused him to groan.

"Oh god…. Addie I know she is a friend of yours but just get rid of her!"

"She is not my friend we share a resident that does not make her my friend." Addison hissed as all three of them looked up to see a pretty blonde walking towards them.

"Hey I thought it was you lot hidden away over here so why so quiet tonight?"

Meredith didn't miss the way the woman's eyes softened as they rested on Derek nor how her question seemed more to be directed at him than either Addison and Mark.

"Long day…" Derek answered as Mark winked at Meredith getting to his feet speaking as he waked away.

"I need another drink!"

"And whose this?"

"My girlfriend Meredith Grey, Mer this is Hayley she's a fellow intern her and Addie have the same resident!" Derek introduced putting his arm back around Meredith's shoulder as they watched comprehension dawn on her face.

"Grey… … Any relation to Dr Grey?"

"Her daughter!" Meredith nodded seeing the way Derek's eyes lit up as she said it straight out and she had did it for him but there was something about the woman, the way she looked at Derek that made her uncomfortable.

"Really... wow that must be great! So anyway Derek that surgery you assisted in today it must have been a high right???"

With that Meredith was dismissed and it was only as she caught Addison's eye that for the first time Meredith felt that they could truly be friends.

"Meredith you look exhausted what with the long drive its no wonder I don't know how you do it!"

Addison smiled directly at her as Derek immediately stopped talking about the surgery and turned to Meredith concern all over his face and Hayley long forgotten.

"Mer I didn't think I'm sorry, look come on we'll go… Add you don't mind?"

"No of course not I want to talk to Hayley anyway and we'll do something tomorrow as we're all off!"

With that and a quick goodbye to Mark they left but not untill they actually stepped out the bar did Meredith finally feel like she didnt have a pair of eyes shooting daggers into her back.

They werent waiting long before Derek successfully hailed a cab, climbing in after her he pulled Meredith close to him her head dropping onto his shoulder in the exhaustion she hadnt know she had felt till she was expected to stand on her feet again after so long sitting.

"Your okay, tonight wasn't too bad?"

"No it was good I liked them…"

And she was being truthfull she did, Mark was a more exhaggerated version of Derek and full of fun and though Addison wasnt as forward or open there was nothing to dislike, only admire and she was gratefull for her for giving them the escape.But what was weighing more heavily on her mind was the meeting earlier tonight and what it would mean for them, for Derek.

"Its just its really out isn't it, us and by tomorrow or not long after my mom will hear and all hell will break lose!"

"Between the Chief and Hayley who gossips like a nurse I suppose she will… … Mer are you pissed at me?" Derek asked the tenseness of her shoulders the rigidity of her with the sense she was pulling away just that little bit even though she was pressed up to him.

"No … … That Hayley she has a crush on you." Meredith blurted out and might as well have spat out her name and uncaring of the driver laughing Derek pulled her onto his lap.

"Your jealous… Wow that's hot really its hot!"

"No I am not but I warn you I am an only child and I do not share my… … I don't share!" She muttered darkly only to have her face covered in kisses.

"Good because I don't want to be shared anyway why would I want her when I can have Ellis Grey's daughter!"

"You're an ass!" She couldnt help the little sigh of relief, she trusted Derek he had already proved himself to her so much especially on the last few weeks but she didnt like or trust the other girl and ontop of everything with her mother this wasnt what she needed.

"Not as big as one as Mark and you like me, you adore me and there is no going back not now the Chief knows about us and it seemed he approved in your good taste!!!"

**So thats that and i dont know how to feel about this Chap so im shutting up and you lot can all decise for yourself and oh just a pointer incase anyone is a little bothered by Hayley my very own McBarWhore this is a purely MD fic she's just here to spice it up!! So all i ask is that you PLEASE PLEASE SHOW ME SOME LOVE AND REVIEW!!**

**Oh nxt chap should be up Mon/Tues!**


	11. Chapter 11

**As alway a real massive THANX for all the people who took the time to give such great reviews i love reading each one and appreciate them!!!**

**So now this is Chap 11 not much to say really just that its long , i think my longest yet and hopefully its not all dribble but anyway all i ask is you Read, Hopefully Enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!**

World of Our Own

Only when his alarm reached the point where he could no longer ignore it even with the pillow over his head did Derek lean over a still sleeping Meredith to turn it off, envious of the art form what he guessed to be from a lot of practice that allowed her to sleep right through it. He became even less inclined to get up as Meredith shifted curling her body back up against him, fitting perfectly into his arms.

"Mer I really have to get up…" Derek whispered however he made no effort to move himself or her as still half asleep Meredith shook her head tightening her hold on him.

"Five more minutes…?"

She moaned in protest as chuckling he lifted her so she was stretched out on top of him, her face staying buried in the space between his neck and shoulder. Given the opportunity he knew she would simply go back to sleep like this but where as she had that luxury unlike yesterday he didn't.

"Five more minutes turned into the whole day yesterday, we even blew out Mark and Addison…" Derek murmured into her ear running his hands up and down her back, enjoying her shiver as his fingers traced her spine.

"And you're complaining?"

Recalling exactly how they had spent the last twenty four hours a smile that he knew Meredith would describe as dirty lifted his lips.

"Definitely not complaining but if I'm late for rounds my resident will be and somehow I can't see her appreciating just why I find it so hard to leave my bed when you're in it… …"

Anything else he might have been planning to say was lost turned into a groan as her tongue demanded entry into his mouth, her kiss hard and hungry as she moved sensuously against his already aroused body.

"Let me get up now and you can go right back to sleep after I'm gone without the thought of me on scut for the next fifteen hours on your conscience." His voice was husky, breathless as he reluctantly ended the kiss only for her lips to lift into a suggestive smirk.

"It would be well worth the guilt trip though and here it's our own little world… … It's porny, incredibly porny but also private and I like that I like it being just the two of us and I'm not ready to let you go yet!"

Staring up at her Derek wondered how it was that a girl who not so long ago claimed she didn't know how to be a part of a couple, be in a relationship could be at times so remarkably good at it.

"Say that again Mer."

"What incredibly porny?"

"No you tease the other stuff about the two of us." He instructed moving his hands up from her hips to cup her face, pushing the blonde hair back.

"Well you, this it makes me happy! When I'm with you I'm happy and there isn't any girls with crushes on you, my interfering mother, Uncle Miles or people gossiping… Because when this gets out they will gossip but here none of that exists! It's just the two of us so for five more minutes I just want it to be that way!"

By now her face was red with embarrassment, her eyes lowered only to rise as he pulled her mouth back down to his.

"You don't open up often but when you do it's worth the wait…" Derek said against her lips "And you, you make me happy too so for the next five minutes or more using actions not words I will show you just how much!"

* * *

"You're late." 

Addison pointed out already dressed in her light blue scrubs as she passed him on his way into the changing room, raising her eyebrows in a silent question when he simply grinned at her his eyes twinkling with humor.

"Ah ha it was worth it, well worth it!"

"Too much information." She called after him going on out into the hall with a smile as Derek crossed the room heading for his locker only to find Mark sat on the bench waiting.

"No need to ask how you spent last night but it comes to something when sex comes before me…?"

Mark's words were belied by his wide smirk that morphed into a low whistle when Derek pulled his sweater and t-shirt off in one go revealing his toned upper body yet that wasn't what had grabbed Mark's attention and he knew it.

"Definitely her best work so far… … God if I didn't think Addie would castrate me with a spoon I'd steal her away from you, you do not deserve all this hot, animal sex…!"

"Mer has great taste which is why she is with me and wouldn't touch you and Addison will castrate you if she hears you even talking like that."

Derek replied glancing over his shoulder using the small mirror on his locker door to get a better look at the scratches reaching down his back and the teeth marks on his shoulder.

"I suppose after meeting Hayley the other night she felt the increasing need to mark her territory?"

Mark was pretty sure that there weren't many people who worked in the surgical wing that didn't know about Hayley's feelings for Derek. Not that it was rare most female staff and patients seemed to have a little crush on him but Mark was pretty sure along the way Derek had simply stopped noticing.

"Mmm as soon as we got in the cab she made it clear she doesn't share but there is nothing to share Hayley is a nice girl but not for me!"

"But Meredith is…"

"Yeah Meredith is and you liked her didn't you?"

"She calls you an ass on a regular basis; she's beautiful and drinks tequila like its water in my book that makes Meredith damn near perfect!!! Plus anyone who can win Addison over that quickly yeah well there near god to me!" Mark told him as Derek now dressed in scrubs too sat down beside him.

He had been more than impressed by Meredith and he was pretty sure he had never met a girl who suited Derek any better and it was enough for him seeing Derek happy like that to forgive her for being Ellis Grey's daughter.

"Do you think Hayley spread it about much, she looked a little pissed when we left like that?" Derek only asked as he remembered Meredith's words and like her he was well aware that nothing traveled faster in a hospital than gossip not even disease.

"Are you bothered?"

"No but I do want to know if it's safe to ride in an elevator or if I should just continue with the stairs…?"

Sighing as he ran a hand over his tired face Derek realized it wasn't Hayley that had Meredith's mother's ear and she would be more likely to listen to the Chief with their past than hospital gossip.

"Then again the Chief has probably spilled by now anyway…"

Mark didn't speak instead looked at him with a puzzled expression obviously waiting for the explanation he knew was coming.

"He knows about us and he is not just the Chief to Meredith or even Dr Grant… …He is Uncle Miles and has known her pretty much all her life!"

"So did he tell you to stay away from her too?"

Mark asked wondering if it was possible for Derek to have found anyone more highly connected and as it was if he didn't know that the thought had never crossed Derek's mind and if Ellis Grey hadn't been so against it he would have called it a smart career move.

"No all he said was I'd have my hands full… … Mer I can't be sure if she even likes him the affair he had with her mother seems to stick in the back of her throat!"

Derek hadn't meant to tell Mark about the affair, it had just slipped out coming from the fact him and Mark rarely had any secrets, he was thankful though that due to his lateness there wasn't anybody else around to hear.

"An affair??? The dragon and Grant… … Crap Shep that's images I really don't need!"

"But at least now I'm not the only one suffering… … It's my fault apparently because I told Mer relationships were about sharing so she decided to share her mother's sex life!"

Derek couldn't stop himself from laughing at the horrified look on Mark's face knowing his imagination was probably running on full steam.

"Well I wished you hadn't shared it with me and there's only one way to find out and you cannot hide in here all day but if this does all blow up I'm forgetting I ever met you!"

Mark got to his feet quickly hoping the movement would banish the lingering images of his two boss's naked going at it.

"When is Mer leaving?"

"Tomorrow morning in time to get back for her first class in the afternoon but I think she's meeting me here tonight!" Derek shrugged following him out the door as he wished not for the first time that Meredith didn't have to go anywhere.

"Well if you're still alive I'll buy you both dinner seen as Addie's on call!"

* * *

A frown marred Addison's face as the empty seat next to her in the crowded gallery that she had been saving for Mark was taken when Hayley sat down beside her. 

"I'm waiting for Mark." Addison told her briefly looking at her before her attention went straight back to the surgery taking place below.

"I won't be a minute I just wanted to ask you something about that Melissa girl from Friday night…"

Rolling her eyes at Hayley's cheap trick to dismiss Meredith when she knew full well what her name was Addison shook her head.

"It's Meredith and there isn't much I could tell you even if I wanted too I've only met her once!"

Wishing she had just kept her mouth shut Addison realized her mistake the moment Hayley brightened swiveling in her seat so she was now sat sideways facing her.

"So it isn't serious then?"

"Is that what you've come in here to ask me, how serious is Derek about Meredith?"

There wasn't really any need to think about it, you'd have to be blind not to see it, Derek had already been half in love with her after that first weekend and the passing weeks had done nothing to change that.

It had been in his eyes, in his smile Friday night every time Derek had looked at her or even just his behavior this morning, where as before meeting Meredith she would have done anything to change it now she had a feeling Meredith might just be the making of him.

"Well yeah and to find out how long they have been together?"

"Around two months but don't let that fool you Derek is mad about her so just forget him, move on find someone more available!"

Addison's voice wasn't as hard or blunt as it could have been because there was a part that couldn't help but feel sorry for Hayley, this crush on Derek wasn't something new it had been going on since she had first introduced them and it wasn't helped by Derek.

Not that he had lead her on or given her false hope that they could be more than friends it was just his way and right up from kids to old women who should know better all seemed to fall for that smile that charm.

"Yeah but you three are inseparable everyone knows that so surely if it was that serious you would have met her before?"

"Derek is a private person even with us so I'd say it has something to do with the fact Meredith is at Dartmouth and he's an over worked intern so when they do see each other they wont to make the most of it!" Addison shrugged but it seemed not to get through as Hayley only chose to hear what she wanted too.

"So that's a lot of lonely nights then when he might need company…? Plus come on he's only with her cos of who her mother is I mean it's not like she's pretty or anything!"

"Seriously do you even know Derek Shepherd at all because he isn't that guy and he had no idea who her mother was and if you think he would screw it up with a girl he loves just because he might feel a little lonely then think again?"

It was a hard task keeping hold of her temper as she jumped to Derek's defense but once again it seemed to have no effect as brushing her blonde hair back from her face Hayley got to her feet.

"Addie you obviously need to learn that every guy is that type of guy even Derek!"

* * *

Slipping the chart back into the rack at the nurses station Derek reached over for the next one from the pile he had to finish writing up before he could even consider escaping to grab some lunch. Meredith had been right though being on Scut was well worth the extra time with her in bed this morning and it also had the added bonus of removing him from any risk of being assigned to her mother. 

"Is the coast clear of disapproving mothers and girls with crushes on my boyfriend?"

The whispered hiss coming from somewhere behind him had the effect of changing his expression from a thoughtful frown to a grin of sheer delight as the faint smell of lavender seemed to surround him.

"Said disapproving mother is in surgery, no idea about girls with crushes but there is a hot male intern here with a huge crush on you!"

There was laughter in his voice, excitement causing his heart rate to increase as a pair of arms wrapped around his waist, body pressed up against him as her lips settled in a kiss at the base of his neck.

"That's convenient because I have a crush on him too even when his ego gets far too big for his own good… … Also did you know how little fun said intern's bed is when there's only one person in it!"

"I do."

Derek nodded thinking of all the nights when he lead there talking to her on the phone whilst wishing she was there with him and pushing the chart away he turned immediately bending his head to kiss her. Forgetting everything but Meredith as he took his time to taste and enjoy her knowing that all this with her mother was well worth having her in his life.

"This is a surprise and a very public one at that which gives me some hope you're not too ashamed of me…?" He teased keeping his arms around her when he pulled away but where as he was oblivious to the curious looks being sent there way Meredith wasn't.

"I'm starting to think a little too public…" She trailed off her gaze traveling around the busy area thankful that there didn't seem to be anyone she knew.

"Lucky for you then I know some very private and empty on call rooms with doors that lock that we could escape too!" Derek's eyebrows rose in such a way that only emphasized the smirk that told her just what track his thoughts were taking him.

"I came to eat lunch with you not to supply you with a quickie you oversexed pig!"

"Pity… … … Ouch!" Derek complained rubbing the spot on his chest where her fist had just connected before pulling her back against him.

"So you're willing to risk your health and eat crappy hospital food with me huh…? Damn I must be good!"

He teased as she looked up at him a giggle passing her lips as her eyes shone with something that caused his heart to swell, all her guards down in that moment and he couldn't resist her as he kissed her again,

"You are but shut up! Anyway right up till the age of seven I was pretty sure all food tasted of that weird mix of disinfectant and bodies but yeah I am but could we just go do it!"

"Sure, Mer you know I can leave to have lunch and there's a place just across the street that we could go too…?" He hadn't forgotten just how much she hated hospitals and the way she was acting only reminded of it though he knew her nervousness had something also to do with her mother being in the same building.

"No I'm being a couple and this is what girlfriends do right? They go to their boyfriend's workplace, eat lunch with them and are all supportive, listen and all that or whatever…!" Meredith got out in a rush coming to the end with a shrug of her shoulders and Derek couldn't hold back his chuckle.

"Elliot I'm sure was a lot more fluent when he told you that but the thought is very much appreciated and I like that you're so in to being my girlfriend…"

"Yeah he was and I was meant to have jumped you by now to mark my territory from skanky crush girls but never mind…?" Meredith said not at all bothered that he had guessed about Elliot, this was all new to her she didn't know how to be a girlfriend and she felt she needed all the help she could get.

"But I do mind so let's visit the on call room and you can show me exactly what Elliot told you to do!" Derek laughed stealing another kiss as forgetting the charts he steered her down the hallway.

* * *

They hadn't got far though before a curt voice though not raised seemed to cut through the air like a knife with no way to ignore it.

"Meredith Grey what do you think you are doing?"

Feeling her tense up beside him Derek took a tighter hold of her hand stopping her as she tried to pull away, it wasn't as if they hadn't known this would happen it was just even he had expected to be able to take Meredith safely to lunch.

"Go!" Meredith told him out of the corner of her mouth as she nudged him, shaking her hand to get it loose only for him to shake his head as he turned them both around to face her mother.

"No what kind of boyfriend would I be if I left you to face the dragon all alone…?"

It was a struggle to keep the light note in his voice but it was a very real gurgle of amusement that escaped as Meredith moaned.

"A freaking breathing one with your body still intact!"

"You know I had been hoping that Miles Grant had been mistaken but once again young lady you simply disregard my wishes which I shouldn't be surprised about but I had thought I had made myself clear to you Dr Shepherd that for the sake of your future career you were better off staying away from my daughter!"

Meredith felt him drawing her closer against his side as her mother revealed what he had tried to protect her from in a cold hard voice, green eyes so like her own flicking disdainfully between the two.

"You can't do that!"

Meredith butted in as Derek opened his mouth to speak

"You cannot treat him like that, tell him you'll ruin his career do you know just how unethical that is??? What is this anyway, have the years of you lacking a motherly bone in your body caught up with you and sent it into a warped overdrive?"

Like her mother Meredith didn't raise her voice but there was no need for her too they were so full of anger Derek thought she might as well as screamed them and the first time seeing mother and daughter actually talking was giving him more of an insight to Meredith than anything ever had.

"Do not push me Meredith I mean it… Does he even know that he is being used in a childish game of yours to get back at me for the numerous nameless crimes I have supposedly committed?"

Ellis said her voice though still cold it was possible now to hear the underlying anger but it only caused Meredith to let out a burst of bitter laughter, her eyes for a second meeting his confusing him as he read the apology in them.

"Nameless crimes seriously you want to go there here, no I thought not and well I guess then if that's true Derek owes you a huge thank you for the sex this morning, last night and pretty much all day yesterday… … Or you mother could get over this fixation you have that my world revolves around you and pissing you off!"

As his blush started to fade Derek understood the apology her eyes had given him and though he was aware of just how many people were now slyly watching them and the gossip that was probably already half way around the hospital he had to fight the urge to laugh at the look on his bosses face.

It wasn't just his boss he was scared off though it was Meredith too because he was pretty sure he had never seen her like this, so consumed by anger and yet with her face flushed, her eyes flashing she looked so incredibly beautiful.

"If that's true then why have you spent the last five years doing nothing but?"

"Oh well yeah that was on purpose but this isn't! I like Derek, I like the way he makes me feel, you know for the first time I'm just a normal eighteen year old girl with a boyfriend that makes her happy, he isn't scared by the damage and is there which is more than you have ever been and that should be enough to make you happy! Now if you'll excuse us we have a lunch date!"

Meredith looked so incredibly vulnerable, all anger gone that all he wanted was to step in put his arms around her and let her know that he would spend the rest of his life trying to make her happy, that he would protect her from everything but he couldn't seem to get a word in edge ways.

"No Meredith what you are going to do is go to my office to wait for me while I have a word with Dr Shepherd!"

Ellis Grey told her and Derek was left to wonder if she had heard anything her daughter had just said as she continued when Meredith made no effort to move.

"Young lady I am not arguing with you anymore you have embarrassed me enough now do as I say and get to my office!"

Meredith stared in to her mothers eyes, her own filled with defiance she was way passed caring about the people who were avidly taking in every detail, she couldn't let her mother win this battle of wills it was just to important, Derek was too important.

"I'm not trying to embarrass you its just I can't see if Uncle Miles doesn't have a problem with me seeing one of your interns why should you?"

"Miles Grant is not your parent; he is not responsible for your welfare I… …" Her mother started but Meredith interrupted before she could go any further.

"Neither are you, I'm eighteen and when I need mothering I will go to Molly just like I have been for the last eleven years… … It's too late for you to pretend to care now and I will not stand by and just let you threaten Derek!"

The moment he saw her eyes fill with tears he knew she would refuse to shed it was enough for him and he couldn't just stand there any longer, he would have to make them listen.

Stepping forward moving Meredith a little behind him he faced his boss trying not to give in to his own anger at the way she had spoken to Meredith.

"Dr Grey I meant what I told you in your office, my mind hasn't changed and there isn't anything you could do to make me so this is something you'll have to accept because I will not stop seeing Meredith!"

Looking up at him Meredith realized he was the first person to ever stand up to her mother for her something that not even her father had ever done and reaching up she kissed his cheek.

"We're going for lunch, and I think you're wanted…" Meredith said referring to the sound of her mother's pager that had the effect of breaking the spell around them sending the on lookers back to work.

"This is not over I promise you that Meredith!" Was her mother's parting shot before she turned on her heel with a last glare at them both as Derek wrapped both arms around her.

"I mean it, she won't stop me and plus you scare me more than she does!" He teased just wanting her to smile and it worked as Meredith giggled.

"Let's go and Derek thank you…"

**Well thats that i told you it was long ... Anyway not much to say except Ellis knows and Hayley well she wants Derek but we all know my McDreamy like Addison said isnt that guy!!! So should have another update l;ate in the week but for now all i ask is PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A HUGE blanket THANK YOU to you all who reviewed the last chapter and i didnt even think i was going to get this up but after splitting the chap into two parts it seemed to flow easier so this is part 1 of 2!!!**

**Well okay like the rest of you i'm pretty PISSED at the mo with what Shonda's done to MerDer but i have faith or maybe its deniel but i'm sticking with them as a ship and will till i hear Mer tell Derek she dont love him!!!**

**So back to this all i ask is that you READ, ENJOY AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW... i need cheering up :(**

"Dr Grey isn't here and won't be home for the rest of the evening."

Molly spoke without turning around from her place at the stove with her back to Meredith who finally left the spot in the door way where she had been hovering to kiss the housekeepers cheek.

"How did you know it was me?"

"Because no matter how many times you've been told not too and even when you're trying to be quiet you still manage to slam every door!" The old woman's voice was full of warm affection as she turned enough to slap Meredith's hand away from the still cooling cookies.

"No you don't not before dinner, why are you here anyway I wasn't expecting you till tomorrow?"

"My lectures were cancelled, but don't make dinner for me I can't stay."

Meredith said her voice muffled as she hunted through her mother's fridge looking for something she could eat but quickly so she would still be in time to meet Derek after the end of his shift.

This wasn't so much of a surprise visit but he didn't know she was definitely going to be able to make it, with the cancellation being only confirmed this morning but the truth was even if it hadn't have been Meredith knew she would of come anyway.She was worried about him, worried what her mother was putting him through because no matter how much he brushed it off Meredith knew her mother and Ellis Grey would enjoy every second of making his life hell.

"Would this be cancel, cancelled or Meredith Grey does not want to attend cancelled?"

The twinkle in the blue eyes made Meredith chuckle as with her yogurt and spoon in hand she jumped up onto the counter top. It was impossible to be put out by Molly's question not when she thought of all the times during high school when she had been caught by her skipping classes or the knowledge that not once had Molly told her mother instead giving a gentle but firm lecture of her own.

"No cancel cancelled… … Is my mother really not coming home or is this you tempting me to stay only for her to come home therefore forcing us to eat together?"

"I learnt my lesson on that front a long time ago; if you remember the last time you and Dr Grey ate together you threw the meat loaf on the floor and told her to practice her mothering skills on that… … I take it you've fallen out again?"

"I'm not sure we ever fell in…?" Meredith shrugged staring down at her boots as she swung her legs back and forth before slowly green rose again to meet Molly's blue.

It was another one of those moments when Meredith still managed to puzzle her; it was as if in one moment with the mention of her mother she could change from being old beyond her years to that lonely child that had captured her motherly heart all those years ago.

"Derek, my Derek is one of her interns and… …"

"Dr Grey banned you from seeing him but you didn't stop and now she has found out." Molly nodded finishing for her leaving Meredith wide eyed with surprise.

"How do you know that?"

"It's not hard my love, I know you both and I knew she had caught you and your young man together so I assumed it was only a matter of time… … Have you explained to your mother that your serious about this Derek, because you are aren't you?"

"She doesn't care… .. He makes me happy, which sounds lame but it's like nothing is ever that bad when Derek is there and I well I … …"

"You love him!" Molly said, it was written in Meredith's eyes as clear as day and she suspected those feelings terrified her as Meredith proved now shaking her head...

"Love… I didn't say anything about love it's too soon for love and, and I don't even know what love is I don't even know how to be a girlfriend I'm running blind her… No, no it's not love it's …"

Faltering Meredith came to an end because that was exactly what it was, it was love she loved Derek and she was pretty sure she had done right from the start.

"Its love my dear…" Molly said coming over and putting an arm around Meredith as her head drooped into her shoulder. "So stop worrying about your mother and simply enjoy this and when your ready I would love to meet him because he must be something to have you like this!"

"He is …"

"Well then Dr Grey will see that in time I'm sure but don't be too hard on her Meredith because I'm sure she feels like she is doing what's best for you…"

"No she is only thinking about herself it's all she's ever done!"

* * *

Walking towards the elevators in the lobby on her way back from the only coffee cart in the whole hospital that served anywhere near decent coffee Addison caught sight of the familiar blonde who was obviously in two minds about whether to get onto the waiting elevator. 

"Come on!"

Linking her arm through Meredith's without warning she pulled her in just in time before the doors shut giving her no time or chance to protest.

"I know for sure right this minute you mother is getting ready to scrub in so there is no chance of you seeing her and the more people get used to seeing you and Derek together the sooner they will stop talking about it!'

As two very different pairs of green eyes met, one full of determination the other still showing the after effects of shock Addison knew she was doing the right thing.

"Derek's right you are bossy!" Meredith laughed humor winning over the part of her that wasn't happy about being forced to do anything but Addison didn't seem to mind as she returned her smile.

"He is, I am and right now you need bossing around because otherwise you would still be stood there avoiding going up to the surgical floor when having you come to meet him is exactly what Derek needs right now."

Addison told her pretty sure that the thought of Meredith had been the one thing keeping Derek going all day. It was as if the worse Ellis Grey treated him the more inclined Derek seemed to be to stick it out, prove what he and Meredith had was worth it and anyone could admire that.

"I'm an avoider and the whole thing with me not telling him about my mother should show you that, I just kept hoping that he would be in the next one… … I hate hospitals!" Meredith admitted not expecting Addison to understand, it wasn't like she was scared of them that would be easier for people to get and the fact she was fascinated by all aspects of medicine only seemed to complicate the issues further.

"Derek said and a lot of people do but you were spot on with what you said about him being a god complex in training…!"

Looking at Meredith, the way her hands were clenched into tight fists Addison couldn't help but wonder whether Meredith's hate for hospitals stemmed from her relationship with her mother but whatever her reasons her she had a feeling they were deep seeded.

Though strictly only the second time they had met the feeling she had on first meeting Meredith from Friday night was still there, she was so completely different to every one of his past girlfriends.

Meredith was beautiful but not in an obvious way and though she was sure both men would disagree Addison couldn't help but think there was a childlike quality to her an innocence that made you want to protect her which was in contrast to the strength she had glimpsed Friday which told you she would fight that protection all the way.

"What, do I have ink on my face?" Meredith asked blushing under Addison's scrutiny breaking the silence that had fell which surprisingly for them both wasn't an uncomfortable one.

"No, no it's just no one would take you for Dr Grey's daughter, I mean though you look alike you're not alike… … Sorry that sounds stupid I can't explain it!" Addison shook her head feeling her own sense of embarrassment now but Meredith only laughed.

"Thank you, no I'm serious thanks that's a compliment. My mother is an amazing surgeon, one of the best I get that but as a person and as a parent she pretty much sucks!"

"She is a great surgeon, awful boss but a great surgeon!" Addison nodded unable to stop herself laughing along with Meredith even though she wasn't blind to the sadness in Meredith's face.

This wasn't something she could easily understand nor she guessed could Derek who came from a family which worshipped the ground he walked on but if anyone could then it would be Mark, though it wasnt the same if anyone could understand absent parents it would be him.

"I'm glad Derek met you!" Addison wasnt sure where that had came from but she was no matter how against it she had been at first she really was glad.

"Me too."

* * *

Pulling off his scrub pants and exchanging them for his jeans the only thought in his mind seeping pass the exhaustion was Meredith, he wanted needed to be with Meredith and though he knew full well there was only a slim chance of her getting here it had kept him going through the longest thirty six hours of his life. 

When Ellis Grey had told them Sunday it wasn't over he had been too concerned about Meredith to take much notice but since he had come in Monday morning she had not given him one moments peace in fact it had only gotten worse.

Now Thursday and not one mention of Meredith or their relationship had passed her lips yet where as she wasn't talking there was more than enough gossip going around to make up for it. Everywhere he went people were talking about them, about her age, analyzing second guessing why he was with her and not a fan of gossip before he was discovering when it concerned himself he hated it.

The lack of sleep wasn't helping with his tolerance or temper either nor the fact that he couldn't remember the last time had he eaten something that didn't come out of a vending machine. Surviving mainly on the energy bars and cups of coffee Addison and Mark seemed to have pushed into his hand every time they had seen him.

Leaning just inside the doorway where Addison had left her with a squeeze of her shoulder Meredith watched him through hungry eyes, devouring him as Derek stood unconscious of her presence. Though they had spoken every night and Derek had given her wake up calls each morning he had mentioned little about work and absolutely nothing about her mother no matter how many questions she'd asked.

"You know I'm a little jealous if this is the type of strip show all the other interns get at least twice a day…?"

At the sound of her voice Derek spun around simply opening his arms too tired to do much else and Meredith ran into them wrapping her arms tightly around him.

"I have been thinking about you all day…" Derek whispered into her hair burying his face in her neck the smell of her, her presence soothing him as nothing else could do and that included twelve hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Hearing the strain in his voice Meredith pulled back clasping his cheeks with her hands using her hold on him to lift his head up.

"Derek you look awful, when was the last time you even slept?" Taking a proper look at him Meredith's heart sank at the sight of the dark circles under the blue eyes, they way lines of strain bracketed his mouth and his usual healthy complexion was paled.

"I had a couple of hours last night."

Derek lied easily when the truth was his pager had gone before his head had even hit the pillow, it seemed like his pager hadn't stopped going off like from the nurses up had been told if they wanted something doing it was him they were to call him and him alone.

"You can stay cant you, your not just disappearing on me in a couple of hours?"

Derek couldn't stop the way his body leaned further back against the lockers his legs feeling like useless dead weights as he snaked an arm around her waist. Not wanting any space between them, sighing in pleasure as one hand brushed his hair back from his forehead whilst the other moved over his face smoothing out the lines in a gentle caress.

"No classes till Monday so I'm all yours that's if you want me…?" The answer was in his eyes as Meredith watched relief flood them.

Relief because for three nights he would have her there to hold, three nights in which when he slept he would sleep better than he ever had before and when nothing else would matter because Meredith was there.

"Oh thank god!" Derek groaned as Meredith returned her lips to his, uncaring of who might walk in as her hands stroking up his bare chest till they settled around his neck her fingers locked in his hair as she broke the kiss.

"Has my mother been that bad?"

"No, I'm just tired Mer I missed you and on call beds suck."

Derek shook his head taking no time to consider his lie again, feeling it was needed to protect her protect them. The last thing he wanted was for her to get any more ideas along the lines that her leaving him was what was best for him.

"So they suck just like you do at lying then…?"

Meredith slapped his chest with her open palm unable to believe after all he'd preached about them being in this together that he would lie to her now.

"Derek I am not blind you look like crap, you obviously haven't slept or eaten so do not give me any bull about on call beds… … We're sharing remember!" Meredith mimicked him perfectly as he flashed her a guilty grin his eyes lowering just for a moment.

"Okay it is that bad, it's worse than bad… … Your mother totally kicks Satan's ass in evil stakes and I'm dying on my feet here Mer and I lied, I'm sorry I lied but I was worried you'd get those stupid ideas in your head about leaving, when leaving me is not good for me, you leaving me is the worse thing that could happen!"

"I'm not going to…"

Meredith told him, fighting back the emotions that were threatening because though it was scary that he needed her this much it was exactly how she needed him. This was it, he was it and though she had never let anyone else get as close as he was too her as he possessed her every thought, her every emotion it also for the first time filled her with hope.

"My only idea is that you need looking after that I need to take care of you… … You are going to be fed then you will shower and then I will put you to bed."

"And the sex where does the sex come into this…?" He laughed now sliding his hands up her top, his palms gliding over the silky skin only to have them pushed away.

"That comes later when you will be able to take part in it but now we have to go, we can't be late!" Meredith said the idea fully formed in her head as she threw his shirt at him, grinning as he stood there pouting in disappointment.

"Late for what?"

"Move it Shep!"

* * *

Returning to her mothers house certainly was not where he hoped tonight would lead in fact once he had seen Meredith in the locker room he had thought of nothing but taking her to his bed. Not just for the sex but like how Meredith had described it was their own little world and when they were there it was just the two of them and nothing could reach them there. 

"Tell me you have not brought me here to put on another show for your mother because trust me Mer she has already seen more of me that I'm comfortable with?" Derek pleaded drawing her to him as she joined him on the side walk in front of her mother's home only for her to giggle resting her head against his chest.

"No you big ass, you need feeding but I'm not a great cook and you need more than takeout so… … …" Taking his hand Meredith pulled his reluctant body up the stairs knowing the memories flashing through her mind were the exact same as his own.

"So what you think sitting down to eat dinner with your mother is really going to help my appetite?" Derek prompted in disbelief as she slid her key into the lock but Meredith shut him up in the most effective way she knew covering his mouth with her own.

"I have not eaten dinner with my mother in years and I'm not starting now, instead we have come to eat dinner with Molly… … A proper home cooked meal and then happily I will take you home to bed!"

"For sex." He nodded as she purposefully pressed up against his arousal, her hands massaging the tired muscles of his neck.

"Maybe!" Meredith murmured but as he bent to capture her lips she broke away with one of her giggles holding her hand out for him to take.

"Come on I promise she doesn't bite… … Well not as hard as I do!"

It was her over exaggerated wink, the way her smile was confident but still unsure and it was a look that got him every time. Meredith could go on all she wanted about the looks he used but she had a whole catalogue of her own each more tempting than the next.

Taking her hand allowing her to lead him through the house Derek stared open mouthed all around him, his eyes searching every surface scanning every wall for a picture of Meredith but there was none.

"This is some house Mer."

Though he wasn't an expert he recognized antiques and this house every ornament, dressing screamed money.

"Horrid isn't it!" Meredith nodded throwing a smile over her shoulder "I like your apartment better; it's lived in, homely and has character."

"You mean a mess?" Derek corrected only for her to shake her head.

"But a good mess it's your mess, it proves you live there and even when I'm there on my own it still feels like you this house is just lonely, sad, cold I guess!"

"My home is your home too…" Derek said tentatively causing Meredith to stop in front of what he guessed to be the door into the kitchen.

"Are you saying that to get into my pants…?" With narrowed eyes she stared at him suspiously not trusting the warm smile tugging on his lips.

"No I'm saying it because I mean it but if it helps me get into your pants then that's a bonus!"

"Oh it's helping…" Meredith kissed him as she pushed open the door "Molly I've brought a guest to meet you, he's another lost soul in need of mothering!"

**So thats it, hope you like it and gives you a little relief because i felt better after writing it!!! But anyway not much to say all i ask is PLEASE REVIEW and next update will be Monday/ Tuesday!!**


	13. Chapter 13

**WOW Do you realize i am like your guys biggest fan, you got me passed 200 reviews so I'm seriously chuffed so i just wanted to say a HUGE THANK YOU and give you another WOW**

**Well so this is Chapter 13 and its the other half of the last chapter and it's kind of a fluffy break and though i was more than tempted to have Ellis Grey to come home and ruined it I stopped myself because in my eyes meeting Molly was too important! **

**Anyway back to this all i ask is that you PLEASE Read, Enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!**

**You Are All I Need**

Sat eating at the kitchen table rather than the more formal one in the dining room where Meredith refused to eat Molly watched the interaction between the two especially Meredith's behavior with immense pleasure. Never had she seen her with so much life in her eyes or with such a look of adoration on her face that was there every time her gaze rested on the man sat next to her.

From one moment to the next they went from squabbling like children as Meredith bossed Derek around to looking more in love than she ever thought Meredith would allow herself to feel.

It wasnt that Meredith was a cold person it was just that since the age of seven Molly had watched her build wall upon wall around herself, her heart and she had been worried that she would never let someone in or allow herself to feel this. Yet something told her when it came to Derek it wasn't a conscious choice on Meredith's part more of a case of her heart ruling her head.

And after meeting purely by chance more than a few of the men who had passed through Meredith's life gone as quickly as they'd come Molly couldn't help but be pleasantly surprised by Derek. Not only was he handsome, charming but there was something about him that was incredibly trustworthy and drew you to him.

The ten year age gap was a large difference in ages and she knew in part that would be what was bothering Dr Grey but Molly couldn't help thinking that if she knew Meredith better she would be able to see an older man was what Meredith needed. Someone who had enough strength emotionally wise to fight for her every step and not let her push them away which Meredith would whenever she felt it was getting a little too much and Derek seemed to be that man.

"Tell him I'm right and he needs to eat more vegetables!" Meredith insisted as swatting away Derek's hands she piled more green beans and carrots onto his plate.

"You haven't even eaten yours yet!"

Derek protested well aware that though Meredith wasn't making a fuss meeting Molly was as important to her as it was for other girls when they introduced a new boyfriend to their parents for the first time. Molly was everything Ellis wasn't she was kind, warm and openly doted on Meredith seeing her how his own parents must see Mark.

"But I'm not expected too, I have them on my plate and that is enough for her but you have been surviving on coffee and not much else ever since my mother got her claws into you so you need them, need the vitamins and that!" Meredith said smiling with a mixture of anger and concern in her eyes, the anger not directed at him but at her mother for putting him through this.

"Nutrition advice from the girl who lives off cold pizza, Italian takeout, strawberry ice-cream and covers just about everything she eats in… …"

Derek was cut off mid sentence as Meredith shoved a forkful of mashed potato from her own plate into his mouth.

"I'm sure your mothers taught you how rude it is to talk with your mouthful so shut up and eat!" Meredith laughed and Derek had no other choice than to do that and catching Molly's amused look Meredith nodded as she pushed her own plate away.

"See I was right lost soul in need of mothering well remothering!"

"Is that even a word???" Derek asked once he'd swallowed but Meredith only shrugged kissing his cheek as he continued to eat.

"I don't know but it should be it explains perfectly what people need after being in close contact with my mother and don't tell me off just look at him!"

Meredith told Molly as she got up going around the table to kiss her cheek

"Thank you for dinner it was lovely, I'm going to grab a couple of things from upstairs but don't let him stop eating!"

As he watched Meredith disappear through the door Derek felt the older woman's eyes on him and met the questioning blue gaze with an inquiring look of his own waiting for her to say whatever was on her mind, just hoping it wouldn't be more resistance for them to face.

"You do love Meredith don't you?" Molly knew how Meredith felt and thought she thought she knew how Derek did she wanted to make sure.

"To the point where it scares me, all my life I've been in control but the moment I met Meredith it went out of the window!" Surprised Derek found himself opening up to Molly someone he had known for little more than ninety minutes in the same way he would his own mother.

"Good because she loves you too and I know she can be hard work but it will be worth it, Meredith is worth it!"

Leaning forward in her seat Molly motioned for him to continue eating which earned her a smile that she guessed had something to do with Meredith falling so hard for him.

"I'm telling you this because you are the first person Meredith has ever let get this close and that includes me which also means you could hurt her, hurt her more than her mother ever could and I don't want that!"

Derek didn't know what else to do but nod not quite daring to stop eating as like Meredith had been doing Molly watched his every mouthful yet this opportunity wasn't something he could miss, to be able to ask advice from someone who really knew Meredith.

"How do I do this, how do I keep getting closer because there are these moments when I feel lost, I get through one barrier only to find another waiting for me…?"

This was something that he only admitted to himself late at night when he couldn't sleep and Meredith wasn't there to make it better but from Molly he was met with a look of sympathetic understanding,.

"Be there and keep being there for her that will mean more to Meredith than anything else and whatever you do don't try to change…."

Derek stopped her before she could any further unable to think of anything worse than him changing Meredith.

"I wouldn't want too, I love her for who she is and she wouldn't be my Meredith any other way!"

This earned him a smile from Molly that had previously reserved for Meredith only as she reached across the table and patted his hand.

"Then you are the type of person I hoped Meredith would find!"

* * *

Stood on the sidewalk next to her car Derek wrapped his arms around Meredith's waist resting his chin on her shoulder his head turned so he was able to keep kissing her neck whilst she rooted through her bag for her car keys. 

By the time Meredith had returned to the kitchen Molly had moved on to telling him stories about Meredith when she was younger and though embarrassed at first she had soon joined in. But what had struck him the most was that none of these memories involved her mother with no mention at all of her father which could only mean he wasn't in her life by the time Molly arrived in it.

This was something they had never talked about, Derek didn't even know if he was alive or not and it made him wonder just who in their absence had done the most damage. Ellis Grey may have provided for Meredith in a monetary way but only Molly could claim the raising of Meredith and even then he had the distinct feeling Meredith had still done most of it on her own.

"What have you got in there?" Derek asked trying to get a better view as she emptied more of its contents out onto the car roof.

"Just stuff, my stuff!"

"Stuff…? More like everything bar the kitchen sink!" Derek laughed making a grab for the bag only for a giggling Meredith to hold it out of his reach.

"Derek you have four sisters so how do you not know that men do not look in a girls bag, it's a rule!"

"But luckily for you and me you are not one of my sisters and neither are you just any girl… You're my girlfriend, my Meredith so those types of rules do not apply so give me a look!"

Derek insisted his hands sliding up to tickle her whilst the kisses to her neck that had previously been mere brushing of lips against skin became nips of his teeth, his tongue flicking out to taste her, salve where he had bitten as she squirmed against him.

"No!"

It was somewhere between a moan and a giggle as dropping her bag onto the car roof she turned in his arms, stroking her fingers down from his hairline to his chin.

"You are feeling better aren't you, I mean I know your still tired but the meal and that it's helped right?"

"Mer I felt better the moment I saw you tonight, I don't need anything else you make it all okay but the meal it was good and I loved meeting Molly!" Lowering his voice Derek simply drew her against him not for any other reason than just to hold her.

"I do have one question though, how does Molly work for your mother?"

"Molly is the one person my mother does not mess with, she relies on her too much!"

Meredith giggled snuggling herself against him.

"Molly likes you, you know!"

"Of course she does, I'm me everyone likes me well except for your mother!"

"Well she doesn't like me much either, anyway she doesn't matter and unless you want to see her I suggest you put me down so we can get back to yours!"

Looking down at her Derek hated the way her eyes dulled when she talked like that about her mother and with Molly's words rebounding around his head he kissed her.

"You do realize I am not going anywhere don't you? That I'm always going to be here…?"

"What outside my mother's house I hope not because I'd rather have you with me!"

"No you little fool I …"

"I know what you meant Derek but don't make those types of promises; no one can keep a promise like that!" All laughter had gone from her face as she pulled away grabbing hold of her bag going round to the other side of the car.

"Mer I didn't mean to upset you?" Derek said following taking her hand and using it to bring her back to him.

"You didn't!"

Meredith shook her head attempting to smile but it was too hard, no one not even him could keep those promises every one left at some point, reading her thoughts in her eyes, his confusion slipping away Derek kissed cupping her face.

"I did, I may not have meant to but I did and just so you know it's a promise I intend to keep!"

* * *

"Where have you two been I thought you would have crashed out hours ago?" Mark asked looking up from the television when Derek followed by Meredith came through the apartment door. 

"Mer took me home for dinner."

Derek told him as he fell down on to the couch keeping a hold on Meredith's waist to bring her down on to his lap and stroking his hand down her back Derek could feel just how tense she was.

The drive over from her mother's had been a quiet one and Derek blamed himself for not just keeping his mouth shut. Though he fully intended to keep that promise to her he couldn't really expect Meredith to believe him not after what Molly had said and that should have stopped him but it had just came out. He had just wanted her to know that he was always going to be there, that she could rely on him and that she didn't have to do everything on her own anymore.

"Seriously you ate dinner with the dragon, did you test it first?" Mark's eyes were wide with shocked amazement his mouth hanging open so much so it elicited a giggle from Meredith.

"Not with my mother you ass with Molly!"

Meredith's answer only seemed to confuse Mark more but Derek was grateful to him for doing what he couldn't; bringing her out making her smile, giggle like that.

"Who's Molly and since when have I been an ass? Your boyfriend now he is an ass but me you like me, I'm handsome, charming, funny, basically everything Derek is not!"

"Now that is a great example of brotherly love don't you think babe?" Derek laughed shaking his own head as he ran his fingers through Meredith's hair, curling the strands around them as finally she relaxed back against him.

"Ah but he did forget something you both have in common…?"

"What? Not great hair because Mark does not have great hair he will be grey by forty while woman will still want to be running their fingers through my hair!" Derek teased holding her tight as laughing properly now Meredith shook her head.

"No I was thinking more oversized and undeserved egos!"

Both men stared at her with the same disbelieving expressions but it was Derek who opened his mouth first getting in before Mark could.

"You wait babe in ten years we will be two of the top surgeons in the country and you will look at us and say… …"

"That you are still a pair of asses but that you alone do have great hair!"

Turning with a cheeky smile Meredith sighed at the worry still lingering in the depths of his eyes, her heart aching for him as she moved around to rest her forehead against his, their lips just touching in a continuous kiss. This wasn't his fault his promise had touched her deeply but she was too scared to believe even in him.

"Will you two stop it's sickening and neither have you have explained who the hell Molly is?" Chucking a cushion at them that Derek managed to block with his arm in time to stop it hitting Meredith Mark got their attention.

"Molly is my mother's housekeeper and Derek's latest conquest!" Meredith smiled kissing Derek once more before slipping off Derek's lap.

"Right I need a shower and I mean an actual shower so I do not need company!" Meredith told Derek not even trying to hide her amusement as his evocative smirk morphed in to a disappointed pout.

"You're no fun!"

"Oh I am and I'll prove that to you later!" Meredith called over her shoulder and Mark watched the way Derek's eyes lingered on the door way long after she had left.

"It went all right tonight then?" Mark asked having to nudge Derek to get his attention.

"Yeah it was great…"

"But?"

Mark prompted his eyes narrowing as Derek ran both his hands through his hair.

"Mer is strong that's obvious but she's fragile, damaged and all I want is to love her, protect her from everything but I know she would hate that and so I'm stuck… …" Derek trailed off going on to tell him about what Molly had said, how Meredith had reacted to his promise and after a moment of thoughtful silence Mark sighed.

"You love her; you want her so that Molly is right you be there… This will work out I know it and I am never wrong!"

Mark said getting up going into the kitchen only to bring back beers for them

"Plus there is the fact we both know Grey has you wrapped around her little finger, she says jump you say how high!"

* * *

Sat with his back against the headboard through half closed eyes Derek enjoyed the sight of Meredith naked but for one of his shirts pulling things out only to cram them back into her rucksack. The little screeches of frustration that escaped now and then when she couldn't find what she wanted only adding to his enjoyment. 

"If you do not stop laughing at me I swear that you Derek Shepherd will never get in my pants again!"

Meredith scowled finally giving up as she kicked the bag and his chuckles only stopped when she picked up the nearest thing to hand which happened to be his jeans and threw them at him.

"I mean it!"

"Your not wearing any and whatever happened to taking care of me???" Pouting he held his hands out to her only for Meredith to raise an eyebrow.

"How exactly will me keeping you awake help you because I know what you want and it has nothing to do with sleeping?"

"It will help by relieving me of this ache I have, an ache that only you can make better!" Derek laughed as she took his hand tumbling onto the bed.

Her mouth searching for and finding his as he worked at the buttons on his shirt she was wearing but groaned in protest as she removed them lifting her lips from his.

"Earlier what you said it was lovely but you don't have to say things like that to keep me here or make me feel any bett… … What I'm trying to say is you don't have to make promises Derek I don't need them, this its enough for me." Meredith murmured saying out loud what had been on her mind in the shower, what had been on her mind ever since she had seen the earlier concern still in his eyes.

Stunned for a moment processing her words Derek stared up in to the green eyes and swallowed giving her his best smile, the one that only seemed to appear for her.

"I'm enough for you…?"

"Your more than enough well right now you are!"

Meredith breathed rocking her pelvis back and forth in a figure of eight that had him writhing beneath her and grabbing hold of her hips going against every screaming nerve in his body Derek stopped her.

"A drawer, half my wardrobe do you want it?" Derek panted as she suckled at his neck but his words caused her to stop abruptly.

This wasn't something new he had been thinking about it ever since they had walked through her mother's house and she had described the difference between that and his apartment.

"What I am not moving in with you haven't you heard anything I said?"

"Yes and no I'm not asking you to move in but you could if you ever wanted too it's just I thought you could keep some stuff here, save carting everything back and forth all the time!" Derek chuckled as comprehension slowly dawned, a tiny flicker of mischief in her eyes.

"And you'll do my washing?"

"Happily!" He nodded knowing that if Mark could hear him now he would lose his best friends respect for ever but the second her lips returned to his in a kiss so passionate it took his breath away he didn't give a damn about anyone but her.

"Okay then!"

It was the last thing he heard, mumbled against his mouth as her tongue twined with his, her hands moving to strip herself of the shirt he was still trying to undo the buttons on.

**Okay so that was that I hoped you all liked it anyway i just had tyo say one thing, the whole promise thing well you probably wont remember but in 'IHMFLY' it's kind of an important thing for them so i just wanted to get the start of that in, show how it began or didnt! **

**But for now PLEASE show me some love and hit the little blue/purple button and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!**

**Oh and next update should be up by the end of the week but I am officially making no promises!!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Ok so as always a HUGE THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed and i would have had this up sooner but i couldnt seem to get it right and 3d life is kinda busy so apologies!!!**

**Anyway this is more of a filler chapter so all i ask is you Read, Enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW**

Turning over and finding nothing but cold empty sheets in the place where Meredith's warm body should have been Derek woke with a jump, immediately reaching over to switch on his bed side lamp groaning as he caught sight of the alarm clock.

It was two in the morning and he had fallen into bed less than three hours ago and needed to be up in another three but he couldn't just turn over again and go back to sleep not without Meredith. Just lately having time alone had become rare and it had begun to feel like that Mark and Addison were seeing more of Meredith than him, leaving him torn between pleasure that the three were getting along so well and jealous of the time they were getting to spend with her.

The guilt was also becoming harder to shake, guilt that it was Meredith making time to come down for the past two weekends and at least twice during the week. This often meant due to his shifts she was left alone at the apartment waiting up for him to crawl into bed beside her, even if she claimed she was getting more studying in therefore better grades it didn't help the fact he was missing her.

Stood in the doorway Derek rubbed his hands over his face blinking blinded by the light for a second before his eyes softened as they rested unnoticed on her small frame. Meredith was huddled on the couch with a comforter hugged around her with the remote in her hand, the volume right down as she seemed to flick blindly through the channels.

Catching her like this was only confirming his suspicions that everything wasn't quite right with her, more than once just lately he had caught her watching him with the same preoccupied look in her eye.

"Mer?" Her head came around sharply her lips twisting in a poor attempt of a smile as she brushed the hair out of her eyes.

"Hey what are you doing up?"

"I could ask you the same thing, its two in the morning?" Crossing the short distance to the couch Derek sank down putting an arm around her as she leaned against him her head dropping on to his shoulder.

"I know I couldn't sleep, I needed to think so I'm thinking… Did I wake you?"

Meredith felt as if she had been doing nothing but thinking just lately yet she was still no nearer to finding an answer and as Derek's smell surrounded her, his lips kissing her hair Meredith slowly began to relax.

"No but when I woke and you weren't there I missed you… So are you going to tell me what's behind all this thinking?"

"I'm fine!"

"Okay if I know anything about you which is a subject I pride myself on it is that when you say your fine in that voice it means you are anything but!" Derek said moving so she was sat between his legs, slipping his hands underneath the blanket into the loose neck of her t-shirt to massage her shoulders.

"Talk to me Mer... unless you really do want me to... give you my lecture about sharing?" His voice came out as more of a series of yawns but it was that that seemed to reach her.

"My mother I was thinking about my mother!"

Shrugging his warm soothing hands away Meredith changed position again back to the original one as she removed the blanket from around her shoulders to cover them both.

"You can't go on like this Derek and I can't let you, it's not fair my mother is running you into the ground!"

Two weeks of crippling shifts had left large dark circles under his eyes, more lines around his mouth and the weight seemed to be falling off him. The only way they were getting to see each other now was her coming to New York every chance she got and that wasn't so much what she minded she minded what her mother was doing to him. He kept offering to ride up to Dartmouth but she couldn't let him not when it seemed he had hardly enough energy after a shift to get back to the apartment let alone take up a five hour ride.

"Its fine Mer, I'm fine!"

"No your not and this is coming from the queen of the fabulous I am fine line… Derek you've lost weight and you look as close to normal person crap as you could and…"

"I'm an intern Mer, the bottom of the surgical food chain you've said so yourself and it's a guarantee that all interns look like crap even handsome ones like me!" Derek tried but even he didn't believe his own words and he couldn't expect her too.

What he was doing was no normal heavy intern schedule but he couldn't let Ellis Grey win and if it was doing anything at least it was dispelling the rumors that he was getting special treatment.

"Mark and Addison aren't being worked like this and their interns too!"

"So what do you suggest Mer because the only thing that will please your mother is us finishing and is that what you want because I don't and no matter how many times we talk about it that is always what its going to come back to!" Derek groaned running a hand through his hair, his words tinged with anger stemming from frustration the same frustration Meredith was feeling.

She couldn't lie and say that the thought hadn't entered her mind but only to be pushed away and looking into the blue eyes it only seemed more impossible.

"No that's not what I want but I could talk to her I know you don't want me getting involved but I am and maybe I can make her see…?"

"Mer she won't listen…"

"I can try though!" Meredith sighed as she let him pull him closer her mind already made up, she couldnt let this carry on and surely her mother would listen if not to her then she would have to Dr Grant.

* * *

"This is a surprise but whether it's a pleasant one still hangs in the balance." 

Meredith looked up at the sound of her mother's brisk voice as the door she hadn't heard open closed with a definite click.

"But I warn you Meredith I have no time for any of your juvenile dramatics, I'm due in surgery in twenty minutes!"

The previous ten minutes before her mother's arrival had been spent preparing herself, reining in her temper and her work was put to test now as she had to bite down on her bottom lip, to stop the retort that was on the tip of her tongue at yet another reminder of just what was her mother's one and only priority.

"Then your in luck I haven't come to fight I've come to talk…" Meredith managed to get out hating the fact she knew her mother understood full well how much of an effort this was taking.

"Well this really is a day of surprises isn't it I mean you seeking me out to talk when usually it is you doing everything in your power to avoid being in my company!"

Meredith looked up as her mother took the seat on the other side of the desk, green meeting green for the first in weeks.

"Yeah well you've left me no choice have you…" Her hands clenching in to tight fists as she pictured the drawn exhausted Derek who had sat up with her last night.

"I don't see what I have done now but then again what's new you seem to have blamed me for every wrong in your life for as long as I can remember!"

"Seriously you think your blameless whe… …" It took every bit of will power she had to stop herself falling into the same pointless arguments, pointless because her mother never listened.

"I'm not doing this now that isn't what I came here for I came to talk about Derek!"

"And what do we have to discuss about Derek Shepherd I thought I made my feelings clear on that matter and they have not changed so I see no need in repeating them!" It was a mocking voice that complimented perfectly the mocking gleam in her eyes as with disdain she looked Meredith over.

"Mom you know what your doing and it has got to stop…. Me you can screw with all you want but Derek leave him out of it he doesn't deserve this!"

It was a task not to raise her voice but that didn't stop the passion in her voice or control the fire in her eyes.

"These games of your's they aren't fair, you're his boss he cant fight back but I will, I wont sit back and let you use him like this!"

"Are you threatening me young lady?" Ellis Grey asked in a voice that would of sent anyone of her interns or residents scurrying for cover but not her daughter, Meredith answered her fire for fire.

"Yes it's simple if you won't stop then I'll go above you I'll talk to Uncle Miles… …We both know he has a soft spot for me just like his wife does and then there's that guilt I'm sure after all these years he'd like to take a bit of that off his shoulders… Some might say that day I walked in on you two was almost lucky!"

Meredith spat out in disgust and though her mother shrugged her shoulders as if she didn't care Meredith knew her mother saw all too clearly the truth in her words.

"Does he know you are here fighting his battles, is that really what you admire in a man Meredith? I mean I brought you up to be better than this and granted I hear your grades have dramatically improved but you are eighteen and too young to throw your life away over some man!"

"But he isn't just some man… You should be glad I've found someone like him, Derek is honorable, kind, caring and he will be an amazing surgeon someday and you know it but none of that should matter it should be enough that I love him!" She hadn't planned on saying that it had just slipped out and it was ironic the first time she said it out loud she said it to her mother of all people.

"You don't even know what love is!"

Her mother dismissed her scornfully but Meredith shook her head a slight smile lifting her lips knowing once she would have agreed with her but Derek he had changed that, changed her.

"I used to think that too but Derek I love him and even if this doesn't work then I'll know at least in one more way I am not like you, that I am able to love someone who isn't myself!"

"Do not talk to me like that young lady I wont stand for it!"

"And I wont stand for you screwing with Derek's career so we are at an impasse… If you don't fix this Mom then I will really show just how much I can embarrass you and I wont stop at Uncle Miles!"

"Meaning what?" Ellis Grey demanded all pretenses forgotten as she surged to her feet both hands planted palm down on the desk.

"Meaning that if you can be the boss from hell I can be the daughter from hell, what it is they call it Satan's spawn and all that after all I am your own flesh and blood?"

Still seated Meredith mirrored her mother's stubborn expression.

"You don't have to like me with him; you don't even have to acknowledge it but all I'm asking is that you treat him as you would any other intern…!"

"He will only hurt you Meredith, you wait it may not be tomorrow or next month but one day he will and you will see all along how right I was!"

"Don't you get it that's for me to find out not for you to tell me, just let this go mom because I will not stop seeing him?" Getting up without a backward glance Meredith walked to the door of the office her hand stopping on the handle as her mother spoke.

"You're making a mistake Meredith!"

Walking away from her mother's office Meredith did her best to shake off the cloud that had descended whilst she was in her mother's company, trying not to let her words penetrate or poison her. This couldn't be a mistake, Derek could not be a mistake nothing that felt this good could be wrong and her only hope was that this had been enough for her to give Derek a break.

Her mood brightened considerably when she spotted two very familiar heads bent over a stack of charts at the nurse's station yet dimmed again when she saw the blonde hovering next to them.

It was irrational to be jealous she knew that she didn't even know the girl and they were all interns at the same hospital but there was just something about her she couldn't like and though she would never question Derek's or her trust of him this girl obviously had other plans.

From where she was stood Meredith had the perfect view of the way Hayley's brown eyes never lifted from Derek's face, how her hand touched his arm when she spoke and she had a funny suspicion that Mark was watching her just as closely.

"Hard at work is he?"

Meredith nodded as one of the men she had been talking about with her mother came and stood next to her.

"Looks like it, I only came to see my mother but now I'm here… …"

"You'd like to have lunch with him!" Dr Grant nodded putting a hand on her back as he guided her forward.

"Well we can fix that… Dr Shepherd Meri here needs taking to lunch would you mind?"

With a chuckle knowing just how much she hated that shortened version of her name Derek turned around his eyes warm. a smile on his lips. Though it had been only a few hours since he had left her in bed this morning he had missed her, worrying about whether she was feeling any better or if she'd managed to get any sleep.

"It would be my pleasure."

Uncaring of his bosses presence Derek bent his head to kiss Meredith's waiting lips , his palm against her face his thumb stroking over her cheek and the show of open affection only seemed to pleas Dr Grant.

"That's settled then and I'm sure Dr's Sloan and Lewis wont mind taking those charts off your hands and Meri dear I will see you soon!"

As he walked away Derek's arm went about her shoulders, his mouth brushing her forehead as he folded her into his arms.

"You saw your mother?"

"Mmm,"

"And?"

"Not now, I've just used my connections to get you to myself and I don't want to talk about my mother and though I don't mind Mark I won't share with girls who have crushes!" She breathed before covering his mouth with her own drawing his tongue into her mouth as his fingers locked into her hair.

"Jealousy is hot!" He groaned drawing away when Mark coughs became less discreet and a paper ball hit him in the back of his head.

"Grey why wasn't I included in that lunch invitation?" Mark demanded leaning back against the nurses station but it was Hayley's glare that was holding Meredith's attention.

"Because if I dragged you both into the on call room people would really talk and I think Addison would have something to say!"

Meredith teased turning her back on Hayley as she kissed Derek's cheek

"Plus Derek's like me he doesn't share!"

"I don't, now come on!" Derek laughed tugging on her hand all too happy to have her to himself because though she may be smiling he meant to get to the bottom of what else was lurking in her eyes.

Waiting till Derek and Meredith were well out of sight and ear shot Mark moved around the nurses station where Hayley was still watching after them.

"You do know you haven't a chance?" Mark said as he took one of the charts from the top of the pile Derek's leaving had left them with.

Struck by the fact that it wasn't only on Addison's prompting that he was getting involved in this, something that he would usually stay the hell out off, it was Meredith too he liked her really liked her and more than that he liked what happened to Derek when he was around her. It was as if the seriousness that had crept over him over the last few years just slipped away leaving behind the Derek Mark remembered.

"A chance with what?"

"Oh come on the only person who doesn't know how big a thing you have for Derek is Derek!" Apart from a mild blush that crept its way over Hayley's cheeks there didn't seem to be any other reaction.

"What's your point Mark?"

"My point is Derek has a girlfriend and where as before Addison I never had a problem with sharing myself around Derek he has always had enough morals for the both of us!"

"So why is he dating an eighteen year old girl then because that really says alot for his morals?" Hayley bit back as Mark began to laugh.

"Have you seen Grey the kid is hot and by the size of Derek's smile I'd say that goes for in the bedroom too and then you have the fact and some may call it a little one but he is in love with her?"

"Love yeah right… Neither you or Addison know what you're talking about so both of you can shut your mouths and mind your own business!" Hayley hissed her brown eyes glowing with annoyance and Mark only shook his head.

"That's the thing Derek is my business, he's my best friend and … …" Mark stopped abruptly as he saw the woman walking towards him.

"Dr Shepherd where is he?" Ellis Grey demanded and Mark had to open and close his mouth a few times before he could get the words out but Hayley got in first and he could have kicked himself for it.

"He's having lunch with your daughter Dr Grant gave his permission."

"Right… …. …" Ellis Grey paused totally ignoring Hayley her eyes on Mark "Well when he gets back tell him to find his resident he's off my service!"

**Again so i really do apologise for this chap cos it sucks but i promise the next one will be better and that one should be up by Mon/ Tues next week or sooner but no promises...**

**So for now PLEASE LOVE IT OR HATE IT REVIEW!!!!!**


	15. Chapter 15

**THANKS as always to all the people who reviewed seriously they mean alot and i appreciate each one!!! Sorry theres a bit longer time between updates but real life is getting in the way which sucks!**

**Anyway this is Chap 15 and basically a build up/introduction to the next one which is a big chapter but back to this not much Mer/Der but i hope you still enjoy and all i ask is PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!**

Repositioning the tub of strawberry ice-cream that even though he didn't like Derek had taken to stocking his freezer with just because it was her favorite Meredith settled back on the couch to watch the video she had brought down from Dartmouth with her.

This wasn't quite how she would chose to spend a Friday night but with Derek on call she didn't have much choice and there was no doubt that she would rather be here in his apartment, surrounded by his possessions than back at Dartmouth or worse at her mothers house. Her mother hadn't spoken to her or tried to contact her since she had walked out of her office last week and from what Derek had said it wasn't only her existence that was being ignored.

But where as that seemed to bother him making him feel like some kind of further wedge between them rather than Meredith's own worry that it all was too good to be true never the less she was more willing to accept and enjoy it for however long it lasted.

There was a reason she hadn't told him exactly how she'd managed to get her mom to do this and it simply was because she still wasn't sure herself but what was certain was that if her mother hadn't left Derek alone she would have goner through with her threats. Derek was the most important person in her life and she needed him to be okay, his happiness and well being mattered above everything else because he had done so much more for her.

It was hard to remember the last party she'd been too and as for one night stands she couldn't even imagine being with anyone else, no other man held any appeal compared to Derek and it wasn't even like he had to try he was just Derek and perfect for her. For the first time in her life she felt secure, cared about and she owed all that to him because without meaning to he was fixing her and Meredith knew she would never be able to repay him for that.

"Grey get your cute butt off that couch and get yourself dressed we're going out!" Mark called coming into the apartment so suddenly it made her jump and came to a stop in front of the TV blocking her view with his arms crossed over his chest.

"We as in me and you?" Meredith queried doubtfully the spoon now hovering between the tub and her lips.

"Yes and you could try looking happy about it I'm a catch, i mean do you realize just how lucky Addison is???"

"No Mark you got it wrong not a catch a man whore and you are the lucky one for finding someone like Addie who would put up with you!" Meredith corrected smiling as he sighed woefully

"So she's already got to you well just so you know it's all lies... ...But tonight we are going to foget Derek and Addison and have some fun and this is on his orders in fact tonight is on Derek!" Mark said flashing her grin as well as Derek's bank card.

"You know his pin?"

"Of course it's the date his first dog died, god he cried like a girl it was called Sparky or Spunky no idea which but it was this yappy little mutt thing with … … Ouch!" Mark complained rubbing his arm where the remote had just connected "That was mean!"

"And so was what you said! Anyway I don't want to go out!" Meredith said shaking her head a stubborn glint in her eyes as she put her feet up, the spoon digging into the ice cream with renewed determination.

"Me, tequila, pizza with extra pepperoni but only if you're good what more could you want and don't say Derek because tonight you are having it Sloane style!"

"Sloane style seriously has that ever worked?"

"You tell me?" He smirked as she giggled, Mark's arrogance and cockiness was like Derek's on over drive and it never failed to amuse her.

"How does Addison put up with you again?"

"Same way you put up with Derek we both have irristable charm now make yourself pretty do whatever girls and Derek do and we'll go!" He said taking the ice cream from her pulling her to her feet and pushing her in the direction of Derek's room, laughing as she muttered all the way threats about killing him and disposing of his body.

* * *

"When you and Mark first said I love you was it the right time or did you wait for him to say it first?" Derek asked purposefully keeping his voice down as he stood next to Addison at the coffee cart. 

Though it was gone eleven there were still enough staff around to make him wary of being over heard especially with the latest turn about in Ellis Grey's behavior. In a week she had gone from hounding his every movement to completely ignoring his existence and though her and Meredith's relationship was never good he couldn't help but linger guiltly over any further damage he might have done. Yet when he tried to explain that to her Meredith would only laugh in her usual way saying that the damage had been done long before he arrived and to enjoy the peace like she was.

And right now he hoped she was doing just that with Mark seen as he'd given him specific instructions to take her out, force her if he had to but anything so that she wasn't left hanging around the apartment and had fun instead, even going as far as giving him his bank card.

"Why would you want to know about all that…?" Oh my god don't tell me you told Meredith and she didn't say it back?"

"No… … It's just its three months next week and I want too but what if she isn't ready or it scares her off and I cant lose her you get that right I can not lose Meredith!" Derek sighed as he ran his hand through his hair taking a long drink of his coffee.

"You're a girl and if Mer has commitment issues then Mark well… …" Derek trailed off as Addison began to laugh, covering her mouth with her hand as she shook her head.

"Sorry but it's funny, I mean karma really is a bitch isn't it?"

"What the hell has karma to do with this?"

"Derek for a second just imagine how many girls have had this exact same discussion with their girlfriends about you, wondering if you were ready to commit or if telling you they loved you would scare off… … Now it's all coming back on you that's karma!"

Thinking over all his past relationships Derek tried to remember a time when he had been in this position before or even wished to hear those three little words as he craved them coming from Meredith.

He knew Meredith cared was pretty sure she loved him but he also knew there was a vast difference for someone like her between feeling something and admitting it but about his own feelings there was no doubt he loved Meredith Grey and he was having to bite his tongue every time they spoke to stop himself from blurting it out.

"Not helping Addie!"

"I know but it is funny…. … No but seriously Derek there is never a right time not until the moment you say it but if you are that worried then let her take the lead, this is her first relationship right?"

"Correct!"

"Well then make next weekend special for her and by that I don't mean going over the top with a big cheese fest but if you aren't sure about telling her show Meredith!" Addison explained and nodding Derek kissed her cheek

"You're good!"

"Oh no I am more than good so much more but here's another piece of advice for free stay away from Hayley!"

"Hayley?" Derek repeated not quite sure why suddenly both his best friend and even his girlfriend were obsessed almost with her. He wasn't completely blind to her crush as they all thought but she was harmless and he had no interest in her.

"Yes you blind ass, this thing she has not so little so just keep your distance!" Addison told him easily reading the direction his thoughts had taken.

"I'm not interested and even if I were I wouldn't have the time or energy Meredith is enough of a handful as it is!"

"It's not so much you I'm worried about… … That's me!" Unclipping her bleeping pager from her waist band Addison walked away leaving her last remark hanging and Derek staring after her.

* * *

Placing a shot of tequila and a beer in front of Meredith and his own double scotch down onto the table Mark took his seat opposite her. 

"So exactly how long have you been twenty one and getting away with it?" Mark asked curiously following her gaze as it settled on a group in the corner of doctors he recognized from the hospital before flickering back to him.

Once he'd managed not quite by force to get her out of the apartment she had become more enthusiastic and even without seeming to try or care she looked stunning. Her hair flowed in simple waves whilst the black jeans and low cut top she was wearing showed off her figure to perfection and by the admiring looks she was receiving he wasn't the only one who thought so.

"My first fake id was a birthday present to myself; I was sixteen without the sweet and it was the best gift I received that year!" Meredith replied with a cheeky grin before downing her shot in that way that still surprised him.

"And your mother had no idea, still has no idea?" Mark said in disbelief, struck simply by the idea that his boss who seemed to know everything that went on at the hospital and ruled it with an iron rod could have so little control over her own daughter.

"Not interested or doesn't care I'd go with the not caring then again I'd have to say both… … I don't need to be cut open with a ten blade so I'm of little importance!" Her words said as blandly as the expression on her face Mark was clueless of what to make of it.

The relationship between mother and daughter wasn't great everyone in the hospital knew that after their last public row but this spoke of so much more than the usual friction. Bad relationships with family he got that, he saw little of his own parents and when it came down to it the Shepherd's and Addison were all he had.

"You promised me an evening out Sloane style and if that entails talking about my mother then you suck!" Meredith broke his train of thought, the same note in her voice that had been there when she'd found out where they were heading.

"Not as good as you I bet!" He retorted with a dirty chuckle waggling his eyebrows causing Meredith to choke on her beer.

"And that is something I guarantee you will never find out!" Meredith tried to keep a straight face but failed as she started to giggle.

"For the best really so you'll just have to learn to control yourself around me!"

"Me???" Meredith gasped as Mark nodded the only thing giving him away was the irrepressible twinkle in his eyes and the smirk he couldn't control.

"Yeah I've seen the way you look at me but don't worry it's not just you I have this effect on woman!"

"Oh my god and I thought Derek's ego was big… How do you two exist in the same space?"

Her laughter was infectious and giving up Mark joined in, both too absorbed in their amusement to notice the girl approaching the table.

"Don't you two look cozy… … A case of whilst the cats away the mice will play isn't it?"

Hayley's laughter was as fake as forced as the smile on her face.

"Room for a third?"

"No you know what with two's company and three's a definite crowd!"

All amusement left Meredith's face, a challenge in her green eyes and her words held enough meaning for both Hayley and Mark to know Meredith wasn't just on about tonight. She had been aware of Hayley's presence from the moment Mark had lead her in to the bar and had been waiting for her to approach.

"Have to agree with the kid three would really be a crowd." Mark nodded knowing that Addison would murder him if he even entertained the idea of letting her join them not that he would anyway.

"Your loss but I wonder how Derek and Addison would feel if they knew just how well you two are getting along because I'm not the only one who noticed and you know how gossip travels!"

Watching Hayley walk away Mark turned back to Meredith with a shake of her head.

"At least if she's hanging around here she's not doing her bitch on heat impression anywhere near Derek!"

"Was she serious?" Meredith demanded unable to believe what she had just heard.

"Who cares it's not like anyone who matters is gonna believe her."

"Derek knows I have more taste!" Meredith nodded her smile returning knowing Mark was right.

"Well then Grey I say more drinks to help us forget that ever happened!"

* * *

Taking in the scene in front of him Derek couldn't stop the amused grin that just kept growing, wishing he had a camera handy because this was definitely one for the photo album. Meredith's head was resting awkwardly on Mark's chest, her mouth hanging open whilst his arm was thrown around her and Derek was pretty sure he could smell stale vomit. 

Which confirmed the story of the empty beer bottles and pizza box that littered the space around them but he supposed this what he got when he told Mark to make sure Meredith had fun, a drunken girlfriend and best friend.

He was more than a little tempted to simply throw a blanket over them and go to bed, Mark had to be up in a few hours and there was always a danger to waking Meredith. Yet if she stayed like that much longer she would no doubt be suffering for the next couple of days and that would be their weekend ruined.

His decision made and careful not to wake either of them he lifted Meredith up into his arms carrying her easily through to his room.

"Your home…" Meredith mumbled her eyes not opening but her lips lifted up into a dreamy smile when he dropped a tender kiss to them.

"Yeah I'm home."

"That's good, Mark's fun but he's not you… … … Your you…" She sighed as he placed her gently down onto the bed only for her to drift off again almost immediately as he worked quickly to strip her of her clothes.

Cursing Mark to hell for allowing her to get in this state as his body reacted in the predictable way to the feel of her silken skin beneath his finger tips and he knew the shower he was about to take would have to be a cold one as he reluctantly covered her with the bed sheets.

Rejoining her twenty minutes later after that shower and throwing a blanket over Mark he fell into bed sighing with content as Meredith immediately curled up to him, her body fitting perfectly with his as his own arms went about her.

All night his brain had been whirling with making plans for next weekend and he had already arranged it with Addison for her and Mark to cover his shifts. It had to be special which meant no worries about getting back for shifts and needed to be at Dartmouth rather than New York which he knew she associated with her mother.

"Derek… …?"

"Yes Mer," He whispered unsure whether she was directly talking to him or just in her sleep which she tended to do when she'd been drinking.

"Mark was sick, I drank him under the table and I don't think we're allowed back in the bar."

"Baby you drink most people under the table your capacity for alcohol is frightening but what bar and why?" He said brushing the hair back from her face promising himself that he really would kill Mark if he had gotten her into any trouble as she smiled sleepily up at him.

"One by the hospital, Mark was sick, really sick… sort of everywhere."

"So who ate the pizza and drank the beer?" He asked confused now as he replayed the scene he had walked into but at least it explained the smell of vomit.

"Me Mark was still green and told me I was possessed but I'm not sure what by he never got that far the smell of the pizza made him sick! You wouldn't of been sick your fun …horny when your drunk not like a … girl…" It ended in a loud yawn that drowned out the sound of his laughter and as expected she fell back to sleep but Derek found himself almost feeling a little sorry for his best friend knowing just how damaged his ego would be in the morning.

Leaning forward smiling at just how innocent she looked Derek pressed a lingering kiss to her lips whispering to her sleeping form knowing this was a time he could at least say it out loud safely.

"I love you Mer,"

**Well so that was that and as i said next chap is kinda the turning point for the story so all i ask is you be patient and PLEASE hit that little blue button and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!! **

**Next Chap will be up either end of this week or early next!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Okay so you all know the drill by now but i mean it i really do appreciate the reviews so THANK YOU, make that a HUGE THANK YOU!!! **

**And as a little extra i'd like to thank AFAN ****17 and i've been trying to fix it so hope you notice the difference and the same too KRISTIKRISTIN but if not please tell me, grammer seriously slips right past me so all help welcome especially when you both fill it with such nice things :)**

**But back to this its Part 1 of 2 and orginally it was meant to be one chap but it was way too long so i had to split it. See this weekend it's a big one and ties in with 'IHMFLY' and i didnt want it to seem rushed or cramped so all i ask is you Read, Enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!**

Walking alongside Elliot and Louise back towards her dorm after her last class of the week Meredith stopped listening to them her mind on one person and one person only. Today was three months since he had sat down beside her in the lobby and though she knew this would pass any other couple by unnoticed for her, for them it was a major milestone.

But where as the date was at the front of her mind she wasn't so sure about Derek, he who usually could be relied on to know seemingly off the top of his head the number of days, hours they had been together had been strangely quiet on the subject. And Meredith didn't know whether to be disappointed or worried, she had no experience to fall back on this whole relationship had been her walking blind but all she did know was she loved him.

Ever since Molly had said aloud what she had before refused to believe it had been there impossible for her to ignore, one minute being smothered by her doubts and then a smile from Derek or the sound of his voice and it would come together make sense. It was all so much easier when he was around and right now what she wanted was to just get in her car and drive down to New York, be with him.

"Mer are you coming tonight?" Louise asked having to nudge her to get her attention and distractedly Meredith shook her head.

"I cant I'm going to New York for the weekend."

"Again? Seriously the only time anyone sees you is in class or between them, if Derek isn't up here then your there, I can't believe that Meredith love them and kick them out Grey has been tamed so easily!" Louise said with a shake of her head, rolling her eyes at Elliot who rebuked her with a frown.

Though he missed not having as much time with Meredith unlike Louise he was happy for her especially as Meredith looked more content than he had ever seen her. She laughed more, her smiles were brighter, she drank less and it was like Derek had awoke another Meredith altogether.

"Oh you're only jealous it isn't you being tamed by Dr Zest and it irks you that he barely knows you exist… … Hey Mer is he into bondage?"

Elliot's remark and Louise's red face gained for a second her full attention but before she could answer a motorcycle pulling into a space up ahead in front of her building caught her eye, warmth sweeping through her.

Derek only had enough time to remove his helmet before Meredith was in his arms, her face buried in his neck as he pressed kisses into her hair.

"God I missed you." Derek whispered as Meredith pulled back enough for his searching lips to find hers, his arms tightening around her causing Meredith to moan in pleasure.

This separation though unavoidable rankled more and more as time passed and missing Meredith never got any easier as he had first naively thought it would. From the second he woke to the moment he shut his eyes at night Meredith was all he thought about and if Mark and Addison were to be believed talked about too.

Last weekend Meredith had won Mark over forever even if his ego had suffered a battering which had therefore pleased Addison too. She was in, a part of them and when she wasn't there, there was an empty space not just for him but his friends too. This weekend had been a week in planning with Mark and Addison helping as much as they could and though he had stuck to Addison's rule about not going over the top he knew it had to be special as he could make it for her.

She hadn't directly mentioned the importance of this weekend but from the look she had given him Tuesday when he had told her he'd have to work he was sure she hadn't forgotten. Though he hated lying to her even little white lies the greeting had been well worth the guilt he had felt every time they had spoke this week.

"You said you were working, that I would have to come to you…?" Meredith pulled away breathless forgetting the presence of Elliot and Louise just as much as Derek had.

"Change of plans, for the next … … fifty eight hours I am all yours, completely at your beck and call!" Derek smiled his eyes dark with desire as he brushed a stray strand of hair back from her face.

"Seriously???"

Her eyes wide with surprise that was quickly turning into delight Meredith moved her hands up to meet at the back of his neck, her fingers slipping up easily into his curls.

"Seriously."

He chuckled basking in her smile as she stared up at him with a look of such happiness it was almost child like as she rose on tip toe to kiss him. An almost chaste touch that in a flash turned into more when her teeth chewed on his bottom lip taking full advantage of his groan to gain entry into his mouth for her tongue to curl around his.

"Mer put him down my lunch is on its way back up!" Elliot laughed his smile wide as he met Derek's eye "Dr Zest."

"Elliot." Derek nodded returning the grin before his gaze rested on the other on looker "Lucy."

"It's Louise." Meredith whispered into his neck before biting his ear lobe leaving Derek trying to look and sound apologetic when all he wanted was to get Meredith inside and upstairs to bed.

"Sorry I'm completely rubbish when it comes to remembering names."

"So how is it you knew mine even before we met and you have never got it wrong once? It must just be Louise I get it if I could forget her I would!"

Elliot teased with an arched eyebrow and feeling rather than seeing Derek's embarrassment Meredith pulled away interrupting before a real battle started that would drag Derek right into the middle of their animosity.

"Shut up we are not starting this now, Derek is tired very tired and he needs … …" Meredith trailed off as he finally got off the bike to stand behind her, his head bending immediately to her neck giving her the same treatment as she'd been giving him as his arousal pressed onto her back.

"Bed…? I think that's what you both need!" Elliot laughed watching her melt back against Derek and Meredith didn't need any more encouragement than that.

"Totally!"

* * *

Relaxing back against the headboard taking a second to catch his breath and gather his senses Derek lazily kissed the top of Meredith's head as she nestled into his arms. Her legs tangled with his as her delicate fingers traced invisible patterns on his chest and it was him who broke the easy comfortable silence they had fallen into. 

"That was some greeting Mer, maybe I should turn up unannounced more often?"

"Definitely!" Sighing in satisfaction Meredith turned her head so she was able to kiss his damp neck her tongue flicking out to taste him.

"Even though you hate surprises?" Derek laughed running his hand through her hair, his smile growing as she pushed herself up onto her elbow so she was able to reach his lips, kissing him quickly.

"Mmm but ones like this I could really learn to appreciate and enjoy. So this weekend what happened to work, how have you even managed to get this time off?"

Looking up into satisfied green eyes Derek could see she was already half way to being sure that instead of forgetting he had specifically came up because of what today was.

"Addison and Mark are covering for me… Today, Mer you do know it's as important to me as it is to you?"

"Which is why you have made me miserable all week thinking that you didn't care?"

"No actually that was me hoping for a greeting like this but trust me it exceeded all my expectations!" Derek laughed as her mouth formed into an adorable pout.

"Well it was mean and just so you know for future reference I do not forgive easily… I know three months isn't much but for me… this, you it's a lot it means a lot!" Meredith rambled and nodding he pressed a swift hard kiss to her lips.

"I know its special you are special!" Derek insisted surprised slightly by just how open her expression was and right now the barriers she placed around herself didn't seem so big.

"We don't get time together like a normal couple and our start hasn't been easy but we have still stuck it out and that means something so this weekend it's just us being us and having fun!"

"Porny fun." Meredith nodded her heart swelling with love and with ease once again without knowing it he was burrowing himself further into her heart.

"Very porny in fact consider me your personal sex slave to use as you wish!" He murmured pushing her down onto her back his lips only millimeters away when he raised his head at the sound of the door.

"Ignore it!" Meredith groaned in protest putting a hand on each side of his face bringing him back down all the way this time.

"We shouldn't it might be Luc… Louise." Derek countered knowing exactly who it was.

"She has a key."

"Elliot it might be Elliot?" Derek tried again only to falter as Meredith's hands slipped down between them, his breath catching in his throat as her hand tightened around him.

"Him too now I remember you saying something only a few seconds ago about sex slaves…?"

"I am and will be willingly once you have answered the door it might be important Mer!"

After a moment when he was pretty sure she would flatly refuse she sighed and scowling slipped out from underneath him, grabbing her dressing gown from the back of the door,

"Fine but it will serve you right if it's my damn mother and she's had a lobotomy and has decided to dedicate her life to me!" She shouted and it took every ounce of self control to stop himself from laughing as she poked her tongue out.

And there will be no sex when I get back!"

Laying back Derek counted to ten before he rolled out of bed pulling on his boxers, going out to find Meredith stood in the center of the living room holding the first of his surprises, three large bouquets of red roses in her arms with a shell shocked look on her face.

"A dozen for every month you've made me happier than I have ever been before!"

"You brought me roses, red roses and lots of them… No one has ever given me roses before!" Meredith said as if Derek hadn't spoken but he had and those words had meant more than any amount of flowers could.

What he had said was what she felt the only difference being he was able to say it where as she still couldn't seem to find the words. Yet right now all she could do was look down at the flowers she was struggling to hold in her arms, unable to tear her eyes away from the delicate petals her head bent to catch the scent that was already filling the room.

Three dozen the delivery man had said in a bored voice that had sounded like it was coming from miles away and she had been so in shock she wasn't sure if she had signed her own name when he had thrust the pen into her shaking fingers. It just felt too much, this wasn't her, things like this didn't happen and it left her torn.

Torn between the need to throw herself in his arms and listening to the voice that got smaller with each passing day but was still loud enough to give her pause. Warning of the pain that was waiting for her when this all fell apart which evntually it would because everything did.

"I did and if no one has before then it proves my theory right that all men except me are complete fools." Derek's voice was softly teasing, not blind to the internal battle she was fighting.

He had been worried this might be too much and that same worry had lead him to follow Addison's advice and scale down the rest of his surprises. Taking a cautious step forward Derek took the bouquets from her, placing them gently down on the couch before grasping her now empty hands in his.

"And I have never brought them for anyone but my mother before so this is a first for both of us!"

This brought her head up and looking in to green eyes luminous with unshed tears Derek found his throat too constricted to get any more words out.

"You haven't?" Meredith asked a little in disbelief, she didn't know much about his past relationships but what she did one or two had seemed pretty serious.

"No, Mer I have never been in something more than I am in this with you but there isn't any pressure I just want you to know that…?"

"That you're in?"

"That I'm in as far as I could be, sinking further each day… But no pressure this weekend it isn't about that!"

No pressure he had said and Meredith didn't feel any, her worries had never been along that line and right now they didn't seem so big or scary. This was Derek it what was he did, only a few seconds ago she had been terriefied but now he said things and those things never failed to reach her. It was as if he could read her mind and sometimes she though he could because there was no one who knew her better.

"Thank you."

It wasn't enough and she knew that, Derek he deserved more and for once she wanted to give him more.

"You say these things, great things and it's something really something and me too I'm in too Derek just like that!" Meredith stumbled to an end her words coming out in a rush.

The blush that spread up from her neck across her cheeks matched the warmth spreading through him because this it was a lot, more than he had ever expected.

"You're in…" He said smiling at her in a way that made her heart melt, her blood pulse and taking courage a little giggle escaped as Meredith nodded.

"I am."

"God Mer these three months really have been the best of my life and I god I lo."

Before he could get the words out Meredith's mouth was on his, her hands trembling as they cupped his face. The kiss was full of tenderness as well as passion and Derek put his all into it trying to get across in that kiss the words he hadn't been able to say.

None of this had been planned around him saying I love you in fact the opposite but when Meredith looked at him like that it was all he could think about.

"This weekend is for us without my mother, the hospital just us being as porny and as happy as possible… And right now I have an urge to thank you properly!" Meredith breathed against his lips her hands going under the waistband of his boxers.

"I have more surprise!" Derek gasped remembering through the fog of desire the other gifts he had packed away in his bag.

"Then I'll thank you in advance for them too, we'll swap roles and I'll be the slave for a little while!"

**So that was that and i hoped you all enjoyed it!!!! **

**N****ow reading it through i'm kinda glad i did split it because if you remember in 'IHMFLY' Mer describes this weekend as changing everything for her and Derek sees it as the first time she really let him in and i want to do it justice. **

**But anyway next Chap up next week but now all i ask is you all PLEASE REVIEW!**


	17. Chapter 17

**So i really need to apologise for how long this chapter took, so a huge SORRY!!!! **

**I was ill and then my pc got a virus and i lost the whole of this story and chapter so had to start over but now we're back to normal and i hope no one has deserted me!**

**Oh one more thing i've lost word so if anyone could help with my spelling and grammer i would really appreciate it and apologise for any mistakes in this chapter.**

Watching Derek as he got ready for the meal he was taking her out for Meredith found it hard to take her eyes off him. In only his unbuttoned trousers, hair slicked back from their recent shower he looked handsome enough she thought to make anyone stare.

"Babe you know you get off your sexy ass and start getting ready...?" Derek said looking over his shoulder at her as he pulled his belt through the hoops of his trousers, winking when she giggled.

"I could but watching you is so much more fun!"

"I dont doubt that but our table is booked for eight and unlike you i dont like being late... So i'll make a deal you get ready and when we get back i promise i will stand here and you can watch me all you want!"

"Naked?" Meredith suggusted and nodding he blew her a kiss.

"As the day i was born."

"So why dont we just skip dinner and you get naked now?" Meredith proposed knowing there was little chance of him agreeing.

Just like everything else this weekend it had been planned in advance and Derek she knew had evey intention of sticking to that plan.

It would also be since his arrival yesterday the first time they had left her rooms, frankly though if it was up to her they would stay exactly where they were. She liked having him to herself in such a way that she had been denied ever since that first weekend together. Like then the last sixteen hours had been spent mostly in a state of undress, laughing and playing around with the camera he had brought with him.

Apparantly the lack of photos of her, of them had started to bother him so setting that right was also starting this weekend.

"Because we are going for dinner, pouting wont work Mer and i promise i will make tonight worth your while!"

"Promises, promises Shepherd." Meredith teased lazily picking up his latest and so far her favourite gift from the bedside table as he turned back to face the mirror.

Unlike the roses that were currently taking up every available surface, the expensive chocolates and perfume that had arrived last night it was alot more personal.

A heart shaped solid silver keyring engraved with their entwined initials with the time and date they had met underneath. Though looking back what had held her attention solely at first was the key attached.

But immediately Derek had quelled her worries that he expected her to move in by saying it was a way of simply making her drawer at the apartment more official. With the added bonus of saving her from having to hunt around for Mark's latest imaginitive hiding place for the spare key.

"But promises i intend to keep Grey, you do like it dont you?"

Unbeknown to Meredith Derek had turned back around, pausing in what he was doing to simply watch her. The flowers, perfume and chocolates were gifts universally liked by women but with this he had hoped to appeal directly to her tastes. It was one gift he hadnt consulted Addison on, going totally with his own instincts.

"Apart from the cheese factor yeah i do, though you do know you are setting yourself up for failure with future anniverseries?"

"Future anniverseries?" Derek repeated dropping his shirt back onto the chair. Crawling up the bed on his hands and knees to her, unable to believe those words had really just come out of her mouth.

"Yeah well you said you are in and I'm in so it makes sense for us to have them doesnt it?" Meredith asked, her voice tentative her smile unsure.

"Definately, we'll be having them for years to come unless you wear me out?"

"Mmm I guess I shoud have thought of that possibility, it's one of the risks of dating older men."

Meredith laughed opening up her arms to him, all anxiety gone from her expression. Stroking her hands up his chest to link around his neck urging his mouth down towards hers.

"Too late now your not going anywhere I'm not just old I'm possessive too!" Derek grinned pressing kisses all over her face as she giggling squirmed beneath him.

"Old and possessive god what was i thinking?"

"That you couldnt live without me?" Derek softly put forward drawing back enough so he was able to look into her eyes. Only to see something he felt to cautious to put a name too even though he had never been so sure of it before.

"Maybe." Meredith breathed a second before their lips finally met.

* * *

With Meredith's hand held tightly in his, their fingers tangled they walked the short distance from the resturant to where he had parked her car earlier in the evening and he took advantage of the chance to simply watch her, finding it impossible not to smile. She looked radient, even more so than usual and his smile only grew when she turned catching him. Coming up on tip toe with a squeeze of his hand to kiss his cheek.

"Thank you." Meredith breathed allowing her lips to linger on his jaw, loving the feel of his stubble against them.

Tonight she hadnt known what to expect but seemingly with ease he had managed to leave her breathless. But what was also clear in her mind was the knowledge that no matter what they had done it would have still been special.

It was all to do with him, Derek and Derek only was what had made this evening. Not the romantic setting, expensive food or impromtue dancing her pleasure came from them having this time together.

"For what exactly the great meal or my sparkling company?" Derek asked as they came to a standstill. His arms moving around her waist, his lips taking hers in a kiss as sweet as it was passionate.

"The meal was great and the company wasnt too bad considering?" Meredith teased and Derek knew she had no idea what she was doing by looking at him like that.

It caused him to believe more than ever in his future spent with her,picturing them in years to come maybe with children and he still as crazy about her. The only change would be if possible he would be even more in love with her than he was now.

"Considering what?" He asked distracted, having to shake his head to clear the images.

"That you were my only offer for tonight!" Meredith giggled "Then again thats not including what the waiter suggusted while you were in the bathroom!"

"What the hell?" Derek demanded looking over his shoulder back the way they had come. Remebering with jealousey the way the waiter had lingered all night over serving Meredith.

"Mmm but i let him know i was taken but the jealousey hot seriously hot!"

"I am hot and you Meredith Grey are mine all mine!" He told her both his hands cupping her face and Meredith moved her own hands up to cover his.

"You are and I am." She nodded knowing that for the first time in her life she really did berlong and was wanted.

"Having you all to myself like this it would be all too easy to get used too... I wonder if there's any decent surgical programs near by." Derek said only half in jest as she came into his arms. Her body melting against his, all thoughts of the waiter forgotten .

"No idea but this has been amazing."

"Yeah." He nodded his lips brushing over her hair in a gentle caress "And theres still tomorrow, what are you thinking?"

"That it would really piss my mother off if you did, i think she worships every mile that seperates New York and here."

The comment surprised him and left him missing the happy contentment that had been in her voice only seconds earlier. It was that sudden change in emotion that caused him to ask a question he'd never really dared to before.

"You and your mom Mer what happened?"

As the question left his mouth it was as if the world stopped for a second with Meredith immediately stiffening in his arms. For that moment Derek was sure she wouldnt answer, ramble or ignore the question maybe but again she surprised him.

"You'd have to ask her but i dont think she ever really ever wanted a child. Molly has always said that my mother loves me just finds it hard to show it and i know I've never felt it."

There was no trace of emotion in her voice and pulling back she took his hand and began to walk. It was as if she needed the movement to allow herself to open up and talk, reminding him of the way he himself paced.

"For years I did everything to try and be what she wanted, make her proud but I was twelve when it hit me..."

"What?

Derek prompted when it seemed like she wasnt going to carry on and it caused Meredith to look up at him. This time there was definate sadness or maybe disappointment in her voice.

"That i could try for the rest of my life but no matter what i did it would never be good enough... I cant be what she wants, I'm not her and frankly i dont want to be!"

Meredith paused again and Derek had no idea what to say so he waited for her to go on.

"Growing up days sometimes longer would go by without a glimpse of her then when she did come home..."

"She wasnt really there." Derek put in finding it impossible to imagine a childhood like that, not when his own had been so full of love.

"Exactly, the hospital, surgery and her patients always came first and unlike her only child her career hasnt been a disappointment!"

"You could never be a disappointment to anyone Mer and surely not even your mother could think that!"

"No to her I am and this it isnt bitterness its a acknowledged fact!"

"Well then she dosent deserve a daughter like you! God Mer you are beautiful, bright, kind, funny inteligent with the ability to be whatever you wanted and if she cant see that then its her problem!"

Derek insisted with force his hands at her shoulders forcing her to face him.

"Not forgetting you are dynamite in bed and that trick you do with your tongue... Wow!"

Derek said trying to retuen the smile and giggle he had just earnt but couldnt quite do it. Yet Meredith seemed not to notice as again he folded her into his arms, his chin resting on her head, all he wanted was to give, show her the love she had obviously missed out on.

"I dont deserve you but I am so glad i have you..." She murmured into his chest and tightening his hold he kissed her.

"No you deserve so much more and it is me who should be glad!"

* * *

Laid in the semi darkness propped up on her elbow Meredith didnt lift her eyes from Derek's face. He had fallen asleep a little under an hour ago but sleep was still evading her and she was glad of it, not wanting to miss a single moment with him or of this weekend.

These last two days really had changed everything, making it all her feelings included that bit more clearer. There really was no more hiding from it, from how important Derek was and how much she loved and needed him. And right now it really did seem easier to believe in them, in what they had and the future they could have together.

Stretching out her hand the need for contact winning out over her concern for waking him Meredith ran her fingers through her curls and then down over his jaw. Smiling when he murmured her name, his body turning towards her whilst his arms seeked to pull her closer.

"Sleep... why arent you sleeping?" Though husky there was no hiding his smile in his voice as he kissed her willing lips.

Tonight when she had talked about her mother it had give the long awaited insight into really what had made her who she was. The complex, guarded, strong yet fragile girl who had captured him so completely and it had given him hope. Hope that she would continue to let him in, allow him to be the one from now on who she turned too.

"I've been thinking."

"Mmm about what...? How amazing your boyfriend is?"

"Ass." she laughed slapping at her bare chest only for her hand to be captured and brought up to his lips.

"So what were you thinking about?" Derek asked gently putting her hand back onto his chest this time over his heart as he rolled her ontop of him.

"I think I love you…"

Her voice was tentative and with her above him he could easily see the fear of rejection in her beautiful eyes, but there was no chance of that he was already lost. Seeing himself as the luckiest man alive and pulling her head down kissed her with all the passion and love she evoked in him.

"And I know I love you!"

He watched the happiness light her eyes, her joyous laughter as she bent to bite his neck making him arch beneath her.

"Prove it then …"

**So that was that and again apology's for all the mistakes ... Next chap up later in the week or early next and again sorry for the long wait for this chapter!!!!**


	18. Chapter 18

**God i really do owe you all a huge SORRY for how long its taken me to update but in my defence the last week i have been flooded and still dont have running water so life is pretty much upside down!!!! **

**And to make matters worse this is a filler but i needed it to get back on track and this is back on track now so will be updating more often, back to usual!! **

**So if you havent all given up on this i would love it if you all could Read, Enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!**

**It's So Easy Loving You**

**Part 1**

For a long second Meredith hesitated outside the door to the gallery as her hatred for everything connected with the hospital and her mother did battle against her love for Derek.

The last time she had stepped foot in one had been back in Washington and now seemed another life time ago. When she had watched along with a gallery packed full with other docters her mother literally pull a mans face off, but that memory wasnt what had stopped her reentering one. What had was the discovery at the age of fourteen that there were alot more unwanted similarities between them than the mere physical ones. That the very thing she blamed for her mothers absence enthralled and fascinated her in the same way she imagined it did her mother.

Since then she had gone out of her way to avoid it all, keeping her contact with anything surgical, medical to a minimum but then Derek had came along. Derek who lived for a career in medicine, for the adrenalin high of time in the O.R but unlike Ellis Grey didnt make her feel second best. There was no doubt in her mind about who came first and today was about him not her.

Six days ago and everyday since she had told him she loved him and loving him in her eyes meant this, being there for important moments and for Derek this surgery was one. For the past three days he had talked of little else including his growing admiration for the chief of surgery.

With a deep breath reminding herself again just how much this would mean to him Meredith pushed open the door. Sticking to the back wall untill with a sharp sense of relief she spotted Addison's familiar red head and moved quickly towards her.

"Have I missed much?" She whispered crouching down beside Addison's front row seat and her head immediately swung around green eyes widening in shock.

"Just starting and you are ther last person i expected to see here!"

But that wasnt strictly true not anymore anyway not since last weekend when it seemed the whole dynamic of their relationship had changed. It had been obvious Tuesday when Meredith had come down, it was like they were hugging a secret to themselves with Derek walking or more boucing around with a constant smile.

"Yeah well i arrived early and you know i hate waiting around in the lobby so... ..."

Meredith trailed off with the distinct feeling Addison didnt believe a word of it. Especially when her lips twitched up into an amused smile and she scooted over in her seat to make room for her.

"Right so instead of waiting in a lobby or even at the apartment you decided to surround yourself in a inclosed space might i add with god complex lead surgeons... Yeah I get that Mer!" Addison shook her head and with a shrug of her shoulders Meredith sighed.

"I love him and as crazy as it seems he loves me too."

"Mer thats been pretty obvious for a while now and is that why he's been bouncing all over the place all week?"

"Bouncy, happy Derek is cute."

"Not when you spend literally every moment of the day with him and his relentless, unnatural cheerfulness. Does he know you are here?"

"No i wasnt even sure myself but this its so important to him i had to be here!"

"Derek will be made up that you are but not so sure how he'll feel about your mother?"

"My mothers here?" Meredith asked her voice full of disbelief and only able to come up with two reasons for the presence. The first that her mother didnt want to miss a chance to see a rare surgery preformed or the second that she wanted to have a front seat for Derek's possible failure.

"Over there with Dr Carrol." Addison murmured gesturing further along the row. Wondering herself whether Ellis Grey knew Meredith was here or was simply choosing to just ignore her presence.

"Then that explains the cold chill in the room." Meredith quirped not even bothering to look as a gowned Derek came into view for the first time. Her mother was the last thing she was thinking about when blue eyes raised up to the gallery as if he knew she was there,

For a long moment Derek was pretty sure he was imagining it, seeing what he most wanted to see. But then she smiled, a smile he was becoming to think of belonging to him and him alone. The last six days had been more than he could ever dream off and Meredith being here was like icing on the cake. Her presence was something he would of never asked from her but the fact she had done it on her own meant more than she would ever know. He had just enough time to wink and see the laughter spring to her eyes before Dr Grant drew his attention back to the table.

* * *

The exact moment Derek and Dr Grant stepped back from the operating table and a resident stepped forward to close up Meredith turned to Addison. The first time that she had taken her eyes from the room below since Derek had come into view. 

"He did good, really really good."

Meredith said pride glowing in her eyes as her lips lifted into a wide smile.

"Derek practically flew solo."

And there was no way that Addison could disagree, she may not be like Meredith blinded by love but even she could see what he had just achieved.

Just lately Dr Grant had seemed to take Derek under his wing, taking a personal interest in him and nuturing Derek's desire for a career in Neuro. It was almost asif without showing special attention to him, still making Derek work Dr Grant was using him to make up for something.

Mark had confided to her about the affair between him and Ellis Grey and more importantly the way Meredith felt about the whole situation. It was this that made her wonder about the Chief's motives for his attention to Derek as well as his obvious skill and talent.

"He did but dont tell him that Mer! Bouncy Derek thats annoying but throw in his ego and it will be torture..."

Addison joked but the laughter caught in her throat when from across the now slightly less crowded gallery a pair of cold hard green eyes turned towards them. Meredith must have realised her problem as a hand gently touched her arm.

"Just ignore her, you cant show any weakness or she will go straight for the kill!"

This time it was alot harder to stop the laughter and to actually acomplish it she had to cover her mouth and turn around. Offending Ellis Grey was not on her to do list especially after seeing how much Derek had sufferered at her hands. As a surgeon especially a female one it was impossible not to admire Ellis Grey and what she had achieved but that was where it stopped. It was impossible to like and care about Meredith and still respect the woman who had neglected her and left her to raise herself.

But Meredith's eyes only flickered over to where her mother was talking to another surgeon once before returning to Derek and that brought about the return of her smile. Throughout the procedure he had taken every oppertunity to look up, asif checking she was still there, his shoulders visabley relaxing again everytime she smiled and gave a nod of encouragement. It had been thrilling to watch him even more than it ever had her mother and she had a funny feeling this wouldnt go away now.

Once again Derek looked up and with a quick movement of his hands he showed her exactly what he wanted.

"Go on." Addison laughed pushing at Meredith's arm knowing just how impatient Derek would be to see her but Meredith didnt need the prompt as she slipped past the few remaining seated towards the door. Only to come to an abrupt stop as a hand took hold of her arm in a strong unrelenting grip.

"Meredith dont you think this has gone far enough? I know wh..."

She knew expecting her mother to completely ignore her presence was alot to ask but this wasnt something she wanted to deal with now and with an impatient sigh Meredith removed the hand from her arm.

"Derek is waiting."

"Meredith how long do you think this will last that you can keep carrying this..."

"Stop for gods sake just stop! When will you get this, that i wont change my mind about him... I love him, he loves me so get used to it he's not going anywhere!" The note in her voice was final and the following silence was only broken when the gallery door slammed behind her.

Staring after Meredith Addison felt more than a little uncomfortable as the green eyes seemed to rake her over from head to toe.

"Have you seen enough Dr Montgomery?"

* * *

Leaning back against the sink drying off his hands Derek listened with only half an ear to the praise being heaped on him. He was well aware of the fact he had just moved well ahead of the competition but this moment was one he wanted share with Meredith. She had changed everything for him, changed his priorties and now everything was done for them. He wanted to be the best so that he could give her the best. 

With three words she had completed him, given him happiness he'd only ever dreamed of before and now he wanted to make sure she felt that way not just now but for the rest of her life. He wanted her to know that she came first, that he would always put her first.

"I was surprised to see Meri here today, it's been years since i've seen her further into a hospital than the lobby."

The mention of Meredith and the shortened version of her name she hated so much brought his head around, the older man having his full attention for the first time.

"Gave me a little hope that i wasnt wrong when i predicted Ellis wouldnt be the only Grey to make an impact in the surgical field!"

"But she hates hospitals." Derek put in drawing a chuckle from his boss.

It was the first occasion in all the time they had been spending together lately that Dr Grant had brought up Meredith and Derek was more than a little curious. This man knew a Meredith he didnt and if his faint smile was anything to go by not all his memories were clouded by guilt.

"Oh she always has but back then it didnt stop her from sneaking into the galleries, she became such a familiar presence with her homework balanced on her lap."

"Meredith?" Derek spoke more to himself knowing that he shouldnt really be surprised. Any child brought up around hospitals as she had would have been curious to see what actually went on.

"The only twelve year old i've met who could talk you step by step through an apendectomy or give a lecture about why she feels surgeons who prefere using staples over stiches are just lazy."

With a shake of his head his smile was once again directed at Derek rather than the past.

"Like you she always prefered neuro and that was when she really tested the nurses... They all thought that was going too far but Meri couldnt see the problem nothing phased her and their arguements on the subjuct were notorious!"

"I can imagine." Derek said in amusement, easily able to picture a young Meredith not wanting to take no for an answer.

"I see you've had a taste of that stubborness then, well it's just a shame..."

"What is?"

Derek asked distracted again as he mulled over what the Chief had just told him. It all made sense how no matter how many surgeries they had talked over Meredith had never seemed out of her deph. Always well able to hold her own not just with him but with Mark and Addison too.

"That Meri will let the dislike of anything that would cause her to resemble her mother get in the way of something she was very much born to do!" His voice had dropped and just in time too as a familiar figure came into view leaving him no time to answer or jump to her defense.

"That was amazing and you did amazing!"

Meredith breathed ignoring Dr Grant completely when she reached him. Her hands cupping his cheeks as her lips brushed over his. It took those words and that simple greeting for him to forget everything Dr Grant had just said and for the excitement of what he'd just achieved really hit him.

"It was and i was" Blue lost in green Derek's grin stretched from ear to ear as they both forgot anyone else even existed.

"You realise this earns you serious bragging rights?"

"I do." Derek chuckled as she stepped back, her hand dropping to find his their fingers entwining as she finally acknowledged Dr Grants presence.

"That was some surgery Uncle Miles..." The usual crispness gone from her voice and for the first time the atmosphere wasnt so tense between them.

"Shepherd here did the work i was merely a spectator like everyone else and Meri it was good to see you today up in the gallery and i hope to see you there more often now."

With that he was gone and immediately she turned back to Derek knowing this high he was on wasnt something he was coming down from anytime soon.

"I'm glad i was here to see it, to see you."

"So am i..." Derek said stroking with his free hand the hair back from her face.

"I couldnt miss it and it was well worth sitting in the same room as my mother for!"

"Your mother was in the gallery?" Derek frowned but to be honest after seeing Meredith he hadnt given a damn about who else was up there.

"Mmm and i just sacrificed Addison so tonight we celebrate."

"With sex?"

"I think we can fit that in."

**Okay so this chap sucks but part 2 of it should show you why i needed this to be a filler and i promise stick around and i will get right back on track!!!!**

**Oh and still in need of someone to check my spelling/grammer so if anyone is up for it could you pm me!!!! **

**Now all i ask is you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE hit that blue button!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Well first off THANKX to all of you who reviewed last chapter i was a little worried that i might have lost a few people in the gap between updates but hopefully not???**

**Anyway this is Part 2 and we have a visitor who's setting up for whats going to happen in a chap or so time so all i ask is you Read, Enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!**

**It's So Easy Loving You**

**Part Two**

"So what do you think your mother has done with Addie?" Derek asked Meredith over his shoulder as he lead her intro the intern locker room.

Un willing to let her out of his sight even for a moment Derek didnt care about the rules they were if not breaking then bending. Not that he could see anyone actually pointing out that they were in fact anyway in the wrong. It was he supposed the upside to her being so well connected within the hospital and one he was happy to take advantage of.

"Nothing too bad, i think Addison can take her!"

Meredith said thoughtfully as she lent back against the lockers opposite his. In Addison she saw the same strength and resolve that Derek possessed, a dertermination that wouldnt just allow her mother to walk all over them.

"If it was anyone else i would agree but babe your mother isnt just anyone..."

Pausing in opening his locker Derek turned back around to face her, taking her hands and pulling on them to close the unwanted gap between their bodies.

"Nope if she's not the dragon then its the ice queen but either way its pure evil, heart of stone and all that!"

Coming over to him willingly Meredith giggled as his lips brushed over hers once, twice in teasing kisses before settling. His tongue demanding entry into her mouth when her body returned the pressure of his, her fingers finding the curls at the back of his neck.

"Maybe ... yeah maybe i should go save her." As she spoke her hands moved palm down onto his chest as she pushed at him. But her answer was a groan of protest, the arms wrapped around her only tightening their hold.

"No you were right in the first place Addie can definately look after herself!"

Without feeling one ounce of guilt he sacrificed one of his best friends in the need to have Meredith to himself. Work, school limited their time together and then when they did manage it he would more often than not have to share her with Mark and Addison too.

Mark he knew saw her as a kid sister that he could flirt with and Addison who had been so against it all right from the start was now her biggest fan. They had both accepted Meredith more than they ever had someone before but there were times when he wondered jealously whether that was a good thing after all.

If it was up to him he knew either she would move schools or he would transfer to a closer hospital, anything to rid them of the distance that seperated them. But he also knew opening up that particular box no matter how far they had come was not something Meredith was not ready for.

"I think you're being mean!"

"Mean i may be but i also love you and when you said celebrate i took that as sex not anything to do with Mark or Addison!" He got out in between kisses as his lips trailed kisses down her throat, his mind running over the possibility of just dragging her into the showers.

"Do you think that something we'll ever get tired of?"

"What sex..? No Mer i can assure you i will never get tired of hearing you scream my name or that trick you do with your tongue!"

He chuckled before nipping at her earlobe enjoying her response that was somewhere between a moan and a giggle.

"I meant the whole i love you thing...?"

Doubt had crept into her voice and it was that that stopped him, stopped his teasing. Pulling back enough to be able to see her face he repeated her action from earlier and cupped her face with his hands.

"Meredith Grey i love you and i'm still going to be loving you when we're both old, grey and incontenent... If i could prove it i would cos i am so far in this that my oldest and best friend thinks i'm pathetic."

Pausing for breath he placed a tender kiss on her lips.

"You really are it for me, with no buts or ifs or you having to change in anyway... i'm done!"

Looking up into blue eyes that were more indigo with a perfect mixture of desire and love Meredith for a second allowed the words to sink in. Wanting to give it all and more back like he had but unable to find the words not when there was a voice in her head that told her nothing was forever. But letting him down wasnt an option and nodding she curled herself into his arms.

"Thats good because i think i would even love you if you were bald and maybe fat too!" She whispered loving the shout of laughter that followed that.

"Never going to happen but the sentiment is much appreciated and Mer what you did today proved all that."

"Yeah you got that little gesture?"

"I did!" He nodded as their lips met, unable to believe this day or high could get any better.

So wrapped up in each other neither heard the door open or realized they were being watched. Though the two people watching felt very different things at the scene they were witnessing.

"Doesnt that get the message home? You will never have him, not in anyway how Mer does so just leave it back the hell off!"

Mark hissed in her ear finding it a little amusing that he had become Derek's guard dog. Derek may pay no attention to her but due to Addison he did and had a funny feeling she was just biding her time waiting for a moment of weakness or a crack to appear'

"Or what Mark?"

Pushing back past him Hayley walked off down the hall and with another smile Mark reclosed the locker room door and followed her in search of Addison.

* * *

"Shouldnt we at least tell them we're leaving?" Meredith asked as they came out of the hospital, making their way across the carpark to where she had parked. 

"No... Anyway Addison is on call and Mark will only try to guilt trip you into going for a drink."

"I can say no..." She protested in earnest only for Derek to chuckle, a deep rich sound of amusement.

"You can but than no turns into a yes the moment he pulls the lost boy look or offers to tell you even more stories about me!"

Shaking his head at her Derek wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Trying to ignore and not fall for the wide eyed look that she was currently giving him.

She never seemed to get enough of the stories Mark told from their past. He would hold her completely captive, mesmorised and he himself would be left wishing Mark would be alot more select with his memories.

"I like them though and how else would i have got to hear about the little thing you have for cross dressing?"

"One time Mer and it was a dare!"

"So you say,"

Laughing she pulled herself out of his grasp, dodging out of his reach when he made another grab for her.

"You Grey are trouble."

"And you Shepherd are... ..."

But she didnt get to finish as he lunged again , this time successfully as his arms wrapped around her waist. Lifting her up off her feet and swinging her around, his laughter combining perfectly with her giggles.

"Handsome, charming, talented in and out of bed and the very best thing that happened to you!"

Putting her back on her feet he covered her face in kisses as she continued to squirm in his arms.

"Again Shepherd so you say..."

This time he silenced her laughter effectively with a long kiss that soon had them both breathless.

"Home.. Mer ..Sex." Derek groaned tugging at her hand till they were crossing the carpark at a run.

Stumbling through the apartment door with Derek refusing to let her go Meredith screeched as he tripped and they tumbled to the floor. His body breaking her fall as she collapsed ontop of him.

"You ass!"

Laughing as he rolled them over again Derek kicked out with his foot, shutting the still open door with a bang when his foot connected on the second attempt.

"Mmm but i want to be a naked ass."

Sat up, straddling her hips Derek in one quick fluid movement pulled off both his sweater and shirt. Groaning in pleasure when Meredith promptly scraped her nails down the length of his body stopping at his belt buckle, with ease her fingers quickly undoing that and his jeans. Then with a satisfied smile pulled him back down to her as her own body arched up eagerly to meet him.

"And this... This is why i love you!"

"Perfect porny match, you were made for me." He whispered into the silky skin of her neck, his hands slipping up underneat her top as she moaned in anticipitaion.

"Derek..? Derek is that you?"

It was a voice he would know anywhere, be able to identify out of thousends and caused the next groan past his lips to be one of pure and utter frustration as Meredith froze beneath him.

"Crap!"

Derek borrowed one of Meredith's favourite expressions as his sister or rather her shoes came into view.

"Say goodbye to sex and hello to the wicked witch of the east... What are you doing here Nancy!"

Looking up without a trace of embarrassment Derek met in his opinion the overly amused gaze of his eldest sister, only for a second though before he bent and pressed an apologetic kiss to Meredith's forehead.

Reading with ease the combination of dawning understanding and horror in her now wide open eyes, all traces of desire gone from the green dephs. Meredith didnt do famalies they had been over that when he had let slip just how large and intrusive his actually was. And he knew what her biggest fear was , that like her mother they all too would be against what they had found.

But Derek knew without a shadow of doubt that once they had chance to know Meredith they would love her just as he did. The concept of them not being able to love her was to much of an impossibility for him to grasp or worry him as it did her.

"I'm afraid you're not the only one with bad blood in your family but like with your mom we're hopefull that its contained in Nancy!"

With a reasuring smile and wink he got to his feet, bending to help her to hers too.

Meredith whilst wishing the ground would open up and swallow her whole tried to fix her clothes into some order and that meant actually doing back up her jeans even though it seemed Derek wasnt bothered at all by his appearence.

The idea of meeting any member of Derek's family had terrified her right from the moment she had realised just how far and deep she was in this, in them. She didnt have one, know how to interact within one where as the Shepherds had seemed to have the classic all american upbringing with parents who adored them.

Derek quite literally glowed when he talked about his childhood and seemingly hero worshipped both his parents but especially his father and there were times when she felt a little jealous of that.

Growing up she had longed for that kind of picture perfect family and the thought that this one might hate her was not a possible reality she really wanted to face. For Derek's sake she wanted them to if not like her then accept them as a couple because unlike her and her mother there was a bond and love to damage.

Finally though she raised her eyes only to meet another pair of blue ones so like Dereks but with one difference. Where as Derek's right from the start had seemed to bathe her in a soft glow that warmed her instantly these were colder, more suspicious and openly scrutinizing her.

"Funny... Anyway i had to turn up unannounced its not like you offer out invitations and this is all Marks fault really!"

"Mark?"

"Mmm everytime he's been at Mom and Dads lately he's gone on about how you've practically married yourself off and well we were all curious so..."

"Curiousity killed the cat you should be carefull."Derek grumbled running his fingers through his hair.

He could kick himself for not seeing this coming, Mark had a big mouth and just lately had been attending too many family dinners without supervision from him or Addison. But suddenly something struck him, something he knew the blame couldnt be laid at Mark's door for.

"So how did you get in..? I swear Dad made you all give back the keys you'd had copied last time one of you decided to break in here?"

"He did but someone should really tell you both that you are still as bad at hiding things as you were when you hid that stash of playboys under your mattress!"

Her eyes having been going back and forth between them Meredith couldnt hold back the gurgle of mirth that escaped, that brought both pairs of blue eyes instantly back to her.

"It explains your lumpy mattress at least..."

Derek's eyes widened at her teasing but his sisters suddenly seemed less hostile as an amused smirk lifted her lips and for the first time Nancy really looked at the girl her brother was holding so tightly onto. Seeing the beauty Mark had been so insistant about and the spirit Addison had said on first meeting her had won her over, but before she could speak Derek did.

"There are no playboys under my mattress, why would i want them when i have you and anyway they were Marks not mine!"

"Not what he says!" Nancy quipped before holding her hand out to Meredith.

"Nancy Sinclair."

"Meredith Grey."

"Well now you've satisfied that curiousity you can leave!"

Derek said meanwhile picking up his disguarded clothes from the floor. Throwing his sweater onto the back of the couch while he put his shirt on but leaving it like his jeans unbuttoned.

"I'm sure Mike, Jack and Beth must be missing you."

"Are you kicking me out Der-Bear?"

Nacy laughed taking absolutely no offence from her only brothers manner. She would have been worried about him if he had spoken politely or offered her to stay.

Derek loved her she knew that but there were no illusions in her mind that he hadnt had enough of them all growing up and welcomed the fact now that he could pretty much not see them if he wanted too. They were also the reason her father said that Derek was so private and guarded about his personal life now.

But if she hadnt of came then Kathleen, Lizzie or Annie would have and Mark really was to blame for this. Every time he had been at their parents it was Meredith this or Meredith that so much so it was like he was half smitten himself, with nothing but good to say especially about the way she had influenced Derek.

And Addison who you could usually rely on had simply stated over coffee yesterday that in her opinion Meredith would be around for a long time to come and that this was Derek's first girlfriend that she could actually be genuine friends with.

"Yes!" He said simply ignoring the use of the childhood nick name his sisters had terrorised him with and turned to Meredith who he was surprised to find frowning at him.

"Stop being rude i'm sure your sister would like a coffee...?" Meredith didnt want him to be rude hating the idea they might think it was down to her and it took all her will power not to give into the way he was pouting at her.

"I would love one thank you."

"Celebrating Mer?" Derek sighed his hand raising to stroke his cheek and her hand promptly came up to cover his.

"We will i promise." Coming up on tiptoe she kissed him gently "And the bragging rights will not expire for a while yet."

Having forgot in those few moments that Nancy even existed Meredith jumped when she spoke.

"Celebrating...? Bragging rights...?"

"Derek flew solo today for the first time." Meredith told her proudly as all the feelings of earlier when she'd sat and watched came rushing back.

"Really and you got to watch?" Nancy asked understanding at once just how much of a big deal this was to him.

"She has connections."

Derek grinned as his sister hugged him, whispering well done in his ear as she did so and then everything slotted into place including the reason Mark had been a little cagey about the finer details.

"Grey you said...? You're not related to..." Nancy left it unfinished as Derek shot her a warning look.

"Ellis Grey yeah she's my mom... Um look you two talk and do what siblings do not that i know so yeah i'll make the coffee" Meredith rambled walking out of the room before Derek could stop her.

"Thank you."

"Well how was i meant to know you'd started sleeping with the bosses daughter... So just out of curiousity again how did the great Ellis Grey take her daughter sleeping with an intern?"

"Not well would be an understatement!"

Derek said tersely remembering with pain just what that disapproval had done and continued to do to Meredith and how close he had come to losing her from his life. The way she had once thought her walking away was best for him and what scared him and caused him to speak now was the thought she might do so again.

"Nancy i warn you now i wont put up with Meredith facing the usual treatment you lot reward my girlfriends with."

"Whats that supposed to mean?"

Nancy questioned with wide eyed innocence that might have worked on anyone else but a member of the Shepherd family. Derek saw right through it and it caused a scowl to marr his handsome face.

"You know exactly what it means! There will be no intrusive questions about her past sex life, if she wants children or comparing her to any of my ex's and that includes past girlfriends you simply make up!"

Derek said ticking them off his fingers.

"There will be no games what so ever." He ended sounding a lot more like his father than he knew as he put his foot down with his sister for maybe the first time.

Past girlfriends of his and Mark's had all had to run the gaunt-let of his sisters with no real interference from him, infact on more than one occasion him and Mark had stood back trying not to laugh. But then none of them had been Meredith and neither had they filled him with such a desire to protect as she did.

"Wow... I've never seen you like this over a girl before?"

"I've never felt like this about a girl before! Mer she's bright, funny, warm wonderful and what we have is no-ones business but our own."

"You love her." It wasnt a question more Nancy stating the fact but Derek felt the need to answer, smiling as he did so.

"I do,"

"And does she love you and I mean really love you because she looks young and things change so quickly at her age!" Nancy said unaware that she was using the same arguement that Addison once had.

"How old is she?"

"Eighteen."

"Eighteen... Oh god Derek when i was eighteen i thought i was in love with Edward Harvey and now i can barely remember what he looks like."

"This is different Mer is so much more grown up than you or any of us were at her age, she has had to be and i dont need to explain this, we both know what we feel... You will like her Nancy i know it!" Derek spoke believing in every word that passed his lips.

"So Addie thinks, apparantly Meredith takes even less of yours or Marks crap than she does?"

"She is bossy and likes getting her own way which means you already have two things in comman and then there is the fact she makes me happier than i have ever been before."

"Then why all this mystery?"

Nancy asked confused, now already half way to being willing to accept someone her brother was so ready to fight for. Who he talked about in a way she had never heard him do so not even about previous girls he had once thought himself in love with.

"Because i dont want to lose her by rushing or pushing her into what she isnt ready for! Nancy i grew up surrounded by you all and even i find that a little overwhelming at times..."

Derek sighed lowering his voice as he heard Meredith coming back in.

"For me give her a chance, have coffee get to know her without making any pre judgements!"

**So there you go not much i can really say except i really didnt want to make Nancy evil and tried not to do so ,yeah she has reservations but hey... **

**Any way um next chap up eith end of this week or early next so all i ask is PLEASE (BEGGING) REVIEW!!!**


	20. Chapter 20

**As always a HUGE thanks to everyone who reviewed i'm just glad i've still got some readers left!!!**

**This is Chap 20 and not much to say really so all i ask is you Read, Enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!**

**Who Could Love You More.**

"Mer..?"

Derek spoke breaking the contented silence they had fallen into when he had joined her on the couch a little over thirty minutes ago.

Her head was using his bare chest as a pillow, one arm draped over his waist with their legs tangled together. His own fingers stroking rhythmically through her hair as he treasured these moments with her. These they were the memories that got him through the long days and even longer nights when she was back at school.

"Mmm..." She replied drowsily and for once there was no need for him to feel guilty about her feeling so tired.

Both him and Addison had been on call at the hospital last night which meant Meredith had spent the entire evening with Mark. Time together that according to Mark was important girlfriend of best friend/brother bonding time.

Bonding time though that usally consisted of them having drinking contests till Mark gave up, his ego in ruins or them slobbed out infront of the tv.

Which meant he would either recieve a late night call from a tipsy Meredith entertaining him with tales of drunk Mark. Or just as amusing ones from a sober girlfriend describing how she'd just caught his bestfriend crying at some slushy chick flick she'd persuaded him to watch.

It was those calls that often got him through the hours that only seemed to drag on more because his mind wouldnt let him forget how close she really was. This particular weekend though seemed harder than most with their time together rationed even more so than usual.

Friday's night of celebration had been ruined by Nancy's arrival, last night he was on call and tonight he would be at a family dinner while she was with Molly.

"You know i'd much rather be with you tonight..." Derek admitted the obvious bending his head to brush a kiss through her hair.

"Me too but i promised Molly and you told Nancy both you and Mark would be there tonight." Meredith yawned before tipping her face up, offering her lips for a kiss Derek promptly took.

"Well... you could come too and Molly we could pop in and see on the way to my parents."

"Derek... I'm just ..."

"Not ready yet i know but it was worth a try."

Finishng for her he tried not to let the disappointment he felt filter into his voice. But Meredith had sensed it anyway, her eyes clouding over, her smile dropping.

"I'm sorry." It was little more than a whisper but a whisper that managed to fill him instantly with deep regret.

It was just after Meredith had gotten over her nerves Friday her and Nancy had managed to sit down and talk. Meredith asking about him as a child, so obviously interested had she been that it had caused Nancy to forget her frostiness, relax and open up.

His sister still had reservations he knew that but when she had hugged him goodnight she had admitted that she liked her. That and Meredith reaction to Nancy had given him hope, hope that made him ask what he usually wouldnt. Yet it had been a mistake and as the guilt rose he knew he should never have attempted to push her, let alone manage to make her feel bad for not being ready.

"No it's me who should be saying sorry baby, i'm an ass and i'm really sorry just incase you didnt get that."

"Yes you are but i love you anyway so it means i kinda have to forgive you for being one."

There was no doubt in her mind that he was sorry and thats what made it so easy to forgive him.

"I'm a lucky and very gratefull ass!"

"You are and you should be." Meredith said moving so she was sat atop of him, straddling his waist, her hands taking hold of his as she smiled down at him.

"Meeting Nancy wasnt as scary as i dreaded my first meeting with a member of your family would be but..."

"But?" He prompted his hands releasing hers and moving to her hips.

"But she is just one person where as tonight would be... all of them."

Having experienced a lifetime of these dinners Derek had no choice but to agree with her.

"So we should make it one member of the Shepherd family at a time then?" This time his suggustion was met with a warm chuckle.

"Something like that but right now i have plans to concentrate fully on one particular Shepherd who is wearing far too many clothes!"

* * *

"You two done with the sex?" Mark called out as he popped his head around Derek's bedroom door. 

"Why i told you before you wont be invited to join in." Meredith tossed back, making room for him on the bed by moving back against the headboard.

"You Grey are a spoil sport!" Mark laughed throwing himself down onto the bed , sprawling out infront of her.

"Not what my boyfriend says, he has no complaints!"

"Boyfriend..? Shouldnt that be girlfriend with the amount of time he spends infront of that thing?"Mark waved an arm in Derek's direction as he spoke. Who was currently stood in just his boxers infront of the mirror paying little attention to them as he did his hair.

"Mmm but he does have his good points,"

"But not as many as me... Come on Mer we should have more nights like last night when you get to know them better, much better." Mark flirted with a waggle of his eyebrows thats only effect was to make her laugh before she threw a pillow at him.

"Oh shut up."

"Shep you really need to teach the kid to appreciate me a little more."

"Oh no i dont i love her more for the fact she has such a low opinion of you and your so called charms."

Speaking for the first time Derek glanced at them in the mirror and smiled at the picture they made.

Meredith looked beyond cute wearing a t-shirt of his and a pair of boxers she had claimed as her own as she repeatedly hit Mark with a pillow, Mark trying all but unsuccessfully to fend her off with both of them laughing. Though he would have never let it affect his relationship with Meredith if her and Mark wasnt this close, most of the time he was gratefull and welcomed the fact that they were.

"He loves me more than you." She chanted like a child punchuating each repetition with a further smack of the pillowe.

"No it's just his way of covering up the fact he has a secret crush on me, you know he even tried to kiss me once back in high school?"

Mark lowered his voice confidentially, the pillow pausing in mid air as Meredith raised her eyes to Derek.

"Dont look at me like that, smack the oversexed lying jerk!" Derek instructed, his voice full of disbelief that she had even had to question it.

"Liar!" Meredith laughed hitting out again this time harder than before.

"I am not."

Mark insisted but this time he was unable to surpress the gleam in his eyes. Trying to escape he rolled away from her but over reached, rolling too far and hitting the floor with a thump and a cry.

"Does it hurt?" Derek asked no concern real or fake in his voice when Mark groaned again as the pillow came his way smacking him in the head.

"Yeah..."

"Thats good." Meredith laughed crawling over the bed to Derek, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"You actually believed him...?"

"I did not."

"Uh yeah you did kid." Mark put in as climbed back on to the bed, wincing as he did so.

"You hesitated." Derek accused trying not to smile or give in when her lips formed in a pout that melted his heart and any resistance he might have against her.

"You imagined it." Meredith breathed kissing him and pulling her closer Derek deepened it. His hands slipping up under her t-shirt eager for the feel of her bare skin.

"I imagined it." Derek agreed breathlessly when the kiss ended earning a loud groan from Mark.

"You are so whipped."

"And happy with it."

Derek nodded kissing the top of her head as she snuggled against him, her mouth pressing a constant kiss to his chest.

"Very happy with it!"

"See he loves me more." She gloated whilst giggling at what Derek was whispering in her ear.

"Shep a girl over me, how did that happen?"

"I got over my crush." Derek murmured with a wicked grin as he kissed Meredith one last time then turning around, missing her poking her tongue out at Mark.

"You know kid i'm really starting to fall out of love with you!"

"Did you hear that?"

"What?" Mark asked looking confused.

"That sound, the sound of my heart breaking into a million pieces!" Meredith teased her own laughter being drowned out by Derek's.

"God i love you."

"God you both completely suck!"

* * *

Putting the crammed rucksack Meredith still insisted on bringing with her even though she kept clothes here into the trunk of her car Derek closed the hood with a sigh. A sigh loud enough it reached Meredith who was just coming down the steps of his building. 

"You okay?" She asked joining him on the path alongside her car and sensing just how much his mood had changed from earlier Meredith reached up to kiss his stubbled jaw.

"Yeah i'm fine," Though he did his best to smile at her it came out as little more than a twitch of his lips.

He wasnt angry at her nor did he want to inadvertently make her feel guilty like he had earlier so he tried to brush it off for her sake. This feeling of immense lonliness was the same one that came over him everytime they had to say goodbye but today it seemed to hit harder and he didnt know why.

"Do you really expect that to wash with the queen of the 'i'm fine' line?"

Shaking her head Meredith tugged on his hand till he reluctantly turned round to face her.

"Just tell me."

"Its just..."

Stopping he ran a hand through his hair then wrapped both his arms around her. Looking down into green eyes that were watching him with concern.

"I dont want you to go, i cant stand another week on my own."

An embarressed flush stained his cheeks because once again Meredith had simply opened him right up. In four months in the best way possible she had turned his world upside down and now he was never quite complete without her. Plus he had never really told her how much the seperation effected him, never going further than saying he missed her.

Meredith had barriers, trust issues she hadnt conquered yet and he was still possessed by a fear of losing her that caused him to keep alot of his own worries back, not wanting to put them on her shoulders. But when she looked at him like that it got harder to hold back and like now would come spilling out.

"But you wont be on your own, theres Mark and Addison for a start." Meredith murmured dealing only with half of what he had said.

"They're not you!"

"Dont let Mark hear that." She said on a forced laugh but gave up on it, disappering as quickly as it had came and instead addressed what she hadnt before.

"What you feel it's entirely mutual."

"Yeah?"

"Mmm Hmm ask Elliot i drive him mad talking about you but we are worth this Derek... Well i think so anyway?"

"And so do i but i really did think that i would have got used to this by now but..."

"But it only gets worse and the ache only gets harder to bear, only easing just back to bearable when you pick up the phone and hear the others voice."

Meredith nodded a soft glow lighting up her eyes as she explained just how he felt on a daily basis.

"Yeah thats it, exactly it." He murmured before fusing their lips together, his tongue gaining entry to her mouth when she wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing herself into him as he lent back against the car.

The kiss only ending when Mark came out to join them and handed Derek his crash helmet.

"Wont get far without this." He said taking Meredith from him, pulling her into a tight hug.

"You know if you changed your mind about coming along i'd protect you along with Derek from the worst of it, even if you are to blame for turning him into an even bigger girl than he was."

"Ah Sloane i'm touched."

"As you should be Grey i hold the power, i know all the girls dirtiest secrets that would give you enough ammo for a lifetime!"

Pulling back he raised his voice from the low whisper it had been.

"The offers there whenever you want to take it up."

"What offer?" Derek demanded coming back from checking over his bike.

"The one to use and abuse my body as she wishes what else? Anyway we need to go or Mom will think we're not coming."

He kissed her forehead before climbing into his own car that was parked directly infront of hers.

"See you soon kiddo."

"Your taking your bike?" Meredith asked when they were alone again, a little confused by the arrangement.

"Yeah he's going round to Addie's later so it makes sense." Derek spoke as he hugged her close one last time before helping her into the car and immediately Meredith wound down her window.

"I'l call you tonight before i leave,"

"And when you get home." Derek said crouching down so their faces were level.

"Then too and have fun." Meredith leaned over kissing him softly "I'll miss you and i love you."

"I'll miss you more and i love you even more than that."

* * *

Parking infront of the house that he had grew up in and that was still home to his parents Derek felt a wave of relief wash over him. Relief because apart from Mark's familiar one there was no other sign of the fleet of cars that came with a Shepherd family dinner. 

They were the first to arrive which saved him for now from the questions that would be shooting at him from sisters no doubt made more curious by whatever Nancy had reported back.

"Timed that right didnt we?"

Voicing the very thought in Derek's own mind Mark came to stand next to him. Joining him in looking up at the house that held so many happy memories for them both. It was obvious Mark had been waiting for him to arrive before going in and Derek felt a rush of gratitude towards him for it. Mark understood just as well as he did that it wouldnt only be his sisters he was fielding questions from.

"Yeah but i'm not looking forward to being kissed on one cheek while being slapped on the other." He said as he pulled off his helmet, running his hand over his hair to tidy it.

They both knew his absence lately hadnt gone unnoticied by their mother but Mark only laughed at his concerns.

"Oh please Mom has never been able to stay pissed at you for long, just give her the look."

"What look?"

Derek demanded in confusion before remembering what Meredith had shouted at him the last time he was at Dartmouth. Something about stop looking at her like that because it was impossible to stay mad when he did so.

"You mean the one i give Mer?"

"No thats different this is the one that makes all the nurses wet! You tilt your head, smile that little half smile but when you do it to Mer its... ..."

"What?"

"I dont know but your eyes go all soppy and you have sort of eye sex with her."

Mark explained, sure that his best friend had been dropped on his head as a child. This look he knew well, it having got them both out of countless messes and at times even softening Addison.

"I do not tilt my head like that!" Derek argued as Mark having given up on words was trying to use actions to demostrate it.

"Sorry man but you do... Now put it to use on Mom." Mark advised as he opened the front door, Derek keeping a little behind him.

**Is this a filler??? i'm not 100 sure either way and neither am i so sure sure about this chap but it does get the story where it needs to be!!! **

**So yeah next Chap you'll meet the rest of the Shepherds and delve i think a little more into the Derek/ Mark friendship but we'll see...? And that will be up in the usual time frame.**

**So now all i ask is you hit that little button and REVIEW!!**


	21. Chapter 21

**At first a huge THANK YOU to all who reviewed last chapter much much much appreciated!!! **

**Also a little apology for this taking a little longer than i promised but it's looong and i found it hard to write so hopefully it's not all drabble. **

**But its Chap 21 and its basically the Shepherds so meet the Shepherds and PLEASE Read, Enjot and REVIEW!**

**There Would Be No Choice To Make**

It took until his mother had finished hugging and giving Mark her weekly lecture about not taking good enough care of himself before Derek found the courage to step forward.

"Hey Mom,"

"Hey Mom...? That's all I get after you haven't showed your face here in months? Well after the thirty six hour labour you put me through Derek I must say I think I deserve more than that!"

"You know Shep I am so glad there are no labour stories for her to guilt trip me with."

Mark put in making Derek laugh before both were promptly shut up when met with a pair of disapproving brown eyes.

"I've missed you."

Derek murmured with a sheepish smile, still wary as he bent to kiss her smooth unlined cheek. Though his mother came in a small package just the same as it was with Meredith there was a lot of fire packed into it.

Watching the only real mother he'd know melt into Derek's open arms Mark had to disguise his laughter behind a cough. Without even knowing what particular look it was Derek had used it and used it well.

At fifty six Molly Shepherd could easily pass for a woman ten years younger. Her dark hair was mainly untouched by Grey and the few wrinkles she did have you were drawn away from by the size and brilliance of her eyes.

Every time he saw her Mark still found it hard to believe she really was a mother of five children with four sons in laws and a grandmother of eight. But she was and also a wife who was still deeply in love with her husband of thirty eight years and he was beyond grateful to the both of them.

Without question twenty years ago they had accepted, welcomed him into their home giving him a family he'd only ever dreamed of before that. In everything but blood Mary was his mother, Michael his father, Derek his brother and the girls his sisters. It was a debt so big he didn't think he'd ever be able to repay it.

"Mmm so you told your father but funny that you only rang when you knew I was out."

Mary tried to scold but found it impossible not to smile as she looked at the two men who still reminded her of the two mischievous boys they had been. Both even as children filled with charm, spirit and an uncanny knack of worming their way out of whatever trouble they had found themselves in.

"Yeah well I meant it." Derek's face split into a grin when her face softened even further, a sign that he really had avoided the storm.

"I'm sure you did but it would have been nice to hear it for myself and where is this girlfriend Mark has been telling us all about?"

"She couldn't make it but Mom wait till you meet Mer she's..."

Mark started stopping when Derek shot him a dark look that told him clearly that he hadn't been forgiven yet for foisting Nancy on them.

"You know what I'll let Shep finish telling you in the lounge while I go and make some coffee."

"Thank you dear and would you go and let your father know your here and that he will not be hiding in the den all day."

"Dad in your bad books too I wonder if he knows about the look I mean Derek must have got it from somewhere."

"What look?" Mary asked looking at Derek who simply shook his head.

"He banged his head earlier I wouldn't listen to him."

Sat nursing the coffee Mark had brought in before disappearing again between both hands Derek caught his mothers questioning gaze land on him again and let out a sigh of defeat.

For the past twenty minutes he had talked over every topic imaginable except Meredith and he had a funny feeling that she had simply been humouring him. But like her he knew his time was running out, his sisters and their families would be arriving any moment and unlike her they wouldn't allow him to distract them.

"Okay... You win what do you want to know?"

"About Meredith, just one thing."

Mary murmured with a gentle smile

"Does she love you too?"

From both Mark and Nancy she had heard all about the way Derek seemed to feel, how with Meredith it was different, he was different but what she needed as a mother was to know if this girl loved him. She could meet and tolerate just about anyone he brought home as long as they loved Derek the way he deserved to be loved and made him happy.

When blue met brown Derek smiled really smiled for the first time since Mark had left them alone together. His mind easily going back to only a little over an hour ago when Meredith had leaned through the car window kissing him softly then told him she would miss him and that she loved him. Remembering how her green eyes lit up when she said it and how every time she kissed him he felt it, felt that they were getting to where he had always wanted to be with her.

"Yeah, yeah she does."

There was such certainty in his voice that Mary had no choice but to believe him but what had intrigued her more was the way Derek looked when he said it. How his eyes had glazed over, his smile growing as he obviously saw something she wasn't privy too.

Its effect was to intensify the desire in her to meet the girl who had such an effect on her son, the girl who had inspired Derek to love how she had never seen him love before.

"Well then I am perfectly sure your father and I will like her, I mean she can't be worse than that floozy Mark brought home his freshman year."

"No Mom Mer is not a floozy and nor was Michelle, that was simply Nancy and Lizzie at work."

Derek laughed leaning over to kiss her cheek

"Meredith she is a lot of things including stubborn, guarded, hot headed, a nightmare if she's woken up with an annoying habit of believing everything Mark tells her but she isn't a floozy and you wont just like her you will love her." Derek said again with that glow in his eyes.

"Ahh so we will be getting the chance to meet her then?"

"Of course you will but only when she is ready, I told Nancy I won't rush her, what she wants comes first."

"You know Mark told your father Meredith reminds him a little of himself or what he might have been if we hadn't come along."

His first reaction was to deny it but it only took seconds thought to see just how much it did make sense, both had emotionally unavailable and distant parents and had no real blood family.

"Yeah maybe she is but I don't want her to change, I want her to be happy but that's it..."

Derek's voice was soft and reaching out Mary laid her hand on top of his.

"You know you've never seemed more like your father than you do now."

"And that's because we are both in love with beautiful strong woman."

* * *

"Dad you realise Mom is currently planning your death up there and it sounds a messy one!" 

Coming down into the basement that had long ago been converted into a den/playroom Derek greeted his father who had previously been absorbed in the Sunday papers with a hug.

Michael Shepherd was the one member of his family who over the past few months he hadn't been avoiding, who has heard about Meredith from him and not Mark.

As a child he had seen his father as his only real alley in a household of women leading to a bond and friendship that was an integral part of his life. It was impossible to imagine life or his family without his presence and warmth. The calm openly loving manner that was a perfect match to his mothers more fiery one, giving them stability and balance.

Mark though had been a welcome addition, turning their duo into a threesome that had slightly evened up the numbers in the house. One more on the male only fishing weekends and annual week long camping expeditions, though he had never officially lived with them Mark had had his own bed in Derek's room, presents under the tree at Christmas and it had been Mary Shepherd who had thrown his birthday parties.

Derek knew his parents truly thought of Mark as their second son and though he drove him beyond mad at times there was no one else he wanted as a brother.

"Mmm they usually are but I should be safe for long enough to finish this."

Having returned to his paper he lowered it again to meet his sons amused gaze.

"And you've decided to face the firing line?"

"Figured it was either that or having more uninvited guests jump out on me."

Derek said with a grin as he dropped down onto the couch next to Mark. In a quick grab snatching the controller for the games console out of Mark's fingers, raising it above his head.

"Why the hell did you do that?"

Mark shouted looking at the TV screen in horror as the car hit the wall and exploded into flames.

"I was on my way to a new top score!"

"Mom wants you to tidy up the mess you made in the kitchen."

"And you couldn't have just done it for me?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because both Lizzie and Kathleen have just pulled up and the way I see it you owe me." Derek told him as he started a new game, smiling as Mark scowled.

He knew Mark had never meant for Nancy or any of the girls to turn up like that and he also knew that was because of Meredith's feelings nothing at all to do with him. But that didn't change the fact he was still to blame and today when Meredith wasn't around to take pity he owed him.

"You know I never knew you had such an unforgiving nature...? I'm hurt and a little disappointed."

Watching them Michael smiled at the way Mark was taking the argument, trying to turn it around on Derek. It was a guilt trip that though had no effect so far on Derek would have worked perfectly on his wife.

Mark had come down earlier complaining about the way Derek could without meaning too or knowing how wrap women around his finger and that he thought was the difference in them. Mark had always known even as a child how to make females of all ages dance to his particular tune where as with Derek it was just who he was.

"Why exactly does he owe you?" Michael asked drawing their attention away from the TV and to him instead.

"Nancy's ambush and..."

"More like cos it ruined your night of sex and it's not like you didn't make up for it today! Theres no need for Mer to have half your wardrobe she's naked most of the time when she's at ours.. not that I'm complaining!"

Mark cut Derek off only for Derek to retaliate dropping the games controller and hitting him with a cushion.

"And that, that is the reason why."

"Oh come on you have a hot sex life with an incredibly mind-blowing beautiful girl just embrace it and share the details."

Michael couldn't hold back his laughter and seeing past Derek's frown he knew his son was on the verge of laughing too.

"I know what Mer is, I'm lucky and well aware of it but unlike you I like my private life staying that way."

"What are you complaining about I didn't tell the girls any of that and you know it."

"And am I meant to be grateful?" Derek choked on a chuckle unable to keep up the act of really being annoyed.

"Yeah."

Heading for the stairs Mark stopped and looked back at Derek with a self satisfied smirk.

"And you should hope I don't speak to Mer first, she wont like you hurting my feelings not when she thinks no one is to blame."

Having watched him disappear up the stairs Derek turned back to his father and trying not to laugh shook his head as his father grinned.

"And will she listen?"

"It depends but so far she has a shown a bad habit of doing so, Mark's affection for her is entirely mutual mores the pity!"

* * *

Sat at the kitchen table chopping carrots for their dinner Meredith tried and failed to stop her eyes drifting once again to the clock mounted above the door. Just two hours away from Derek and she missed him and knowing she wouldn't see him till the weekend made it so much worse. 

Like him she had expected it to get better that somehow she would learn not to miss him, becoming satisfied with just the time they had together. Yet it hadn't happened and she had a feeling that she never would, she would never get used to the pain that came with missing him. She had long ago reached the conclusion that what they had or what she felt wasn't just love or what she had thought love was. Derek was a part of her, her best friend and the thought of losing him was one she couldn't bear to contemplate.

It had got to the point where Elliot now groaned at the sound of his name and Louise hadn't been the only one to ask what had happened to the campus's biggest party animal. But she didn't want to go out not when instead she could stay in and talk to him, because for that time they spoke she would feel that little less alone.

"It's okay to miss him sweetheart," Interrupting her thoughts Molly sat down beside her at the table and reached out to stroke the hair back from her face.

"But it's silly it's only been a couple of hours... ... God he's ruined me!" Meredith's head dropped onto the table banging once, twice whilst Molly laughed, affection shining in her eyes.

It was a rare occurrence to have Meredith here without Derek and just how unhappy she was about it was plain to see.

"No he hasn't he's just made you happy and knocked down some of those barriers you use to keep people out!"

"I never kept you out did I?"

Lifting up her head Meredith looked into the face of the woman who had tried her best to fill the gap left by her mother and bring stability to her life.

"Not purposefully no..." Molly murmured and leaning over Meredith kissed her cheek.

"You know I love you don't you and appreciate everything you do and have done for me."

Surprised Molly nodded and had to blink away the tears as Meredith rested her head on her shoulder, grateful once again to Derek for what he had done. He was slowly with love and persistence mending the girl she loved as a daughter.

"You can thank me by being happy because that's all I want for you."

"Derek wants me to meet his family, he invited me today but I couldn't and now I think I should have."

Meredith blurted out explaining Derek's absence and a little of her mood that couldn't be put down to her missing him.

"You don't want to meet them?"

"No it's not that I mean I met Nancy his sister and she wasn't so bad but..."

"But?"

"He has a family, a real one who all love each other and I don't know how to do that, no one has ever wanted me to do that."

There was a look of helplessness in the green eyes and Molly's heart ached for her.

"What if his family hate me or think I'm too young and his sisters are all doctors so they will have that 'Grey' thing and I'm..."

"You are Meredith a person all on your own and they only have to see you and Derek together to see how right it is."

Molly encouraged softly trying her best to keep her voice level.

"Derek wants you there because he loves you and when you love someone they are your family, isn't he yours?"

"Yeah he is ..." Meredith murmured after a moment of silence "And so are you."

"See family comes in lots of shapes and sizes... Now do you have his parent's number?"

"I can't go over there now."

"Maybe not but you can ring him, I'm pretty sure he's missing you too."

Up in her old room using the phone from the bedside table Meredith dialled with trembling fingers the number off the slip of paper Derek had slipped into her hand earlier in case he wasn't back when she was about to leave and waited for it to be answered.

"Hello?"

For a second she was sure it was Derek and her heart swelled in relief but then her ears picked out the subtle differences, this voice was lower with a lilt to it that Derek's didn't have and she realised it had to be his father.

The man she had seen in the photos around the apartment, which Derek looked so much like. Sharing the same vibrant blue eyes, crooked nose and wayward curls, the photos were a glimpse as to what Derek would look like in thirty years.

"Hi, um can I speak to Derek please?"

"You can and that would make you Meredith." Michael's voice held within it the smile that was currently lifting his lips.

Having just left Derek in the lounge surrounded by some of the older children who he was using as a shield against his sisters and their questions Michael had a suspicion this phone call was the best gift he could give him.

In the few hours Derek had been here Michael on more than one occasion had seen him staring into space, obviously wanting to be somewhere or with someone else. That in no way offended him instead it reminded him how he had been about Mary and love like they had was what he had hoped for his son.

"Meredith yeah I means that me, I'm her and you're Mr Shepherd cos you sound alot like Derek." Meredith rambled, feeling like a complete idiot who had lost all her conversational skills.

"You can call me Michael; Mr Shepherd is too formal especially when I have heard nothing but your name and not just from Derek but Mark too."

"Mark he's sweet well not sweet as such but like a child... But he's obviously not a child he's a doctor so that makes him smart despite appearances so he's smart yet childlike, not immature though well except when he's drunk and Derek well he's... I'm rambling so you should tell me to shut up."

Unbeknown to Meredith who was cursing herself whilst a blush crept up her neck to her cheeks Michael Shepherd found her nervous chatter just as endearing as his son did. He had spoken to a lot of girls who had called the house over the years looking for Derek but this one was definitely an original and that was no bad thing.

"Is that what Derek does, tell you to shut up I mean?"

"No he kisses me till I cant think let alone speak but then I'm in no mood to... Oh crap did I just say that?"

"You did and I'm just glad he doesn't tell you to shut up, would you like me to get him now?" Michael asked chuckling at Meredith's immediate reply.

"Please."

Pressing a hand to her hot cheeks Meredith begged silently that she could just go back and start the whole conversation again.

"Hang on then, oh and Meredith it was a pleasure talking to you."

It only took a few seconds of standing in the sitting room doorway before Derek's eyes met his with a definite plea in them. Nodding Michael came in to the room, suggesting to the children they should go hunt down Uncle Mark who was hiding in the den with their dads.

"There is a very charming but embarrassed girl on the phone who would like to speak to you." Michael said as he took his youngest granddaughter from Derek's arms, relieved to see the girls had given up for now and gone to help with dinner.

"Seriously?" A smile of delight lit up Derek's face causing his eyes to sparkle.

"Mmm hmm and I cannot wait to meet her."

"You'll love her," Derek breathed pausing to kiss the babies head before he rushed out of the room into the hall.

Picking up the receiver he lent back against the wall unable to believe she had actually called him here, even though he had given her the number he had never expected her to use it.

"Mer,"

"Hey." Meredith said softly, instantly soothed just by the sound of his voice speaking her name.

"Hey yourself, is everything okay?"

"No you have ruined me, two freaking hours Shepherd and I freaking miss you! Molly can say you haven't but you have and now I'm even starting to regret not coming with you even if all your sisters might have hated me!"

Listening to her rant Derek chuckled but it ended in a sigh of complete and utter longing.

"No one could hate you and I wish you were here too, I miss you."

"You're a big girl and you've ruined me!"

"I love you too Mer."

Shutting his eyes he could see her face as clear as if she was stood in front of him and he knew just by that particular note in her voice she was trying her best not to let her amusement show.

"Ass." she giggled and Derek's fingers itched to be able to touch her.

"I could always sneak out and come over; we would have at least a few more hours together."

He suggested and she was more than a little tempted to say yes but knew she couldn't.

"No you can't... ... Go on go be with your family I was just being pathetic, have I mentioned you've ruined me."

"You have but you're not being pathetic, this really sucks but we'll find a way to fix it."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

He whispered knowing that sooner rather than later one of them would have to move because this was killing him.

"Call me before you leave?"

"Will do, you may be a big girl but I love you."

"Love you too Mer."

* * *

Even with the children eating in the kitchen and Kathleen there to keep an eye on them his mothers dining table was still crowded and noisy. 

Including his parents there were eleven adults around it and he knew this was how they liked it best. Nothing made them happier than having everyone together, the house overflowing, their grandchildren running around their feet and the adults bickering more than the kids.

Sat with Mark on one side and his brother in law Phill Lizzie's husband on the other Derek tried his best to stay off his sister's radar. All afternoon he had avoided being in the same room as any of them, from using his nieces and nephews to sticking close to his father or Mark. Basically not giving them a chance to question him or mount any type of attack.

It wasn't that he didn't like talking about Meredith he did, he could with ease talk all day and not run out of things to say however they were not things he wanted to share with his siblings.

"Mer rang...?"

Mark turning to address him from talking to his father exclaimed with a hard done by tone to his voice and his father grimaced in apology yet Derek only shrugged it away.

"You never said kiddo had rang?"

"That's because she rang to speak to me and not you." Derek muttered well aware that Mark's outburst had caused the table to fall silent.

"Kid always wants to speak to me."

"Not this time, now shut up and eat!"

Though from the other end of the table his mother sent him a reproving glance and shake of her head his tone or what he'd said had no effect on Mark who laughed.

"Shep here gets little pis... mad because me and Mer well we're a little in love though she denies it but I don't know why Addie says she's welcome to me!"

Mark told the table after quickly amending his language with a wide smirk and wink directed at Derek who had to fight the urge to smile.

"Kid, kiddo...? Well I guess that fits but you know Der I never knew you were into cradle snatching."

Lizzie teased causing Derek for probably the first time that day to look her directly in the eye. Yet where as there was laughter in hers in his was a definite frown.

Out of them all Lizzie was most like his mother, he and Nancy took after their father and Kathleen and Annie were perfect combinations of them both. Despite their faults he genuinely loved them too but that wasn't to mean he didn't have his favourites.

Nancy and him the oldest and youngest argued more than them all put together yet weirdly there was a strong affinity between them and he loved her for always giving as good as he got. Then there was Annie, closest to him in age with under eighteen months between them who was the most softest, loving and understanding of them all. She was always the peace keeper and inevitably the one who always encouraged the mending of the fences between the arguing parties.

"Meredith is eighteen, perfectly legal and what we have has nothing to do with her age it's just a number!"

"Barely legal though and not even old enough to drink...? Then she's the daughter of Ellis Grey your boss Der or are you saying that has nothing to do with it too?"

It seemed the inquisition was starting now, timed perfectly because there was little chance for escape and he could have kicked himself for not anticipating it. Sighing a sigh of pure frustration he stared at his sister a little in disbelief but before he could find the words to answer someone else came to his defence.

"Oh come on Liz this is Derek not…"

Nancy didn't need to finish what she was saying because Mark did it for her.

"Me."

He laughed not at all bothered by it, knowing it was perfectly true of the man he had been before meeting and falling in love with Addison.

"And her being Ellis Grey's daughter is not a bonus for him in fact it's a fu… freaking complication but before meeting Mer we had this conversation with him a thousand times, it did no good and I'm glad."

Mark carried on, the laughter nearly all gone from his voice as he looked at the women he saw as his sisters before resting on Derek with a smile.

"Kid she's good for him and I don't just mean the regular lay either… I'm going to sound like a girl here but they fit, bring out the best in each other, soul mates and all that crap!"

"And without ever meeting someone I hope none of my children would judge a person because of who they are related too."

Mary Shepherd interrupted Lizzie who had opened her mouth to speak but promptly closed it.

"Derek loves here and from everything I've heard she loves him too which is enough for me and your father as it should be for all of you too.

Looking up the table Derek smiled and silently mouthed the words thank you, affection and gratitude in his eyes.

In that moment he was more than glad that Meredith hadn't come, he could never have sat back and let her go through this. Their relationship had been judged enough, from her mother to the people the worked with and his family doing it wasn't what they needed. But if it came down to it, worst coming to worst he knew his choice had been made that night in the lobby.

"I'm not judging Mom, I know Nancy liked her but she is eighteen and away at college so somehow I doubt a full blown serious relationship is really top of her list of things she wants which means Der is on the way to being hurt."

Lizzie carried on with determination ignoring Derek's and Mark's instant protests.

"And her mother is Ellis Grey _the _Ellis Grey who has probably had that girl's life planned out since she was conceived… I just think Derek should take a step back and really think this through!"

"Lizzie you can't help who you fall in love with."

Annie spoke for the first time as she looked around the table, her lips lifting in a smile at the way her own husband and three brothers in laws were keeping firmly out of the discussion.

Derek felt his temper rise, the need to protect Meredith even when she wasn't there taking over as his sisters continued to argue around him. Unable to bear sitting there and listening to them any longer he slammed his hand down on to the table bringing with it instant silence.

"Enough, look I don't care about her age or who the hell her damn mother is… I have had to fight like hell to get where I am, convince her that I'm not going anywhere and I am not."

Derek said his voice hard as his eyes blazed near black with anger.

"Liz you can talk all night about her being away at college and what she might be doing there but none of it is true, god knows why but she loves me as much as I do her!"

"Der she's not saying…" Annie tried to placate him but still burning with anger he shook his head.

"Yes she is and you want to know how I know she loves me? How about the fact without complaint she drives between here and Dartmouth, how she waits around fitting her life around my schedule …? Or how even though she hates hospitals she will sit through a five hour surgery because I'm practically flying solo for the first time."

"Or how she only uses me to hear stories about him growing up."

Mark's voice was considerably lighter than Derek's and his hand landed on his friends arm in a restraining manner.

"You're going on about her mom but when she found out about us she gave me hell and you know what Mer did, she tried to finish it to protect me!"

Running his hand through his hair Derek sighed.

"It may only be four months but Meredith really is it for me and I think I am for her too so if you cant accept her or make an effort like Nancy has done then… …"

Leaving the sentence unfinished Derek pushed back his chair and got to his feet, not looking at his sisters but at his parents instead.

"I'm going to give Kathleen a break,"

Waiting till his son had shut the door behind himself Michael looked at his three daughters present in turn before resting on Lizzie.

"You can have all the reservations you want Elizabeth but from now on you will keep them to yourself and not question their relationship until you have met the girl and given her the chance she deserves."

"Its what your brother deserves from you too." Mary added picking back up her cutlery and starting to eat again only for Mark to chuckle grimly with a shake of his head.

"And you wondered why he's been so cagey about her...? You should know Mer is no pushover… If she has anything in common with her mother it's that her bark _isn't _worse than her bite!"

* * *

"He really meant what he said earlier didn't he, it wasn't just in anger or to scare Lizzie he really meant it?" 

Having waved Derek off Mary turned to look at Mark who was stood ready to leave, car keys in his hand.

And there was no need for Mary to say anymore he had seen the look of immense distress that had crossed both hers and Michael's face when Derek had given his ultimatum. However there was nothing he could say or do to make her feel better not without lying because he knew it wasn't an empty threat, Derek had meant every word.

Meredith came first, Derek had already showed that when he had chosen to go against Ellis Grey and Mark was well aware even he had been replaced because he knew now it was Mer who was really Derek's best friend a lot like Addison was his.

Yet with Meredith it was impossible now that he knew her to resent her for it. How could you feel bitter towards someone who made your brother so happy and you only had to see Derek smile to see he was happy, not that he had smiled much this afternoon.

"He loves her Mom."

"I know he does, I saw that the moment he started speaking about her earlier before your sisters arrived but…"

Bending Mark kissed her cheek before pulling her into his arms for a warm hug.

"There's no need to worry it wont come to that, you'll like her its kind of hard not too and believe me she loves him just as much as he does her… You know they do the whole losing the world in each others eyes and you might as well not exist when you're in the same room as them, it's sickening their love is sickening!"

"I've just never seen him like this about a girl before; I mean I expected a change after what you and Nancy have said but not this much of one."

Mary murmured and Mark couldn't help but chuckle.

"He's never met a girl like her before though come to think about it neither have I, Mer she's quite the original!"

"You'll keep an eye on him?"

"I always do." He laughed kissing her one last time before running down the steps to the car.

Driving the few miles across town back in the direction of Addison's apartment and his own Mark thought over what Mary had said. There had been a time not so long ago when he could never have imagined those words leaving Derek's mouth but right now it was harder to imagine him without Meredith.

In four months they had become so much of a package that both him and Addie now took it for granted that one day it would be made official. Derek unlike him had always planned on settling down, having children but up till now, up till Meredith he had never met the girl to have it with.

It was only as the car in front suddenly began to slow that he was brought out of his thoughts. Leaning forward curious to see what was distracting the driver Mark spotted the ambulance and police cars.

But what actually grabbed and held his attention was the motor cycle laying a few feet away on the other side of the road.

Not just any bike though but a bike he had spent hours helping to pick out, one on which he knew every single scratch and scrape and could trace and tell you there causes with his eyes closed.

As the realization dawned Mark felt everything around him spin then stop, his whole word stopping in that single never ending second.

**Ok so that was that ...**

**I was going to split it in to two chapters but decided to leave it as one so i can only apologise if it's alot of filler in one huge chunk!**

**Then there is the ending but i hope its not too much of a shock, i couldnt avoid it as i had to keep the timeline that was set in 'IHMFLY'.**

**Well next chap will be up next week if not before and all i ask is you PLEASE PRETTY PLEASE REVIEW!!!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Okay yeah i suck and my update is a week late but this chapter has been an absolute killer, even now i hate parts but unless i wanted to sit with it infront of me for the next month i had to post it. **

**So im really kind of apologising for the lateness and this chapter because it is filler but necessery and i promise now the next Chap will be on time and better.**

**Anyway all i ask is you put up with the fillerness and hopefully find something in it to enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW letting me know i dont completely suck...**

**Oh and this is part 1 of two.**

**If Tomorrow Never Comes**

**Part One**

Never in his life before had Mark felt as helpless or unsure of himself as he did now, held back by two policemen as paramedics worked on an out of sight injured Derek.

"I'm a doctor you have to let me help him; he's my fucking brother for god's sake you have to let me go…"

Mark tried again struggling against their hold on him, still unable to take it all in. A tiny part of him still clinging onto the ever fading hope that this was just one big set up. Staged in revenge for Nancy's ambush and at any moment now Derek would jump up laughing and then he could beat the crap into him for it.

"Right now I'd say you were a lot more of a brother than a doctor so what you need to do is let them do their jobs so they can get him to hospital as soon as possible."

It was the older of the two cops who spoke, his eyes and voice full of sympathy but sympathy from this stranger wasn't what he needed right now.

What he needed was to fix Derek his best friend, his brother, the man who as a boy had given him the most important gift of all a family. He needed to take care of him just like he had told Mary he would and somehow make all this better.

"But I can do this; I can help he needs…"

But he couldn't go on, his power of speech dying as one of the paramedic hurried back to the ambulance, giving him his first proper view of Derek. Over the last six months he had treated countless victims of road traffic accidents but none of them had prepared him for this.

For actually seeing someone he knew and loved laying just feet away broken like that. For the sight of the blood trickling down Derek's face matting into his hair or the complete stillness of his body. Not even in sleep had he seen Derek so still, the only sign of life at all being the rapid movement of his chest as his body fought to keep breathing.

Pain like nothing he had ever felt before stabbed through him as reality at full force washed over him, draining him of the fight that had kept him struggling with the officers. Replacing it instead with fear so intense it caused him to sway on his feet and have to cover his mouth to hold back the sudden feeling of nauseous.

The doctor in him that was still functioning at some level knew just how bad this was, could see it in the faces of the paramedics and Mark forced himself to speak. Get words past the lump of panic that was constricting his throat.

"Mount Sinai's you have to take him there, he's a surgical intern they know him."

The paramedics only nodded busy transferring Derek onto a gurney, a Derek that was fully equipped with neck brace, oxygen mask and strapped onto a spinal board.

Then one turned and spoke for the first time since asking for Derek's details.

"There's room in the back, you can come with us."

Though his mouth opened in an immediate yes, his feet already starting to move forward he stilled as a pair of luminous green/grey eyes swam into his already blurry vision. Reminding him through the fog of fear exactly what Derek would want him to do.

"I can't his girlfriend I have to get her but you have to take him to Mount Sinai, tell them to page Dr Grant the chief of surgery."

Except for another brisk nod the paramedic wasted no more time jumping into the back of the vehicle and in a blink of an eye they were gone lights blaring sirens flashing.

Watching till they were out of sight Mark turned stumbling back towards his car, his only coherent thought being to get Meredith and then to Derek. The familiar restraining hand that was returned to his arm was shaken off but not for long.

"Sir I can't let you drive in that state or we'll be called out to you next so get in the squad car and we'll give you a ride."

It was the same policeman with the same sympathy in his eyes and irrationally Mark head an urge to punch him. Punch him for being so damn calm and rational when his world, his family's world was on the verge of falling apart. But he couldn't Meredith needed to know because that was who Derek needed more than anything.

"Come on son."

* * *

Stood in the doorway of the sitting room Molly watched Meredith in confusion as she paced the room, her expression one of complete distraction as she chewed on her bottom lip. The same movements repeated each lap of the room. Her eyes going from her watch to then cordless phone in her hands then Meredith would stop, dial an obviously memorized number wait thirty seconds or so then sigh and resume her pacing. 

A part of what was confusing Molly the most was that Meredith had told her she was leaving over twenty minutes ago.

"I thought you were leaving?"

She asked having watched her repeat the process two more times, her voice making Meredith jump.

"I was but I cant, not yet."

"Oh so who are you trying to call love?"

"Derek I'm meant to call before I leave, I always call but he's not home yet and… …"

Trailing off Meredith shook her head, how would she explain the way she felt to Molly when she couldn't even account for what was gripping her herself. All she knew was she had to speak to Derek hear his voice yet right now that seemed the one thing she couldn't do.

"Well he's probably still at his parents, you said yourself he hasn't been to see them in a while."

Molly suggested suddenly realizing just how pale Meredith actually was but again Meredith shook her head.

"No he should be home by now I'm already ringing late. You know him Molly he's… well he's there and if there had been any change in his plans he would have called."

Meredith wished she could believe Molly's simple reasoning yet the twisting ball of nerves that was making her nauseous told her it wasn't right. That same instinct had rubbished her earlier theory that she felt this way because she missed him and was here in her mother's house without him.

Just lately she hadn't stepped through the front door without Derek at her side with him taking as much pleasure in Molly's company as Molly did in his.

Yet this wasn't the same as when she missed him, that was more of a constant ache but this, this was like nothing she had experienced before and it terrified her.

"Meredith my love there is no need to work yourself up like this."

Gently prising Meredith's fingers from around the phone Molly pushed her down onto the nearest couch, refusing to acknowledge her request to have the phone back.

"Derek is probably running late that's all and I'm sure the moment you stop tying up the line trying to call him he will ring."

"You think?" Meredith murmured again wishing she could believe her but unable to fully do so.

"I do."

Molly reassured whilst she tried but failed to remember one time in the past ten years when she had seen her effected like this. Right now Meredith was so far away from the girl she knew that she wasn't even sure how to reach her.

"I hope your right because the way I feel right now its like something bad, horribly bad is going on."

Finally voicing her fears Meredith took only a fraction of the comfort she would usually get from Molly's arms as they wrapped around her because it wasn't Molly she needed.

* * *

After what felt like the longest fifteen minutes of his life the police car finally pulled up in front of the brownstone Derek had pointed out to him only last week. 

For a while he hadn't been sure that he would even be able to pick it out from all the rest but it had been almost as if Derek was there right beside him as they were then.

Laughing as he pointed out the house explaining that every time he was there all he thought about was how Ellis Grey had seen him naked.

Then falling serious when he confided in him about how unhappy Meredith had been there. That it was never a home to her and if you didn't know it you would never know she had lived there, no photo's or signs of her actual existence. But then he had been laughing again, talking non stop about Molly and how she wanted him and Addison to come over for dinner, now though Mark wasn't sure that would ever happen.

Actually getting here, getting to Meredith had been what was keeping him going but now as he stumbled out of the car and onto the sidewalk, taking the steps to the door in one stride he suddenly wanted to go back.

Meredith had become the baby sister he had never had, the first female who made him feel like it was his purpose to protect her. To keep her happy and away from any type of harm and he knew what he was about to do would break each of those rules. Cause her the same if not more of the pain and anxiety that was eating away at him.

Yet he had no real choice in the matter how ever much it might hurt because if he did turn around and walk away Meredith would kill him with no second thoughts or regrets. So would Derek because it was her he would want and Mark who he would expect to take care of her when she needed it most.

With that thought in mind he took a deep breath, clenching his fist and banging on the door as hard as he could.

"Come on kid."

Mark found himself repeating every time his hand came into contact with the smooth wood, then seconds it took to be answered seeming to drag on.

Then she was there frowning in a mixture of confusion and surprise but as they stood gazes locked he saw a flicker of dread in hers. For as long as it lasted he could almost believe on some level she had been expecting this, expecting him.

"Where's Derek Mark?"

Panic constricted her throat as Meredith stood there on her mother's doorstep staring up into his unusually stern face. There was nothing else she could think of that would cause Mark to look at her like that, with such undisguised terror in his eyes or skin so pale he looked gravely ill but Derek.

And as his hand reached out for her she saw it shake and her legs almost buckled beneath her. Tears filling her eyes as Molly coming from behind put an arm around her, both for the first time seeing beyond Mark to the police car.

"Mark you're scaring me."

It was a whisper but one Meredith knew he had heard and it seemed to break the spell surrounding him.

"I don't… I can't … Derek he's…"

All his life he'd never had a problem with finding the right words but now when he needed them most he couldn't seem to string more than two together.

"He's not, oh god Mark tell me that he's not…?"

Meredith couldn't even voice the thought that was killing her a little inside just by thinking about it.

A life without Derek was not one she could imagine living and she was so tempted to simply slam the door, run upstairs and bury herself under the covers.

Seeming to sense her instinct just as Derek would have Mark stepped forward, this time taking her hands.

"No, no Mer but it is bad … He's come off the bike, they've taken to hospital but I couldn't go I had to get you before you left."

It came out finally in his haste to reassure her and he watched in alarm as her eyes closed.

Shutting her eyes Meredith saw Derek's face as she'd last seen him and heard him again telling her he loved her. And that was the reason she couldn't run, if Derek needed her she had to be there like he would for her.

When her eyes opened Mark saw the tears had gone and her mouth no longer trembled but was set in a firm line yet there was every emotion there shining in her eyes you just had to know her to see it.

"Take me to him… His family, Addie you have to call them."

"I know, I will but you first you come first with him.

Spinning around nearly falling over Molly Meredith grabbed her jacket and bag from the coat stand.

"I'll ring when I…"

Molly didn't let her finish instead kissing her cheek.

"You ring whenever you can, he will be okay love it's just your turn to be the strong one now,"

* * *

Finding it near impossible to just sit still and wait Meredith paced the small waiting room Mark had left her in much the same as she had done at her mothers. 

It was on her insistence he left to see what else he could find out about Derek. On arrival all they had been told was that the doctors were working on trying to stabilize him for further treatment and she couldn't stand the vagueness of it.

All she wanted was to see him, be able to touch him and let him know that she was here and wasn't going anywhere till he was better. Yet instead she was here with the fears of what might happen or even be happening right now for company.

There was no hiding from those fears though; her life had been spent too much around hospitals to do that with any degree of success.

But like Molly had said it was her turn to be the strong one, even if it meant she was dying a little inside with every passing second she had to keep it together.

For the last four months Derek had been there without fail fighting for her, for them every step of the way and she owed him this.

Loving him wasn't a conscious choice she had ever made, it was just who she was and if she lost him she couldn't see any type of recovery from it. He was everything and she needed him to get through and just be okay.

"Mer, oh god Mer."

The door had opened and she was wrapped in Addison's arms before she knew it.

"And Mark is he okay, this must be killing him... Hang on where the hell is Mark he should be here with you?"

"Gone to see what else he can find out."

Meredith murmured when Addison released her.

"But don't be mad I made him I can't stand the not knowing."

Mark had rang Derek's family and Addison the moment they had been told to wait in here and somehow it made it all seem that little bit more real.

A lot like seeing Addison like this, far from her usual calm and collected self instead looking frantic as she chewed on a perfectly manicured nail.

"I just can't believe this."

Running her hand through her hair Addison watched in concern as Meredith rewrapped her arms around herself and began to pace again.

She was a little surprised by this side of Meredith, keeping it together almost seeming cold and standoffish but then she caught a look at her eyes. Green that was screaming out in pain and told you clearly that though she may seem fine Meredith was falling apart. Held together purely by the stubbornness they all knew she got from her mother.

"What the hell happened he's always so damn careful?"

"I don't know, the police said … they said the driver of the car just didn't … just didn't see him."

It was hard to speak when all her energy was on keeping herself together and realizing her mistake Addison silently reached for her. This time though not to embrace but simply to take her hand and squeeze softly.

* * *

Stopping just outside the closed waiting room door Mark moved to lean against the opposite wall and shutting his eyes he allowed his head to fall back. However it was out of the question to keep them that way, not when it meant what he had just seen and been told was on constant replay. 

In his search to find out the answers he and Meredith urgently needed he had found himself actually inside Derek's room. Watching as his best friend laid there his breathing done for him by a machine and their own friends and colleagues working on him.

It had simply sucked the air right out of his body and the devastating fear from the crash site had returned. Causing everything they did to seem alien, wincing as they probed Derek's body and drew blood from his arm. Yet as much as he had wanted to escape from there an even larger part of him had wanted to stay not wanting to leave Derek there alone.

Though when it came down to it the choice had been taken from him, Dr Grant having spotted him had guided him back out into the hallway.

Then he had asked if he had managed to reach Derek's family before inquiring about Meredith. When he had assured him his family was on the way and Meredith was safe in a waiting room he had nodded and said he would be along soon.

However he had stopped the Chief from turning away with a question he hadn't been totally sure that he had wanted an answer too.

"Will he pull through?"

Mark was pretty sure he would never forget the way the Chief had looked at him then; the older mans professional calm slipping as he reached out and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Sloane do you want this answer as a doctor or a member of a patients family?"

"A doctor." He had answered with only a little hesitation.

"Okay, he has a serious head trauma and I need to go and relieve the pressure and stop the bleed but at the same time the damage to one of his kidneys and laceration to his liver needs to be repaired as well as there's free fluid in the abdomen."

Dr Grant had then paused for a few seconds before going on.

"Right now I am not thinking further than getting Shep through the surgery."

He had asked to be told straight but now he had to go in and face Meredith and possibly his family he wasn't sure the truth was that great a thing but as voices reached him from the other end of the hall he knew it was time.

* * *

When the waiting room door finally opened again Meredith's whole world shrunk to just Marks drained face. The center of it his dull yet frantic red rimmed eyes that lacked the sparkle and laughter that made him who he was. 

Fearing the worst Meredith backed away from him, in her fear not seeing the people stood behind him as she returned to Addison's side.

For the past fifteen minutes she had been the source of the little comfort Meredith could take from anything that wasn't the news Derek would be okay. Without speaking Addison had just simply held her hand and paced the room with her, showing in actions rather than words that she wasn't alone in her pain.

"No its okay kid he's still hanging in there, he's a fighter."

Mark said in the same tone he would use to calm a frightened child. Though Meredith wasn't one and she would kill him if he ever called her one he wasn't sure how else to reach her and was willing to try anything.

From the moment he had told her about the accident he had watched her begin to shut down and there had been a drastic change in her since he had last seen her. It was only in her eyes you could see the real Meredith and Mark knew Derek was the only one who would have any chance of reaching her in this state.

"He needs surgery Mer…"

Rubbing a hand over his face Mark repeated what he had just told Mary, Michael, Nancy and Kathleen and their husbands outside.

"Their worried about bleeding in the brain as well as…"

Before he could go any further Meredith interrupted coming towards him this time as did Addison.

"Uncle Miles?"

The name was said as a question, one that only Mark and Addison understood.

"He's doing it and will be along soon but Mer there is some internal damage, to his liver and kidneys and they can't be sure how bad till they open him up."

As she kissed Mark's cheek Addison saw the confused faces of Derek's family and felt the need to explain.

"It's Dr Miles Grant our chief of surgery, he's a friend of Meredith's mother."

"He's good isn't he?"

Mary questioned and it was Nancy who answered as they all came into the room.

"One of if not the best neuro surgeon in the country Mom, Derek's in good hands."

It was the sound of Nancy's voice familiar to Meredith from Friday night that made her at last aware of their presence behind Mark. And where as a few hours ago the thought of meeting the rest of Derek's family had terrified her there was no room for that apprehension now.

Her anxiety for Derek was all consuming and made everything else simply pale in comparison even this. It allowed her to meet their eyes and though she couldn't smile she did her best to give some imitation of it.

All of them she recognized from the photographs in Derek's apartment and she could identify with ease Kathleen and her husband Neil as well as Nancy's husband Mike. Yet it was Michael's blue eyes that held hers for longest and for a second it was like bathing in Derek's warm gaze again.

Coming face to face with the woman who only a little while ago had filled her with curiosity Mary forgot it all. She saw instead a girl who was lost in pain, uncertainty and worry so much so that she had to fight the urge just to gather Meredith into her arms.

Even in her obvious distress there was no question of her beauty and somehow Mary knew when Meredith Grey really smiled it would be special.

Mark in an obvious show of solidarity bent and brushed a kiss over the blonde hair in a rare act of tenderness that made Mary's mind up for her. Stepping forward she clasped the small delicate hands and squeezed them, in doing so hiding the tremble she felt from everyone else.

"You don't suppose this is his way of getting us into the same room do you?"

As Mary's eyes twinkled it hit Meredith that though physically Derek took after his father, mother and son shared that same love of life that even came through now when no one in the room had much to smile about.

"Personally I think it's his way of making Nancy and Addie admits they do really love him as he's been claiming."

Michael said as he bent and kissed Meredith's cheek and said softly.

"Even in these circumstances it's a pleasure to meet you."

Both Mary and Michael continued to carry the conversation and everyone in the room knew what they were doing. Not only trying to make Meredith comfortable but to take their own minds and everyone else's off what was really happening and their real feelings.

* * *

Sat in between Mark and Addison Meredith listened intently to what Dr Grant was saying and it was only as he confirmed that he was performing the neuro side of the surgery himself that something struck her as being wrong. 

"Why isn't my mother involved in the surgery?"

Meredith demanded voicing her thoughts, she knew by what he wasn't saying or promising how serious Derek's condition was and surely that should mean her mother being there.

"Meri dear I assure you Dr Adams is more than capable of doing this and you know I would never…"

There was no chance for him to finish as Meredith interrupted well aware of what he was about to say.

"I know you wouldn't and I'm sure Dr Adams is a perfectly good surgeon but this is Derek Uncle Miles and perfectly good is not enough he needs the best and _that_ is my mother."

Meredith insisted trying to keep her voice steady as she got to her feet. Her eyes holding his gaze appealing to the weakness he had where she was concerned to get what she needed from him, for Derek.

His answer came in the shape of a nod and an instruction to her mother's resident.

"Page Dr Grey, make it 911."

Then did Meredith realize they were holding the whole room captive.

"My mother she really is the best, well not as a mother or a boss as Mark and Addie will tell you or even as a person but in the O.R that is where she is flawless… Derek he won't be an actual person to her just a problem that needs fixing which knowing her feelings towards him is a good thing but… She is the best."

Meredith rambled a little as she felt an unexplainable and overwhelming need to explain herself to them but Mary with the same kind smile she had been viewing her with since they had met shook her head.

"You love my son and want the best for him… None of us will ever argue or complain about that."

"But will your mother do it?"

Nancy asked the question that the rest of them were thinking and Meredith gave a helpless shrug.

"My mother does as she pleases and only that, nothing more or less."

Meredith counted every second of the two minutes it took before Ellis Grey came striding into the room with a purposeful look directed at her but before she could speak Meredith got in first, taking any small advantage she could.

"Why aren't you doing Derek's surgery?"

"Because I have assigned it to my resident and if that is all you have had Miles page me for young lady then…"

Mark and Addison both knew from experience that the tone of voice being used was one that would have other attending, residents and interns alike scurrying for cover but Meredith stood her ground.

Neither did Mark miss the shocked glances passed between the six members of the Shepherd family. They argued with their mother like any parents and off spring did but none of them could imagine Mary talking like that to any of them.

"This is not just some surgery for you to pass onto your resident for them to test their skills on! It is Derek and it is you I need to be holding that scalpel."

"This is not something I've done on a whim Meredith I have gone over the scans and if a complication arises I will be paged."

Shaking her head Ellis held up a hand to stop Meredith interrupting.

"My schedule is packed and one of your tantrums is neither what I or the Shepherds need right now so if you excuse me."

Having nodded to the Shepherds Ellis turned to leave but Meredith stopped her with a hand on her arm.

"For once just put me first, put my needs before those of this damn hospital."

Her voice was urgent, a plea as she happily threw away her pride on Derek's behalf.

"Mom for once just in this minute I need you to be a normal mother, one who actually gives a crap and say yes you will operate on my boyfriend because I am your daughter and i have asked you too."

Everyone in the room including Meredith held their breath as Ellis Grey walked towards the door, letting it out in one though as she stopped on the threshold.

"Dr Adams a change of plan, you will now have the pleasure at my daughters command of assisting me."

"Thank you."

Meredith breathed as the door closed behind her mother with a sharp click.

**So thats that please dont hate me...**

**It's not my best and i'm sorry for that but stick around for the next chapter that will be up next week and for now just PLEASE REVIEW!!**


	23. Chapter 23

**_THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to all the people who reviewed the last chapter and i just hope this one goes down as well._**

**_Not much to say so all i ask is you Read, Hopefully Enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!_**

**If Tomorrow Never Comes**

**Part Two**

When the door had shut behind the last of the four girls, gone somewhat reluctantly in search of coffee Mary turned her attention to Mark. A Mark who was sat head bowed staring down at his feet and taking the seat Addison had vacated Mary put an arm around him.

"This is not your fault so you can stop blaming yourself right now young man."

"Your mother is right son, no one could have stopped this and no amounts of what ifs are going to change anything."

Michael spoke as he took the chair on the other side of Mark, his eyes meeting the brown of his wife's over his bent head. In them the agitation and fear he knew was mirrored in his own.

Though they both swore they didn't have favorites Derek was the long awaited son, the fifth child they didn't think it would be possible to have.

Complications had swiftly followed Annie's birth and the doctors had told them there would be no more children, but then eighteen months later Derek had been born. Right from the moment of birth the perfect copy of him, more so than any of the girls.

"I just wish I had made him come in the car or something."

Mark said as he raised his head enough to look at the two of them, to see the strain etched on their faces.

"We're all thinking that way, I wish that I had stopped that row at dinner and told him I loved him before he left but when he wakes up I will."

Those words _'when he wakes up'_ caused Mark's stomach to clench into a tight fist. He knew that if Derek got through this surgery, a surgery that he needed to live but was also putting even more strain on his body it would be a matter of _if_ he wakes and not when.

"Derek knows you love him."

Was what came out of his mouth instead, refusing to put any extra worry right now on their shoulders, like Dr Grant wasn't thinking further than the surgery nor would he.

"And you know Derek wouldn't ever want you to think like that,"

"He would ask why it was I had to make everything about me."

Mark murmured as he come the closest he had to a real smile since the accident before it was gone again.

"When will Liz and Annie get here?"

"Just as soon as Mike and Richard get back to take over."

Mary answered hoping that would be soon. She wanted her children around her, to know at least they were safe.

"Don't let Liz take this out on Mer, she's in no state to handle an attack."

Mark said with absolutely no malice towards Lizzie at all. It was a well known fact in the Shepherd family that when stressed Lizzie would hit out at whoever was nearest.

"Stubbornness alone is holding her together and shutting herself down is her way of coping but I don't want her to go too far into herself."

"Is there anything we can do?"

Mary asked and leaning over Mark kissed her cheek. Not at all surprised that even when she herself was in pain Mary was thinking of someone else.

"I don't even know what to do myself… Derek is what she needs and when she's like this he just keeps on at her using that blue eyed boy charm but she is just so…"

"Stubborn I think is the word you're looking for."

Michael finished remembering how much resistance Meredith had put up against going to the cafeteria even though they all knew it would be hours before they heard anything.

"Unless your Shep or Molly it's purely pot luck if you can get her to do anything."

"Molly?"

Mary asked trying to find anything to stop herself thinking too much about what Derek was going through or what might be happening.

"Dr Grey's housekeeper, she and Mer seem to have the mother/daughter relationship she doesn't have with her own mother."

"Well I hate to talk badly of the woman trying to save my son but how she could be so cold and impersonal when her daughter was stood in front of her suffering like that I don't know."

The injustice and anger Mary felt on Meredith's behalf was clear to hear.

"And what did Meredith mean about Dr Grey's feelings towards Derek?"

It was Michael this time and Mark had to decide just how much of that particular story Meredith and Derek wouldn't kill him for telling.

"When Dr Grey found out about them she told Derek he had a choice… …Meredith or his future career."

Mark said skipping over exactly how both Derek and Dr Grey had found out about one another or the chaos that had followed.

"Though Mer ended it he chose her and luckily for him Mer has a habit of not allowing her mother to get her own way or push her around."

"As any child of mine would have… What a horrid woman it is hard to believe that child is any relation let alone her daughter."

"Oh I don't know Mom you haven't had the pleasure of seeing Mer lose her temper yet." Mark answered Mary with a grin, a real one this time.

* * *

Trailing behind Addison and Nancy with Kathleen walking silently beside her Meredith concentrated on keeping count of every step she took. 

The distraction needed to stop her mind from lingering on heartbreaking images of Derek's anesthetized and draped body on a cold hard sterilized O.R table. The two gowned surgical teams stood back watching as her mother and her mother's ex lover worked together as they had done countless times before.

Trying their best to save the life of the first person she had allowed herself to love and trust, the most important person in her world.

If she did let herself think about any of that then her already crumbling strength would break and so would she. There would be no more holding back the terrifying fear that there would be no future for them, no growing old together like he had said and that was a possibility she couldn't deal with.

Tequila the only coping mechanism she knew couldn't help her now so there was no other option but to hold all this inside, hold it together. Nor was she the only one suffering, Mark was in pieces and Addison and his sisters looked shell shocked to say the least.

Then there was Mary and Michael who even in the face of possibly losing their son had gone out of their way to make her feel welcome and included. Yet despite their kindness it had been Mark and Addison she had stuck closest too since Dr Grant had left them.

They both understood her, knew first hand just what it was she and Derek shared and to them she wasn't a newcomer but a part of them. Even now being only a few feet in front of her Addison kept glancing back over her shoulder. In response Meredith would give a nod, lift her lips into some sort of smile that though she knew didn't fool Addison at least reassured her for the moment.

"With your Mom who she is you must have grown up in hallways like this…?"

Kathleen voice speaking for the first time caused Meredith to falter and lose count of her steps.

"Yeah and I've always said I hate hospitals but right now…"

She trailed off with a shake of her head unable to put her thoughts into words that made any sense.

"You would happily never step foot in one again whilst wishing you knew nothing whatsoever about medicine!"

Kathleen's voice was calm, soft as she expressed how Meredith felt exactly and Meredith guessed it was also the way Kathleen felt herself.

"Are you okay…? I know it's impossible to be okay or anywhere near it but… well are you?"

Kathleen found herself smiling down at the younger woman who had captured her brother's heart. Aware of the total contrast between who was looking at her now in concern to the girl who only two hours ago had gone head to head with her mother in a fight for that brother.

"Your right none of us can be okay so all I can do is not be a doctor, instead be a sister who believes in her brother's love of life to get him through this…"

Kathleen ended in a sigh that drained her face of its previous smile before it briefly returned.

"Though right now I could so easily take a sledge hammer to that damn precious motor bike of his."

Meredith understood that particular feeling perfectly having already decided that no matter what if Derek got through this he would never ride that one or any other again.

"Go ahead I can guarantee Derek won't be laying one finger on it at any point in the future."

Meredith said with grim determination and in that look Kathleen saw the stubbornness that would be needed to match Derek's own for their to be any type of balance in the relationship.

"As someone who has failed to get Derek to do anything he didn't want to do I'd love to know how your going to manage that or even get him to listen."

"Oh Derek is quite easy to manage."

"Really…? We are talking about the same Derek Shepherd here right, my brother with the blue eyes girls fall over themselves for and the hair even I am jealous off?"

Kathleen asked, in her mind going back over the years of having to fight against Derek's annoying iron will.

Then with fondness remembering the obstinate little boy who had once locked himself in and his mother out of the family car for two hours because she wouldn't let him wear his superman outfit to school.

"Mmm hmm it's just a matter of knowing his weaknesses which happens to be me and me nake… But you are his sister so you probably and I definitely shouldn't be going there!"

Meredith stuttered a blush creeping up over her cheeks but Kathleen only laughed. A laugh that was Derek's yet in a softer more feminine package and that caused pain to shoot back through her so sharp she gasped.

What she wouldn't give to have him laughing at her now, for his to be the hand that was gently touching her shoulder.

"Are you alright?"

Kathleen's laughter had died on her lips the instant she had seen Meredith's cheeks go from an embarrassed flush to pale again in a blink of an eye.

The type of paleness that you saw right before someone fainted yet Meredith didn't faint instead pulled from her pocket a set of keys.

"Fine… I'm fine but coffee yeah we better remind Addie to go to the cart in the lobby if she wants anyone to actually drink it because what's served in the cafeteria isn't fit for human consumption."

Meredith rambled as her thumb stroked back and forth over the single key ring the keys hung from. Trying to shut her mind off again and will herself to keep walking and fall to the floor in a crumpled heap.

Her eyes on the silver heart shaped key ring and the letter D she could see engraved on it Kathleen spoke softly, bringing Meredith's head round.

"It's okay to be scared, we all are but I know my baby brother and from what I heard today he wouldn't leave you if he could help it."

"I hope so because he is all I have…"

* * *

With Mark's arm about her Meredith leaned against him, taking as well as hopefully giving whatever comfort she could in return. Addison was on her other side and held Meredith's hand in both of her own as she scanned both her and Mark in concern. 

They had the same pale faces, set expressions and most worrying Meredith looked like a feather would knock her down with utmost ease.

"He'll be fine Mer you'll see."

Addison whispered and bringing her head around Meredith gave a weak nod.

"If only to hear about how worried you were and then to gloat over the fact his theory was proved right, that you do love him."

Meredith said finding that it took all her effort to keep her voice light and teasing as her eyes drifted back to the clock on the wall. It was just after one which meant they had been waiting for a little over six hours but there was no chance of anyone sleeping.

Every time her own eyes closed she saw Derek but not the real Derek instead flashes of him covered in blood accompanied by the continuous flat line bleep of the heart monitor.

The room itself now was nearly silent; all except Lizzie who had arrived with Derek's other sister Annie by the time they had returned with coffee. She was talking quietly to Nancy but still the conversation managed to seem more of an argument.

Physically she was most like Mary but where as Annie a mixture of both her parents had greeted her with the same friendliness as Kathleen in Lizzie she had been met with frigid cold politeness. It was what she had expected but not received from all the others.

Again though Addison and Mark had been there at her side, shielding her from whatever Lizzie might have gone on to say next.

Mary had then stepped in, pulling her down beside herself and joined Michael in distracting her with stories of a young Derek whilst Nancy had pulled Lizzie into the corner she was in now.

"I told you this has nothing to do with what happened at dinner."

Though Lizzie's voice didn't rise above a hissed whisper in the complete stillness of the room it came out like a shout. Having the effect of drawing everyone's eyes and attention straight to her and Nancy.

"All I was trying to say was that if Ellis Grey feels that strongly about Derek and Meredith then she wasn't the right person to operate, it compromises them both!"

Blood rushed to Meredith's face at the exact same moment Mark's arm around her tightened and Addison squeezed her hand.

"So would you rather have a resident do the surgery instead of world renown, award winning surgeon?"

Nancy demanded scathingly but it was Michael now who Meredith couldn't tear her eyes from as he leaned forward in his seat. His eyes had darkened and face had flushed clear signs of anger that she recognized from Derek's own.

"Both of you remember where you are and why we are here because I can assure you no one else in this room needs to hear whatever else you have to say on that subject."

"Sorry Dad."

Nancy murmured and Michael turned to Lizzie expectantly but before Lizzie had chance to follow her sisters example Meredith spoke.

"No I get it. I get why it bothers her but it shouldn't."

Meredith surprised even herself as the words fell from her mouth.

"My mother really doesn't think like other people, as I said earlier he will just be a kidney, a liver, an open body cavity nothing more… Me, Derek, our relationship and her disapproval of it won't exist and I would have never asked her if I thought it would."

"Of course you wouldn't have dear, we all appreciate what you did but I'm afraid Elizabeth has simply forgotten her manners."

Mary's voice was quiet but firm.

"I will not have the scene at dinner repeated or Meredith made to feel as if she has to defend herself again and that is it…"

That was the second time one of them had referred to dinner and Meredith had no real idea what it meant. Yet as Lizzie's brown eyes looked away from her mother guiltily Meredith had the feeling it was something to do with her. Turning to look at Mark she read nothing in his face only concern as he gently encouraged her head to return to resting on his shoulder.

"Forget it, Liz doesn't really mean it,"

He breathed only for her ears as his hand moved across to cover her and Addison's joined ones.

* * *

Meredith was on her feet the second the waiting room door opened and rushed forward to meet the man who her feelings towards dithered every time they met. Her green eyes frantic as they scanned his face for any answer to the question that was at the front of all their minds and was now tumbling from her lips. 

"He's alive, the surgeries were successful?"

Capturing her hands Miles Grant looked down into the face of the girl he had watched grow up. Whose look of absolute horror and disgust when she had found him with her mother had haunted him right to the present day.

Causing such guilt that for years he had tried to reach out to her and make up for it. Yet only in the last few weeks had he seen any genuine progress and it was genuine fondness that kept him trying.

He admired like his wife Meredith's spirit and strength that had stopped Ellis walking all over her like she did with so many others and Miles just wanted the best for Meredith. And as the past few weeks had shown that was his young intern which had lead to a deep sense of responsibility, a type during surgery he had never felt before.

It went beyond that of a doctor to a patient, of one colleague to another and had made him feel like Meredith's whole future rested on his shoulders.

"He is and they were as far as we can tell at this stage, I was able to stop the bleed and you mother managed to save his kidney and repair his liver but Meri you… …"

Before he could explain any further or even address the Shepherds Meredith voiced what Mark hadn't dared to earlier as full realization dawned.

"It's if isn't it Uncle Miles not when…? Derek will be fine if he wakes up and you can't be certain he will…"

Meredith's voice shook and her head bowed in the face of his grave look and silent nod and for a second she wanted to scream, scream that this wasn't fair. How could she lose him now when they had already got through so much, when she had only just learnt to love and let herself be loved.

The gasps of his parents didn't reach her as Mark came forward taking her into his arms and she buried her face in his chest as she battled for some control.

"He can't leave me Mark; I can't do this without him…"

"He wont you'll see but we just have to be strong for a little bit longer kid and you can do that can't you."

Mark felt her slight body tremble in his arms but he knew she wasn't crying, somehow she was holding it together but he didn't know for how much longer she would be able too. Addison soon came to stand at his side, her hand stroking Meredith's back as Dr Grant explained everything further to the Shepherds.

They stood together the three of them in silence till the older man turned back towards them.

"Meri?"

At the sound of the shortened version of her name Mark knew she disliked she pulled herself from his arms

"I want to see Derek, can we see him now?"

"He was being moved to a room when I left but Meri you need…"

Cutting him off with a shake of her head Meredith put a hand on his arm.

"Please I just want to see him!"

Letting go of Marks hand Meredith slowly crossed the room to the bed, her heart breaking at the sight of Derek lying there like that. She didn't dare to let her eyes linger on the tubes helping him to breathe as at the same time she tried her best to shut out the sounds of all the machines.

Trailing her fingers gently over the edge of the bandages covering his head she almost could have smiled. Picturing him sat up with his trademark cocky grin telling her how even with a shaved head and road rash covering most of his body he was still better looking than Mark.

Having to shake her head to clear the images with tears burning the back of her throat as well as her eyes Meredith bent and kissed his closed eyes.

"I love you so, so much and I know you love me so…"

She breathed trying her best to pick up past the smell of the hospital Derek's own unique and very male scent.

"I just need you to wake up, please wake up Derek."

_And if my time on earth were through  
And she must face the world without me  
Is the love I gave her in the past  
Gonna be enough to last  
If tomorrow never comes_

_**Okay well that was that ...**_

_**Again not much to say cos that really was filler and i should have warned you about that at the start... **_

_**Anyway i have a new au story coming soon if not today called 'All Over Again' and i would really apreciate it if you went and checked it out. **_

_**But right now PLEASE REVIEW!!!**_


	24. Chapter 24

_**As always a massive Thank You to everyone who takes the time out to review. I'm just glad no ones tired of this story yet. **_

_**So this is Chap 24 and i'd like to say a HUGE thank you to Cara or AFAN17 for being a great beta and not agreeing with me being dum when i kinda am. Especially when it comes to grammer.**_

_**Now all I ask is you Read, Enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW!!**_

**Come Undone**

Curled up in a chair with her feet tucked beneath her, Meredith looked, Mark thought, as someone in a trance would. Her eyes barely left Derek's face and the only real movement she made was the lifting of his hand to her mouth. Then her eyes would shut as her lips moved against the skin in what seemed to him to be a silent prayer.

Ever since she had grasped the full magnitude of what Derek was up against, Meredith had closed him and everyone else out. Right now her world was this room, revolving around Derek and Derek only.

For him it felt like he was letting Derek down by allowing Meredith to shut herself off like this. Leaving an even greater sense of helplessness than he'd originally had at the crash scene. Taking care of Meredith was the one thing he could do for Derek and right now, he could not even do that.

"You really do need to come eat something kid unless you want Derek to kill me when he wakes up?"

Coming further into the room Mark crouched down beside her chair. His eyes like hers didn't stray from Derek's face as he fought to keep his voice steady and tone light.

Trying again to reach out to her, reach past the barriers he knew she had put up to stop herself from falling apart.

"Plus the Chief is riding me and has even given me the keys to his office for you to use his private bathroom to freshen up."

They had been keeping vigil now for a little over twelve hours. Since Derek was brought down from the O.R and except for Meredith, they had all taken turns to go home, change and at least attempt to eat something.

"I've brought you some clothes from the apartment to change into."

Addison added when Mark, failing to get a response, made room for her beside Meredith by moving round to stand besides a sitting Mary and Michael.

"Come on Mer, you'll feel better for it."

Addison whispered brushing the curtain of hair back from Meredith's face but she shifted moving out of reach.

"No I won't… Derek he would never leave if I was laid there in his place and I don't want to leave him."

Meredith said, turning at last to look at them with stricken green eyes circled by dark shadows, emphasized by her ashen face.

Meeting Mark's eyes across the bed Addison knew like her he didn't have an answering argument. Meredith was right in her place Derek would have to be dragged against his will kicking and screaming from the room to get him to leave.

Watching them Michael saw their shared look of defeat and raised, with a nod from Mary, from his seat.

If either of them had once doubted the relationship their son had defended so strongly today, then Meredith had laid them to rest. Her devotion towards Derek was as plain as day and was what he had wanted all his children to find and he was so glad Derek had.

"No he wouldn't leave you but I'm pretty sure with Derek it would be a case of do as I say not as I do."

Going round to Meredith like Mark had done Michael crouched down beside her chair so they were on eye level.

"When he wakes because he will wake, it will be you he wants, not any of us so you have to take care of yourself to be able to take care of him,"

Lost in a pair of concern-filled blue eyes, Meredith in a distant detached part of her brain wondered if it was Michael who had taught Derek to use them so well. Or if it was a gene passed from Shepherd father to son. Because, like so often with Derek, she found herself doing something against her will as she was pulled to her feet and into a fatherly hug.

"Derek would want our main concern to be you, not him, so will you do this please for Derek, not us or even yourself."

Nodding Meredith ran her hands over her face before looking away from Michael and towards Addison.

"You'll come with me?"

"Of course."

* * *

"It's the damn blue eyes. She can't say no to them, that's it isn't it?"

Mark muttered, shaking his head at Michael as he sank wearily down into Meredith's abandoned chair. Picking up Derek's hand that had been held so tightly by her Mark gave it a sharp squeeze. Wanting more than anything to have Derek wake and demand to know why he of all people was holding his hand.

"Maybe, or it might have something to do with the fact that after bringing up the six of you I am now experienced in the art of persuasion. I must say it was a skill your mother and I needed with you and Derek on our hands."

Michael answered, with a fond smile directed at Mark. Trying his best not to contemplate just how bleak all their futures would be if Derek did not pull through.

"Oh come on Dad we were no worse than the girls."

"Not one of your sisters ever invited two different dates to the prom. Nearly got them self suspended from school for flirting with the principle's wife or caused angry parents of heartbroken daughters to stalk our home."

Mary listed, recounting with ease but before she could go any further Mark butted in.

"Hang on. I only asked her if she wanted a bite of my pickle."

He protested with a look of hurt innocence.

"And the two prom dates that was Derek not me."

"He's right Mom. He didn't have two dates he had three. Unlike Der though who treated both the same Mark here made all three fight for his favor."

Nancy added, with a look of disgust that they all knew was directed at the particular girls rather than Mark.

All their girlfriends had at one time or another or still did have crushes on both Derek and Mark. In high school they had been the guys every girl wanted to be with and the boys wanted to be.

"What can I say? We were studs! Well I still am. It's Shep that's gone soft on me."

Turning to look back at Derek who was still laid there completely sill, not even breathing for himself, Mark sighed.

Any other time by now Derek would have been shouting in defense of himself. Telling him and everyone else how he hadn't gone soft only grew up. That he was still a stud but one who was happy to be a one-woman man and that he did not need to prove himself to Mark or anyone.

"Why is it you are so much braver when Addie's not around?"

Kathleen teased making the others smirk. Mark ignoring her spoke to Derek in a loud whisper.

"Shep I swear if you wake up and save me from the estrogen, I will not mention threesomes to kiddo again."

"Threesomes?"

Annie choked on a gurgle of laughter as she looked towards her parents who were trying not to smile.

"Yeah he gets a little offended but what I can't work out is if that's because it's Mer or because my plans don't include him. Any ideas?"

There was a moment of silence before the room erupted into laughter. It was such a typical Mark thing to say and for everyone it brought a little normality to the situation.

"Seriously Mark, I …"

Kathleen tried but could not find the words as he stared at her with a perplexed look on his face.

Moreover, just in that moment it was as if the real Mark Sloane they all knew had escaped. Past the grief and worry that had been weighing him down since Derek's accident.

"What you think I should let him join in? That's something I haven't considered but hey, I'm always up for a new experience."

"Oh Mark shut up!" Annie groaned holding her sides as she tried to stop laughing.

It was the first time any of them had relaxed enough to be able to laugh and there was no hiding the tinge of guilt they all felt. Reading it clearly on her daughters faces Mary shook her head.

"Laughing is better for all of us than crying."

"Yeah I can't see Shep wanting to wake up to that, I know I wouldn't."

"Some people could do with showing a bit of emotion or am I the only one who finds Meredith's behavior a little strange?"

Lizzie's voice had the same effect as cold water being thrown over them all would have. The last of the laughter and smiles was wiped instantly from all of their faces.

"She is hardly throwing a party though is she?" Nancy was the first of them all to find her voice.

"No but ever since we came in here all she has done is sit in that chair like a living statue letting Mark and Addie run around after her as if they didn't have anything else to think about."

"She's in shock Liz."

The exasperation was clear in Kathleen's voice but Lizzie seemed to be the only one not hearing it.

"Aren't we all?

"You still don't believe she loves him do you? I can't believe it! Don't you have eyes; the poor child worships the ground our baby brother walks on!"

"I'm sure in Meredith's own way she does Kath but…"

"Please not this again, not now!"

Annie pleaded and Mark saw the tears in her eyes as she looked towards her parents. He knew they stemmed more from tiredness and anxiety than anything else but it did nothing to help his temper.

Like her, he was sick of hearing it, of Liz lashing out at Meredith, and knew it had to be sorted. Preferably now whilst Meredith was safe and out of hearing.

"Meredith can't cry. It's not she doesn't want to, it's she can't Liz. This, I'm guessing, has something to do with the fact she's scared that if she starts she won't stop!"

Mark spoke directly to her as if she was the only one in the room and saw her eyes widen as he continued.

"All of your life you have known you were loved and never had you suffered one moment of doubt about that. You take it all for granted and everything that you take for granted is something Meredith can only imagine!"

"That's not fair Mark I …"

Lizzie tried her best to interrupt but Mark refused to let her and with a shake of his head went on.

"The whole love and being loved by anyone including your parents is new to her and scares the hell of her in a way not even I understand. Nevertheless the kid put all that aside. Jumped in feet first for Derek, our brother so that should tell you something on its own. And you know if the worst happens we all have each other, but Derek, he is pretty much all she's got."

Taking a deep breath, Mark rubbed his hands over his face.

"So that is why she sat in this seat like that. Because she loves Shep to the point she can hardly breathe right now without him."

Standing up, Mark returned his eyes to Derek and squeezed his hand again.

"I need some air."

"Mark?"

"I'm okay Mom I'm just going to find some food that might tempt Mer's appetite as well as mine."

But he didn't have chance to move his feet before an unmistakable, muffled groan reached him and the hand he'd just tried to release gripped his. His eyes went straight from Mary to the bed to be met with drowsy, glazed over confused blue ones.

"Oh thank fuck."

* * *

After what seemed to Addison, the briefest shower on record Meredith emerged from the bathroom back into the office. In fresh clothes, with her hair falling in damp waves past her shoulders she looked at least a little more human. However, there was no improvement of the dark circles around her eyes or of the turmoil in the stormy depths.

With her heart going out to her, Addison drew her down onto one of the leather couches. In front on a small table, Dr Grant's secretary had arranged food that she knew had not come from the cafeteria. It had been there when they had arrived and done at his instruction.

Nevertheless, Meredith seemed not to notice as she absently picked at a small chocolate muffin Addison had put in her hands.

"Did the shower help?"

"A little."

Meredith nodded as she struggled to swallow the muffin that she knew she should be enjoying, yet tasted like ashes in her mouth.

It was not a complete lie either. The hot water had soothed her aching muscles that had been protesting at the hours cramped in the chair. Also she'd found it a relief to wash the smell of the hospital for at least those few moments from her skin.

A smell that had been around her all her life, yet never before had it seemed to surround her so densely. Standing for in her mind everything that she was so close to losing.

The life she had never thought she wanted, love she didn't believe she was capable of that now meant everything to her.

"I'm so scared…"

It was a whispered admittance that Addison could tell Meredith hadn't planned on making. Its effect was that for the first time since they had met Meredith seemed as young as she really was.

Though there was still no visible tears the shake in her voice Addison thought portrayed each one Meredith couldn't cry.

"We all are Mer, there's nothing wrong with that. I just can't see Derek giving up though."

"I love him Addie, I know it took me longer but I do"

"He knows that Mer."

Reaching out Addison put an arm about her shoulders, a little surprised when Meredith head dropped to lean against her.

"I hate him right now though too. I know the accident wasn't his fault but god I hate him for doing this to me."

Apart from Derek himself, there was no one else she would be able to say that too except for Addison or Mark.

"You don't hate him Mer. You're just angry that he has put at risk everything you have together…"

Addison said, understanding the feeling perfectly. If it was Mark rather than Derek laid there, she was sure she'd be screaming rather than whispering about how much she hated him.

The door opening had them both on their feet and Meredith's hand gripped hers as the two men came through the door.

Directed into the large airy office where the two girls were by Dr Grant, Michael approached them. His blue eyes immediately finding Meredith's green ones and to him she had not so far looked so heart achingly young and fragile as she did now.

Meredith staring into the blue eyes found that as easily as she could read his son she could read him too.

"Derek's woken up. He has, hasn't he?"

She asked not daring to trust her own instincts. Afraid to have too much hope incase she had read it all wrong and something terrible had happened.

"He has."

Michael said with a smile that matched his sons in brilliance. Knowing for sure that the scariest period of his and his family's life was now over.

"Thank god…"

Meredith breathed sinking back down onto the couch. Her legs unable to support her body as relief flooded through her draining her off everything she had left.

Coming down beside her, Addison wrapped her arms around her and turning into the embrace, Meredith clung to her.

"He's okay Mer! I told you he wouldn't leave you."

"And not surprisingly it is neither his siblings nor parents Derek really wants to see. Your name was the first thing he said!"

Moving to stand beside them, Michael stroked her hair as he would to one of his own daughters.

"He's far more concerned about you than he is about what he's done to himself."

"He's really going to be okay."

Michael thought Meredith said it more to herself than a question directed at any of them. As she pulled away from Addison, he saw to the extent her hands were shaking and captured them in his.

"As Dr Grant has told us there will be a period of recovery but…"

"Long-term he's going to be just fine." Speaking for the first time Miles Grant smiled at Meredith.

With Michaels help, Meredith rose and surprising everyone, even herself went to the Chief of Surgery and hugged him.

"Thank you for saving him Uncle Miles."

Reddening, he smiled down at her.

"It was my pleasure Meri dear. You know I am extremely fond of you both. Derek will one day be a world class surgeon and I still have hope you will go on to prove me right."

There was no room in her mind to take in what he was saying or grasp the meaning of his words. Every part of her was focused entirely on Derek and wanting to see him. Knowing she wouldn't be fully able to believe that he was really truly alive and awake until she saw it herself.

"Can I see him now…"

* * *

Pausing in the doorway to catch her breath, having run ahead of the others Meredith surveyed Derek's room. Mary was sat with Kathleen on one side of the bed whilst Mark sat on the other. There were no sign of his other sisters but she spared them little thought as her eyes came to rest on the bed.

Not quite sat up, but with the bed raised Derek was sleeping naturally. The intubation tube was gone from his mouth and he was lying in a much more normal position. A little, like the way he would sleep in his own bed.

As if he'd sensed her watching Mark turned his head and smiled. Standing up he pushed the chair back against the wall, making room for her.

"It's okay kid,"

Mark's voice must have woken Derek as his head turned on the pillow to face the door. His eyes flickering open sleepily. It took them a moment to focus but when they did they softened and a weak smile lifted his lips.

"Hey,"

"Hey,"

She breathed wanting to pinch herself to make sure this was real. Not some wonderful dream she was about to be cruelly woken from.

"I am real."

Derek said reading the thoughts crossing her face. His voice husky as he fought to keep his eyes open.

Meredith was the one person he had wanted to see. Aching to hold her and know for himself that she was okay. He'd seen the hesitation in Mark's face when he'd asked how she was and knew from that how his accident had effected her.

There was definite fear in her eyes as she bite down hard on her bottom lip.

"I'm okay, I just need you Mer."

The sound of her name from his lips was better than any assurance Mark, Michael or Dr Grant had given her. To see the light glow in his eyes and the need written clearly over his worn, pale face broke her walls as nothing else could. All the emotion she had bottled up rising to the surface as she went to him.

Scared of causing him pain or discomfort she held back a little to perch uneasily on the edge of the bed.

"I'm not going to break."

With that teasing remark she melted against him. Burying her face in his neck as with an effort he wrapped his arms around her. Refusing to submit to the drowsiness creeping up on him as he breathed her in. Wanting after coming so close to losing her to just hold her, like this for as long as possible.

It was then he realized Meredith was crying. But not just crying these were sobs that shook her whole body. Her tears soaking through his hospital gown as she clung to him.

Right then Derek hated himself. Hated what he had put her through.

"I… I was so scared… I thought, I thought I was losing you."

Meredith gasped as he did his best to comfort her. Rubbing her back at the same time shaking his head to stop Mark approaching.

"I couldn't, I couldn't breathe Derek."

"I'm sorry Mer, so sorry."

He murmured pressing kisses to her hair and wherever else he could reach without moving. Knowing this was all she needed, him and only him.

"But you won't ever lose me Mer. I love you too much."

Pulling back Meredith stared down into the blue eyes that were bright with unshed tears. Forgetting anyone else bar them existed as she kissed him softly. Whispering against his lips in a broken voice.

"I love you too."

_Needless to say, you're the one__ that I need the most,_

_Cos the only one I come undone for is you,_

_**So that was that... Not too bad?**_

_**Now i have a question, I'm just wondering how many of you are still interested in a sequel to 'I Hate Myself For Losing You' ? **_

_**Im now a little past halfway in this story and just wondering if anyone wants it???**_

_**So now all I have to say is PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!**_


	25. Chapter 25

**_Massive THANKS to all who reviewed. Knowing you are all enjoying this still really made my day! _**

**_Oh and a HUGE thanks to AFan17 again for making this readable._**

**_Now this Chap and the next one werent what i had planned but because of one paragraph in Chap 30 of 'I.H.M.L.Y' i had to fit them in. But now i have i'm kinda glad i re read the story and spotted it._**

**_So all i ask is you Read, Enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW!!!_**

**Never**

**Part 1**

For the second morning running, Derek woke to find Meredith not beside him. Instead, like yesterday, she sat curled in the chair beside the bed, her arms wrapped about herself.

Watching him, she looked as if she expected him to disappear at any moment. However, the second she realised he was awake the shutters came down and it was gone. Morphing into a smile so quickly that Derek couldn't be sure he hadn't imagined it.

"You're up early again."

Speaking softly Derek held out his hand to her. Waiting for Meredith to take a hold of it, he used it to draw her back to the bed hating the millimetres of space that still separated them.

Though he had no actual memory of the crash, Mark had told him enough for him to know how lucky he was, how close he had come to not being here at all. Now, all he could think about was Meredith, being with Meredith.

This was his second chance and he didn't want to waste it. No more five hour drives separating them or snatching moments together around his schedule. Just as he had promised her Sunday before the crash to fix the mess they were in, he meant to do it now more than ever.

"Mmm I couldn't sleep."

Doing what he most wanted her to do; Meredith kissed him, her fingers running over the bandages, missing already the curls that they would have tangled in.

"It is a little small! It's a pity they don't make hospital beds for two."

Derek said. His eyes searching her face for any of the anxiety from moments ago. But he couldn't see past the smile that flooded his aching body with warmth.

"However you, Meredith Grey, are privileged in being the one person I am willing to be cramped and uncomfortable for."

"Cheesy! Seriously cheesy."

"Ahh but you love me and my cheese."

The cocky smirk Derek flashed her was one she was still so grateful to see. Easing for a little while the fear, she was finding so hard to shake.

"We all have our faults."

"I love you Mer."

Derek said knowing they had said it more in the past forty-eight hours than in the last month.

"I love you too."

Meredith breathed her eyes unable to tear themselves from his blue depths that were looking at her as if she was the most important person in his world just as he was in hers.

Knowing without a single doubt what she felt would never fade. Survive whatever was thrown at it to come out stronger the other side.

It was that true understanding that her fear stemmed from. She was scared of loving Derek this much, when the crash had shown how easily he could be taken from her.

"Good."

Cupping her face Derek stroked his thumbs over the fading shadows beneath her eyes. When Meredith moved her hands up to cover his he, felt the tremor that shook them. It was similar he thought to what had shaken through her when she had broken down in his arms Monday, giving him proof of the upset, he had seen in her eyes earlier.

"How are you feeling?"

Meredith asked before he could voice his growing concern, her forehead resting against his as her hands dropped to link at the back of his neck.

"Tired."

Derek whispered against her mouth before kissing her, smiling when she moaned in protest at its ending.

"And my body tells me your mother enjoyed cutting me open a lot more than she should have."

"You're in pain?"

Concern filled her face and eyes as she tried to draw back. Derek not letting her stopped her protests with a demanding kiss that had her hands clinging to his shoulders.

"No more than I should be in."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Derek groaned as her lips found his again well aware he couldn't take it further no matter how much he may want too.

"And you will tell me if it gets worse. You won't pretend, try to be mannish about it?"

Meredith demanded as she settled against him. Sighing in approval as his arms wrapped around her tightly.

"No I won't try to be mannish."

Derek chuckled pressing a kiss in to her hair, savouring the lavender that masked the sterile smell of the hospital.

"But only on the condition you tell me what's wrong?"

"I'm fine."

Meredith said into his neck but there was no missing the way her body stiffened in his arms.

"When you say fine like that, it tends to mean you are anything but!"

He said seriously pulling her back so she had no choice but to look at him.

"Tell me?"

"I just did and I'm a little tired that's all. Anyway, this isn't about me! Two days ago you nearly… and well I am fine with absolutely nothing to tell."

Unable to bring up the accident Meredith fought back the tears as he stroked her face.

"For me everything is about you, how you feel. I worry about you. I love you and…"

The door opening stopped him in his tracks and forced a smile to his face.

"Hey Dad,"

"Morning son. I'm sorry it's early but your mother sent me to deliver breakfast that, unlike the one served here, is edible and to offer my chauffer skills to Meredith."

"Me?" Meredith queried, accepting the fatherly kiss he pressed to her cheek.

Watching them, Derek felt a real smile replace the fake one. His father's feelings towards Meredith were obvious. His affection for her shone in his eyes. And, Meredith seemed just as fond of him.

There was no nervousness in her manner that still existed around his sisters as he'd seen the little he was awake yesterday.

"Yes love. You mentioned last night you needed to go to the apartment, make some phone calls and pop into your mother's house."

Michael spoke as he set out the food on the tray.

"You don't have too. Not that I'm not grateful because I am but I can take my car. It's here. Derek may say I can't drive and it's a pigsty but he's in here and I'm not. So he can't really complain anymore and what I mean is."

Firm lips covering hers in a kiss so tender it conveyed the emotion before Michael had come in stopped her rambling.

"Just say thank you."

Michael's echoed Derek's warm chuckle as he sat in one of the chairs.

"Thank you."

* * *

"I wish kiddo would hurry up! Watching you switch between sleeping and brooding is really starting to bore me." 

Mark grumbled picking up another chart from the pile beside the chair. Back at work, for the second day he was assigned to Dr Grant's service again. So far, it had meant updating charts and running the occasional labs.

Any other time it would have had him crawling the walls but not today. He had no real complaints when it meant he was able to spend the time with Derek.

"I mean at least she's pretty to look at. Have you thought about shaving?"

At his words, Derek ran a hand over his heavily stumbled jaw.

"Right now I'm finding it hard enough to keep my eyes open let alone find the coordination to shave without slitting my throat."

Both hands moving up to massage his aching temple, Derek yawned loudly, his gaze drifting back to the wall, counting the minutes until Meredith returned.

Once upon a time, he might have been tempted to let her work out herself whatever this was in her own head first. This time, however he could not do it. Especially when he felt it was him at the root of what was upsetting her.

"Mer's not okay."

Derek murmured on a broken sigh that brought Marks head straight up. Anger flashing turning the blue eyes to ice.

"If you've had a row I swear Shep you will be need another trip to the O.R! Don't you think you've put her through…?"

"We haven't argued!"

Derek managed to cut in finally, a hint of desperation in his voice. He needed Mark's insight before his mother and sisters arrived with lunch. Mark knew Meredith almost as well as he did, yet had an advantage in understanding her past how he never could.

"I'm worried about her. Something is wrong and being Mer, she won't talk without a struggle. I'd started to earlier but Dad arrived before I could get anywhere."

Frustration was clear in his voice, his eyes meeting Mark's asked for some kind of answer.

"After effects of the crash most likely."

Mark suggested with a slight shrug of his shoulders. He wasn't blind; he'd seen the way Meredith looked at Derek whenever she thought no one was watching.

"If I had a heart, kiddo would have broken it Sunday night. I had absolutely no idea how to reach her. All I wanted was for you to wake up. Tell me how to fix her."

The chart slipping forgotten from his lap onto the floor, Mark lent forward in his chair.

"She completely shut down. It was like… Shit man she couldn't even cry."

It was more the feelings behind Mark's words than what he had actually said. His head dropping back against the pillow Derek closed his eyes in pain, pain solely for Meredith, nothing to do with his own injuries. In his mind, he could see her as if he'd been there himself, making his whole body ache with the need to hold her.

"Kiddo loves you to the point of not functioning fully without you. Both of you are fools that way! Mer though, she has issues so put that together with the crash and…"

As Mark trailed off Derek not needing him to finish nodded and slowly opened his eyes.

"Thank you."

"For what? Telling you what you mostly already know but just hadn't put together yet."

Shaking his head Derek rubbed his eyes.

"No for taking care of her."

Mark looking at him as if he was stupid shook his head.

"What else would I do? She's Mer, my kiddo. Anyway you'd do the same for me."

"I hope I never have too."

Derek said, holding out his hand to Mark. With a grin, he took it, his eyes suddenly less serious but rather sparkling with their usual humour.

"Are we having a moment? Is this where you tell me you love me?"

"Ass!"

"Did I ruin the mood? You want to start it again!"

Really laughing now Derek shook off the hand that was now stroking up his arm, feeling better for the first time since Meredith had left.

"You know what? I take it back."

"No take backs, wait till I tell Mer!"

Settling back in the chair Mark's grin slipped for a moment into a reassuring smile.

"Mer will be okay you know, just do the whole Derek and Meredith thing!"

* * *

Getting out of the car Michael went round to open Meredith's door. Taking from her hands the heavier of the two bags, filled with what they thought Derek would want and need from the apartment. 

"Are you sure about not going to your mothers? It's not too late for us to get back in and turn around."

Michael asked again, when he saw her hesitation in getting out of the car. Taking the hand held out to her Meredith aimed for an assured smile to match her nod.

"I'm sure. Molly wasn't expecting me and I can call her later. Derek will probably want to speak to her, encourage her to come by and spoil him! Encouragement, that won't be needed. Molly thinks he's the best thing since sliced bread!"

It wasn't the truth though. She wanted to get back in the car, turn around and be with Molly. For a little while be surrounded by her warmth, lose herself in the familiarity and total ease of their relationship.

However, her turning up today with Derek in hospital would rouse Molly's suspicion. She would ask questions, many questions. Questions Meredith wouldn't be able to stop or avoid. Just like Derek, Molly had never taken fine as a credible answer.

"Worried she might ask too many questions?"

Michael guessed as with a hand in the middle of her back, he led her towards the hospital entrance.

He had more than enjoyed spending these few hours with her. Getting to know the girl who he knew would one day be a part of the Shepherd family.

However, after this morning he had also found himself watching her. Catching the certain look that would flicker over her face in unguarded moments. The accident had taken its toll on them all, him included, but with Meredith, it had seemed to leave some damage behind.

This morning his son's frustration had been palatable, even if Derek had done his very best to hide it. Making it more than obvious, he had interrupted something important.

Yet it hadn't been a row he'd walked into the middle of, he knew that much. A row wouldn't have caused that amount of concern in Derek's face or had his eyes follow her longingly from the room, as if he wanted nothing more than to drag her back.

"No!" Meredith answered quickly, too quickly for it to be believable.

"Sure?"

"No…" Meredith admitted with a rueful smile as the blue eyes twinkled kindly down at her.

"Don't worry I'm not about to ask them either." Michael found himself reassuring as she started to look a little panicked.

"Thank you."

Gratitude clear in her voice Meredith looked up at the older version of Derek knowing she would give anything to have grown up with a father like him.

"I'm not sure I would make any sense even if you did."

To herself she could explain exactly what she felt; to anyone else Meredith was sure it would make absolutely no sense. Derek, she was sure, would understand but there was no way she could tell him this.

"Can I give you a little piece of advice then?"

Her answer was in the shape of a nod and that was all,

"Don't let fear of the unknown ruin what many people can only dream about finding."

Michael knew he had hit the mark when a flush stained her pale cheeks. Moving his arm up to go about her shoulders Michael felt a rush of sympathy for the girl who was still so young.

He saw her open her mouth to speak but before she could say a word, a voice from behind them spoke.

"Meredith a word please."

Even if Michael hadn't recognised the voice, Meredith freezing beside him would have been the only clue needed.

"I can't. Sorry. Derek and Derek's things… We really have to get back upstairs."

Meredith excused quickly, refusing to meet the cold green eyes. Well aware of what that particular note in her mother's voice meant. Disappointment, disapproval and warning of a lecture all rolled into one. Moreover, right now she wasn't feeling strong enough to deal with it.

"I'm sure Mr Shepherd is capable of taking them up on his own whilst you and I have a little talk."

"Mom I'm seriously not in the mood for one of our talks."

Meredith had to fight to keep her voice steady. Reminding herself repeatedly that it was her mother who had helped save Derek. It might have been done grudgingly but she had done it.

"And I'm not offering you a choice in the matter."

Ellis's determination was clear and Meredith knew she had none of the energy needed to fight it. Saturday had been her last full night of sleep and it was beginning to catch up with her.

"Okay…"

The word came out as a defeated sigh. Handing the second bag to Michael Meredith shrugged her shoulders.

"Could you?"

"I can wait."

Michael murmured hating the idea of just abandoning her like this. Anyone could see a meeting with her mother was the last thing Meredith wanted or needed.

"It's fine, but … Thank you."

Meredith's smile was real if weary. Not just saying thank you for his offer to stay but for the whole morning. For the moments he had helped her to forget the churning ball of fear in her stomach.

Distracting her purposefully she guessed with amusing stories of Derek and Mark. Ones she was sure both men would rather she didn't hear.

"I'll tell Derek you're on your way."

With a warm smile, he squeezed her hand nodding politely if stiffly to her mother before walking into the waiting elevator.

Waiting for the doors to shut Meredith felt her mother's eyes look her over from head to toe. Taking in she knew her hastily put together outfit and hair pulled into a messy ponytail.

"Can we get this over with?"

Meredith muttered walking over to the seating area not waiting to see if her mother followed.

"Do not take that tone with me Meredith, I'm in no mood for your attitude today. Now what are you still doing here. Why aren't you back at school?"

"What?"

"You heard me perfectly, I'm not repeating myself."

"You expect me to just up and leave Derek… Seriously Mom?" Meredith looked up at her mother unable to believe even she could really have meant that.

"Yes. You have your own future to think of! I did not spend thousands on your education for you to waste it revolving your life around a man Meredith."

"That's not fair… He nearly died! I want to be here with him, I have to be here and…"

Her mother held up a hand to stop her. Meredith knew there was no point trying to explain that need to be with Derek anymore, it was something she could never understand.

"And your school work. What about that? Derek has at least another week in here before Miles will think about discharging him!"

Ellis's hands moved to settle on her hips. Her voice growing in volume and Meredith noticed the attention they were attracting.

"I spoke to the Dean today, explained the situation he doesn't have a problem with it. I can study here and the work can be faxed through for now."

Keeping her voice low and steady Meredith refused to look away from her mother's direct gaze. She could not show any sign of weakness. It would be as good as giving her mother the approval to run rough shod over her arrangements.

"For how long?"

"I don't know…"

"What does that mean?"

"Dartmouth, I don't know if it's where I want to be anymore."

It wasn't a new idea. It had been bouncing around her head for the last month since Derek had spent their anniversary weekend there. Then he had joked about finding an internship program up there so they could be together. Realistically though she knew if one of them was going to move, it would have to be her.

The accident had brought it back to the front of her mind. However hard she was finding this right now she knew she would never leave him and end what they had. So this was starting to seem their only option.

"No! No, you are not doing this Meredith Grey! Do you hear me?"

Ellis was shouting now and Meredith found herself wishing she had just kept her mouth shut. She was too tired though to watch or even care what she was saying.

"It's not your decision to make. It is mine and mine alone! NYU is just as good and without the driving back and forth I'll have more time to study,"

Meredith tried to find a way that would appeal to her. Make this about school rather than Derek. By the look of disgust that transformed her face, Meredith knew it hadn't worked.

"This has nothing at all to with studying but all to do with _him_! I'm not a fool Meredith. Don't treat me like one!"

"Fine. So what if this is to do with Derek, does it really change anything? I'm going to do it whether you approve or not."

Letting her head drop back, Meredith sighed. Her hands coming up to rub over her face, glad she had decided to sit rather than to stay standing.

"I will waste no more of my time on this drivel. However, Meredith I mean it, if you go ahead there will be serious repercussions. You've had too much your own way lately and it's ending right now!"

If it was possible Ellis's voice rose higher before she stormed away. Watching her go Meredith knew she had meant it, this was no empty threat.

* * *

"Der stop worrying. Ellis Grey may be a cold fish but she is her mother." Kathleen told him lowering her magazine. 

Derek had been fretting ever since their father had come back alone. He had gone from asking Michael constant questions to a brooding silence. Seeming to become paler the more time ticked by.

They had all tried to draw him out of it with no effect. All their lives Derek had been the strong, together one. However, when it came to Meredith he seemed to break. It was a side she'd never seen of her brother before. Both Lizzie and Nancy had described the ultimatum he'd laid down Sunday, yet not until now had she believed he could have meant it.

"Mother, isn't the exact word I'd use to describe what Ellis Grey has been to Mer."

Mark muttered taking the words right out of Derek's mouth.

"She's probably taking the opportunity to describe how life would have been better for Mer, if Shep hadn't woken up."

Mark carried on. Not looking up from the open chart on his knees until Mary's hand smacked him around the head.

"Don't even joke about that!" Mary scolded ignoring all his protests as he rubbed his head.

"Hey I didn't say that I agreed with her."

Looking hurt Mark glared at a now near grinning Derek,

"I'm glad to see my suffering amuses you! Hey Nancy, have you heard how Shep found out who Mer's mom was?"

"Don't you dare?" Derek warned as Nancy leaned forward in interest, curiosity flashing in her blue eyes.

"Is it good?"

"No it's boring. Not worth hearing, incredibly dull in fact." Derek answered quickly before Mark could. Pushing away the tiredness creeping up on him, knowing without seeing Meredith he couldn't sleep.

"Oh I wouldn't say that. I found it incredibly…"

"Carry on Mark and you won't be able to say much at all." The voice from the doorway brought the colour instantly back to Derek's cheeks, and a teasing smirk to Marks's lips.

"You know you always seem more inclined towards violence after spending time with the dragon. She's a bad influence kiddo."

Collecting the charts Mark stood up. Brushing her cheek with a kiss as Meredith passed.

"For you Grey though I will take it to the grave."

"The sooner the better."

Derek muttered as his eyes hungrily took in every inch of Meredith. The few hours they'd been apart, seemed like a lifetime. She looked worn out; her eyes a stormy grey and seemed not even to have the energy to walk.

"That's not what you said earlier Shep." Mark retorted going round to side beside Michael, Kathleen and Nancy.

"What's that about?"

Meredith asked as she ignored Mark's vacated chair to sit on the bed. Her back resting against Derek's chest.

"He's just being Mark. I'm glad your back Mer, I've missed you."

Derek murmured as she turned her head, her lips finding his.

"You're Mom?"

Running his hands up her arms Derek began to massage her tense shoulders. No one existing in the room but her.

"Was just being Ellis Grey, spirit killer extraordinaire!"

Meredith groaned, her eyes closing as his fingers continued to work their magic. Reaching up after a few minutes to pull his hands down to link around her.

His chin moving to rest on her shoulder Derek pressed his lips against her neck in a constant kiss.

""You're not okay?"

Derek's voice was low enough for only her to hear, his lips moving against her skin. After a few seconds, remembering Michaels words Meredith shook her head. Feeling his grip tighten around her as she whispered.

"I'm not okay,"

**_So that was that..?_**

**_I'm kinda in love with Michael Sheherd and i love the thought of Mer bonding with him first so expect it to continue. Also i havent forgot about Lizzie so that is all going to come back up.. _**

**_Anyway next part i'm gonna try real hard to get up next week sometime but no promises! So all i ask is you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!_**


	26. Chapter 26

**_Okay so the only excuse i have for this taking so long is i've been ill and 3d life is hetic right now but i do sincerly apologise so SORRY! _**

**_And as always a HUGE THANK YOU to all who reviewed last Chap and i made this extra long for the long wait! Its not my fav but ive fiddled with it so much my brain is mush so ...?_**

**_All i ask now is you Read, Enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW!!!_**

**Never**

**Part 2**

After staring for ten minutes at the same page of the fishing magazine Mark had brought him, Derek pushed it aside. It landed near where the remote had after he had repeatedly flicked through all the channels. He just couldn't seem to settle on anything, not even to sleep.

Meredith had slipped out just before morning rounds well over an hour ago and he missed her. In a crowded room, he could still be the loneliest man on earth if Meredith wasn't there. It was as if she was a part of him, one he could not do without.

This morning he had been woken by a soft sweet kiss. Gentle fingers stroking over her face. Hope that she was ready to talk had instantly sparked in his heart only to die when she explained she was going off to shower.

Nevertheless, something had told him her absence had a lot more to do with her mother than him. Meredith was trying to avoid even the slimmest possibility of bumping into her. She hadn't said anything but Derek was sure they had fallen out, and if he knew Ellis Grey at all, it would be to do with him. And he hated that he was the cause of so much upset in her life right now.

Last night was another night that Meredith hadn't slept and he was still clueless to what was bothering her. Once his family had left, she'd barely spoken more than two words. Instead, she'd curled up to his chest and he'd done the only thing he could. Hold her to him, reassuring repeatedly that he was here and wasn't leaving.

Derek had racked his brains for some idea of what was doing this to her. At one point he'd become sure it was to do with her feelings towards him. He didn't doubt she loved him, it wasn't that. More that coming so close to losing him had triggered something in her. Put up a barrier, one different to all the others he had had to overcome.

A movement in the open doorway caused him to release a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.

"You're back."

"I am, with breakfast too!"

Meredith smiled coming into the room, holding up the carrier bag.

"Uncle Miles has heard all about his favourite intern's abhorrence to hospital food. He had this delivered whilst I was in the shower."

Shuffling over Derek made room for her on the bed. Watching as she set the two polystyrene boxes, cartons of juice and plastic cutlery onto the small table.

"Pancakes!"

Derek grinned leaning over to kiss her as the unmistakeable smell filled the small room.

"I knew there was a reason I love you."

"Just the one?"

Meredith tried to tease, watching him start to eat with a feeling of satisfaction. Yet somehow, she was wishing she could feel that same level of hunger herself. His fork pausing in mid air before he set it down Derek's blue eyes softened as they travelled over her face.

"No, not just the one,"

His hand going to her chin, Derek urged her forward so he could kiss her.

"It would take me a whole lifetime to list them all. I love everything about you. You're my Meredith, you're it for me. You know that."

Moving his hand up to cup her cheek Derek smiled when her head turned and she kissed the palm. Eyes darkening in desire as her tongue flicked out to taste him.

"I just wish you'd talk to me. I need you to talk to me… You're not okay and I hate that you're hurting Mer."

"Derek," Meredith sighed, but he shook his head refusing to let her interrupt.

"Whatever it is you can tell me. You can tell me anything and we will work it out together…"

Staring into the blue eyes Meredith knew it was the truth. She could tell him and he would go to all possible lengths to fix her. Then she saw the strain on his face and it stopped her. Linking their fingers together, she squeezed his hand tightly.

"We will, I will but not now Derek, please?"

Meredith pleaded. For a second sure, he was going to argue then slowly he nodded.

"Later. You promise?"

"I promise. Now though just eat your breakfast then sleep okay."

Trying her best to sound authoritative Meredith released his hand. Taking her at her word Derek smiled.

"You're hot when you're bossy."

Picking back up his fork he fed her with it.

"And you'll do the same. No more lying awake watching me or pushing your food around pretending to eat, okay?"

"You're hot when you're bossy too…" Meredith laughed

* * *

Pushing the empty wheelchair down the hall Mark kept a wary look out for Meredith. The chance of seeing her slim but in his book not worth risking. Slowing his pace even further when Derek's hold on his shoulder tightened. Still not even sure how Derek had managed to talk him into this.

"You do realise what Mer will do to me if she catches us?" Mark grumbled. More than a little tempted to simply bundle Derek into the wheelchair and be done with it.

"Yes . She'll be too pissed at you to feel anything but concern for me." Derek told him, managing to grin even with every muscle in his body screaming in protest.

Meredith's reaction to this if she saw them had been the one factor that nearly caused him to back down. He'd had to tear himself away from her as the cabin fever became too much to bear.

After they had eaten breakfast, he'd fallen asleep within minutes. He woke two hours later to find Meredith finally sleeping and Mark keeping watch over them both.

"Thanks, thanks a lot. You're a great brother! And have you thought that Mer isn't the only one, there's Mom and the girls too."

"Don't worry I'll make sure we have adjoining rooms." Derek murmured, trying to distract himself from the discomfort he was feeling.

With road rash reaching down most of the left side of his body it currently felt as if his skin was being torn apart. Accompanied by the aches of his bruises Derek began to wonder if this was such a good idea after all.

"How considerate of you." Mark muttered trying not to smile.

"I thought so."

"Hey do you think Addie would keep me company like Mer has for your undeserving ass? Will she forego every home comfort, nights spent in a cramped hospital bed?"

Mark asked trying to imagine it but was finding it difficult. Oh, they loved each other and she was the first woman who made him think about marriage but they weren't Meredith and Derek.

"Maybe." Derek answered thoughtfully.

"Really? I'm finding it hard to picture."

Mark grinned, a grin that quickly turned into a frown when he saw how pale Derek was becoming.

"Shep why don't you stop being a stubborn ass and get in this damn thing!" Mark demanded but Derek shook his head.

Biting down on his bottom lip stubborn pride alone kept him putting one foot in front of the other.

"Because that would defeat the object of me going for a walk wouldn't it."

Derek muttered but Mark's only reply was a disgruntled grunt.

"Have you heard anything about Mer and her mom?"

Derek asked after a few moments of silence. Mark seemed to pick up every piece of gossip in the hospital and could be counted on for all the latest news.

"Some of the nurses were talking earlier… From what I heard, the dragon was the only one shouting. Apparently, kiddo sat there and took it. Any other time that would not ring true but just lately… Well anyway it seems Mer has told her something that's sticking firmly in the back of her throat."

"Oh."

Derek frowned even more confused now than he had been before. Not concentrating on his steps they faltered as fatigue undeniable in its strength took over him.

"Mark." Derek's voice was little more than a broken whisper as he swayed unable to take even one more step.

"Okay I've got you" Marks arm went about his waist as he guided him down to the wheelchair.

"You alright?"

"Just tired." Derek murmured his body leaning to one side.

"Good. But next time you have an idea don't tell me." Mark told him turning the wheelchair around back towards his room.

"Crap."

Derek muttered when he saw who was walking towards them with an intent look

of purpose.

"Crap? No Derek you should be thanking god I'm not Meredith. Just out of interest do you have a death wish?"

Addison demanded her hands on her hips. With them, both looking more like guilty children than adults she had to fight the urge to smile. Instead, she sighed at how pale and tired Derek looked.

"Kiddo's not awake is she?"

"No."

Addison said both her face and voice softening. Remembering how for the first time in days Meredith had looked at ease. Curled up in Derek's bed sleeping like a child with her head pillowed on her hands.

"Your mom is sat in with her."

It was Mary who had sent her in search of them both. Knowing just as well as she did how Meredith would react if he weren't there when she woke.

"But what were you doing in his room; I thought you were in the O.R all day?" Mark asked as she took over the control of the wheelchair.

"Dr Grey kicked me off the case."

"What did you do to piss her off?"

Tipping his head back, Derek looked up at her. A teasing sparkle coming through the cloud of fatigue and brought a reluctant smile to her face.

"Nothing. I walked into the scrub room and she told me to get out."

Addison said, shrugging it off a lot easier than Mark or Derek would have. She wasn't one to keep her mouth shut but she knew there was nothing she could say or do to change Meredith's mothers mind. Her dislike had nothing to do with surgical skill but all about whom she dated and was friends with.

"I think she's starting to regret ever saving your life!"

"I did wonder how long that would take to kick in,"

"I just don't get it! If it was Mark maybe but you… Even my parents asked if I'd made the right choice!"

"Thanks a lot! However, I don't think it's anything personal exactly against Shep, but more men in general! The dragon's a bit of a man hater!"

"I don't care if it is me I just wish she'd leave Mer alone." Derek sighed as they reached his room. Mark helping him to his feet as their mother approached.

"Right now I could happily bang both your empty heads together. What did Dr Grant warn about too much too soon and now look at you!" Mary hissed glaring at them each in turn.

"Mom, Mark just wheeled me out for some air." Derek tried only for Mary to discard his comment with a wave of her hand.

"When will you learn you can't lie to me Derek Shepherd? You've already put that girl through hell so next time before you do something stupid think of that!"

"Sorry Mom!"

Exhausted Derek sank down on to the edge of the bed. Careful not to wake Meredith as he reached out to stroke her face. Her skin silky beneath his finger tips and suddenly he just wanted to be alone with her. The two of them alone in their own world, away from every outside influence.

"Mom why don't you let Mark make it up to you. Take you for coffee and cake… Then when Dad gets here I'll send him down."

Seeing the sudden intensity in Derek's eyes as they watched Meredith, Mark stepped forward.

"Yeah come on Mom."

"Okay."

Mary nodded missing the silent messages of thanks passing between them. Going to Derek, she kissed him.

"Do you want anything brought back?"

"No I'm good."

Lying down Derek curled up to Meredith's back. His arms going around her only for her to turn over and snuggle against his chest.

"When I wake up I am going to kill you Shepherd!"

"Don't wake up yet then, I'm quite happy where I am…" Derek said into her hair, tightening his hold on her and feeling her smile against his neck.

"I'm not planning too."

"Though you could and rather than kill me we could talk!"

He hated to ruin the mood but it had to be done and they needed to take advantage of this time alone. Yet the wall of silence he had been expecting did not materlise. Instead, Meredith moved up the bed so they shared the same pillow.

"It is later." Meredith murmured knowing it was now or never.

"It is! You can tell me Mer no matter what it is. I don't want you to ever think you can't talk to me…"

"I don't think that, I would never… You're Derek, you get me, and you're the first real person to get me apart from Molly."

"Then talk to me."

Derek told her, finding her hand and linking their fingers together.

"I love you, you know that … I've never loved anyone before, I didn't want to and I was happy with that. But then…"

"You met me."

"Yeah I met you and my whole life changed!"

Meredith said in a way that confused him. The smile he would expect missing with no answering sparkle in her green eyes.

"You regret that?"

Derek demanded terrified at where this was taking them. Only for relief to flood him when she vehemently shook her head.

"No! No you are the best thing that ever happened to me, god Derek how could you even think that! It's just that I feel like I'm in up over my head!"

Sighing Meredith tried to get her jumbled thoughts into some kind of order.

"With you, us I've always been over my head but that was okay because I had you. I was learning and then it … well it happened!"

"The crash?"

"Yeah and suddenly I was faced with losing you. For that whole time I had to see what life without you would do to me,"

"Mer?" Derek breathed but covering his mouth with her hand, she shook her head.

"I'm scared Derek. Scared of ever losing you and, even more of loving you this much."

"Oh…"

"I never want to live that life Derek… But I don't know what to do, I am stuck. I'm an avoider Derek this is my cue to run but I can't."

"You can't...?"

"No I'm in this so far there is no going back. Your dad he told me not to let fear ruin it but I'm so scared Derek"

The tears forming in her eyes were reflected in his as Derek moved both hands up to cup her cheeks. Kissing her hard and passionately.

"I love you just as much Mer and I get scared sometimes too. Scared you'll wake up and see I'm not good enough for you or that …"

"Shut up." Meredith smiled through her tears but Derek nodded

"It's true. Look Mer there are no guarantees in life but I can promise you as long as I have a choice I will never leave you. Okay and that is a promise?"

"Okay."

"You don't mean that but in time you will. You'll see I promise."

* * *

"Liz you realise Mark only did exactly what Derek would have done in his place. You know there is no way Derek would have stood back and let you talk about Addison like that."

Michael told his daughter as he followed her onto the elevator, pushing the button for Derek's floor. This was her first visit to the hospital since Derek had woken up and her and Mark had fallen out. Instead, she had helped look after her sister's children whilst they had all visited refusing to listen to any persuasion.

Though Lizzie would never admit it, Michael knew guilt played a large part in that reluctance. Guilt about the row over Sunday dinner, then the argument between her and Mark that Derek had woken to the end off.

"She isn't Addie."

Lizzie bite back. Though she knew, it was not fair she couldn't seem to stop herself blaming Meredith for all of this. For the fact in everybody's eyes, she was the bad guy.

"No she isn't but she is the girl Derek loves just as Addison is to Mark. Derek has had many girlfriends in the past but I can't remember Mark ever being this protective over one. Can you?"

"No."

Lizzie admitted sullenly after a moment's pause knowing she couldn't deny it. Recent events had shown a side to Mark she'd never seen before.

"Then that should tell you all you need to know! Mark is nobody's fool love and neither is Addison. Don't you think that if Meredith was that bad for Derek they would have let everyone know it by now…?"

Michael suggested but staring stubbornly at the door Lizzie stuck to her previous claims.

"I just think Derek has rushed into it."

"Liz they love each other. I get that you're protective of him; it's how we brought you all up to be, to look out and take care of each other. But Derek is an adult, an adult who knows his own heart and mind."

Michael murmured as he put a hand of his shoulder and squeezed softly.

"Meredith is hardly an adult though!"

"I think she's more grown up than you give her credit for. I doubt she was ever really a child and you only have to meet her mother to see the reason why."

"You think I'm in the wrong dad?"

"In not giving Meredith a chance, yes! You know by pushing her away you push Derek and Mark too."

"Dad." Lizzie sighed

"I know that isn't what you want love." Michael drew her to him as the elevator doors opened.

"Of course it isn't,"

Lizzie insisted as he kissed her cheek. Knowing her father was right but finding it hard to accept.

"Then you know what to do." Michael murmured with a gentle smile guiding her out of the elevator.

"You like her don't you Dad?"

"Meredith? I do. They seem well suited and she makes Derek smile how I have never seen before, even now when he is in pain."

Slowing his pace as they got close to Derek's room, he turned his daughter to face him.

"Put all your own reservations aside and spend some time just watching them…"

"Mr Shepherd could spare me few minutes of your time?"

Though it was worded as a request to both father and daughter, it seemed much more of a demand.

"I can but if it's about my son's condition then..."

For a second time in a space of a few minutes, Ellis Grey interrupted him.

"It's not. I actually need your help with a matter of interest to us both."

Lizzie watched her father's confusion grew and for a moment allowed herself to really look at Ellis Grey. From the neat, tightly pulled back hair, to the shoes on her feet everything about her screamed hard cold emotionless control. Her scrubs were not even creased and Lizzie found it hard to see her as Meredith mother. The same Meredith who had sat in the same clothes for hours, who was living out of the hospital.

"Liz why don't you go ahead take these magazines to them both."

Michael instructed and shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she took the bag from the hospital gift shop from her hands. Forgetting her own reluctance as she watched Ellis lead Michael back the way they'd came.

As he followed Ellis Grey into an empty exam room Michael unknowingly did exactly what Lizzie just had. His eyes searched the woman in front of him for any real resemblance between her and her daughter. Anything that would link her to the girl his son was so in love with. It was in stark contrast to what he was around Meredith. With her right from the start, he'd been drawn to her. Every parental instinct in him wanting to reach out and take care of her. Look after her in a way he was certain Ellis had never taken the time to do. Mary he knew felt the same and, was more than ready to welcome her into the family.

Now stood looking into green eyes that had none of the warmth or vitality of Meredith's Michaels confusion only grew. She had talked about shared interests but their only shared interest was Meredith and Derek. Moreover, something told him this was about to be a conversation neither of them would want taking place.

"Mr Shepherd as a parent yourself I'm sure you understand that I only want what is best for Meredith?"

Both the words and tone Ellis used only served to rouse his suspicions further and, Michael chose his own answer carefully.

"I can. However, I'm not really sure how this concerns me; I have only known Meredith a few days…?"

"It concerns you because I'm assuming you want the best for Derek too?"

"Well of course I do." Michael answered briskly still no nearer to knowing what she wanted. Yet what he was becoming sure of was that this conversation just might not end as pleasantly as it had started.

"Therefore you must be able to see Meredith is not what is best for him?"

"Actually I can't. They make each other incredibly happy." Michael said well aware it wasn't what she wanted to hear from him. Her obviously fake smile slipping as her eyebrows rose scornfully.

"Happy? What on earth has happiness to do with anything! Anyone can be happy Mr Shepherd but, I did not raise my daughter to just be anyone."

If he hadn't known, she was completely serious Michael would have laughed. However, the absurdity was soon forgotten as renewed sympathy for Meredith welled up inside of him.

"I was willing to wait this out, men have never been a permanent fixture in Meredith's life but, that option is no longer open to me. Not when my foolish ungrateful daughter has got it in to her head to transfer to NYU."

"Don't you think that's Meredith's decision to make? I know her and Derek love each other so, the desire to be nearer to one another is a natural one."

Michael said calmly not at all shocked by the revelation. More surprised that it was Ellis Meredith had confided in when he was sure Derek had no idea.

"Then you know nothing. Your son may have fallen in love but I assure you Meredith hasn't. If anything this whole farce is based around Meredith seeking to embarrass me, Derek just happened to come into her life at the right time. He has …"

The sharp sound of her pager cut through her rant and Michael was never more relived. His temper though not as quick as either of his sons was beginning to rise and he wanted out before he lost control.

"I have to take this but this conversation isn't…"

This time Michael interrupted as he moved to open the door.

"No it is. You've already said too much and if you expect me to agree with you in anyway your mistaken. I also think your greatly mistaken in your daughter and her relationship with Derek."

Pausing to gather his temper Michael blocked the door with his arm

"Dr Grey I have three daughters I know teenage girls and there is no way Meredith would be here if she didn't love Derek. If I was you and before you do something stupid I would take a long hard look at myself and the relationship I have with my daughter!"

* * *

"Hey stranger."

The familiar voice from the bed stopped Lizzie from walking the rest of the way out of the room. Instead she turned back to find a pair of blue eyes looking right back at her.

"You were pretending to sleep. Why were you pretending to sleep?"

"I thought you were Meredith."

He admitted with a furtive glance at the door.

"She left me with strict instructions to sleep but…"

Derek trailed off and Lizzie watched a blush stain his cheeks. His trademark smile turning bashful.

"It's not so easy to sleep without her here."

"You could just tell her that." Lizzie suggested absently as she sat down in one of the chairs surrounding his bed.

"I will when I want to be mocked,"

Derek's grin grew and Lizzie found herself almost smiling back. The last time she had seen him, he had just woken and only had one thing on his mind. Agitated and restless right up until Meredith had flung herself into his arms.

Even then, his colour had not returned and, he had looked far from the Derek they were used too. The improvement over the last few days was massive but it was still a shock to see him looking so weak.

"So, where is Meredith?"

From what her family had told, her Meredith barely left the hospital. Spending all hours of the day and night at Derek's side.

"The Chief's office. She's having some school work faxed over."

Pushing himself up on the pillow Derek looked at his sister closely. Not missing the way she could not hold his gaze. Or that this was her first visit since he had woken up after the surgery.

Whenever he had brought her absence up to his parents, they had put it down to her working and taking care of all the children. But, he had not been convinced especially after Nancy had let slip about the fight between her and Mark.

A fight it was not hard to guess at the provocation behind. Nothing would have caused Mark to lose it when his parents were already under so much strain except one thing. Meredith or the need to defend a Meredith in pain from attack.

"What happened whilst I was unconscious Liz?"

Derek asked trying not to let anger seep into his voice. He didn't want an argument but just to know the facts.

"Don't say nothing did, I'm not stupid and I know you!"

Lizzie looked into the blue eyes, copies of their fathers and Michaels words from earlier echoed in her mind. With a sigh Lizzie nodded, knowing Derek wouldn't settle for anything but the truth.

"I was a bitch… But I was scared Der, scared you wouldn't come through it when we all needed you too. And, I felt like the worst sister in the world too because the last time we spoke was a fight…"

"So, you took it out on Mer? She was the easy target right? I mean you were already pissed about us. You hit out at her because she made you feel like the bad sister…?"

Derek didn't need her to answer the guilt was written all over her face. Tears forming in the brown eyes.

"Der…"

Lizzie sighed. The look in his eyes affecting her more than any words could. It was disappointment combined with anger and, it erased all the welcome that had been there minutes ago.

"I just, I'm sorry…What I said then and Sunday was wrong but, I said it because I care. I don't want to see you get hurt or see you suffering… But, I don't want to fight either, not with you or Mark so I'll try okay? I'll try with Meredith!"

Derek knew exactly what it cost her to say all that and was sure it hadn't been what she had planned coming up here. Nodding he opened his arms and after a seconds hesitation Lizzie took the open invitation. Hugging him as Derek spoke softly into her hair.

"That's all I ask. I don't ever want to choose but it would be Meredith every time. She's my family now too."

There was no doubt that he meant it and with her head on his shoulder, Lizzie hated it. Hated that it had come to this, her brother ready to choose a girl over them all.

"You don't have to choose. Mom and Dad adore her, so do the girls and I'm trying…"

* * *

"When I told you to sleep I did mean the closed eyes version Shepherd!"

With eyes only for Derek, Meredith crossed the room to him. She walked within inches of Lizzie without seeing her, her whole focus on the bed.

"I wasn't aware there was any other kind Grey." Derek chuckled, lost in the warmth radiating from her green eyes.

Ever since their talk, earlier Meredith's mood had seemed that much lighter. Maybe not enough for anyone else to notice but he could. It wasn't fixed and, he wasn't even sure how to go about doing it but it was a start. Meredith had opened up and let him in that was enough for now.

"Anyway you'd have only been disappointed if I was…"

"Oh really?" Meredith tried not to laugh as he flashed her the cocky grin she loved so much.

"Mmm hmm. You see it would mean me not being able to do this!"

His hand reaching up and tangling in her hair Derek pulled her down to him. Closing the last gap between them as their lips met, the kiss as teasing as it was tender.

"Hello! Sister in the room, who is currently vomiting a little!" Lizzie called out when it became obvious Derek had completely forgotten her existence.

Though she was curious this being the first time she'd really seen them together without Derek barely conscious this was too much. It was as if the whole world had disappeared the moment Meredith entered the room.

Derek's smile when he'd looked up was one Lizzie had never seen before. In fact she was sure it was involuntary. The softening of an expression, a warmth not there previously glowing in his eyes. However, she hadn't been able to stop herself wishing he'd found this with someone else. Someone older, whose family connections wouldn't complicate his life.

Watching the flush now creep up Meredith's neck to her cheeks Lizzie was able to see what had attracted Derek. Meredith was beautiful and superficially they looked perfect together.

"Sorry. Hey, hi I didn't see you just now so hi and, sorry, that was rude of us."

Meredith looked panicked up until Derek drew her down beside him. Lizzie watched his arms wrap around her and knowing what it meant to him smiled.

"Hello and no it's fine… It's just your brother making out that's something no sister really wants to see."

She tried to keep her voice light and was rewarded by a smile from Derek. Before his attention turned back to Meredith, so much so she was sure both had forgot she was there. It caused her to get to her feet after only a few minutes.

"I'm going to go see where Dad has got too."

"Liz?"

For the second time in twenty minutes Derek's voice stopped her at the door of his room. And, turning she forced her lips into a smile.

"I may be trying Der but, that doesn't mean I want to play gooseberry!"

"Okay." Derek nodded allowing her to leave this time.

Though he was trying hard a part of him was still angry with her. Angry for Lizzie giving Meredith a rough ride and for not being able to accept this. Her reservations may be because she loved him but right now that wasn't helping.

"What was that about?" Meredith asked curiously as he twined their fingers together. Derek squeezing them tightly raised them to his lips.

"Why didn't you tell me how hard she made it for you?"

"Because she didn't. Okay maybe a few remarks but I had Mark, Addison and your parents fighting my corner. And all I really cared about was you and your welfare!"

Meredith explained as his chin came to rest on her shoulder.

"Then there is the fact she is your sister, not your nicest one but she is your sister. Lizzie loves you and to her I'm just some girl out to hurt her brother and Derek I understand that."

"That does not make her behaviour acceptable Mer…"

He sighed with a shake of his head.

"Maybe we should just lock her and your mom in a room, let them go at it together!"

"Not such a bad idea." Meredith giggled turning her head so their lips could touch.

"I could do without just about everyone and everything as long as I still had you."

Derek whispered against her lips. Watching as her eyes fluttered open, a hint of uncertainty in them.

"You could?"

"Yes. You're the one person that I can't imagine getting over losing... In that way Mer we are exactly the same!"

"Just not meant to be apart."

Meredith breathed kissing him again before she settled herself comfortably. Her back resting against his chest , his lips pressing into her hair.

"No and I'm not going anywhere. One day you'll believe that without me even having to say it I promise!"

_I wish that I could place the whole world in front of you,_

_But, a man is just a man so baby here's my vow to you._

_Never will I break your heart,_

_Never will we ever part._

_Never._

_**So that was that??? Not much to say but that updates will be more regular im gonna try real hard to keep ontop of it! **_

**_O__h and Hayley will be making a return before too long so PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!_**


	27. Chapter 27

**_Massive Thanks to all that reviewed the last Chapter and Sorry this is a week late! _**

**_But good news is i finish for Xmas this week so will have lots more time 2 write and update more frequently._**

**_So this chap its part one obviously and much more of a filler leading up to part 2 which when writing it seems even more obvious. Pretty much making that sentence pointless! _**

**_Anyway all i ask is you Read, Enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW!_**

**_Oh and of course a massive THANKS to Afan17/ Cara for all her help!_**

You'll Be In My Heart.

Part One

Standing just inside Derek's bedroom doorway, Nancy watched an unaware Meredith with a thoughtful smile. The four of them going to the apartment today had been Addison's idea and, Nancy was starting to think of it one of her better ones.

Not only was it giving both her and Annie a chance to spend time with Meredith away from the hospital, it was giving them the opportunity to ready the apartment for Derek's impending discharge.

However, Meredith had shown no enthusiasm whatsoever that morning when the idea was first suggested to her. She had not even bothered to fake any but, instead of taking offence, Nancy had been amused. Mark had been right. Meredith was not a pushover and the more Nancy saw the more she could not help liking Meredith Grey. And, there was no more denying that Meredith was pretty much the person made for Derek, despite all their differences in where they were in their lives.

One thing that struck her most of all was unlike all Derek's past relationships there was no hero worship involved. They were complete equals. And, if anyone was doing the worshipping it was definitely Derek, which Nancy was sure was a new experience for him.

However, what was a new experience for them all was seeing someone have so much influence over Derek. Never an easy patient as a child, the years had done nothing but magnify that restless impatience in him.

Indeed as his strength grew so did his frustration at having to spend so much time in bed. They had all tried and failed in distracting him and it was only Meredith who succeeded, doing it with little more than a smile.

With Meredith beside him, Derek became calm and more content to do what his body needed him to do and that was lie still and rest. Yet it seemed to go both ways, as it was down to Derek and Derek only that Meredith was even here.

Addison, ignoring all Meredith's protests, had gone to Derek and played it perfectly. Using emotional blackmail and guilt so well that despite his own reluctance for her to leave he had spent twenty minutes persuading Meredith.

"Now I know why Der said you were the only one allowed in here,"

Nancy spoke drawing Meredith's attention to her as she stepped further into the room.

"You embrace the chaos like him and Mark!"

"Is it that obvious?"

Meredith laughed adding another of the text books that seemed to litter the whole apartment to the pile stacked under the window.

"Just a little."

Nancy nodded returning Meredith's smile before she lifted a pile of clothes slung over a chair and dumped them into the washing basket.

"I was going for Addison tidy or as close as I could get but…" Meredith trailed off with a shrug.

Glancing around the room, Meredith felt more at home then what she had experienced in any of her mother's houses. She loved every inch of it, from the blue walls covered in posters of Ferryboats and famous skylines down to the polished bare floorboards. The room screamed Derek and even now when he had not slept there in a week she could still feel his warmth, his presence.

"Forget it; no normal person can achieve Addie tidy; she puts us all to shame. Anyway could you imagine Derek's reaction if he came home to the whole apartment looking like a show home?"

Nancy said grinning wickedly, almost tempted to let Addison have free rein of the place just to see Derek's face.

"You have the exact same look in your eyes that Derek gets when he's deciding just how far to take something!"

"Mmm. I'm deciding whether it would be worth it but, I'm having serious second thoughts,"

She laughed watching Meredith move around the room, rearranging and tidying with an ease that spoke of not only her knowledge of the room but her intimate knowledge of Derek too.

"Derek and Mark were twelve when they brought and fixed a lock to their bedroom door. I'm still not sure whether its purpose was to stop us rooting around or to stop Mom from tidying up."

Nancy said, somewhat out of nowhere as she felt her eyes drawn to the photographs that had held her attention for so long the last time she was here. They were photographs that showed the Derek they were only just getting to know, engrossed in a laughing Meredith.

Last week before Derek and Meredith had come home, this photograph had been her first real glimpse of the girl Mark, had told them so much about. Forgetting about folding the clothes Nancy crossed the room to pick up the one that had been her instant favourite.

Derek had obviously been holding the camera out in front of them and he was not even looking directly into it. His eyes were glued to Meredith in a look of utter worship and adoration. Meredith, who was looking down the lens, looked happier and more relaxed than Nancy had ever seen. Green eyes shone with a light that drew you in, making you want to share in it all with them.

"I think these are the best photo's I've ever seen of Derek,"

As Meredith came up beside her Nancy passed the photo to her. Not missing the way her face softened or how her fingers traced the outline of Derek's features.

"It was taken in Hanover; it was our three month anniversary. Derek surprised me by coming up for the whole weekend."

"Three month anniversary? Is my baby brother really that cheesy?"

She teased dropping down to sit on the bed as she picked up the next photograph. This one was of Meredith only but what made it stand out was that it was of her sleeping.

"By the looks of this, he really is."

"He isn't, not really."

Meredith started but at Nancy's look of disbelief, she amended it with a grin.

"Well okay maybe he is a little. But, it is sweet cheesy rather than a sickly over the top cheese fest. I know for normal people being together for three months is not much to shout about but, for me, the girl who never went out with the same guy more than twice it's huge and he got that."

"What's so different about Derek?"

Nancy had not known she was going to ask it until the question had left her mouth. She knew it was something Derek would not want her asking but Meredith did not seem to mind.

"He's Derek…"

Meredith murmured softly as she joined Nancy on the bed. The framed photograph still clutched in her hands.

"He is the only man who could have started off as a one night stand that then turned into a weekend that has now turned into forever."

Blushing slightly Meredith sighed.

"You're his sister, you love and want to protect him, you all do and I get that. But, I love him too. In this, massive all consuming way that I did not think was possible for anyone to feel, let alone me. None of you can fully understand what Derek has done for me and I can't think of a time that I would ever hurt him,"

"Then that's all any of us will ever need to know."

* * *

"I just don't get why you let Mer go, I bet she didn't want to! Cleaning, girl talk and bonding? Since when has she been interested in that? Kiddo likes tequila, pizza, and hanging out with us, not all that crap! 

Mark grumbled and Derek could not help but silently agree with most of what he had said. Meredith had been gone for barely two hours and along with the ache of missing her, boredom was beginning to set in, boredom he never seemed to feel when she was around. Then again, they never ran out of things to talk, smile or, laugh about.

The search for relief of at least some of that boredom had driven Derek to escape his mother and come in search of Mark. However, the process had been slow due to his lack of speed and Mark's inability to answer a page. Out of breath and energy, he had finally caught up with him by the coffee cart in the lobby.

"And, can you imagine what Nancy could be telling her right now?"

Mark demanded, paling at the very thought. Nancy no doubt had more on the two of them than the other three Shepherd girls put together.

Derek though looked calm, shrugging his shoulders as he took his coffee and headed to the nearest set of chairs.

"You're forgetting that Annie is with them, she won't let it go too far. Anyway I've nothing to worry about; thanks to you Mer already knows everything I wish she didn't!"

He said as he sank into the chair with a groan of relief that earned him a quick assessing look from Mark.

"That's you, not me! I on the other hand still have that mysterious god like status!"

Fatigue forgotten Derek's mouthful of coffee nearly ended up all over his sweatpants as he choked on a laugh.

"We are still talking about the same Meredith aren't we? My incredibly smart girlfriend who just twelve hours ago described you as the biggest jerk she had ever had the misfortune to know?"

"Ah but she was pissed at me then!"

Mark brushed it away with a smirk and wave of his hand. The same smirk that had gotten him into all the trouble last night. That had caused Meredith to throw a book at him and refuse to even acknowledge him for the rest of the night.

"If I'm worried about anything it's the behaviour of your girlfriend. Have you forgotten what happened the last time she was let loose in our place?"

"Then why the hell did you hand over the keys? You have said no in the past easily enough so why not again? Or, has that bang on your head made you forget everything about the manipulative women in our lives?"

"Emotional blackmail." Derek muttered flushing as Mark's eyes widened and he shook his head.

"Addie used Meredith didn't she? Played on your guilt about how she's dropped everything to be at your side."

As he nodded, Mark shook his head

"Shit Shep you're a girl!"

"I'm a girl for openly loving my girlfriend? What about you Mr 'I cry my way through every chick flick ever filmed…'"

Derek teased as his eyes travelled the around the lobby, automatically picking out the chair Meredith had been sat in the night they met. It was impossible to come down here without thinking of her or, of the night, he thought as the most important of his life.

"Is it my fault I suffer from sensitive eyes that water at the slightest irritation? I can't help it!"

"Oh of course, I forgot your medical condition, sorry!"

Unable to stop the smirk spreading across his face Derek watched Mark's mouth open. But before Mark could make any kind of retort, his pager went off.

"Your future dragon in law desires my company! Man do you know how much I wish Grant had kept me on his service." He ended on a wistful sigh.

"Dr Grey probably requested you. After me you are her favourite person whose life she wants to make hell." Derek said dryly as Mark's eyes went over his face.

"Are you going to be alright? I can come back up with you first if you want too?"

"I'm good. I'll sit and finish this then make my way back up." Derek told him. His smile softening into one of reassurance at the very real concern in his friends eyes.

"Sure Shep?"

"I'm fine." Derek nodded leaning back and, for the moment before his pager went off for the second time he was sure Mark was going to ignore him.

"Mark just go, don't give her more reason to be pissed at you!"

Looking down into the tired blue eyes Mark dithered for a further second before dumping his coffee cup into the trash can.

"If you can't, screw your pride and have me paged, okay? Mom and Mer kicking my ass is not what I need today."

* * *

The moment Mark disappeared into the elevator and the doors slid shut behind him, Derek let his head fall back. He rubbed his fingers up over his face to the bandages he couldn't wait to be rid off as he closed his eyes. 

His recovery so far had exceeded everyone's expectations including his own. Yet, despite that, Derek knew just how far he was from being at full strength. He shared that truth with no one but Dr Grant and Meredith.

With Meredith, he felt no need to hide just how tired he was. How the simplest of tasks drained him of the energy it took to even keep himself upright. There was no fear that she would start to treat him like a child or wrap him in cotton wool, as he knew his mother and sisters would.

She seemed to know by instinct when he felt at his worst. But, rather than making any fuss, she'd simply smile and lie down beside him, surrounding him with her sweet scent whilst her fingers stroked over his face lulling him into sleep.

Meredith was the one person who could claim not to have faced the brunt of his frustration, or been snapped at. For one simple reason, he never felt any of that frustration when she was there.

"Derek?"

Derek's eyes snapped open the moment the unfamiliar hand stroked over his cheek. Moving out of reach of any further contact as he blinked up into a pair of brown eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine. Just taking a breather before I head back upstairs."

With a shake of his head Derek drained his coffee in one go. Trying not to grimace when Hayley took the seat Mark had just vacated.

"What are you doing down here anyway? I thought Dr Grant had you locked away in that private room of yours."

Hayley said and beneath the jokey tone, Derek thought he heard a hint of underlying bitterness. But, Derek dismissed the thought as she continued to smile sweetly up at him.

"I was having coffee with Mark till he was paged. But, I should be getting back. I've been longer than I said I would be."

Derek spoke as he pushed himself to his feet. Fatigue he was doing his best to ignore caused him to wobble until a hand cupped his elbow.

"Come on I'll walk up with you. I'm meant to be checking on some patients on your floor anyway."

The part of Derek still ruled by pride wanted to shake her hand off. Tell her that he just needed a minute to catch his breath but he didn't. Sure, that if Hayley took the support away he would not get more than a few feet.

When they finally reached the elevator having walked at a snail's pace, Derek slumped back against the far wall. With a forced, fake smile in place, Derek felt her eyes on him again. She was giving him a look he knew Meredith would label as Hayley checking him out. Derek though told himself it was simply that of a doctor.

"Melissa your girlfriend…"Hayley started to speak the moment the doors slid shut with them the only occupants.

"Meredith! My girlfriend her name is Meredith not Melissa."

"Right Meredith. Sorry I'm terrible with names."

Hayley shrugged as she smiled apologetically but Derek could not help but feel annoyed by the slip. Meredith fitted her name perfectly. It was feminine without being to girly and had a strength to it that defined who Meredith was.

"So Mel, I mean Meredith, has she gone back to school already. Is that why you're looking a little lonely?"

"No and no I'm not lonely. Mer is here and we are just fine thanks."

Derek murmured forcing his aching body to move further into the corner. In a desperate attempt to get more space as Hayley seemed only to get closer. The look in her eyes was one he could not pretend to himself was one of a doctor anymore.

"Oh so where is she today then?"

"With Addison and two of my sisters." Eyes glued to the numbers above the door Derek sent up a silent prayer for it to hurry in reaching its destination.

At full strength, he knew the whole situation would have only amused him and the annoyance if any would have been small.

"If I had a boyfriend like you I couldn't imagine not wanting to be by your side whenever you needed me. But then again if you had a girlfriend like me you'd be the most…"

The space between them was shrinking further. Her heavy perfume sticking in the back of his throat, making it difficult to breathe. There really was no more trying to ignore this. It was a blatant come on and a situation Meredith would probably kill him for not seeing coming.

"Hayley seriously just stop."

Derek groaned using the wall for support as he moved closer to the doors and away from her.

"I'm sorry if somehow in anyway I might have given out the wrong signals but, I am really not interested. You're a great girl but I'm irreversibly in love with my girlfriend!"

"So what? You'd give up the chance of all this for that twelve year old you're dating?"

Hayley demanded flicking her blonde hair back. Looking at her, Derek felt nothing whatsoever as well as no sense of regret. Meredith had blinded him to all other girls and he was perfectly happy with that.

"No I'm giving up this for the beautiful girl I'm planning on spending the rest of my life with!"

"You will regret this; you don't know what you're missing out on!" She hissed barging past him and the two nurses who were just about to step onto the elevator.

* * *

"Good heavens Derek what have you been doing? You said you were only going to stretch your legs!" 

Mary Shepherd demanded rushing forward to meet him. Her brown eyes wide and filled with concern at the sight of him slumped in the doorway.

"And I did, only I may have stretched them too far…"

Derek attempted a smile as his father came and put an arm around him. Michael taking most of Derek's weight as they walked the few steps to the bed.

"Don't try to be funny, I'm in no mood for it young man. If you cannot take care of yourself for your own sake then at least do it for the people who love you. Now where exactly did you stretch them too?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Derek saw his father shake his head. A movement so tiny he thought he would imagined it until they locked eyes.

"I went to have a look at the O.R board."

Derek lied understanding the message in his father's eyes perfectly. Michael did not want him to reveal he had been with Mark anymore than Derek did.

Right now in her concern for him Mary would overlook it but if he told the truth, her full wrath would come down on Mark's undeserving shoulders.

The walk from the elevator had taken the last of his strength and with each step; he had regretted not accepting Mark's earlier offer of help.

"I should have known."

Mary tutted as she pulled back the sheets, as the two men had expected not questioning it further.

"However, what I do know is you need somebody to look you over. You look awful."

"Really Mom I'm fine."

Derek tried his best not to snap as he climbed into bed. Hating that he felt so weak and suddenly missing Meredith with a sharp intensity.

"Don't fuss love."

Michael murmured seeing the set of his son's shoulders as he drew his wife in to his arms.

"Despite the fact he can show the common sense of a six year old, he would know if it was anything more serious."

"I would." Derek nodded his expression visibly softening. "I'm sorry for worrying you Mom."

"See love. Now let us leave him to rest, go see if we can hunt down some of that coffee cake he's always on about."

Michael suggested and after a few seconds of thought Mary nodded

"Okay but I swear Derek Shepherd if you set one foot out of that bed I will make you regret the day you were born!" Mary said, her fire returning as she bent over him to kiss his cheek.

It felt like he had barely closed his eyes before a familiar cold voice had them snapping open.

"How you manage to sleep knowing that you are ruining a young girls future I don't know."

Confused by tiredness and her words Derek forgot all politeness as he shook his head.

"What are you going on about?"

"Oh don't you dare act the innocent with me Shepherd. Only you could have put this foolish notion in to her head!"

Rubbing his face Derek groaned as he sat up in bed and, turned to face the angry Ellis Grey stood just inside his doorway.

"Meredith has a name. One you could try using and, I really don't have any idea of just what I'm meant to have done?"

"What you're meant to have done? So where else would Meredith get the idea of moving to New York from?"

The words spoken so harshly seemed to echo around the room as Derek stared dumbly at her.

"Mer's moving to New York?"

**_So no Mer/Der in this Chap but next Chap will make up for it! Anyway i dont have anything to say but PLEASE Review!!_**


	28. Chapter 28

_Im just crap for not having this up sooner but ive been banking updates instead of posting them and found it really hard to write about Derek without killing him off! Like getting run over by a bus driven by Meredith killing him so just blame Shonda for lack of updates... _

_But anyway heres Part 2 and all i ask is PLEASE REVIEW to show me you still care about the story!_

You'll Be In My Heart

Part 2

"You didn't know…"

There was obvious delight in Ellis Grey's voice as the reality of the situation dawned. A harder light now, chilling the green eyes as she smiled triumphantly, her steps light as she moved further into his room.

"Well she really does enjoy keeping secrets from you doesn't she?"

"Who are you going on about now?"

Derek demanded his fingers going to his temple, massaging in small circles as he tried to make some sense of it all.

"My daughter. First it was her true identity and now this…"

Derek too torn in what he felt could not even find the words to argue. Part of him was bathing in the warmth, the excitement of them being together all the time. Relief that never again would either of them have to suffer the pain of Meredith being so far away.

However, another currently louder part was angry and bitter. Angry that it was Ellis Grey telling him this life changing news and not Meredith. Bitter because he couldn't even be happy when he was going to get all that he had wanted since spending that first weekend with Meredith.

"Surely this only goes to show you this charade of a relationship isn't as strong as either of you have claimed… How long will it be before you see what I've been pointing out all along?"

It was that cruel mockery in her voice that rankled his already taut nerves more than anything else did. It made him swallow the angry indignation, the hurt so he was able to defend himself, Meredith and the relationship his world centered around.

"What I and Meredith have is stronger than you can ever understand. Nothing and I mean nothing that you could ever tell me could change that!"

"Oh please grow up! Stop kidding yourself. Try thinking if Meredith hasn't told you this what else hasn't she been telling you?"

"Have you not thought it may be a surprise that she planning or something that she is still thinking through?" Derek demanded, fighting an internal war to keep his own voice steady.

"That does not sound like Meredith to me!"

"And just how well do you think you know Mer? When was the last time you bothered to really see and hear her…?"

"There's no need for me to bother. Over the years I have seen, heard and put up with enough to understand her perfectly."

"See I don't think you do, I think you don't have a clue about Mer or her life. If you did, you'd trust her to make her decisions and, to know what was right for her!"

Derek told her, his voice though still not rising was filled with emotion. No matter how angry he was with her right now Meredith was still the other half of him. Whom he would always defend and fight for every single step of the way.

"You mean you…"

Ellis snorted as she shook her head.

"Right now Meredith should be in class working towards her future, not sitting vigil at your bedside or gallivanting around New York. So no, you are the last thing Meredith needs!"

"I'm what she wants though, why cant that be enough? I make her happy and, I love her more than life itself."

Derek cried sitting forward. Wishing there was hair for him to run his agitated fingers through. However, Ellis seemed not to hear, his words shrugged away without a second thought.

"I don't care! There is absolutely no way I will ever approve of you or will sanction a transfer to NYU."

"It's not your decision."

Derek shouted grabbing for the last shreds of control but missing.

"It's not yours; it's not mine it is Meredith's! You cannot and do not get to pick and choose when to be a mother to her…"

"How dare you speak to me like that? Who on earth do you think you are?"

Ellis demanded looking angrier than Derek had ever seen. However, he had gone past the point of caring.

"I'm the one person in this room that wants what is best for Meredith. Who loves her for being her and doesn't think of her as an inconvenience!"

"Why you jumped…"

"That's enough!"

Neither of them had been aware of Miles Grants arrival until his voice bellowed from the doorway. Both however watched him shut the door with a loud bang, closing out the group of onlookers.

"I don't know what this is about and I don't care but it stops now! Dr Grey your needed down in the pit and…"

"I haven't finished."

"Yes you have."

Never had Derek seen Ellis Grey dismissed like that or seen her accept it. Watching in awe as she turned sharply on her heel and left.

Dr Grant however instead of following came to the head of his bed. Gently pushing Derek back against his pillows.

"Derek I know your not yourself but you cannot forget that she is your superior. That professionally at least she deserves your respect despite your personal issues."

Dr Grant spoke as he did a brief exam and could not help but be glad it was him not Meredith who had walked in on them.

"She does love Meredith you know. It may not seem so but deep down underneath it all she does, as much as she possibly can."

He said understanding perfectly Derek's look of doubt.

"It's not enough though, for Mer or for anyone else for that matter. Mer deserves more, so much more."

Derek sighed his hands rubbing over his face as the reason for Ellis being in his room came flooding back. With the sudden need to be alone unless it was Meredith who was here, Derek faked a yawn for the older man. It worked perfectly as he started to back out the room.

"Now you lie still and rest or you won't be going anywhere in a few days."

* * *

Sat with her legs crossed beneath her on the couch Meredith found herself again glancing uneasily around the room. In the time that it had taken, her to only tidy Derek's bedroom Addison had transformed the living room. 

The cluttered, disorganised room she loved and, had always felt so at home in had disappeared. Now in its place was a room that though tidy was stripped of all the warmth, spirit and personality of the two men that lived there.

"Derek is going to hate this."

The sigh that put into words the very thoughts bouncing around her own head came from beside her. Turning Meredith watched Annie's gaze take the exact same route around the room as hers just had.

"Then he will hate me for not stopping her! Nancy he wont expect too but me I'm meant to be the sister he can rely on!"

"I'm keeping hope that any hatred will centre around Addison or, himself for being so stupid to agree to this in the first place."

Meredith told her as in search of comfort she drew her knees up to her chest. Already missing the thick fleecy throws that previously had been draped over the leather couch. Ones her and Derek had spent hours curled up beneath wrapped in each other's arms.

"I don't think I've ever been this uncomfortable in here before!"

"And that totally takes away my need to ask which version you prefer…"

"Didn't Addison tell you I'm a lost cause? Irreversibly lost to the dark side, I think that's what might have sealed the deal with Derek." Meredith laughed her smile matching the one shining in the gentle blue eyes watching her.

The more time she spent with Annie the easier it became to understand just why she was such a favourite with Derek and Mark.

It was impossible not to feel at ease in her company and, Meredith was sure she had never met anyone sweeter. It was that rare sweetness too, one that did not become too much or seem false at any point.

"I just don't get why Addie hasn't come to that conclusion about these two yet… It's not like they haven't made their feelings clear, especially Derek!"

Annie's comments drew her attention from her own thoughts and towards the noise coming from Mark's bedroom. Where Addison was continuing to take full advantage of the opportunity Derek had handed her.

"Now Mark's reaction is one I'd pay to see!"

Meredith murmured a smile tugging at her lips.

"Maybe I should offer to help, point them in the direction of where he hides everything he doesn't want Addison to see?"

The mischief dancing in the green eyes made it impossible for Annie not to laugh. A roguish sense of humour that could only attract both her brothers and for her it was what all his previous girlfriends had been missing.

Unlike Mark, Derek did not need someone to settle him down just the opposite in fact. Derek, he needed someone to give him a life outside the hospital, to stop his career becoming his whole world.

"You wouldn't…"

"Probably not but it is tempting, especially after last night!"

Meredith said remembering how he had gone out of his way to wind her up. With Derek in the middle doing his best to placate her whilst telling Mark to shut up.

"He can be an ass but..."

"He's a loveable one."

Meredith finished off for her

"I know it's a trait he shares with Derek."

"Look, lets leave them to it, we can go pick up some lunch then head back to the hospital… Maybe plead our innocence?"

Annie suggested and Meredith nodded, wanting nothing more than to see Derek.

"I'd like that."

* * *

Alone with the door to his room shut Derek stared blindly up at the tiled ceiling above him. Doing his best to not let the burning anger directed at both, the Grey women in his life consume him. Not now, not when what he needed most was a clear head. 

With a groan, he rubbed his hands up over his face and forced himself to concentrate with both his head and heart on Meredith. He knew her, inside out, better than he had ever known anyone and her telling her mother about a transfer before him did not make sense.

If she had gone to Molly, Elliot or even Mark he would have found it easier to grasp. Understanding that she had felt the need to talk it through with someone who though cared about them was not as invested. However that wasn't her mother and, nor did they have that relationship. They weren't able to talk things through not without it ending in an argument. An argument that would leave Meredith distracted, withdrawn and fragile. It was that very thought that had everything slowly falling into place.

Last week the two had fallen out but Meredith had refused to talk about it and now he knew why. She'd said it was nothing, just her mother being Ellis Grey and because he'd already been concerned about her he'd let it go. Now though as he thought it all over, he would bet his life on that being when Meredith had told her the news. He doubted it was because she wanted too; more simply that it had been on her mind. Whoever had pushed Meredith too far that day would have probably heard it and it just happened to be Ellis Grey.

The sound of the door opening had the effect of snapping him from his thoughts and his head turning in the direction of the door. Relief coursing through him when he saw it was Mark and not his parents as he expected.

"The Chief just saved me from being torn apart by the dragon only to send me up here to baby-sit you… Any ideas why?"

"He walked in on a disagreement we were having." Derek admitted as he began to sit up only for Mark to stop him.

"Lie down you look like crap! So what happened this time or is it just another I hate Derek Shepherd day?"

Mark asked as with an amused smile he shook his head.

"God can you imagine what she'll do when you and kiddo marry… I'd lay money on a ten blade doing you some serious damage before you get to I do!"

For a brief moment, Derek was able to forget everything as Mark's words sank in. Just like him, Mark now took for granted that marriage was where he and Meredith were ultimately heading. That everything about them was on a forever basis.

In his own mind he saw them happily married living in a home he had had built especially for her with their family around them. Though the finer details changed perhaps weekly what never did was the woman he shared it with.

"Hell I should have known not to bring marriage and kiddo up in the same breath! You've already got that sappy, I picking out the china look on your face…"

"I wasn't and haven't!" Derek argued his words belied by the flush staining his cheeks as Mark smirked knowingly.

"Oh yes you were you can't lie to me Shep you should know that by now… Anyway are you going to tell me what this shouting match was about or should I just wait to hear it from one of the nurses…?"

"Mer has told her she plans to transfer to NYU."

"Seriously?"

The excitement in Mark's voice and the happiness in his smile made him look like a child on Christmas morning. There was no faking that emotion and it was what he wanted to be free to feel.

"God that's the best news I've heard in ages!"

"It is." Derek nodded and immediately Mark's whole demeanour changed.

"Then why the hell don't you seem happy about it? This is you finally getting what you have wanted from day one, what you've been dreaming about…?"

"I know but up until twenty minutes ago I had no idea about any of it! The only reason I even know now is because Ellis Grey is pissed and determined to not let it happen!"

Derek told him as Mark began to look even more confused.

"Oh."

"You remember that row last week this is what it must have been about."

Derek said as his eyes closed. His fingers massaging over his now throbbing temple.

"The more I think about it the more it makes sense!"

"But why did kiddo tell her? She could have come to any of us if she had needed to talk…"

Mark voiced one of his own thoughts as he leaned forward in the chair before coming to the same conclusion Derek had.

"Unless… she didn't mean to tell her! Mer was an emotional wreck last week and…"

"Exactly!" Derek nodded not surprised in anyway at just how well Mark had come to know Meredith. How with comparative ease she had not just stole his heart but his brothers too.

"But then why the hell are you pissed?"

"I'm not or if I am it's because not once since they fell out has Mer mentioned any of this. It's huge and the last person I wanted to hear about it from was her damn mother!"

* * *

Walking beside Meredith Annie watched the way her shoulders slowly began to relax the closer they got to Derek's room. From the moment, the lobby doors had slid shut behind them she had seen and felt Meredith's whole stance change. How her grip on the carrier bag containing the food she'd insisted on bringing for Derek had visibly tightened.

"You really do hate hospitals don't you? That cant make dating Derek easy…"

"Weirdly when it comes to your brother a lot of things I once thought I couldn't do are somehow easier."

Meredith murmured as her lips relaxed into a thoughtful smile. Not just thinking of how she felt about hospitals but their whole relationship altogether. There was no one else she could imagine herself in so deep with or ever feel so entirely committed too. Let alone ever cause her to consider picking up her whole life and move to be closer to him.

"You two are good forone another, it's obvious to anyone who takes the time to look."

"Well thank you that makes two of you who have given me their sisterly seals of approval today!"

"And as we're his favourites that's all you really need!"

Annie told her and looking into the laughing blue eyes, Meredith saw the first real resemblance between her and Derek. That teasing light that right from the start she had found so irresistible in him was now radiating from Annie and she couldn't stop her smile.

"I wish Derek had told me that earlier and I would have never bothered with Mark,"

"Now that's a lie you adore him, you said yourself earlier he's loveable."

Annie laughed only for it to quickly turn into a frown. Meredith who had started off laughing with her was now looking right past her. Turning to see what was holding her captive she saw Meredith's mother arguing heatedly with a man she was sure was the Chief of Surgery.

"What's that about?"

"I don't know…" Meredith said a little surprised by the sight of them like this. Though the affair between them had burnt out years ago, they had managed to stay close. Or as close as anyone could ever get to her mother.

"A case maybe?"

Annie suggested looking around noticing for the first time the other hospital staff who were trying to look like they weren't watching.

"This isn't about medicine…"

Meredith said more to herself but sure of being the truth. She had sat through enough of those discussions to recognise the signs of one and this was far from it.

"Should we…?" Annie started but was cut off by Meredith grabbing hold of her hand and pulling her off down the hall.

"No we definitely shouldn't! I am in too good a mood to have whatever is bothering her laid at my feet!"

The moment she stepped inside Derek's room Meredith felt the tension radiating from him. Her own good mood slipping away as he attempted a smile that did not come close to reaching his eyes. To anyone else it may have looked like a perfectly normal Derek smile but she knew different. For her it was the biggest warning sign she could have been given.

Since that first time in the lobby, a smile from Derek had always centred on the eyes. Now though instead of that softening and love she would come to expect she was met with a pair of dark, stormy far from happy blue eyes.

"What is it, what's wrong?"

She demanded moving to the head of the bed. Completely ignoring Mark's presence as well as forgetting Annie who had followed her into the room.

Looking up at her from his place propped up against the pillows Derek read the worry and ever-growing confusion in her expression. It caused him to have to fight the urge to pull her into his arms. Forget all his own feelings so that he could stop her believing the worst.

The anger that had been so prominent earlier he had never expected to last. Expiernce of loving Meredith had taught that it was impossible to stay that way for long. He had spent the last twenty minutes trying to explain himself to Mark. Explain why her not coming to him after she had told her mother affected him so badly. However, Mrk had been firmly in camp Meredith and anger had made way for bitterness.

"Tell me."

Her voice this time was louder. Containing more emotion as she stamped her foot in frustration at the heavy silence that she had been met with.

"It's nothing. Really Mer it's nothing!" Derek insisted his voice low. Unable top hold himself back from her any longer. Pulling her down beside him, Derek was surprised that it was she out of the two of them that stayed tense.

"Your lying and really badly!"

"It's nothing a well aimed slap wouldn't fix kiddo…" Mark speaking for the first time bent to place a kiss to her forehead.

"Shep's being Shep, an ass! Refusing to listen to what he knows is right and rational!"

"About what?"

Turning away from Derek for the first time since she'd come into the room Meredith glanced up at Mark.

"Something that…"

"Shut up."

Realising just in time what Mark was about to do Derek quickly interrupted him. Anger flashing over his features and strengthing his voice.

"And if you cant then just go, Take Annie to…"

However, he was interrupted this time. A small sweet smelling hand covering his mouth.

"No! He doesn't have to shut up or leave… Carry on Mark."

Annie feeling like a complete outsider watched her two brothers as Mark visibly hesitated. Saw the silent but unreadable messages being sent back and forth between the two pairs of vastly different blue eyes.

Meredith she thought must have seen the very same thing as her other hand moved up to cover Derek's eyes. Showing Annie exactly who was in charge as Derek's protests were silenced quickly.

"Mark Jeremy Sloane if you don't start speaking then I will go to the nearest phone and ring Addie. Not only to tell her where you keep your stash of porn but to give her directions to the exact location of your address book. The one with all your past conquest phone numbers, ratings out of five stars and brief descriptions of each one…"

Mark felt himself pale. Well aware that in no way was this an empty threat. In this current mood, Meredith was just as formidable as her mother was.

"Blackmail kiddo?"

Met with only a stony expression he sighed in defeat.

"I've no choice man… Mer what does your dragon of a mother know that Derek didn't about any future possible plans you might have?"

"Oh."

Meredith's hands dropped from Derek's face as the full meaning of Mark's words sank in. Relief for the moment making her weak as her brain chose to concentrate on her being relieved of her worst fear. That something in the past few hours had caused Derek's condition a set back therefore bringing that look to his face. However, the feeling of weakness did not last long before being replaced by something entirely different.

"Is that it?"

Meredith did not give Derek a chance to answer as her hands clenched into tight fists. Anger surging through her as it became impossible to think of anything but the last few minutes of worry he had caused.

"My god Derek Shepherd you are an ass! I thought something serious had happened…"

Meredith cried out as her fists connected hard with his chest and shoulders. Managing even in her anger to be careful enough to avoid the areas from the crash that still caused him the most pain.

Mark watched in amusement as Derek struggled between trying to protect himself whilst still attempting to calm Meredith. Smirking at Annie who looked torn between laughing and going to her brother's aid before he caught hold of Meredith's arms.

"I didn't mean it quite so literally Kiddo." He laughed as she continued to struggle against his hold.

This side of Meredith, the fiery volatile one was probably what he loved most about her. It always made winding her up all that more worthwhile. However, despite all his efforts he never got reactions like this. This anger, Derek only ever evoked in her and according to Addison was the other side of the intense connection they shared.

"I'm sorry for scaring you Mer but that doesn't mean you get to make me the one in the wrong!"

Derek told her rubbing his now tender shoulder. Not for the first time impressed by the damage, her tiny fists could cause. Or by just how beautiful she looked flushed like this. Green eyes alight with fire, as scorching and emotion filled, as her mother's anger was cold and detached.

"Not when again I had to hear about something vital to the two of us from your damn mother! To have her use it to demean everything we have…"

There was not any need for him to say more or go into any further detail. She knew exactly what today had reminded him off or how her mother had treated him. Guilt for the first time really surfacing.

"I didn't expect her to come to you whilst you were still under Uncle Miles care. I thought I had more time but, obviously not…"

Sighing Meredith shook off Mark's now slack hold as she reached out to Derek. A gesture he could not refuse. They may not be on the same page right now but it was not as if they could not get through it. His hand turning over underneath hers Derek actively returned her touch.

"More time. More time for what Mer?"

"To make some kind of real plan, put it into action before she decided how she was going to trample all over it!"

"But that doesn't explain why you didn't come to me?"

The hurt in his voice could not be ignored and she was glad of the respite as Annie took the opportunity to interrupt.

"We're going to go… Find Mom and Dad or something and leave you two to either murder each or have sex!"

"We are? Personally for either of those options id like to stay and watch…"

Mark said forcing Annie to nearly drag him from the room.

"You're a spoilsport Annie Shepherd-Sinclair!"

"I didn't want you to get your hopes up in case it all fell through. That's one of the reasons I hadn't told you…"

Meredith having waited for the door to close behind Mark and Annie let the words out in a rush. At the same time, she raised her head to find him waiting patiently for her to continue.

"The other, it's the promise you made before the accident. That wonderful and very Dereky promise to fix the distance problem, which with consideration could lead you to do something stupid. You see if NYU fell through you would get it in your head to transfer and I do not want that. It is not right; it would be just… stupidly honourable and wrong. So very wrong and I refuse to have you do that for me!"

"Mer," Derek started but was stopped before he could get any further.

"No don't argue with me! You want a future in Neuro. You deserve a huge, great, world-renowned future and it is what I want for you more than anything. But, for that you need to be around the best and that is here with Uncle Miles."

She paused only to take a breath and Derek had no choice but to go on listening.

"So it's me, I have to be the one to make the move. And if NYU can't take me then we'll look at other schools."

"Other schools?"

Derek breathed, the surprise he felt evident in his voice. Warmth filling every cold place Ellis Grey's harsh words had caused.

"Of course why wouldn't …"

Meredith began only to come to a sudden stop.

"Oh… She made you doubt me didn't she?"

"No!"

Taking hold of her chin Derek forced her head back up so she would look at him. Deciding quickly the only way to go was honesty or as honest as he could be without hurting her.

"But she made me doubt me."

"Really?"

Meredith asked with a perfectly sceptically raised eyebrow. Done in such a way he knew both Addison and Nancy would have been proud of her for. Convincing him even further that there was no need for anymore girl bonding days in the future.

"Yes,"

He breathed, wanting only to pull her into his arms but, still Meredith held back. She saw guilt in the blue eyes and Meredith knew she could not let it go. If any doubt at all was left to linger, to fester then it could only harm them in the future. Be there waiting for her mother to build on and take advantage of.

"So not even for a second did u wonder if anything had really changed from you finding out whom I was and that I had kept it from you?"

"I…"

There was a second when he considered lying but he dispelled the thought quickly.

"I'm sorry… But it was only a moment, not even a whole one just that millisecond."

Derek tried to explain but again Meredith stopped him with a simple shake of her head. Her hand moving up on its own accord to stroke his pale face.

"I get it; I've lived with it all my life. That is what she does; it is how she makes people bend to her will. She finds their weaknesses and exploits them until that person doubts everything around them. Your obvious weakness is me, so she'll use that whenever she can…"

"You're really not even a little pissed?" He questioned seeing the answer in the teasing smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"Do you want me to be?"

"No." He answered promptly

"I know you didn't purposefully tell her either."

"I'd have been pissed if you hadn't known that."

Meredith sighed as her forehead came to rest against hers. Blue eyes now near normal, soft, warm with a love that she knew was mirrored in her own.

"She's going to try every trick to stop you Mer,"

"I know. I'll be ready for her though."

"She'll play dirty…"

"And so will I, I am her daughter after all and I'll fight her every step of the way!"

"For us."

"For us! I need you, we need each other and she'll not change that… Its something she'll have to learn to understand."

_Don't listen to them  
Cos what do they know?  
We need each other  
To have, to hold  
They'll see in time_

_So thats that? Oh and a question would you rather have shorter and more regular updates or stick with the longer ones? Please review and let me know?_


	29. Chapter 29

I don't do authors notes and have no idea how to but this is a sorry too

I don't do authors notes and have no idea how to but this is a sorry too. I won't go in to a huge explanation about why I haven't updated but let's just say life has been messy, messy, stressful and damn awful…

Anyway, on a lighter note, I do have an update near completion and this is just to find out how many of you are interested in reading it and is still invested in this story??

Let me know and I'll post the update as soon as…


	30. Chapter 30

**_I'm so SORRRY that i havent updated this is so long, its been a year which means i officially am terrible !!!! _**

**_My only excuse is the 4month old little angel/devil depending on his mood currently laid out on the floor infront of me so i do have a kind of good excuse ... _**

**_So im sorry but i mean to finish this AND the sequel to 'I Hate Myself For Losing You.' so i hope your all still out there...?_**

**_All i ask is PLEASE PLEASE Review !!!!_**

Meredith entered the large office and smiled at the man who immediately moved from behind his desk to come meet her. Hands held out in front of him in greeting, a wide smile spreading across his face.

"Meri, what a pleasant surprise."

There was genuine pleasure in his voice, warmth in his eyes she could not help but be touched by. These last few weeks had really helped to remind her of the man she had once thought him. Removing some of the tarnish his affair with her mother had caused.

"I didn't expect to see you venturing far from Derek today. Or is his discharge not moving along quickly enough? Do you want me to come speed it up?"

"No that's not it, it's nearly done. I've left Derek and his parents packing up the rest of his things,"

Meredith told him as Miles Grant directed her to one of the large couches and sat down beside her. An irrepressible shiver passing through her at the memory of the last time shed sat in this very place. She and Addison sat helpless, waiting, not knowing if they would ever have chance to talk to Derek again. She took a deep breath to push the thought from her mind. Instead concentrating on what had brought her here, forced her to leave Derek.

"Actually I came to ask for your help about something else,"

That simple sentence surprised him more than her turning up like this had. In the years since everything had changed between them only on one other occasion had she come to him for assistance. That had been the night of the accident and though their relationship had been steadily improving, he had not seen this coming.

"I need to be closer to Derek and not just whilst he's recovering. I want to share his everyday life and it is what he wants too. Four months is not long but its long enough for us to know, that this, us it is what is right. You know me. You know I would not consider this unless I was sure and I am. So sure, sure enough that I'm trying to transfer to NYU?"

Miles listened in earnest, not even blinking at her rambling. Unlike Ellis who he knew found it irritating and a sign of weakness, he thought it endearing. Showing the softer, more vulnerable side of Meredith that balanced the characteristics, she shared with her mother. Neither did he find her announcement that much of a shock.

For the last, few weeks he had spent a lot of time observing her and Derek interact. The way his young intern seemed to instinctively understand what Meredith needed from him. Handling her with an ease that most men would find impossible to do. Then you only had to see Meredith smile or even look at Derek to know for the first time and likely the last that she had lost her heart. Had finally allowed herself to put her full trust in another person.

"That need is perfectly understandable but I'm not sure how I fit into this?"

"Knowing my mother as you do it shouldn't be too hard for you to imagine her reaction to this."

"So you'd like me to talk to her?"

"That wouldn't work."

Meredith interrupted before he could go any further.

"But I do want you to talk to someone. Someone that I know would never listen to me over my mother…"

Meredith said a glimmer of mischief creeping into her expression as she said the name.

"I need you to talk to Richard Sinclair for me."

As that familiar name of one of his oldest friends fell from Meredith's lips Miles Grant started to chuckle. Fully understanding why Meredith could not ask him herself.

"As you know he's on the admissions board at NYU. I need you Uncle Miles to convince him to look at my application not as me, me but as a normal student."

"Not as the sixteen year old who threw up all over him and his wife in the middle of your mother's dinner party."

He clarified with a wide smile as he remembered that night. Meredith in full rebellion mode, smelling strongly of tequila with an axe to grind with her mother.

"I can't actually remember that night but my mother has reminded me often enough of it and I know his wife told my mother I was better shipped off to boarding school…"

Meredith told him the mischief now flashing fully in the green eyes. Alive with emotion like this she looked nothing like her mother. In all his years of knowing Ellis he had never seen her with as much emotion as Meredith portrayed. Not just now but when he saw her with his intern and especially those critical times after the accident.

"Richard owes me a few favours I can call in but Meri you know that your mother…"

"Wont stop here or leave it alone? Yeah I know but I'm prepared to fight. Derek he's worth it. We're worth it and this will be worth it."

"I'm behind you both all the way. I'm awfully fond of you both and he's good for you Meri."

"He is." Meredith agreed with a wide smile

* * *

"So what is with this death wish of yours?"

Mark demanded once his parents had left to take the last of Derek's possessions to the car. Noticing that now the room was without all of Derek's things it was bare, sterile like all the rest in the hospital. No longer the home from home it had become whilst Derek was staying there.

"Not telling Kiddo about Hayley making a pass at you is a serious sign of one."

Mark said instinctively putting his arm out to help Derek balance as he wedged his feet into his sneakers for the first time since the accident.

"I will tell her."

Derek insisted sinking back onto the bed with a grunt.

"It hadn't crossed my mind not too."

He started but stopped as he failed before he had even started in any protest he was about to make as Mark brushed his hands away from his sneaker laces. Tying them quickly replacing Derek's fumbling attempts.

"Tonight when we're far enough away from the hospital so that Mer cant even if she wanted do any damage to Hayley."

"That bang to your head really did do some damage! Mer going all cage fighter on Hayley is what my fantasies are made off."

Mark's smirk didn't so much as falter even in the face of Derek's grim expression.

"Not mine."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because you pervert if you hadn't noticed Mer is at war with her mother over wanting to move to NYU. Anything like this will be playing straight into Ellis Grey's hands."

Derek explained as the door to his room opened causing him to look up in hope. Meredith had only been gone twenty minutes but it felt like twenty minutes too long.

"Hey." He said simply a smile lighting his tired eyes so much so that Mark didn't need to turn around to know who had caused it.

"Hi Kid," Mark greeted accepting her kiss on the cheek as she moved past him towards Derek.

"God I cant wait to get you home." She sighed dropping down onto the bed beside him as Derek still a little awkwardly moved to gather her close.

"Now this, this i like... Please continue Mer but miss out the naked Shep parts." Mark encouraged only to receive a sharp smack around the side of his head.

"Pervert." Meredith hissed as Derek took hold of her hand to place a kiss into the palm.

"I love you. Have i told you that so far today?"

Blue eyes smiling into green Derek wondered how Hayley could even imagine he would want anyone but Meredith. The girl who went to battle with her own mother for him. Who had barely left his side since he had woken following the surgery and who was willing to change her whole life for him.

"You have."

She breathed before catching his lips in a kiss that left him groaning in protest when she pulled away all too soon. Mark completely forgotten in the haze of desire as he tried but failed to bring her back to him.

"But we will both be happier when i can show you again."

"Now who's the pervert?"

Mark called out breaking into the moment. His laughter fading quickly to a worried expression as Meredith made a move to get off the bed. Jumping off it quickly he headed to the door not taking his eyes off Meredith.

"Okay, okay kid I'm gone. Seriously though Shep reconsider the cage fighter option she's hot and in the mood for it!"

"Whats that about?" Meredith asked watching the door Mark had left through only for Derek to turn her face back to him.

"Mark and his fantasies. Are you interested?" He asked with a forced smile hoping to distract her and it seemed to work as she grimaced.

"God no."

"That's what i thought. So how did it go with the Chief?"

Genuine amusement in his voice caused by the look of revulsion on her face hid the guilt he knew she would no doubt hear. When she had left him this morning she had given no real clue to what she was going to his office for.

"Theres something that I cant do but that I really need to do. I cant not to do it but I cant do it so I had to ask Uncle Miles to do it for me." Meredith explained watching Derek's eyebrows draw together as he processed her ramble.

"Why cant you do it?" He asked curiosity alive in his expression and Meredith knew there would be no escaping this.

"When I was younger I really did work had at pissing my mother off. When she says that it is true."

"You had reason Mer," Derek had only just let her finish before jumping to her defence with clear insistence in his voice.

"I did but it didnt do any good not then and especially not now!" Meredith agreed with a sigh. She had never regretted what had happened at the dinner party more than she did now.

"Mer..?"

"One of my mother's oldest friends or as close to an old friend as she has is on the admissions board at NYU."

"Oh."

That one little word held so much disappointment that even if she hadn't already gone to Miles Grant for help she would have then and there. If only to take that look from his eyes. It was that look also that caused her to quickly divulge the information she herself had pinned all her hopes on.

"But he isnt just my mothers friend. Uncle Miles and him play golf, drink expensive scotch together, man stuff ... So he's going to do what he can for me, for what I cant"

"I'm guessing here but Richard Sinclair isn't as fond of you as the Chief is?"

"I was drunk, very drunk and sixteen with blue streaks running through my hair. I was pissed at my mother too, so pissed when even then I thought i was used to it, to her. Anyway I crashed a rare dinner party of my mothers and ended up being sick. Violently sick all over Richard Sinclair's very snobby wife and her expensive dress."

She explained only for Derek to laugh before snatching a kiss..

"You really are my very own rebel! Rebels are hot Mer."

"His wife wouldnt agree with you." Meredith giggled seeing the funny side of it again "From that night on she had the firm belief i should be shipped off to boarding school.2

"But your mom didn't?"

"Only because she knew it wouldn't have bothered me one bit and if it had she knew it would have been here sorting it out when i got myself expelled and that was just too much trouble to go too."

"I wish i had known you then, I would have felt the same way about you too."

"Pervert," She giggled as he lent in for a kiss. A kiss that was denied to her as his mouth hovered millimeters above hers.

"Take it back."

Her eyes had closed in anticipation and opening them only to lose herself for what felt the millionth time in the blue of his. Since he had come in to her life everything had changed for the better. Derek had done what she doubted any other man could have. He had had the strength to stick around and make himself, make their relationship a priority in her life.

"I would have loved you too. Sometimes I think I'm meant to love you! That we were meant to happen even if not now or whether it was in ten years time."

Derek felt his heart swell with love for her. These were the moments when it really felt asif he was undoing the damage Ellis had done, that despite all the walls and barriers he still had to breakdown they were really going to make it. His guilt spiked as he thought of what he was waiting to tell her and he was sure if he spoke now he would almost certainly blurt it out. So instead he kissed her.

"Do you two ever stop?" Nancy's laughing voice demanded as she lead his parents into the room.

"It's lovely to see," His mother answered stopping the ruder retort that was on the tip of Derek's tongue. "Now are we ready to get you home at last?"

"Definitely." Meredith said slipping out of his arms, reaching for the wheelchair that was parked waiting beside the bed.

"Oh god Mer no..."

"Oh god Mer yes please. Don't forget the please..."

She said as a persuasive smile played on her lips and Nancy laughed as she watched Derek look from the wheelchair and back to Meredith. Letting out a sigh of acceptance before sliding off the bed and in to it, lifting his face up to Meredith for a kiss she quickly gave. Never had she seen her notoriously stubborn brother give in so easily as he did to Meredith, and Nancy found herself wishing she had had some of that power when they were younger.

* * *

"I've missed this."

Derek said knowing though her eyes were closed and she gave every sign of it Meredith wasnt asleep. Stretched out together on the sofa her head was pillowed on his lap as his fingers played with her hair.

His parents and Nancy had left a little over an hour ago and he knew they wouldnt be back untill the morning and this just this was what he had dreamed off whilst being in hospital surrounded by people all of the time. Time with Meredith all to himself, no threats of anyone barging in on them or of him having to share her with anyone else. It gave them time to talk and time to tell her knowing it was safe to about Hayley.

"I dont like sharing you Mer, even with my family."

"Well it was you that went and got himself knocked off a stupid, idotic motercycle." Meredith muttered but he didnt miss the slight twitch of her lips as she tried not to smile .

"You missed it too then."

"If you say so Shepherd."

"I know it Grey."

"Ass,"

"You love me,"

"There you go again making assumptions,"

"No assumptions all fact."

Derek laughed bending to press a kiss to her forehead.

"I love you and you love me. You love me, you said so earlier and thats why you wont be angry when I tell you something that happenened a few days ago,"

"What have you and Mark done now?"

"Nothing. Its just you see Hayley kind of made a pass at me in the elevator."

Derek let out in one long breath, his words stringng together as he waited for the explosion he knew was about to hit him.

"You what?"

Her eyes flew open and she had flown off the couch before he had chance to even think about holding on to her as she stood infront of him, hands on hips.

"Speak or so help me you will wish you were back in the hospital Derek Shepherd under my mother's tender care!"

"Mer it was nothing, a clumsy pass that i knocked back without a second thought. The only reason I didnt tell you immediately is because I wanted to wait till we were home and..."

His words caused a memory from earlier to click into place.

"And I couldnt go cage fighter right?"

"Crap!"

"Crap? Crap thats all you have to say? You lied to my face Derek, I expect more than freaking crap!"

Meredith's voice was rising with each word and Derek found for the first time he really did understand why Mark was scared of her.

"I didnt lie..." He started but as her eyes flashed warningly at him he quickly ammended it.

"Okay I lied but I lied for a reason Mer. I know you and i didnt want to tell you there for everything to kick off and get back to your mother. Your already at war with her for me Mer, for the last four months its been all about me and I didnt want to make it any worse."

"Its not for you its for us! Us Derek and four months ago I wouldnt have been able to say that... Thats what you've done Derek and for the record me and my mom would be at war with or without you."

"I love you."

"No later you can love me. Not now, now I want to hear all about your slutty intern!"

**_So there it was...? Please let me know if theres still interest and you want me to continue?_**

S


	31. Chapter 31

_**Thank You first off to the people who took their time to review I know I didn't really deserve them after disappearing on you!!!! **_

_**So this is part 1 and I've had a lot of trouble with it and to me it still doesn't sound just right but I'm giving it a go before it drives me mad. So all I ask is you Read, Enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE Review!!!!**_

_**Giving Myself**_

_**Part One**_

Leaning against the doorway Derek watched the scene in front of him, an undeniable warmth spreading through him at the simple sight. Meredith looking up at his father with a smile in her eyes, relaxed with not an ounce of tension in her as his father laughed at whatever she was telling him. It was becoming more of a regular sight but something he wouldn't stop enjoying and appreciating for a while yet.

Both his parents adored her. But he'd always known that they would. That they just needed to be given the chance, and if something good had come out of his accident it was that.

The relationship especially between Meredith and his father seemed to be growing stronger quicker than the rest. His mother had taken Meredith firmly under her wing but between these two it was different. There was a very soft gentle light in his fathers eyes when he looked at Meredith, and he treated her as if she was his own.

In a way it reminded him of the closeness that had been built between her and Mark. Never had he known Mark how he was with Meredith. She brought out a new side to him when Derek had thought that there wasn't anything about Mark he didn't know. Despite their teasing and arguments Meredith had Mark's heart held like his own very firmly in her little hand.

"Your awake,"

As if she had sensed his presence Meredith had turned away from his father to face him. Her eyes he knew looking for any sign of pain or discomfort.

Home now for two days he could feel himself slowly getting better but it wasn't quick enough for him. And Meredith like everything else that concerned him had become tuned in to his impatience. He knew she was worried about it. Worried that he would do something stupid, push himself too hard to soon despite his assurances.

"I'm okay,"

He reassured as he crossed the room to them. Kissing her forehead as he joined them on the couch. Her body relaxing back against his as his father looked on, doing nothing to hide his smile.

"And your not surrounded by police, so at least I know there was no murder committed whilst I slept..."

He said only half joking. As worried as he knew she was about him he was worried himself about what could happen if she came face to face with Hayley. Meredith was unpredictable at the best of times let alone when it came to the temper that she had inherited from her mother.

"Revenge is a dish best served cold. Especially to slutty interns who go after other girl's boyfriends."

"What's this?"

Michael asked with interest and before Derek could get a word in Meredith had answered for him.

"Derek has a slutty intern,"

"No Derek doesn't ,"

Derek denied quickly wondering with a smile how she had got him talking about himself in third person.

"Yes he does."

Meredith insisted as Michael started to laugh, his hand reaching out to pat her hand.

"Well then my love I'm afraid my son is a fool,"

"Dad there is no slutty intern! Well there is but she's not mine and I would never want her to be. Mer's pissed at me and Mer tends to hold grudges. God knows how she holds them against me, but Mark its all forgive and forget..."

"Mark I expect to act the fool. Not you. And Addison is right if you hadn't have been so blind to this in the past it wouldn't have had chance to get so far."

"I cant win can I?"

Derek asked his father and laughing Michael shook his head.

"I never do with your mother son,"

Turning in his arms Meredith hand stroked down his face, lingering against his cheek as her thumb softly stroked the dark shadows under his eyes. Her eyes a mixture of tenderness and worry.

"Now your Dads here to stop you doing anything stupid, I'm going to go see Molly... Please rest Derek."

Meredith said before a teasing light banished the worry as she brushed Derek's lips with a kiss.

"You may be an ass, an impatient, blind, arrogant and stupid ass but your mine,"

"I wouldn't want it any other way,"

He whispered as her lips lingered against his.

"Good because your stuck with me Shepherd."

Was her farewell as he watched a little in awe of how far she had come when she brushed his fathers offered cheek with a swift kiss, accompanied by a whispered thank you in his ear.

"Whatever happens, whatever comes between you, never let her go son because I promise that not a day would past that you wouldn't regret it."

Michael said once the door had shut behind Meredith.

"I cant imagine ever wanting to Dad. She's my everything, she's my Mer. Its hard enough watching her leave knowing she wont be back for a few hours let alone imagining forever without her."

Derek replied as he finally looked back from the door she had left through.

"She had to contemplate that future though don't forget . Meredith has already lived through your worst fear and is still scarred by it. So every time you want to rush yourself, think of her. Think of what it would mean to her... "

Michael's voice calm as he studied his sons face. Looking at his only biological son really was like looking at him self in a mirror at that age. They were alike in every way.

He loved the four girls dearly but Derek was the son he had always wanted. As the years had passed they had become more like best friends as well as father and son. It was the bond Michael had always dreamed of having with him. Coming so close to losing that and worst losing Derek had scared him. Scared him to the point he hadn't known how he would have carried on if the worst had come to the worst. Maybe it was that that had drew him to Meredith. That look in her eyes as she had sat in the waiting room and later beside Derek's bed. That someone else was suffering that blind panic just like him and Mary had been That she also couldn't breathe without Derek.

He had also seen a similar look this morning when she had opened the door to him. It hadn't taken much to know the cause of it either. Derek had always been a bad patient . Mary said it was because he had rarely been ill growing up so when he did it hit him hard.

"Dad...?"

Derek's voice tore him from his thoughts. Putting a hand out Michael grasped his shoulder and squeezed it.

"I'm not criticising you lad ..."

"But?"

"Take your time, let your body recover at its own speed. If not for yourself then for her. Your responsible for her well being as well as your own now son."

"You really have taken to her haven't you?"

"Both me and your mother have yes. She's a remarkable girl. Just meeting her mother gives you a look into what her childhood must have been like. Yet despite it all she's warm, kind, generous, clever and funny. Everything that young girl is, is by her own doing as you must know. And its hard not to be so fond of someone who thinks just as much of our son as we do."

* * *

Climbing the steps to her mothers house Meredith felt her pace drop, her feet moving reluctantly towards the door. If it wasn't for Molly's presence she knew she wouldn't have come back here by choice.

This had never felt like home to her and she knew she wasn't really welcome. Her desire to not bump into her mother had made her ask Mark to check the O.R board this morning for the schedule of her mother's surgeries. He had called back not long before Michael had arrived to say she would be in the O.R till early afternoon at least.

With a sigh she delved into her bag for her keys. Keys that hung on a separate keyring to the one Derek had brought her for their three month anniversary. She hadn't been back here since the accident, instead seeing Molly on the numerous occasions she had come to visit Derek. Always bringing some little treat with her for them both. Her behaviour was how Meredith presumed a normal mother would have acted.

It took a second for it to register that the key wasn't turning and three more attempts before it clicked why it wasn't going too.

"Nice Mom, real mature."

Meredith muttered to herself as she dropped the now useless key to the floor before placing her finger on the bell. It was opened within a few seconds by Molly. Her face breaking into a warm wide welcoming smile.

"What a lovely surprise..."

Molly started before a look of dismay crossed her face

"Oh my dear I was going to ring you, it was done this morning. If I had known you were coming I would never have let you found out like this,"

"Its okay. I'm sure this is exactly how my mother planned it!"

Meredith reassured following her into the house and through to the kitchen.

"I should have expected it. "

She shrugged pushing herself up onto the counter top. Grabbing an apple from the bowl. But the look on Molly's face caused her to pause before she took a bite. The older woman's eyes were bright with what Meredith was sure was tears.

"There's more isn't there ? Its okay whatever it is. I know you couldn't have stopped her, I wouldn't expect you to try..."

Meredith said hating to see her look so distraught. But the look didn't go away so she did the only thing she could and that was go over to her and put her arms around her.

"Come on it cant be that bad?"

"She's put a lock on your bedroom door..."

Molly said but Meredith ignoring the little anger that did flare up inside her smiled, pressing a kiss to Molly's cheek.

"It doesn't matter so you can stop looking like that. Anything of any importance is already at Dartmouth or at Derek's, there is nothing I cant live without."

It was the truth but even if it hadn't of been Meredith was sure she would of said it anyway. Too many times in the past had she seen Molly upset by being forced to do her mothers dirty work.

"But what about your allowance and college fees...?"

"What?"

This did shock her and she could have kicked herself for not seeing what her mothers main weapon against her would be.

"I'm so sorry my dear. I don't really know much more. I heard her talking this morning to the accountant. I didn't think much of it till you mentioned Dartmouth."

"It's fine. I knew she wouldn't let this go..."

Meredith murmured thoughtfully. She had been given a monthly allowance since she was twelve to deal with everything she would need. From food, to clothes, to all her needs that cropped up throughout the school year. She'd always assumed it was so that her mother didn't have to deal with her or the hassle of remembering to do it.

Quick mental calculations told her as long as she was careful there was enough to live on for a couple of months at least and that was without taking from her savings account.

Saving money when she was younger was down to a fear one month her mother would forget to pay. Despite what she had lead her mother to believe she was never wasteful with her allowance. She knew exactly what she could or couldn't spend down to the last cent. She had spent the last six years preparing for this moment.

As for her school fees she knew exactly what her mother had set out. The moment she confirmed her transfer from Dartmouth to NYU that would be it. All funding stopped.

"But what will you do?"

Molly asked looking troubled as Meredith moved to sit down at the breakfast bar. Taking a bite from her apple wit renewed force Meredith smiled grimly.

"I'm not sure. Get a job I suppose. Take a loan out. I don't know but if she thinks I will come crawling back to her then she has no idea at all about the daughter she didn't raise ."

"I don't understand what you could have possibly done to make her do such a thing,"

Molly said returning to what she had obviously been doing before Meredith arrived. However that didn't stop her from continuing to send concerned glances Meredith's way.

"I want to transfer to NYU to be closer to Derek. In her book that's enough of a reason to do whatever the hell she pleases."

"Oh... I was hoping Dr Grey would have seen by now that Derek is perfect for you."

Molly said though she had known it wasn't very likely. But what she didn't understand was what Ellis Grey did see when she looked at them or when she saw how happy, how contented Meredith had become since meeting Derek.

"No, unlike you Mom isn't a member of the Derek Shepherd fan club,"

Meredith said on a laugh that she to force out so to distract Molly.

"I'm more of a member of whatever makes you happy club,"

Molly retorted with a smile as she squeezed her shoulder.

"Sometimes I wish my own mother was,"

"I'm sure she is deep down but she doesn't know how to show it."

"I doubt that very much. Mom seemed to have only taken parenting classes in how to make your daughters life miserable."

Meredith said bitterly before she rubbed a hand over her face refusing to dwell on it any more. Filling her voice with every ounce of encouragement she could muster.

"Anyway I came to spend a few happy hours with you so lets forget this happened. What's for lunch?"

* * *

Derek opened his eyes to find a pair of green ones staring back at him. Unfortunately for him not the ones he most wanted to see. Meredith hadn't rang since she'd left this morning and that was unlike her. It worried him and he'd only managed to sleep out of sheer exhaustion after fighting it, waiting for her to come back.

"Where's Mer?" Addison asked glancing around as if Derek thought she expected Meredith to appear at any moment.

"I'm not sure. She was seeing Molly but that was this morning."

Derek said making a move to sit up only for Addison to push him back down onto the bed.

" Stay where you are. Knowing my luck Mer will walk in the moment your out of bed and you really do look like you need to stay there."

Addison's voice softened at the frustration that flashed in the blue eyes. She knew the enforced rest was driving him mad and unless Meredith was close by he never really fully settled. He had come along way since they hadn't been sure if he was waking up, but his body had been through a lot. Yet that fact never clicked with him. However today Derek seemed in the mood to comply as he'd laid back down with no more protest.

"Addie will you go round her Mom's house, just check for me please?"

"Derek..."

Addison only needed to say his name for him to know how pathetic he sounded. But he didn't feel pathetic he felt scared. It was nearing six and Meredith had been gone since before ten. That was eight hours. Eight hours in which Ellis Grey could have cornered her and said or done something that would cause Meredith harm. Not physically but emotionally, and that was what he was meant to protect or pick her up from. But he was in no state too not unless she came to him.

"Addison I wouldn't ask... I'm not that type of guy you know that but this is Mer! I'm worried about her, she hasn't called and her mood lately she would have called just to tell me to get back to bed."

Sighing Derek ran a hand over the hair that was just starting to grow back. Missing the curls that would have been there for him to tug on.

Looking into the pleading blue eyes Addison knew she wouldn't be able to refuse him even if she tried. Pretending she was resilient to him and that look was a lot easier than actually being so. She also knew he was right in most of what he had said. Meredith wouldn't leave it this long without calling him. This was after all the girl who had sat unmoving from his hospital bed and the past few weeks had only brought them closer if that was possible.

Even the last few days when Meredith had been digging at him about the whole Hayley episode, not once had Addison seen the love they shared dim. They would always be a couple who argued Addison didn't doubt that, but she also knew that even if it ever looked like it was over and done for them that love they shared would make it near impossible for either to move on from.

"Please?"

"Okay, but you have to do something for me too?"

"Like what?" Derek asked his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"Don't move till I get back,"

She said as he gave her one of those smiles all the fellow female interns and most of the female population of the hospital fell over themselves for.

"Deal..."

His voice filled with gratitude and relief stopped her as she reached the door.

"Thanks Addie,"

Addison spotted Meredith the moment she left the apartment building door. Sat on the bottom step her knees pulled up to her chest. Her forehead resting on them like a small child trying to hide from the world around her.

"He sent me out looking for you..."

Meredith turned immediately at the sound of her voice, guilt darkening her eyes. Addison forgetting about her new and expensive skirt sat down beside her and waited for her to talk. It was something she had learnt about her. That sometimes it was okay not to push for it and she would turn to you instead.

"I didn't mean to not come back. Its just I wanted to think, get what I'm going to do straight in my head before I talk to Derek. I'm used to doing this, dealing with her on my own but now I think about him at every turn. I cant say screw it, screw her and all that because its not just me any more... I'm still not used to that yet."

Addison's heart ached for her as she unconsciously reached out and took one of her hands, feeling the coldness of it. Glad when she felt Meredith return the pressure.

"You saw your Mom today then?"

"No just felt her wrath... "

She stopped to glance up at the apartment building

"I should go in before he drags himself out."

"You should, though he did promise he'd stay in bed if I came and found you,"

"I cant see that lasting long. He'd persuade himself him getting up was the best thing to be done. He's become an expert at that."

Meredith sighed as she pushed herself to her feet, pulling Addison up beside her.

"Are you coming up?"

"No I'll leave you two to it. Mer just tell him whatever it is. You know Derek will help in any way he can,"

Derek knew it was Meredith the moment the apartment door shut or more slammed behind her. He listened to every footstep as she got closer coming straight to his room.

He watched silently as without a word she climbed into bed beside him. Then rolled over so his chest was pressed close to her back, their legs tangled as still silently he gathered her close to him. His fingers running through her hair, down her back over and over as he waited for her to talk.

"She changed the locks. She's bolted me out of my room and if Molly's right stopped my monthly allowance and if I leave Dartmouth my college fees with it."

It all came out in a rush as if she was forcing it out so that she made sure she told him and it took Derek a few seconds to process it all. He didn't stop the movement of his hand as he leaned forward to kiss the back of her neck. Feeling in every moment that passed her body relax further in to his embrace.

"We'll work it out Mer,"

He whispered a million different thoughts running through his mind as her hand reached up to still his. Taking it between the two of hers, their fingers locking together.

"Your not transferring."

"I could," He suggusted as the full magnitude of what she had just told him sunk in.

"No,"

He knew that note in her voice she wouldn't change her mind. For her that wasn't an option that she'd consider .

"I'll just have to pay my own way. I can do this, I have to do this."

Her voice though still quiet was filled with steely determination.

"Then your live here with me and Mark,"

"No... That's, we , I don't know how to live with a boy. I'm not even sure how to be a girlfriend properly yet let alone someone who lives with a boy."

Forgetting the tiredness he had only minutes ago felt Derek pushed himself up and pinned her beneath him. Answering her look of surprise with one of purpose and intent. Love in his eyes as he willed her to believe in how far she as well as they had come.

"You slept by my side every night in that hospital and for the past two nights. You didn't run Mer not even when you were scared. You stayed by me. You gave me strength, you were what I got better for.

He used his hands to hold her face not allowing her to look away from him, to break eye contact.

"Mark told me it was you who insisted your mother instead of her resident operated. You put aside your feelings towards he for me and I know what that would cost you. You already know how to be a girlfriend Mer. Your an amazing one and I'm just the guy lucky enough to have found you."

"But..."

"Mer you told me you cant breathe without me. That's what you said when I woke up. Well neither can I and I need you to let me be here and help. Stay here, its your home."

"What if we're not ready?"

"We'll never know unless we try."

Derek breathed knowing it was the one thing he could offer her that she had never had. A home where she was truly wanted. Then they would have to deal with the rest.

**_The more time i spend with this chapter the more i dislike it so i apologise for it. Part two will be up soon as this is me moving the story away from Derek's accident on onwards._**

**_All i ask is PLEASE review and i'm looking for a beta reader so if theres anyone out there patient enough to help me then please let me know. Thanks_**


	32. Chapter 32

_**As always a huge Thanks to all that took time to review I appreciate everyone of them. **_

_**Sorry this was a little late but the trouble I had with the last chap spread over but I've given up playing with it now and concentrating on the next chap.**_

_**Anyway this is part 2 and all I ask is you Read, Enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!**_

_**Giving Myself**_

_**Part 2**_

Derek was pretty sure the only time he ever saw Meredith truly still was when she slept. Head pillowed on her hands, she looked like an innocent child.

No worries to draw her eyebrows together, to cause the little wrinkle in her forehead. She looked like she had no problems in the world. completely peaceful.

All except for the loud consistent snoring. However it didn't bother Derek in the slightest. In fact he loved it. Loved that such a loud noise came from such a small person. Just another thing that made her his Meredith, unique and so very special.

Tonight it had been a relief to hear them, to know she was finally resting after hours of tossing and turning.

Watching her sleep like this was something he didn't think he'd ever grow tired of. A pleasure he had indulged in from that first weekend together. Happiness radiated through him to know that from now on every night would be spent like this. That she would always be coming home to him. There wouldn't be any more endless nights with him here and her in Dartmouth. Of missing her so much it was a physical pain, of carrying around that ache inside him everyday till she was beside him again. This was all he had wanted right from the start. His only regret was that it had come at such a cost to her.

What her mother had done to her, though Meredith wouldn't admit it, he knew had hurt. She wasn't as toughened to it all as she would prefer everyone to believe. It seemed to him it was that, rather than her money problems that had kept her awake. The backlash from it he knew would come, just a case of when rather than if. A large part of him felt responsible for her problems. She had done this for him and now once again she was suffering for the love they had found.

With a sigh Derek lent over and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I really do love you. And I promise this will be worth it. We are worth this Mer."

He whispered, not wanting to wake her as he climbed out of bed.

* * *

"Kiddo still asleep?"

Mark's question caused Derek to look up for a brief moment from the piece of paper he had been staring so intently at. Bank statements, bills and rough notes of figures that he had made spread across the kitchen table.

"Don't even think about waking her."

"I wouldn't dare, I cherish my life too much."

"Good because you are not hiding behind me this time."

"Its not my fault Kiddo's not a morning person. What are you doing up at this ungodly hour anyway?"

"I couldn't sleep."

Derek answered taking his eyes from the figures to look up at his best friend. Though he was sure he already knew the answer Derek felt he still should ask him if he minded Meredith moving in.

"When Mer transfers to NYU, you have no problem with her moving in do you?"

"Why would I? I assumed thats what she'd do anyway. Where else would she go? Grey belongs here with us."

"She does."

Derek agreed, nodding in acceptance both to what Mark had said and the mug of coffee Mark placed down in front of him.

"Anyway there's no doubt she'll be a lot easier to live with than Addison. Mer's my trial run. However she does come with a higher physical harm risk level than Addie ."

Mark laughed as he bit into an apple

"You do realize when you and Mer marry and set up home I expect there to be a spare room with my name on it."

"I'm not so sure Mer will go for that..."

Derek murmured as his fingers traced down the column of numbers of his bank statement.

"Course she will, she loves me."

"Delusional this morning aren't you?"

"I'm not the one studying my bank statement at 4am in the morning. When I could be curled up to a hot blonde in bed am I? What's up Shep and its too early to listen to crap so truth only?"

"She's going to cut all funding. When Mer moves to NYU everything will stop. She's already changed the locks on the house, bolted her bedroom up. Good as cut her off and I want to help..."

" Fuck! She's a bitch."

Mark swore. Shaking his head as he joined Derek at the table, pulling the bank statement over towards him.

"How the hell did she give birth to Grey?"

"God knows?"

"More like Satan. Is Mer okay?"

"No I don't think she is,"

Derek replied thinking of the tossing and turning that had kept him awake along with her.

"Well we can help. Cant replace her mother with one who isn't Satan's whore but living expenses wise she doesn't have to worry. As for everything else we can help too. There's grants she can get. The kid's smart her grades wont be a problem. Me and you will just have to pitch in."

Mark said proving what Derek had always thought right. Mark would do just about anything for Meredith. Even if that meant him being more grown up, and more responsible for someone else, than he had ever in his life before.

"Thanks."

Derek said his voice full of very real gratitude. Mark however got up to collect his bag ready to leave for work, only shrugging in response.

"Your not the only one one who loves her Shep. Not sure I'd know what to do without her around now."

He stopped at the door with a glint in his eyes that made him seem a lot more like the normal Mark.

"Plus if she ever gets tired of your sappy ass, then I want her to just cross the hall straight to my bed!"

* * *

"You should still be asleep. You preach to me about rest but take no notice of your own advice."

Derek told her as she padded across the kitchen to him. Barefoot dressed in his boxers and a t shirt she really was the best sight for him. The sight he wanted to see every single morning.

Meredith bypassed the other chairs to sit on his waiting lap. Arms snaking around his neck. The closeness gave him chance to observe the signs of tiredness. To see behind the facade of her smile.

"I missed you."

Her words were followed promptly by a searing kiss that left his body aching for everything he couldn't have. No strenuous activities for two weeks had been set down on his discharge and he knew no matter how much she wanted too herself Meredith wouldn't break it.

"I'm missing you even more right now,"

He groaned into her mouth, his fingers tangled in her hair holding her in place. Forgetting his concerns in the sexual haze she surrounded him in.

"Ten days Shepherd,"

She breathed raggedly when he finally released her.

"Trust me I'm counting the hours."

"Your oversexed,"

"And right now very underused,"

He moaned into her hair as with a last fleeting kiss she turned around taking a long drink from his coffee.

"Poor boy,"

"Mer,"

Softly kissing the back of her neck the fog clearing from his brain Derek took the coffee cup from her hand.

"I want to talk,"

"I'm not giving you sex,"

"About your Mom."

He whispered into her neck as she stiffened against him.

"Definitely not now."

"Mer what happened yesterday, its okay to not be okay,"

He continued refusing to stop.

"I am fine"

Meredith insisted the laughter that just seconds ago lined her voice now gone. Emotion she was trying her best not to feel clouding the green eyes as she turned to look at him.

"No your not. If I wasn't in this state then, last night your only comfort would have been at the bottom of a bottle of Tequila."

"Derek."

His name was a warning, one he chose to ignore.

"Mer what your Mom did no one can be fine with that. Its cruel, twisted, and damaging its..."

"It's who she is. This is what she does."

Meredith interrupted finally breaking out of his hold. Immediately removing herself from his lap.

"It's new to you, but me I have had it my whole life. Let me deal with it my way Derek,"

"What by ignoring that you're hurt? That I cant do Mer."

"Derek there is no hurt, no pain."

Meredith lied, finding herself unable to look into the blue eyes watching her in concern.

She hated lying to him but she didn't want to talk about her mother. It was the only way she knew how to survive what her mother did. Not talking saved her from having to think through it all.

"I'm fine Derek but the longer this conversation carries on the less fine you or I are going to be."

"Please don't walk out?"

"I'm taking a shower not walking out. I'm dropping you off at your parents before I go up to Hanover remember?"

She called as the door slammed shut behind her. Effectively ending the conversation she hadn't wanted to have.

* * *

"Whats on your mind?"

Mary asked as again she watched Derek unable to settle pace around the living room. Always seeming to drift back to the large bay windows, staring out onto the quiet suburban street. His eyes brooding as he turned back to her.

"Mer's hurting. She wont tell me she's hurting but, I know she is. It's there in her eyes but she refuses to acknowledge it..."

He paused his hand going up and Mary watched in silence as his hand rubbed over his shorn hair.

"It's like we get through one thing. We pick ourselves up, then theres another just waiting around the next corner to try and shake us."

"What's happened?"

"Her damn mother happened. She's cut off all financial support, and that includes her college fees if Mer goes through with her move to NYU. Changed the locks on the house and bolted her out of her own damn bedroom."

Derek explained. Going on to tell her everything that had happened yesterday and this morning.

"Oh my poor love."

His mother said and Derek knew the endearment wasn't directed at himself.

"What will she do?"

"She's moving in with Mark and I. We'll help as much as we can or as much as she'll allow us."

"We could help too. I want to and I know your father would too."

"Mom,"

Crossing the room to her Derek sat down beside her on the couch. His head dropping on to her shoulder as her hand stroked his cheek. His mothers embrace was source of comfort that he had always took for granted until meeting Meredith.

A mothers love he never had to doubt or question. It was unconditional and it broke his heart to know Meredith had never experienced a relationship like this. She deserved to have felt that too. To have grown up like him, and his sister, sure in the love of a family.

"You don't have to do that and I'm pretty sure Mer wouldn't let you. Thank you and thats not just from me, I know Mer would say the exact same. It means a lot that you did Mom."

His throat was tight as he had to squeeze the words past the lump of emotion.

"Well the offer is open ended."

"I love you."

"And I love you. Be patient with Meredith son. Like she said she's lived with this sort of behavior her whole life. So learning that she has you to lean on might take a while to get used too"

Mary said unable to imagine what could make a mother treat a child how Ellis Grey was.

A part of her brain told her to be worried for her son. That Derek could end up being hurt in the worst way, he was in so deep.

So deep in love that there wouldn't be a recovery from it. But her heart argued right back in defense of Meredith. She had witnessed first hand Meredith's love and need for Derek. Both of them were in as deep as the other.

They were exactly what the other needed. Meredith complimented Derek and she hoped her son would give Meredith the support and stability she needed to grow away from her mother.

How Ellis Grey didn't see that she would never know.

"I would never do this to her Mom,"

Derek whispered and Mary squeezed his hand, bringing it up to her lips to kiss it.

"You know that. I know that. But, maybe right now Meredith is feeling unsure of everything. So you need to reassure her. Remind her that her place is now with you, with us."

"Thanks Mom,"

"Now, I'm going to make us some lunch and you will eat every bit. Not sit and stare at it or push it around your plate. "

"You sound like Mer."

"Thats because she's full of good sense. She must be to love my boy."

Once his Mom had gone to the kitchen Derek found himself drifting back towards the window. Staring at the spot he had last seen Meredith before she had driven away.

They had parted with few words on her part and it had tore at him to watch her car carry on up the road. No I love you, no kisses just a simple

"I'll see you later."

* * *

"I hate you. You are abandoning me!"

Elliot told her as he dumped another box into the boot of her car. Repeating what he had been telling her for the last hour since she had come from the administrations office.

"I don't even know why I'm helping you,"

"You love me. You love New York. You love Derek, and me living there means you can visit whenever you please,"

Meredith muttered sliding the last pile of books into her back seat. Taking a chance to catch her breath.

"I hate your mother,"

"Join the club."

"This is her fault. And you Meredith Grey, you are willingly giving me up for Dr Zest."

"I love him."

Meredith said with her first real sign of life of the day and forgetting that he was meant to be peeved Elliot wrapped his arms around her.

All she had told him was the basic account of what had happened with her mother and the fall out. But just by her basic description he had known what effect it had had. He had been shocked to even find her sober.

"You deserve happiness Mer. You and Dr Zest moving in together don't let your Mom ruin that. It may have been hurried up because of her but this was always going to happen."

"What if I mess it up? What if he realizes that I'm not worth all of this, and that my Mom was right?"

Meredith admitted some of the fears that had kept her awake half the night as her head rested on his shoulder. Pulling her away from him Elliot gave her a little shake by her shoulders.

"It's not going to happen, and if Dr Zest puts one pretty little toe out of line, I'll be right down there to kick his very sexy ass."

"Its not him it's me... Derek's as close to perfect as perfect gets. He gets me and god knows how he loves me, for me,which is something my mother has never managed to accomplish."

Meredith blurted shutting her eyes against the image of Derk as she had last seen him with pain in his eyes outside his mothers house. Pain she had put there by her inability to be normal. To open up how Derek wanted her too.

"Oh god I've got to go home."

The apartment was in darkness when Meredith crept in just after midnight. After fighting to stay under the speed limit the whole way back. For a second as she had slid the key into the lock a irrational fear had shook her. What if one day she came home to that here to. This apartment had felt like the first place she could call home.

But it wasn't the thought of losing the apartment that bothered her it was losing the man that lived there. She would be able to live just about anywhere as long as it was Derek there with her.

Trying her best to ignore the fear Meredith headed straight for his bedroom. The boxes she had brought with her left in the car, forgotten in her haste to be with him.

She paused in the doorway, using the light from the hall to watch him. He was sat up in bed, one of his text books spread across his knees, his head bent over it. Lost she guessed in some complicated diagram of a brain.

"I love you. I didn't say it earlier because I was pissed but I do."

"I know,"

Derek said softly. Immediately looking up from the page at the sound of her voice.

"I love you too Mer."

"I'm sorry,"

"You don't have to say sorry Mer."

"I do..."

"You don't but I do need you to believe I'd never do what your Mom has done."

"I know that."

Meredith answered quickly. Too quickly as she remembered her moment of blind panic in the hall. The way her heart had raced. Her hands sweating causing the key to almost slide from her grasp.

"You don't right now but I get that. I really do get it Mer"

He said placing his book down onto the bedside table. His hands reaching out to her. Using the grip to draw her to the bed.

"I'm here, I'm always going to be here. Theres going to be fights lots of them I cant say there wont be. We might scream, shout at each other. Not agree with what the other wants or does but afterwards I will always be here waiting for you to come back."

Squeezing her fingers he bent his head to kiss their tips.

"Your home will always be here with me. And my home will always be with you."

"You don't have to say all this Derek..."

Meredith tried to halt him as his words caused her breath to catch in her throat. She was scared to believe in promises like this but, she knew in her heart past all the fear, that he was the one person she really could believe them from.

"I want too. You deserve to hear these things. You deserve so much more than you've had before, and I want to give it all to you!"

Meredith knew there was so much she should say. Give him back all that he was giving her and she wanted too. Yet the words seemed to evade her grasp so leaning forward she kissed him. Trying to put all she felt into that kiss. It didn't feel enough though.

"Thank you,"

She thought it sounded stupid but it was all she could think of to say.

"You don't need to thank me Mer. This is what love is."

Derek said with a smile but Meredith shook her head.

"I do Derek. Don't you see, you love me, for me. Not even my own mother can claim that."

Joining him on the bed she resisted Derek's attempts to pull her closer to him.

"It's going to take some time to get used to that."

She explained staring down at their joined hands. How their hands fit perfectly.

"I know, and I'm not going anywhere Mer. I promise."

"It's just us now,"

"It's us. And we have Mark, Addie and my family. They love you too. So does Molly and Elliot. Your not on your own Mer and I wont ever let you be again."

"I love you." Meredith breathed doing exactly what Derek wanted and melted into his arms.

_**For the first time  
I can stand in front of someone  
Finally  
I can be me**_

**_So that was that. All i ask is PLEASE REVIEW !!!!_**


	33. Chapter 33

_**As always I want to THANK everyone who took the time to review because it really does help!!!**_

_**This took longer than planned all due to circumstances in 3d life. Coping with Uni and exams was tough and then my little boy caught chicken pox. Whoever said the earlier a child gets it is better well surely they cant mean it in a five month old little boy, I blame his cousin who gave it him... (no not really) **_

_**Well anyway hes better now just a lil bit scabby still and so this chapter has come together in bits and pieces so if it reads a bit like that I do apologize... Blame my little spawn of Satan (Again Joking)**_

_**Well here it is so all I ask is you Read, Enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!**_

Lent back against the headboard of his bed Derek hungrily took in every inch of Meredith as she stared at herself in the mirror. Her hands nervously twitching over herself. From the hem of her skirt then up over the rest of her outfit.

A black skirt they had brought together yesterday, that reached just above her knees and seemed to cling in all the right places. A plain white button through shirt that he knew she didn't realize gave a glimpse of the bra underneath. The hair he loved to run his fingers through scraped back from her face . An outfit designed only for work that did nothing, but increase the desire thumping through him for her. Everything about it was simple, practical but as always she took his breath away. More so when she turned to look at him with a nervous smile. Excitement battling with anxiety in her green eyes.

"Do I look like a waitress you would want to leave a big tip too?"

Meredith asked hoping that she didn't look as nervous as she felt inside. Him and Mark wanted to help her, be there for her, she understood that and appreciated it more than she could explain but, there was only so much she could let them do.

She had felt the same when Derek had told her of his mothers offer of help. Help of a kind she had never expected to be offered. It was an offer however she could never accept. She had thanked Mary personally the next day, and Meredith had been told by her and Michael that the offer would always be open. Touched deeply she had had no words to express herself and had found herself giving them both an impulsive hug. That show of affection she knew had pleased Derek. It was what he wanted, for her to see herself as a member, an important one of the Shepherd family.

"You look beautiful,"

Derek sighed. Feeling satisfied as more confidence seemed to seep into her smile at his words. Her eyes glowing at him that made accepting that she was doing this easier to bear. The idea of her working shifts at the nearby Italian restaurant was definitely not his or one he even liked, but she had been insistent.

Still waiting anxiously to find out whether her transfer to NYU was a success, and him hopefully cleared for work after today, Meredith told him she needed something to keep her occupied. Himself and Mark had came up with lots of helpful suggestions that had only earned them both a slap around the head.

She'd worked out and laid it down to him with little room for arguments that until she had heard for sure she'd continue faxing work up to Dartmouth, whilst working day shifts which would switch to evenings once everything was sorted and her place was secure.

"I'll meet you at your parent's later then,"

"I'll be waiting. But most importantly what am I going to do all day without you. I have my check with the Chief but after that?"

Derek asked and Meredith couldn't help but laugh at his expression. He was pouting, more like a child who'd been told they couldn't go out to play anymore. And despite the mixture of nervous excitement about her first day she was feeling the exact same way.

The last week and a half they had spent every moment together. From hanging around the apartment with Mark or Addison, to time with his parents and it was him who had reluctantly helped her look for this job.

"Mark's here, you two can play together today. Have a boy's day. Do your little bonding thing!"

"Mark's no fun,"

Derek moaned going round to her, wrapping his arms around her waist. His lips latching onto her neck.

"He's your brother."

"Brother not lover..."

Derek said as his hands slipped up underneath the white shirt, heading towards the bra that had been tempting him before they were slapped firmly away.

"And nor am I until you receive the all clear. Actually I might never be again if you insist on talking like that. It sounds cheesy, sleazy, in fact a lot like Mark."

"Ouch thats a little harsh,"

Derek laughed grazing her skin with her teeth. Satisfied with the answering shudder that involuntarily run through her body.

"You'll be great today Mer."

"I'll probably spill something in someones lap,"

"You wont. You'll be the best waitress they've ever had"

He encouraged wanting her to have the same confidence in herself as he did in her. Her answer was to turn in his arms to make it possible for her to hug him tightly. A moments quiet before she changed the line of conversation in a completely new direction.

"And you will make no mention of me to my mother if you see her.... Right?"

Her demand made him pull back from her. His hands stroking up her arms to hold her by her shoulders.

"Mer thats... How can I not say anything?"

"Easy forget she exists. It works for me."

"She hurt you. How can I let that go?"

"Mark!"

Meredith shouted breaking out of his hold as she opened his bedroom door, waiting in silence until a half dressed Mark appeared. Ignoring his low wolf whistle as he took his time in looking her over.

"Hot,"

"Thank you. Now today you can actually be of use to me and keep my wannabe knight in shining armour here away from my mother,"

"What's in it for me...? A private strip show maybe?"

"You live to see your next birthday, how about that?"

Meredith offered with a deceptively sweet smile that even in this moment Derek could appreciate.

"Seems about fair I think."

Mark agreed with a shrug as Derek looked between his girlfriend and best friend.

"Mer in all honesty how do you expect that ass to stop me?"

"To remind you of exactly what I'll do to you if you don't ..."

"Mmm veiled threats of violence really turn me on," Mark leered

"See sleazy and that is exactly what you just sounded like."

"Point taken . But, your Mom can you really expect me not to do anything?"

"Yes for me..."

"Mer..." Derek said her name as a plea. "For you is exactly what I would be doing it for."

"It's not when it is not what I want. Please?"

The way she looked at him made him instantly want to please her. To do anything she asked yet it was going against every protective instinct in him. It was a battle he knew was pointless as he nodded.

"Okay."

"Thank you."

To emphasis her words and to show her appreciation of what she knew this had cost him Meredith reached up to cup his face in her hands and kissed him hard.

* * *

Addison looked up from the patients chart she had been writing in and, moved forward quickly to meet the two men stepping out of the elevator. They were laughing together and, though she would never admit it to either of them they really did make a very attractive sight. It was obvious she wasn't the only one who thought so as well by the other more obvious appreciative looks they were receiving . But, though Mark looked and noticed she knew Derek didn't really have a clue. Or if he did he would shrug and smile politely.

"Well your fan club is happy to see you back if anything,"

She breezed with a well hidden warmth behind her words. A chaste kiss pressed to Derek's cheek.

"Ah is that your way of saying welcome back Addie?"

Derek laughed feeling torn as he looked around the familiar surroundings. He wanted the all clear. He wanted to be back in an O.R without being a patient and he wanted to get back to being a surgeon. Yet he knew it would be the end of the time he had been enjoying with Meredith . Time without constrictions or limits on them.

"Well without you here theres no one to keep Mark occupied, and not annoying me. More importantly you'll give Dr Grey someone to hate again."

"Well whose girlfriend is in a loving mood this morning."

Mark murmured as he bent his head to kiss her waiting lips.

"Bad night?"

"Only thanks to Derek's future mother in law from hell. She hates me by association, and I wouldn't care normally . But normally isn't a time when she gets a surgery that I might not see again for the rest of my residency, and she kicks me off to the Pitt and that, that is when I care! "

Addison ranted at them and looking past her Derek spotted Dr Grant heading towards them as his hand reached out to brush her cheek. An understanding smile softening his eyes..

"I'm not apologizing for her. There is no apologizing for her however, just hold onto the hope I'll be back after today. Her hate will be directed at me and all the world will be righted again."

"Derek, good to see you. You look better. Meri taken good care of you then?" Dr Grant greeted him when he reached them. Nodding to Mark and Addison.

"Wonderfully,"

Derek murmured not realizing the smile that had lit up face at the mention of the shortened name Meredith detested.

"As I can see. Good, good hopefully you'll be back to work and all her hard work would have not been for waste. Should we get started, Dr Sloane?"

"Yes Chief."

Mark replied promptly with a wink at Addison as he followed Derek and the Chief of surgery towards the exam room.

Sitting up on the bed after feeling like every part of him had been intensively poked and prodded Derek turned to the Chief with a look of expectancy. They had run tests, scans and now all he needed was worded confirmation that everything was okay.

"What do you think Dr Sloane?"

"Shep's good to go. Not that I would get too excited, his first few shifts will be spent missing and moping over Mer,"

"True love Dr Sloane its something to appreciate not ridicule."

Dr Grant lectured and Derek had to hide his smothered laughter behind a cough as Mark rolled his eyes.

"Of course sir,"

"So I'm all clear?" Derek asked wanting to bring them back to the original subjuct.

"No heavy shifts and I'll be making sure of that because your be assigned solely to my service for the next few weeks until I'm perfectly sure Meri wont be hunting me down if you over work yourself."

"I wouldn't dare,"

"Mmm I warned you how feisty the Grey woman are,"

"And he should know,"

Mark whispered into his ear as Dr Grant moved over to the desk to complete the paperwork.

"He'll hear you."

"All I'm saying is its another thing you have in common along with the love of the brain. Love of the Grey women..."

"What was that Dr Sloane?"

Dr Grant asked glancing suspiciously at the two of them over his shoulder, but Mark unshaken smiled , innocence radiating from him.

"Just saying sir, the Grey woman they really are one of a kind. Never met women like them before"

Before Dr Grant had chance to form an answer, a cold hard voice brought all three heads round to look at the now open door where Ellis Grey stood. Her hard unemotional green eyes so unlike Meredith's studying Derek as if he was something she had found on the bottom of her shoe. In total contrast to how her daughter had looked at him only a little while ago.

"Well thank you Dr Sloane. I am so glad you feel that way seen as after today you are on my service for the foreseeable future. In fact I'll talk to your resident the moment I finish here,"

"Oh I'm beyond delighted Dr Grey, always a pleasure."

Mark muttered looking according to Derek's opinion anything rather than that but he knew it was something only he in this room would know. Neither of their two superiors knew Mark well enough to see past the facade..

"If you wouldn't mind lifting your shirt Dr Shepherd,"

"Pardon ?"

"I would like to check your incision. Check that everything is healing how I expect it too,"

"I don't want you touching me,"

The words were out before Derek could think about checking them and he heard Mark let out a soft groan.

"Mer will kill you first and then torture me and enjoy every second of it..."

"Dr Shepherd I need to check you so I can sign you off so you can return to work."

"You are not putting a finger on me. Dr Grant has checked me over I'm fine."

Derek said firmly ignoring Mark and Ellis Grey as he looked towards the older man .

"Well its not really necessary but I think..."

"No I will not have this woman touch me anymore than she already has. I'm grateful and all that for you saving my life but that means crap when you treat Mer how you have..."

"Mer strangling the life out of you with her tiny hands. Mer smothering me while I sleep. Think of me... I am too pretty to die young!"

Mark's whispered hiss reached him through the fog of burning anger now clouding his every thought. Only pushing Meredith further to the front of his thoughts but it had didn't have the effect Mark had wanted. He remembered what he had agreed to, what he as good as promised Meredith but he just couldn't seem to stop himself.

The woman in front of him was the cause of every damage that had been done to her. Of every ounce of neglect that caused her to doubt that anyone even him could love her for who she was without wanting her to change.

"Dr Shepherd this is not the time and I understand you.."

"Do you understand what she has done to her eighteen year old daughter?"

"She made her choice." Ellis Grey said sharply her face clear of any emotion.

"There should never have been a choice! Damn you, why cant you be what she needs, what she deserves ?"

"I have told you now umpteen times about what my daughter does and doesn't need and I think you know where I stand on that."

"I love her and she loves me. You need to learn to accept that because it is not going to change. How many times will I have to tell you that?"

Derek argued right back, leaving Dr Grant and Mark looking between them both. But Derek couldn't tear his eyes away from Ellis Grey. He knew this was the last thing Meredith had wanted but he couldn't help himself. He couldn't not defend her.

"Ellis, Derek I really..."

Dr Grant tried to interrupt but Derek managing to tear his eyes away turned to look at him.

"Do you know what she did to Mer? Has she explained to you just how an unnatural mother she is... That she would lock her own daughter out, cut her off, because she doesn't agree with a choice Mer's made?"

Derek bitterly told Dr Grant the mans eyes widening as he turned to look at Ellis but, she only shrugged her shoulders.

"Miles this is no concern of yours. In fact this is no concern of anyones in this room bar mine and I would prefer not to discuss it."

"But Ellis it is my concern if it is going to affect the hospital and my staff? Let alone that I am incredibly fond of Meri and always have been!"

"It wont and I've always told you that your 'fondness' for Meredith was misplaced."

"Ellis don't you think your..."

"No Miles I don't. She is my daughter and I refuse to stand back and sanction this mistake she is making and will regret."

"Oh come on"

Mark spoke out loud for the first time sending Derek a look that clearly said they had already gone past what Meredith wanted so they might as well finish it and be damned.

"Mer's your daughter what bull shit is that...? I've known Kiddo for a few months now but not once in that time have you been any kind of mother! She's this amazing, passionate, warm, generous , bright, fiercely independent and stubborn girl and even when she drives me mad you don't deserve to be able to call her your daughter after how you have treated her."

Both Ellis Grey and Miles Grant were too shocked by Mark's outburst to utter one word or try and interrupt him and his speech left silence behind it. A silence that was broken by their Chief of Surgery clearing his throat.

"I understand this is an highly emotional situation and I think it is something that clearly needs sorting and right now this is best done separately. Ellis I'll page you later if you'll excuse us I want to talk to Dr's Shepherd and Sloane separately."

Though his voice was not raised there was a steel to it that left no room for arguments and Ellis Grey seemed to accept that as with a last glare at Derek and Mark she promptly left. Leaving the three men in the room together but as both went to speak Miles Grant held up his hand.

"No I don't want to hear any more today. Shep your cleared but I want you and Dr Sloane in my office after rounds tomorrow morning when will discuss this. Any leniency I show you I want you to remember is down to my history with Meri, and the knowledge I know you both are looking out for her."

* * *

"Oh no what have you two done?"

Mary demanded the moment she opened the front door to them. They looked exactly as they always did when at a younger age they had come home from school after doing something they knew she wouldn't agree with.

"See, and you really thought we wouldn't have to tell Mom or Mer."

Derek muttered as he stepped over the threshold kissing his mothers cheek.

"Your a dumb ass."

"Hey you started this."

"You joined in... You had to defend her just as much as I did so if I'm going to be murdered then so are you."

"Fine."

Mark muttered following him through to the kitchen

"But I'll be a better looking corpse than you anyway"

"Not after Mer has finished. She loves me she'll make it quick. Plus it was your job to keep me in line."

"Where is the brotherly loyalty?"

"Will one of you tell me now what it is that pair of you have done and why would Meredith want to harm either of you?"

"We had a row..."

"With her mother."

"We agreed not to do that but he started it."

"And Mark was the one who finished it."

"Well I couldn't just stand there and listen to it either. I hate how she talks about her..."

Mark pushed himself up onto the kitchen counter top whilst Derek took a stool at the breakfast bar. Mary stood back looking at them felt extreme pride in this moment for the men they had both become. All their lives she had been proud of everything they had achieved but their defense of Meredith, so loyal to her even if it risked their careers warmed her heart.

"So you had an argument with Ellis Grey when Meredith specifically asked you not too?"

"Yes,"

They both answered together, a little guilty smile shared between them.

"Boy's I have a funny feeling neither of you regret it either and unless you get that sorted and at least act contrite so will Meredith."

"I regret it doing something that Meredith asked me not too but I cant regret defending her."

Derek said thoughtfully looking up at the clock on the wall.

"She should be back anytime now,"

"Well I'll put some dinner on then and Mark you can help. Derek go rest upstairs."

"Mom I'm fine, I'm back at work tomorrow,"

"You need your rest then don't you."

Mary told him as Mark argued over preferential treatment. Yet even as he was doing it Mark could see how worn out Derek looked. It was obvious Derek felt the same as with little fight he headed for the door.

"Where is Derek?"

Meredith asked after a silent Mark had lead her through to the kitchen only for her to find Mary and not Derek. She had expected teasing the moment he answered it but nothing. He looked shifty and for some reason refused to meet her eyes for longer than a few seconds.

"Resting up in his old bed room. I checked on him five minutes ago and he was fast asleep. He can say what he wants about being ready to work again, that he's back to normal but I know he's still suffering."

"He is but he's just too stubborn for his own good,"

Meredith said causing Mark to let out a throaty laugh.

"Really and I wonder who in this room could match him inch for inch in the stubborn department. How did today go Kid? Break anything?"

"It was good."

A triumphant, self satisfied smile lit up her face.

"I was good and unless you would count this glass I'm tempted to break on your head no I didn't smart ass."

"Mark do you think your in any position to tease Meredith?" Mary put in as she moved around them to set the table.

"Oh what did you let him do?"

Mark had always believed himself a great lier, that in any situation he could talk himself out of it with women right up until he watched every ounce of humor fall from Meredith's face. In that second he knew exactly why it was Derek refused to even contemplate the idea of keeping things from her. Also that he wouldn't be the one that lied to her now.

"Kid, I well actually we saw your Mom. I did try to stop him, but then I didn't and I said some things too..."

"Mark..."

"I know I'm sorry but Mer he was right this morning how are we meant to just let her talk about you. Mock everything you and Shep have. Thats my job, if anyone is allowed to do that its me not her."

"Is that meant to be an apology?"

"Kind off. Things were said but Dr Grant put a stop to it."

"And?" Meredith prompted knowing instinctively there was more to the story.

"And we have to be in his office after rounds tomorrow."

"That is the exact reason I didn't want you two to do this. My mom's career is established. Even if Uncle Miles wanted to let her go the board would never allow it. If in some miracle they did she would have another position before her office was cleared."

Meredith explained and listening Mary understood what they couldnt see. That the three of them had in their each own way been trying to protect each other.

"But you and Derek your interns. Interns that the board will easily see as indispensable if my mother kicks up enough of a fuss about working with you. My Mom's got a lot of friends and could make it very hard for you two to be accepted on another program."

"We'll be alright Kid, don't worry about us." Mark tried a charm filled smile but it didn't work as she turned to Mary instead.

"Is it okay if I go up to Derek,"

"Go ahead dear, but could you wait till you get home before killing him."

"I'll try."

Derek woke to a soft kiss brushed over his temple a warm hand stroking over his face and the smell he loved the most surrounding him.

"Hey,"

The moment she had entered the room Meredith had for a moment forgotten her annoyance at seeing him laid there in his old bed. His body seeming too large for the single bed.

When Derek had first brought her up here last week she had been fascinated. It was she was sure exactly how him and Mark had left it when they had gone off to college. High school memorbilia littered its shelves along with photos of the two boys through the years.

As she smiled down into the blue eyes blinking tiredly up at her she knew Mary was right he wasn't at full strength and she would bet that today had taken it out of him too.

She managed a laugh as hands linked behind her neck to pull her back down to him. His mouth meeting hers hungrily, his tongue demanding entry into her mouth. Leaving her breathless with a moan of protest on her lips when he finally pulled away.

"I got the all clear today,"

Derek said through a yawn as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"And I've discovered a hidden talent I'm a great waitress."

"I knew you would be, but I wish you didn't have to be."

"And is that what drove you to have a row with my mother."

"Damn Mark to hell."

"I would if we weren't at your parents,"

"And me?"

"Wait till we get home and I'll show you."

"That sounds sexual?"

"Its not..."

She told him with a slight smile anger forgotten where he had reached out to her humor but it wasn't long before disappointment flashed in the green eyes.

"Derek I get why you two did it, I really do and believe me I appreciate it."

"But it wasn't what you wanted and I should respect what you want."

Derek sighed hating the way she looked at him as she slowly nodded.

"And I do Mer, but I just lost it . I love you and when I look at her I just see the hurt she's caused you and before I can stop myself I've opened my mouth."

Sitting up now he took her hand and clasped it in his, bringing it up to his mouth and kissed it.

"I'm sorry. "

"You will be."

"Now is that meant sexually?"

He asked and Meredith couldn't help the bubble of laughter that escaped out of her unwilling mouth as he pulled her back down onto the bed he had slept in his whole childhood.

"You don't deserve this,"

She sighed in between kisses and he made a groan that she wasn't sure was in agreement with her or denial. Giving up on any more protests Meredith allowed herself to be lost in his kiss.

"I know."

_**Anyway that is that and I promise next chap will be up a lot quicker than this one was... All I now ask is PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!**_


	34. Chapter 34

**_Thank You as always to those who reviewed because it really does inspire me to get these out when I've swamped with Uni stuff and baby stuff..._**

**_This chapter is kind of a filler and a set up for the next chap and the moving on to the next half of this story so bear that in mind as it bores you silly.._**

**_Now all I ask is you Read, Try to Enjoy and PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!_**

Closing the door behind himself Derek scanned the packed gallery until he spotted a familiar red head sat near the front, an empty seat beside her that called out to his tired body. With a weary nod to familiar faces Derek passed through the crowd heading straight for her.

"Whats wrong?"

Addison asked as Derek sunk down into the seat beside her. The eyes that met hers dull with dark shadows circling them. Blue eyes that withdrew quickly from her scrutiny, turning away to look at the surgery taking place below them. Derek looked deflated, he lacked all the energy that was a part of who he was, especially when he was anywhere near an OR. However it only took another glance at the crumpled scrubs, the weary lines bracketing his mouth for it all to click into place.

"Oh I get it, last night is what is wrong with you. First all niter you've pulled since you've been back. Well welcome back to hell my friend."

"Mmm h mm thanks,"

Derek's crack of laughter was muffled by a long yawn.

"I'm a little out of practice."

"You are, and it's okay to be. It's okay to feel like crap we all do. Feeling like crap is part of being an intern you know that, and after the crash it's bound to be harder for a while."

Addison murmured reaching her hand to squeeze his. Now she came to think about it he hadn't been looking great at all lately. No intern looked great at the end of shift but he in particular had seemed to be suffering more. Though it was to be expected after what his body had been through she knew for someone like Derek it would grate and play continuously on his mind.

Derek watching the thoughts cross her face returned the pressure of her fingers in reassurance as he tried to smile.

"I know, I'm just tired..."

Derek sighed rubbing a hand over his face. For the last week or more he had been telling everyone within this building and his parents that he was fine again.

The truth he could only admit to himself and Meredith. Meredith who after a twelve hour shift when they fell into bed together wouldn't accept when he told her he was okay. Meredith who knew his body just as well as he did. Who knew instinctively that he was suffering more than he would ever let on. Who without a word only a kiss would roll him onto his front. To make it possible for her to massage his aching muscles. Her small hands not needing directions to where it hurt the most, the knowledge of his body as his lover all she needed to know. They had become a team. A true team in every word and this feeling wasn't only about tiredness it was about her.

He missed Meredith, and he had missed her even more last night when he had finally gotten chance to lie down in an on call bed. Missed the feel of her arms around him. Of having her warmth surround him, her body so close he was never sure of where he ended and she began. Craving the way her hands stroked down over his back. Kneading the tired, aching muscles until he would fall asleep.

That ache for her so intense that when he had finally shut his eyes it was only so he could imagine all the better that she was there with him. Yet not even that, which had kept him going through the lonely nights whilst she was at Dartmouth had worked. So he had done the only thing he could. He 'd found an empty conference room,and without even turning on the lights used the dim glow from the hall to locate the phone, dialing the familiar number out of pure instinct just to have some contact with her.

"Guess you missing Meredith doesn't help."

Addison smile was sly asif she could read his mind and before Derek could muster an argument she continued.

"You two haven't spent a night apart since the crash. So last night I would bet Mark's life on it that you found you'd forgotten how to sleep without her."

"Are you going to call me pathetic if I say your right?"

"No. It's sweet. A little vomit inducing but still sweet. It's very Derek Shepherd."

"That does not sound much of a compliment,"

"Not sure it was meant as one. Yet as it was my boyfriend who was her male company last night I guarantee she was missing you too. Lesser of two evils and all that."

"Remind me if I ever want comforting never to come to you."

"Do you want comforting now?"

Addison asked arching her one eyebrow as she fought to surpress a smile. Derek however saw it and a familiar glint of humour relit his blue eyes.

"No."

"So how long were you on the phone to Mer last night? Does the hospital need to worry about it's phone bills?"

A faint blush stained Derek's cheeks at the quick change in conversation, and this time he purposefully avoided Addison's gaze. When he did glance back however it was to find her smiling an almost whist full smile.

"I take that as a yes. You know sometimes I watch you two and wish me and Mark had that. The all consuming, cant breathe without each other, knowing that this is it for sure with no real doubts."

Addison didn't know she was going to say it till it was already said and she felt embarrassed, and shocked by the admittance. The sight of her blush caused Derek to impulsively lean over and kiss her cheek.

"You two do feel like that. I know for sure Mark does, he worships you Addie but you are both too damn stubborn to admit it to each other. Me I gave up the pretense not long after first meeting Mer."

Their eyes locked and they both smiled knowing that though she wouldn't agree that he spoke the truth.

"Maybe. Anyway how is your punishment going? Mark's loving his."

Both of them knew what Dr Grant had done to him and Mark was hardly punishment. Apart from the mandatory week ban from the OR which was torture for any surgery hungry intern he knew it was more of a reward. Derek had been assigned as promised to Dr Grant's care where as Mark with his preferences for Plastic had been assigned to the head of that department. The official line was that so they would be kept under close supervision but the three of them and Addison knew different. In his own way Miles Grant was rewarding them for their loyality to Meredith

"Me too."

"God your lucky he's so fond of his 'Meri' cos Mer would have easily killed you if you had gotten yourself kicked off this program when she's trying to move her whole life down here so you wouldn't have to leave,"

"Mer loves me too much to kill me..."

"Go ring her,"

Addison groaned pushing him from his seat. She had seen that wistful, hungry look the moment she had mentioned Meredith's name and knew there would be little more sense coming from him now.

"You can call me pathetic now?"

"I would if it was anyone but Meredith."

The shrill ringing of the phone above the noise of the stereo and the sound of Mark singing from the shower brought Meredith's head up from the school work spread out in front of her. Instinctively she knew it was Derek and she jumped onto and over the sofa to grab the handset before it stopped ringing.

Last night the first of hers and Mark's bonding sessions since the accident had been fun but curling up in their bed on her own surrounded by his smell had made it near impossible to sleep. When he had rang it had been a physical relief to hear his voice just as it was now.

"Hey,"

Meredith sighed into the handset, goosebumps rising at the sound of his voice. It was husky, a few notches lower than usual and by the noise in the background she was able to see him as if she was stood beside him. His back lent against the nurses station, his arms folded across his chest with the phone held between his shoulder and head.

She could picture the exact look on his face too. The way his eyes would have softened with that simple word and it made her ache even more to be with him.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

"Tired. An official sufferer of Meredith withdraw symptoms. What about you did you sleep ?" Derek keeping his voice low to avoid prying ears felt a little weight lift off his shoulders at the sound of her voice.

"A little. I missed you..."

Meredith spoke softly, matching him tone for tone.

"It was easier after you called but.... …"

"I missed you too and I get it Mer..."

"I worry about you and I want you with me so I know you are sleeping... You working all nighters again suck Derek."

"I'll be home in twelve hours,"

"I'll be waiting."

"Thank god,"

Derek breathed barely audible hating that he had to let her go as his pager started to bleep and with it heard her sigh of disappointment.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Replacing the handset Meredith looked over at the work spread out on the living room floor and frowned. All enthusiasm for her work gone and she knew it wouldn't return.

"You know your an ungrateful brat," Mark's voice shook her away from thoughts of Derek and straight to him. A Mark that was stood half naked all except for a pair of unbuttoned jeans.

"Huh?"

"Well I have done nothing but entertain you since I picked you up from work yesterday and the moment I turn my back your looking all mopey again."

"I do not look mopey."

"Yes you do. Now to make it up to me, you Grey are going to buy me breakfast before you start work,"

"I am?"

"Yep. Now get dressed I may like seeing you half naked but Shep will kill me if I let you go out like that. I'm going to run down and see if we have any mail.,"

Mark ordered pushing her towards hers and Derek's bedroom.

"I'm not in any way naked." She protested trying to resist him but he only laughed as he looked over what she had slept in last night. Derek's old t shirt that hung off her revealing the bra underneath and a pair of shorts he also reconigised as Derek's.

"Fine come out to breakfest in Shep's boxers I dont mind."

"Mark I don't want to go..."

"Well I do I'm hungry and yes Kiddo it is all about me!"

Mark laughed enjoying the swear words and insults being thrown at him over her shoulder. The way he saw it, pissed Meredith was a lot better than mopey missing Derek Meredith. He had already seen enough of that last night.

"My god Grey you've got a filthy mouth."

"Screw you Sloane."

Was her parting words as the bedroom door was slammed very firmly and loudly in his smirking face.

" Get dressed in under ten minutes Grey and you can do whatever you want to me,"

Meredith was out in five and instead of the laughing Mark she expected he was looking wary as he held out a thick white envelope.

"This was downstairs,"

One glimpse at the envelope and Meredith felt her heart flip in her chest There was no doubt in her mind and obviously Mark's too as to what it was.

"Oh..."

Placing it in her hands Mark in a gentle caress rubbed his knuckles down her cheek.

"I know you wont open it without Shep but trust me kiddo I know your in." Mark reassured and the fact was he really did believe it.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Now come on I need feeding."

Mark threw an arm around her shoulders as he guided her to the front door. His constant chatter that he demanded answers too giving her no time to mull over what or what wasn't waiting for her in the envelope now shoved to the bottom of her bag. She knew it was on purpose too and it caused her to lean up on tip toe to kiss his stubbled cheek.

For the next six hours every order she wrote, every polite smile , every word out of her mouth was automatic. She was running on instinct alone. Her mind was on the letter that she knew would either make everything that little easier or they would have to start over again.

It was why as soon as her shift finished she found herself at the hospital. The same building as her mother was in was not where Meredith wanted to be right now but she wanted Derek. Not in a few hours time but right now and that impatience lead her to hurry through the halls looking for him but with no avail until at last she spotted a familiar shaved head a few feet ahead.

Creeping up behind him she wrapped her arms around his waist pushing her body up tight against him. Her lips pressing against the back of his neck, teeth grazing his skin and she felt the answering shudder run through his body.

"I've missed you," Derek breathed as the scent of lavender surrounded him. Easing the aches of his body as a new very demanding ache became apparant as her hands moved lower.

"How much?"

"Enough to carry you off to the nearest on call room."

"Mmm that sounds good to me,"

"Is that so."

Turning quickly Derek gathered her in her arms kissing her hard but before he knew it he was released and she was tugging on his hand pulling him through the door and into the nearest stairwell.

"Stairwells huh, more public than an oncall room but I can do that."

"Mark picked up the mail this morning."

"Okay..." Derek said confused how they had quite gotten from talking about sex to talking about his best friend.

"This came,"

Pulling out the envelope from the bag Meredith waited for a reaction and it wasn't even half a second before the blue eyes raised from the envelope and met hers.

"You didn't open it,"

"Not without you. This isn't just my future Derek its ours and you, I need you here so I can open it otherwise I cant, I don't want too. Well I do but I wont and this is about us ..."

Her rambling was cut off by another kiss. His hands moving up to cup her face, staying there even after he drew his lips away.

"We'll open it together but not here. Come on."

Taking her hand Derek lead her to the nearest on call room and locked the door behind himself.

"I'm thinking celebratory sex,"

"Or commiseration sex..."

"No definately celebatory I believe in you Mer,"

He breathed as he kissed her again. Waiting with bated breath as she slowly with shaking fingers opened the envelope.

**_Not much to say except the other half will be up soon ... I cant say anymore because the more i edit this chapter the more I'm disappointed by it so I'm going to stop_**...

**_Please Review_**


	35. Chapter 35

_**Thank you so much to all of you who reviewed the last chapter I really do appreciate every comment. **_

_**This chapter is up a lot sooner than expected and whether it's a good or a bad thing I'm not sure yet but I have found this chapter ALOT easier to write. But its also down to my son's paternal grandparents flying over to meet/spoil him which has left me with a lot more time to sit down and write. **_

_**Anyway not much to say so all I ask is you Read, Enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW!!!**_

Derek didn't think he breathed once in the time it took Meredith to open the envelope, nor could he tear his eyes from her face. Just waiting for any reaction, a sign of emotion that would tell him what she would need from him.

If this letter turned out to be a politely worded rejection there was no doubt in his mind that they'd survive it but, he just wanted something to go right for her, for them.

That would make her feel just some of the pride in herself that he felt for her every time he looked at her. It burned bright in him when he thought of what she had overcome. How she allowed him into her heart that little bit further with every day. That despite the steps back they took there was always a way forward.

He was in no doubt that a only a short time ago she wouldn't have come to find him until she knew the answer and what she would do next. That she had come to him with this stood for everything that he had been working for.

"Mer..."

Her name was little more than a release of the breath he had been holding. Unable to keep it in any longer, when she still continued to stare down the piece of thick white paper. Her lids covering her eyes, eyes that would have told him everything if only she would look up at him. Her name however seemed to reach her as still without a word she handed it to him. Derek then found he had his own shaking fingers to deal with.

"Derek,"

Meredith whispered as his eyes lowered only for a half a second , scanning the two pieces of paper before he let them slip through his now perfectly steady hands.

A yell of triumph the only thing she heard as he swept her up in to his arms and swung her around. His lips crashing against her with a hungry force she couldn't deny even if she had wanted too.

They broke apart both of them laughing, the happiness that had transformed his tired face and weary posture bringing tears to her eyes. This look on his face right in this moment made every worry, every moment of stress, every row with her mother one hundred percent worth it.

"You did it Mer..."

He whispered reverently , and Meredith found herself bathing in the glow of love from his blue eyes . A look of pride so intense on his face that she felt her cheeks color as it became impossible to look away from him.

"We did it. You Derek, not just me. I didn't do this on my own!"

"No. No this is all you... God I … I love you so damn much Mer."

"I should hope you do."

Meredith laughed through her tears as she brought her hand up to caress his cheek.

"I wouldn't have been able to do this for anyone except you."

Meredith admitted and Derek had to force words past the lump in his throat to ask the question he knew he had too for her as well as him.

"No regrets?"

His answer came in the form of a kiss of her own . The words she knew he needed to hear coming only after she left him groaning in protest at her pulling away.

"No, no regrets."

Meredith paused before a teasing grin took over her lips.

" Not even ones concerning Mark."

Taking a step back, but keeping his arms around her not wanting too much distance between them Derek couldn't believe only twenty minutes ago he was ready to drop on his feet from exhaustion. Meredith had changed this, just like she had everything else in the past six months. Given his life the meaning he'd never known it needed.

"You do not know how happy you have made me Miss Meredith Grey,"

"Mmm trust me Dr Derek Shepherd you have seen nothing yet."

Meredith breathed closing the distance between them, her lips millimeters from his as her now steady fingers worked at the ties of his scrubs.

"I don't doubt it."

His own hands were busy brushing the jacket from her shoulders. Impatiently peeling off her top but they were both stopped in their tracks by the shrill bleeping of his pager.

"Crap..."

Meredith groaned as she tore her lips away from his to stare down at the floor where the noise was coming from.

"Ignore it."

"You cant."

"I can,"

"Someone might die."

She panted as his lips moved hungrily along her collar bone. His hands slipping beneath the waist band of her jeans.

"It'll be worth it..."

"Derek Shepherd..."

"Okay, okay,"

Derek groaned with a last flick of his tongue before bending to pull up and redo his scrubs.

"But don't leave, don't go home … Wait for me."

"Here?"

"Well not exactly here in this room, but here, hospital here."

"Okay."

She nodded a smile so bright and full of happiness that Derek couldn't resist not kissing her one more time.

"Good. Mer I love you, "

"I love you too. Now go, go save lives."

"Your Mom...?"

He asked stopping with the door half open, his body shielding her from the view of anyone passing. The smile that had plastered to his face slipping for a moment.

"It'll be okay. I'm okay. Today I'm pretty sure she couldn't even ruin this"

Her words seemed to soothe his worries as he nodded with another smile.

"Thank you for today."

Slipping out of the on call room only a few minutes after Derek had Meredith headed towards the bank of elevators. Pressing the button three times mimicking Derek's theory that somehow it made the elevator come quicker. A soft smile lifted her lips at the thought of him. A smile that only grew when the elevator arrived and their was only one other occupant.

"Me and you in a confined space should Shep be worried?"

"No, but if I was you I would be,"

She answered coming to stand in front of him only for him to move alongside her.

"Normally I might be, but you look happy. Incredibly happy, just had sex happy but that's not right because you don't have sex hair. Well not mind blowing sex hair which for future reference would be the sex you would get from me so..."

"Mark shut up."

Though she tried her best to scowl at him, the happiness bubbling inside her made it impossible. Happiness that until Derek had came into her life she had never felt like this before.

A happiness she refused to ruin by allowing the thoughts that still crept into her brain that nothing this good could ever last. Not tonight , no tonight she just wanted to feel it, enjoy it and let it wrap around her and wrap around Derek.

She knew just how hard the last few weeks had been on him. How he had been struggling with keeping up after the accident. That his body still hadn't reached full recovery from what it had been put through. Every night up until last night she had laid in bed with him, trying to bring some relief and not falling asleep until she saw he was finally resting. Tonight she didn't want that. Tonight she didn't want pain for him, she wanted only his smile, their smile.

"Like I told you this morning you have a terrible attitude Grey... Now however I am willing to forgive you, being the bigger person if you tell me whats turned the mopey Mer into freakishly happy Meredith that I barely recognize?"

"I got in."

It had only just left her lips when again that day she was lifted off her feet. This time there came no crushing kiss, instead a hug took its place as Mark squeezed her so hard she thought her ribs might crack.

"I told you that you would,"

The real happiness in his voice touched her as he placed her back down on her feet and brushed a kiss over the top of her hair.

"I'm so proud of you Kiddo,"

"I'm proud of me too,"

Looking down into the luminous green eyes, excitement radiating from her every pore Mark found himself thanking whoever was above them for letting this come right for her. That thought lead directly to his best friend. If something was this good for Meredith then it would reflect through Derek as well. This was the start of their future.

"If your telling me then you've obviously told Shep. Where is he?"

"He had to go back to a patient."

"His pager interrupted sex then, explains the non sex hair."

"Your an ass."

"An ass who is incredibly happy for you,"

"Well that still makes you an ass."

Meredith muttered trying to make it sound convincing yet Mark wasn't buying it as he bent his head to whisper into her ear.

"Your in too good a mood not to love me tonight Grey,"

It was as Meredith turned her head to smile at him that the elevator doors slid open and it was Mark's muttered exclamation that told her without her having to look exactly who it was.

"But not even in this mood could you love the slutty intern."

Looking away from Mark, Meredith stared at the girl in front of her. Her current mood pushed to the back of her mind as anger boiled in her belly. Not jealousy though, not real jealousy because she knew she had nothing to be jealous off.

She trusted Derek. Derek, her Derek was not that guy. Her anger was for this girl who had tried to take from her the only man who had ever meant anything to her.

"What did you call me?"

Hayley demanded glaring at Mark after she had dismissed Meredith with little more than a barely concealed look of disgust.

"He called you slutty. Slutty as in the type of girl who chases after other peoples boyfriends."

Meredith answered for Mark and the tone of her voice caused Mark to smirk even more.

"Couldn't have said it better Kid,"

"Who the hell do you think you are?"

The question was clearly directed at Meredith as the brown eyes clashed with stormy green .Stormy green that was not the first to look away.

"No who the hell do you think you are? You knew Derek was in a relationship. You knew he was still recovering from his crash, yet you, you still tried to get your claws into him. Which in my books and obviously Mark's makes you a slut."

"It does."

Mark nodded admiring not for the first time just how beautiful Meredith looked when she was flushed with anger. It was as he was discovering even easier to admire when the anger wasn't directed at him.

"Oh please, grow up. Everyone in this place knows that he's only with you because of your connections. Come on be honest with yourself Melanie what else could a guy like Derek really see in you..."

The way she looked at Meredith emphasized the weight she had put into the word you. It caused Mark's smirk to turn into a sudden dark frown.

"Hey who the hell do you think your talking too?"

Meredith took a step forward putting her nose to nose with the girl in front of her.

Hayley was an inch or so taller and clearly out weighed her, but Meredith knew she had nothing to fear. With just one glance at the woman looking her over in disdain Meredith knew she'd be too scared of breaking a nail if it became physical

She on the other hand was not. One of her teachers in a report to her mother back in middle school had described her as a scrapper. She had always been on the outside of the popular groups and there had been times there had seemed to be no other choice than to fight. Her mother strangely had never rebuked her for that particular disapproving appraisal or reacted when she was sent home from school.

Ellis Grey believed that the world was a dog eat dog world. A constant case of survival of the fittest and she had encouraged Meredith never to back down. To not allow people to walk all over her and to fight for herself and what she wanted. Meredith often wondered why it was then that her mother couldn't see that that was all she was doing with Derek. Fighting for what she wanted, what made her life better than it ever had been before.

"My name is Meredith. But, you know what I don't give a crap what you think. You don't know me and believe me on one thing you will never know Derek, because if I even hear about you even looking his way I'll scratch your freaking eyes out."

Meredith spat out and Mark was pretty sure everyone in this small space didn't doubt that she would. He saw the moment fear and doubt flashed in Hayley's eyes and wondered if she too was finding Meredith a lot like her mother right now.

"Oh please..."

Hayley tried to brazen it out but Mark caught the way her eyes flickered towards the numbers above the closed doors. Obviously waiting for the numbers to change before she spoke again.

"You think you are something because of who your mother is, when really you are just some jumped up college brat. I don't need to chase Derek because trust me one day, pretty soon he will realize that...."

"Mer, Mer .. Meredith."

Mark lunged forward and caught her around the waist before she could reach Hayley as Hayley backed up against the closed doors. One very large part of his brain screaming at him that he was putting a stop to something only a few weeks ago he had declared a fantasy to his best friend. Yet he also remembered his best friends reaction to that particular fantasy and, it was that that drove him to keep hold of Meredith as she struggled in his arms.

"Mark Jeremy Sloane if you don't put down it'll be you that ends the day maimed."

"Happy thoughts Kid, try some happy thoughts."

"Happy thoughts is me ripping that whores eyes out..."

"Whore. Me I'm meant to be the whore here? Who is the eighteen year out spreading her legs to satisfy her Daddy issues with a man tears years older than her."

Hayley seemed to become braver with Mark's seeming secure hold on Meredith.

"So help me god Hayley if you don't shut your mouth I will let Meredith go and allow her... ..."

The three of them so caught up in their argument hadn't realized that with Hayley's speech they had reached their destination and the doors had opened. Allowing everyone waiting to hear her rant and Mark's answering threat.

"Dr Sloane I believe my daughter desires you to release her." Ellis Grey was stood watching them with unreadable eyes.

"Sorry Dr Grey,"

Mark murmured, his apology automatic. Only to end it with a grunt as Meredith elbow dug sharply into his gut before she marched off the elevator straight past her mother.

"Not so fast Meredith. You will not walk away from this, I want the three of you in my office."

Turning on her heel Meredith looked past her mother to the mixture of doctors and nurses stood around watching them and let out a silent sigh and nodded her head.

"I've nothing to say,"

"That's fine I have plenty. Dr's Lewis and Sloane follow me."

She lead the way with the confidence of someone who knew they were calling the shots. Meredith was sorely tempted to stop and go back the other way just to prove a point but she couldn't. She couldn't abandon Mark.

"You know this wasn't how my cage fighter fantasy ended..."

Mark's whisper caused her to smile and a little humor to return.

"I'd be worried if it did. That would mean you have repressed sexual feelings about my mother. Do you?"

"No."

Mark muttered a rare blush staining his cheeks when Ellis Grey's head swung around to glance back at them as she stood back for them to enter her office.

Hayley had stayed quiet throughout the journey and Mark noticed how she had seemed to pale underneath the thick layer of her make up.

Once in the office Meredith stared at her mother, green meeting green for a brief second before Ellis Grey looked away.

"There's no doubt in my mind about what this concerns or rather who is at the bottom of this but at this moment I have no interest in it or him. What is however of interest to me is your behavior. Dr's Sloane and Lewis you should be ashamed of yourself, that is no way to behave in a hospital and I would seriously suggest you rethink your future if that is how you plan to conduct yourself."

"Dr Grey it was..."

"Dr Lewis if I was you I would take a leaf out of Dr Sloane's book and keep your mouth shut."

Ellis Grey's voice only seemed to become colder and Mark shot a glance over at Meredith. Hating that the happiness that had only a brief time ago had shone in her eyes had all but vanished. For a second she caught his eye and though her lips never moved he could swear she was trying to tell him she was okay.

"Now as for what you said to my ..."

"I don't want or need you fighting my battles."

Meredith spoke for the first time but her mother only brushed it away with a wave of her hand.

"I will stand for no one speaking to my daughter like that do you understand me?"

"I'm sorry Dr Grey,"

"Sorry? Sorry does not cover it when you call my daughter a whore! Who the hell do you think you are to dare... ..."

"Will you shut up."

Meredith couldn't hold it back any longer. Her anger had only increased with every word out of her mothers mouth. This was in no way about her. It was about the great Dr Grey and what people thought of her.

"You don't give a crap about what she said to me. How I felt about it, you only care because people were there to witness it... Your only concern is how it reflects on you."

The only person that seemed altogether shocked by Meredith's words were Hayley who Mark could have sworn looked for a second almost admiringly over at her.

"So do you know what, I'm not going to stay here and listen to anymore of it."

Meredith voice was as cold as Mark had ever heard it but what shocked him more was the small hand that slipped into his and pulled him with her.

"Do what you want with her, but Mark he did nothing wrong. If you are so concerned about your daughter then be grateful to him for defending her. "

"Meredith do not walk out of this office."

The only answer Meredith gave was to slam the door behind Mark.

"Wow..."

Mark let out the moment they were clear away from the office.

"You are a little wild cat but an ice maiden at the same time. Its hot Mer, if you weren't my Kiddo I'd be panting right about now..."

The bubble of laughter that erupted from Meredith's mouth was a shock to the both of them as they laughed until they were both breathless.

"Well what a day huh..."

Mark said at last as he draped an arm around her shoulder only to receive another elbow jab to his stomach

"You should have just let me hit her."

"And have Shep on my back no thanks Kid..."

"Derek's going to hate this either way..."

All amusement was gone from her face and voice as her steps slowed. It left Mark with the feeling that if it had been Derek with her today it never would have got that far. Then again seeing Meredith like that he wasn't sure if anyone could have any real control over her.

"Offer him sex he'll forgive you."

"I should have left you to my mother."

"Now your just being mean."

Mark joked wanting and succeeding in drawing a small smile as they approached the nurse's station.

"Go, go put a smile back on both your faces."

Mark's voice had dropped a notch as he turned her to face where Derek was stood frowning over a chart. Pretty much in the same position she had first seen him earlier on in the day when their future was still up in the air. Before she had a chance to move a step forward to speak to him a hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"Meri congratulation's Derek told me about your acceptance. I'm proud of you my dear."

Dr Grant brought Derek's attention to her presence and though he was smiling at her with all the emotion of earlier there was a added spark of something in his eyes that told her the hospital gossip might have reached him before she could. Meredith nodded in acceptance of it then turned back to Dr Grant.

"I couldn't have done it without you Uncle Miles. Whatever you said to Richard obviously worked."

"Don't put yourself down Meri, Richard was impressed. I'm not sure he wanted to be impressed but he was."

"See it was all you,"

Derek breathed against her cheek before his lips pressed against her skin and his hand tangled with hers.

"Sir I've finished all the pre op labs and..."

"Don't worry about that, take this young lady out to celebrate her good news."

The older man said with an embarrassed kiss to Meredith's cheek. He was tentative like he wasn't completely sure if it would be welcome. Meredith took pity on the older man who had gone against her mothers wishes to help her and hugged him firmly.

"Thank you again Uncle Miles."

"For the little I did do Meri you're very welcome."

He beamed before leaving her with Derek who was still watching her with that same look as he pulled her into his arms.

"So you fulfilled Mark's fantasies..."

"You heard?"

She queried her voice muffled from her face being buried in his neck. Derek instinctively offering her the comfort he knew she needed after any meeting with her mother whether she would admit it or not.

"I did. Nothing not even disease spreads faster than gossip in this hospital."

"I'm not sorry Derek."

"I never thought you would be. What happened with your Mother?"

A bitter laugh fell from her lips and he hated that sound. Hated that he had to hear it today when they should have been happy. When he wanted her to be as happy as when he had last seen her in the on call room.

Guilt was also lingering around his every thought. It was him who had asked her to say, to wait for him and if he hadn't none of this would have happened.

"When I left dragging Mark with me she was ripping into the slutty intern for calling me, her daughter a whore."

"You are not a whore."

"No I'm not. Nor am I really her daughter. Well I mean I am in the DNA way but not in the way... She doesn't get to defend me Derek."

"From what I've heard I don't think you need anyone..."

Meredith interrupted him before he could finish the sentence.

"Just you. Not to defend me obviously but needing, needing yeah I need you."

"And I need you. That's why I asked you to stay and I shouldn't have."

"I wanted to stay so any little guilt get rid of it,"

She told him pulling back making it possible for her to see the blue eyes. She had heard the guilt in his voice and wanted to dispel any ideas of that kind from his mind.

"What happened happened because I have a crappy temper and the slutty intern got into the same elevator as me. It was always going to happen, I told you remember I don't share especially not you."

"Okay... So she's not my slutty intern anymore?"

"What?"

"Hayley you didn't call her my slutty intern."

"No. Your mine no one else gets that claim on you."

"Jealousy like bossiness is hot, very attractive. And, just for the record in case it ever crossed your mind I want no one to have a claim on me but you."

Derek told her looking down into the green eyes unable to believe there would ever be a time he would want anyone as much as he did her.

"Forget this Mer. Forget Hayley. Forget your mother and let's just please go be us. Celebrate that you are now on your way to NYU."

"We can do that?"

She asked wanting to believe him, wanting nothing more than to do that too and he nodded pressing his lips to her.

"This day is our day Mer. I want to be with you thats all I want, and I want to think about nothing, but me and you ."

With only a few minutes in his company Meredith felt the excitement, the happiness from earlier starting to flow through her again. He was right this was their day and she didn't want anyone to spoil that especially not Hayley or her mother. Reaching up for him she pulled his mouth down to her, the kiss was quick but Derek understood exactly the emotion behind it.

"Let's go home Mer,"

**So that was that, hope you enjoyed it and next chapter will be up soon as possible so all I ask is PLEASE RE_VIEW..._**


	36. Chapter 36

_**Thanks as always to those who reviewed the last chapter I really do appreciate them. **_

_**I know it's been a while and I am sorry but writers block followed losing complete confidence in my writing and this story... **_

_**But with no desire to abandon the story again I'm going to try just pushing through this and see how we go …**_

_**So all I ask now is you Read, Enjoy and help me on my way and PLEASE REVIEW!!!!**_

_**I Changed For You**_

_**Part One**_

Derek entered the intern locker room, and began pulling his crumpled scrub top over his head before the door had chance to close behind him. He used the little energy he had left to kick off his trainers, and stretch out the kinks in his neck and back. Collapsing down onto the bench in front of his locker with a groan of relief, his head soon dropping into the waiting relief of his hands.

The last eight hours of his shift he had spent in an emergency surgery with Dr Grant. Their patients condition hadn't looked good and he was sure it was only down to the Chief of Surgery's refusal to give up that the man had pulled through at all. The physical and mental exhaustion had hit the moment he had came down from the exhilaration of the patient surviving. Now he was left with nothing except for the desire to be with Meredith.

"You look like crap,"

Mark voice cut through the silence of the empty locker room. It brought Derek's head up briefly from his hands as he sat down beside him.

Dressed in his obviously fresh scrubs Mark was clutching onto a large polystyrene cup of coffee as if Derek thought his life depended on it. That however wasn't an uncommon sight in their friendship, Mark was a caffeine addict and had been since high school. His addiction now far out reached that of any normal intern Derek knew off including his and Addison's. But, what Derek did find odd was Mark obvious need when he hadn't stepped foot in the hospital for the past forty eight hours.

"Not possible."

Derek murmured with a shake of his head as he reluctantly pushed himself back to his feet as Mark arched up a skeptical eyebrow.

"Sure about that man? What hair you do have, looks kind of limp and greasy, you have suitcases rather than bags under your eyes and you're sort of in need of a shower."

"It is not and I ... Shut up."

Derek muttered after having run his fingers through his still short hair and sniffed slightly at himself before pulling his t shirt over his head.

Though he had in most aspects recovered from the accident, there were still moments when like now he felt as if he was back at square one. Not that he would ever admit that to Mark, but he was probably right about him looking like crap because that was certainly how he felt.

"Mer okay this morning?"

Derek asked voicing his only real and lasting thought that had existed outside that O.R for the last few hours.

The surgery had been a great opportunity that he wouldn't have wanted to miss yet he had found himself torn between paying attention to Dr Grant's skilled hands at work, and the clock on the O.R wall. Every minute that they had over ran he had seen his chance to see Meredith slipping away. There would be no time for him to get home to see her after seeing his patient through post op, nor would there be a chance to even ring to catch her before she left for her first class of the day.

Those calls though in no way the same as seeing her, gave him at least the chance to hear her voice especially after a long night away from her. Meredith not in any possible way a morning person, managed to be just that little more communicative when a phone call was his only option . The usual morning grunts he was accustomed to and adored were spaced between more words, that almost made full sentences. Even if sometimes he was pretty sure she wasn't so much as hearing what he was saying rather than simply listening to the rise and fall of his voice.

"No hi man? How was your day off? What did you get up too ? Did you sleep well last night? No you, you just want to know about Grey."

"So my girlfriends fine?"

"No she's not fine. She gave me hell this morning because she's tired and she misses your dumb ass and that, that makes her grouchy."

"You better not have upset her." Derek warned a frown starting to form as Mark's face twisted into a look of outrage that was almost comical.

"Me upset her? Meredith Grey is a bossy, stroppy,stubborn woman who seems to assume that she is the boss of me and queen of my world."

"I like bossy. It's hot, Mer is hot."

"She is. But, do you know what isn't hot? Hot isn't having my coffee stolen this morning or being punished by her hiding the rest of the coffee."

"If you didn't upset her why did she hide the coffee?" Derek demanded studying Mark's face for any small flicker of guilt.

"Because in her eyes I'm mean...? Me, I'm mean but do you know what is mean? Mean is being dragged out of bed yesterday to take her a paper she had left behind!"

A slight smile curled up the corner of his mouth as Derek felt his mood lighten . He knew that tone of Mark's voice though it was very rare that he heard it. It was as Meredith called it his spoilt I don't like sharing Derek or my bachelor pad voice and definitely someone who hadn't had there full fix of morning coffee. Which he knew was really to blame for Mark's mood. There was nothing Mark liked better than to have Meredith all to himself. To not have to share, or worse lose Meredith's attention altogether to him.

"But you went didn't you. You could have said no?"

Derek said knowing full well that he would have never even thought of saying it and despite his complaints nor would Mark. It didn't matter if that meant dragging himself out of bed only a hour or so after he had fallen into it. They were, the both of them wrapped very firmly around her little finger. That was no secret to Meredith and when she needed too she used it to her full advantage.

"No I couldn't have. She needed it for her class after lunch and it was a good paper and it's an important time right now with finals and all, "

"It is and you my friend are Mer's bitch. Admit it, accept it and move on!"

"That is you, not me. Mark Sloane is no womans bitch."

"I'm sure Mer and Addie would have something to say to that? But I'm alright with it, you keep living in denial!"

Derek laughed as he hurriedly with energy he didn't know he possessed pulled his sweater over his head. All the talk of Meredith had only increased his eagerness to get home. Derek knew he wouldn't be seeing her there not for a few hours at least but, the apartment felt a lot closer to her than here.

"Right thats me done. I'll see you at home."

"Oh yeah, before I forget. The other great way I started my morning was being hunted down as a means to finding you. I swear the Grey women, old and young have it in for me today."

"Your on about Ellis Grey?

It took Derek a few seconds to answer and then only to ask a question. Mark's words having to penetrate past thoughts of Meredith. Of being with her, of actually being able to hold her, and to have her in his sights for forty eight hours straight.

"Who else ? Unless you know of anymore Grey women running around this city."

"What does she want?"

"No idea. I made sure the elevator doors closed before I could hear anything more than your name."

A very self satisfied smirk quickly replaced Mark's earlier pout as he took a long drink from the cup.

"She had that look on her face. Same one Mer gets and I cannot face two of them this morning with no caffeine to hold me up! So I thought, why don't I save it all for my best friend!"

"Thanks for your consideration."

Derek muttered as the locker room door swung shut behind him. A seconds thought caused him to decide then and there to take the stairs. If a confrontation with him was what Ellis Grey was looking for, which he was in no doubt she was he refused to do it in a confined environment. Somehow he doubted his luck would live up to Mark's and the elevator doors would close before she reached him.

"Dr Shepherd."

Derek's step faltered as he let out a soft groan. He had managed to reach half way across the lobby with the exit in sight when the cold voice he had been hoping to avoid reached him and quite possibly everyone else around them. For a brief moment he considered quickening his step, to simply ignore her. The rational part of his brain however knew that wasn't possible, not whilst they were still in the grounds of the hospital.

The one thing Dr Grant had made absolutely clear after his and Mark's last run in with her was that that had to be the last time it happened. That inside the hospital, despite everything Ellis Grey was their boss, their superior and she deserved that much respect from them.

"Dr Grey,"

At nine am, after an over forty hour shit with little if any sleep Ellis Grey was not who he wanted to be stuck talking too. Or the more likely outcome being yelled at. Especially not when all he wanted was to go home. To step into the shower that would still smell of lavender conditioner, then climb into bed. The bed her daughter had not long left. Curl himself up under the sheets that would still have her scent clinging to them, and try to sleep the hours away until she got home. So that he would be awake to spend some time with her . Time that was more than a hurried lunch in a hospital cafeteria or a rushed phone call in between patients.

"Where is my daughter?"

Ellis's demand snapped him from the comforting thoughts of his bed and her daughter and straight back to the uncomfortable reality he was currently faced with.

"Excuse me?"

"My daughter, Meredith I would like you to tell me where she is?"

Ellis spoke slowly as if she thought he couldn't comprehend simply worded sentences.

"No."

"No, What does no mean ? Do you not know where she is?"

"Do you want an exact definition or..."

Derek started only for Ellis to cut him off quickly.

"I do not have time for word games Dr Shepherd so start talking!"

"Okay I'll play. What I meant was no, as in no I am not telling you and to answer your next demand that I know will come I'll tell you why."

Derek did his best to keep the pleasant smile on his face. Wanting to make it look like to the many people around them that it was just another intern discussing a case with an attending. He wasn't sure however that it would hold face as most of the hospital seemed to know Ellis Grey openly disapproved of his relationship with Meredith and disliked him.

"I have to be polite to you. I have to show you respect. I have to take your orders, and do them in a work environment and seem happy to do it because you are my boss. You being my boss however doesn't mean I have to talk to you about my private life and Mer she is that. So no I am not telling you where she is."

"Dr Shepherd one day you will realize why I have been so insistent about my disapproval of this relationship. You will see that you will have wasted so much time on a relationship doomed to fail, and that like I have told you before my daughter is not capable, and never will be of what you want from her. "

"I am so tired of this, of repeating myself. How long will it carry on for? What me and Mer have with all respect it's none of your business, and secondly you have absolutely no idea of what your daughter is capable of."

"Yes I do. Despite everything Meredith has filled your head with, I know my daughter, and therefore understand her limitations better than you ever could. You are the adult out of the two of you and it is up to you to be the one that ends this."

"I will not end or destroy the most important thing in my life."

Derek forced himself to take a breath and to lower his voice slightly so that it wouldn't carry any further. His personal life was already too well known around this hospital than he wanted.

"At the end of this month it is six months since I met her, the happiest six months of my life . Thats six months in which I have loved her and tried to give her everything that I possess to convince her that I am not leaving … And I'm not. Meredith is starting to believe that and you need to too. Now is there any thing else?"

"I know she's gone ahead with this ridiculous move to NYU, I know..."

Ellis Grey changed the topic so quickly that Derek found he had to rub his head to put his thoughts together. Though once through the fog of tiredness the words came quickly rolling off his tongue. To quickly to sensor them.

"You don't know crap. She finishes for the year at the end of this week. That makes it six weeks and three days she's has been at NYU. Forty five days and you are only just asking me where she is. That, that is why I will not discuss Meredith with you."

His anger was starting to escape him and there was a part of him that wondered if that was exactly what she wanted. Meredith had told him her mother always went after a person's weakness and in the best possible way Meredith was his.

"Where is she living?"

"Obviously not at your house as you locked her out."

Derek threw back quickly in an hissed whisper

"She had perfectly good room's at Dartmouth that I was paying for."

There were words, many of them on the tip of his tongue just waiting to spew out. Instead Derek clamped his mouth shut till he was sure he could control himself.

"Have a good day Dr Grey."

"It would not take much for me to find the address she used on her application form."

"Knock yourself out."

Derek ignored the shout of his name again as he exited through the sliding doors. For a second he was sure she would follow him, knowing that if she did it would be her daughter's car she saw him getting into.

Since the accident he had not gotten around to buying a new car to replace the bike that had now taken up permanent residence in his parents garage. He still missed it sometimes but Meredith had made her stand perfectly clear. No bike or no her and there really was no competition. Plus he had found like now, the car despite its relentless mess was a comfort to him. The mess no matter how may attempts he had made to tidy and clear it, still seemed to remain the same. So much so that he had long since given up trying especially as Meredith never appreciated his efforts. Her answer always the same, that she liked it the way it was. And though he would deny it if she ever called him on it he was starting to think he liked it this way too. It in the best possible way reminded him of Meredith.

* * *

Glancing down at her watch one more time Meredith felt a smile grow as she gathered up her papers and text books and shoved them away in her bag, past the bulge of the jar of coffee she had taken from Mark. She had known exactly what effect it would have had on the start of his day and she could think of no better punishment for him. With her smile turning to one of revengeful satisfaction Meredith pulled the strap further up on her shoulder as she headed for the door.

Her last class of the day had finished over an hour ago but guilt had stopped her going straight back to the apartment. Derek would have only had a few hours sleep and despite how tired he would be there was no doubt sleep would be the last possible thing on his mind because of her. He would want to make up for the last two days, spend time with her and though that was just what she wanted she couldn't let it happen. He needed to sleep. Proper sleep with no distraction. So for her not to be there now had meant the very hard work of squashing her own eagerness and forcing herself to be here in the library.

"Meredith?"

The shout of her name was unexpected and quickly followed by a hissed instruction by the librarian to be quiet. The voice definitely female had struck a memory, a memory that caused Meredith to pause in her step. She turned her head to look over at a group of tables on her right that had been hidden from her view before by a bookcase. There was a group of people there but it was very easy to see exactly who had called her name out.

"Sam...?"

It came out a lot louder than Meredith had planned and it was barely a second before a fierce instruction to be quiet or get out was directed this time at her.

The dark haired girl the focus of Meredith's attention grabbed up her bag and at more of a run than a walk hurried towards Meredith. Her arm linking through hers as she pulled her out of the library not stopping until they were out in the fresh air. Where they both stopped and took each other in for the first time in nearly a year.

The long naturally dark hair still hung long down her back. The careless curls framing a very pretty face still scattered with piercings, which only slightly distracted you from the large blue eyes and full lips.

Samantha though Meredith had never once been allowed to call her that had been her best friend in high school. Almost instantly since they had laid eyes on each other on Meredith's first day. It was as if they had sensed a kindred spirit in one another. Both rebelling against everything and everyone.

Sam's father though not a surgeon was a very rich and busy investment banker. Her mother only interested in the social circles she mixed in and keeping up appearances. Not in the lives of her troublesome teenage daughter. It was from that shared understanding that had first drawn them together and their friendship had only grown.

"So what are you doing back in the city let alone in this library? Do we have some book Dartmouth doesn't?"

Samantha asked gazing with disbelief at the girl stood in front of her for the first time in the better part of a year. There were a lot of differences from then to now. Gone was the pink hair or whatever particular color had taken Meredith's fancy, in fact for the first time since knowing Meredith Sam was sure she was seeing her natural hair color. But that wasn't the change that Samantha noticed most. What was was the lightness to her. The eyes that now seemed clear and shone rather than seeming always to be guarded.

"I'm at NYU."

"Don't tell me you got expelled? Oh god what did your Mom say to that? Did that actually bring her home from the hospital?"

Sam demanded and Meredith couldn't stop the bubble of laughter that fell from her lips.

"No I didn't I'm not that bad. I transferred back. I have a friend well not a friend, but a boyfriend and I'm living here with him. Well and Mark but he's not important tod..."

"Hang on, stop the ramble right there. You said the B word. Did you Meredith Grey really say that? A boyfriend? Like committed relationship, where you exclusive, not just hook up? You Mer, really?"

Meredith felt the heat in her cheeks, completely understanding Sam's well natured skeptic teasing. Memories flashing through her mind of all the times she had stated that a relationship wasn't for her. That Sam was mad for letting herself become vulnerable and relying on a guy that would only walk out on her one day.

All the times she had been there for her when some waste of space had broken her heart and she had silently promised herself that that would never be her, crying drunkenly on a bathroom floor.

There were times late at night especially when Derek was at the hospital that she found herself still feeling that fear. But then she would think of Derek and though she was still scared a inner voice told her that for him it was worth being scared for.

Thinking of him now she felt that peace settle over her as she nodded.

"Really. Derek his names Derek Shepherd."

The unconscious softness in Meredith's voice, the sudden warmth in her eyes when she said her boyfriends name told Sam more than Meredith ever could. That the girl stood in front of her was most definitely not the same girl she had partied away the last two years of high school with.

"So the hair color isn't the only things thats changed then? Meredith Grey, wow Nate will be shocked."

At the mention of Sam's twin Meredith felt her stomach twist as she tried to keep the grimace off her face. Meredith had first slept with him a week into her move from Washington and it had continued for two years.

In no way had it been a relationship. More a series of one night stands with a lot of men in between but it had been the closest she had ever come. Nathan had been the opposite to her and his sister. Never feeling the need to rebel, he had been everything in high school that Meredith had never wanted to be part off and yet somehow along the way he had claimed to fall in love with her. Even then she had never quite believed him and now she knew for sure that what he had felt wasn't real love. At least not the same as what she felt for Derek or what he felt for her.

Yet he had carried on with what she wanted hoping she might change someday. She knew it was that thought crossing his sisters mind now.

"How is he?"

"He's good, around here somewhere. He's still the perfect son. As a brother I can't complain either, he still covers for me every time I need it. Look lets go somewhere catch up properly?"

Meredith looked at her old friend but instead of her face she saw Derek's.

"I can't now..."

Meredith hesitated. She wanted and had planned nothing more for today than getting home to Derek. She was off work tonight and all she wanted was a night in the apartment with Derek stretched out on the couch in front of the television. Yet the look on Sam's face was stopping her. They had history. Sam had been her best friend and she had lost complete touch since leaving New York for Dartmouth.

"But tonight, um I can probably do tonight."

"Nine at the bar just across the street ?"

"I'll be there."

Meredith regretted the words the moment they were out of her mouth as she pictured the look of disappointment that would flash in Derek's eyes when she would tell him.

"Cant wait, I want to hear all about the man that conquered Meredith Grey."

Derek found himself being pulled out of a deep sleep by gentle fingers running over his brow. Tracing patterns as they followed the path down to his jaw. Lingering there as the lips that had wiped away every memory of every previous kiss in his life brushed over his in a caress that his whole body had been aching to feel.

"Mmm."

He groaned as he allowed her tongue access to his mouth. A kiss that ended all too quickly for his liking.

"That is maybe the second best way to wake up,"

"Oh really only second."

Mischief danced in the green eye and Derek had to suddenly remind himself to breathe. With Meredith smiling down at him in such a way he wondered if it was possible to just stop time and stay in this one moment forever.

This was all the proof he needed to not listen to one word that fell from Ellis Grey's lips. This look in her eyes beyond the mischief. The glow he knew shone just as bright in his own. It was happiness and it was love. Despite even what at moments Meredith may think of herself Meredith could do this, they could have this and it was all he needed.

"Do I dare ask what the first is?"

Meredith asked the teasing lilt in her voice matching the smile on her lips. Nodding Derek pulled her down to him so there lips were just touching.

"Your lips wrapped around my …."

His final word was cut off by a small hand covering his mouth as laughter fell from her lips. So infectious that he couldn't help but join in.

"Dirty , dirty boy."

"Mmm but it's true, very true."

"I've missed you."

She sighed as she kissed him one more time before dropping down onto the bed next to him. His arms quickly going around her, pulling her as close as possible.

"I missed you too. Was Mark that bad?"

"No, but we argued about hot water because he's like a girl even more of a girl than me and he spends ages in the bathroom. Then, then he says I'm bossy!."

"You Meredith Grey bossy? No never, how dare he... Shall I disown him?"

"Your mocking me..."

"I love you," Derek breathed rolling to his side so that he was facing her.

"No you love mocking me. I doubt you will love me in a minute mocking or otherwise though because I have plans tonight. Different plans to what I had planned. Those plans were all about you but now its not so much because I saw an old friend today. An old friend who wants me to meet for drinks later and I said yes I didn't want to because I didn't want to make you pout but your pouting now and..."

Derek found himself only half listening to her ramble instead simply enjoying the sight of her, but when she trailed off and the words sunk in disappointment stabbed through him.

"Old friend?" He forced the question out of unwilling lips when all he wanted was to plead with her to stay with him right where she was.

"Sam, Samantha Alexander. I met her my first day in high school after I moved here. Actually she offered to skip classes with me... Mmm very productive first day we thought! On the other hand my mother not so impressed."

Derek was surprised by the smile he could feel tugging at the corner of his mouth even if every nerve ending was screaming at him louder and louder to pull her down beside him, and not let her leave this bedroom.

"You should go. You should catch up,"

It wasn't what he wanted to say but he knew it was the right thing to say. The little free time she did have now outside school or work was spent either with him or hanging around here waiting to see him. That didn't leave much time for making friends, and he hated the thought that she might find herself lonely or one day even regret leaving Dartmouth.

"I could ring and cancel, if you want me too I could. I wouldn't mind, it was just I couldn't say no to her when we were face to face, but on the phone I can do it, I will do it."

"No you wont. Its a few hours Mer. I've the next two days off, its okay. Go , go see your friend."

"Would you like to come too, hear all about my reckless youth pre Derek."

Meredith offered and Derek knew the offer was a genuine one. He was tempted, very as at least he would be able to be with her but, still he shook his head.

"Another time definitely. But tonight it should be about you two."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"You still love me?"

"I do."

"Me too. I love you enough to apologize to Mark for stealing his coffee,"

"Even though he was mean?"

"For you I might."

"He deserved it."

"I thought so."

She nodded and laughing Derek rolled her over so she straddled him, his hand's running down from her face to hold her hips.

"So your shift went okay? You look worn out..."

"I am there wasn't much time to sleep but …."

He was about to explain all about his surgery with Dr Grant when Derek found totally different words coming out of his mouth.

"Your mother cornered me as I was leaving. She wants to know where you are. I didn't tell her you were here... I didn't shout." Derek rushed in at the end as a frown started to appear.

"That's good, you can't do that anymore Derek you know that, Uncle Miles can't always stop her going to the board or lodging a complaint."

Meredith said thoughtfully knowing that was exactly what her mother would do if she could.

"It wouldn't matter if you did tell her, she'll find out anyway...Mark would love that my mom turning up here, god can you imagine his face."

Derek found the giggle falling from her lips too irresistible to resist as he started to laugh with her. Very able to see the picture she must have been imagining in her own mind.

"It might just be worth it Mer..."

"As long as we weren't here," She said leaning down to press her lips to his. Loving the feel of her bare chest beneath her fingers as every other thought but him and his warm body beneath her vanished from her mind.

.

* * *

Entering the bar ten minutes late Meredith spotted Sam easily in the quiet week day crowd. Making her way over to the table Meredith grinned at the sight of the shot of tequila already waiting for her.

"And there was me thinking you were leaving me to catch up all alone,"

Samantha said the shock of seeing the new Meredith still hitting her as it did this morning. She was glowing and there was a smile on her face that she had definitely never seen before.

"Sorry. I haven't seen Derek in a few days and..."

"I thought you said you lived with him?"

"I do but he's an intern so..."

"An intern, as in works in the hospital... Not your mothers hospital?"

At Meredith's nod Samantha started to laugh.

"If I didn't know you I'd have thought you did it on purpose."

"My mother did."

"She would."

Samantha muttered. Having only met Ellis Grey on a few occasions she had found that enough to understand why Meredith was the way she was. Never would she forget the look on Meredith's face at graduation when she had realized her mother really wasn't going to turn up. Or that night just how obliterated Meredith had got. How she had drunk herself to the point of collapse. Past that of her usual way of dealing with her mother, so much so that her and Nate had had to drive her to hospital. Her stomach had been pumped and barely a flicker of emotion had passed over Ellis Grey's face that was as long as you discounted the one of disappointment and disgust. Even her own mother despite all her failings would have been horrified to see her daughter so upset. The only person she can remember actually caring was her mother's boss who had hovered around Meredith's room.

"Anyway lets not talk about her."

Meredith insisted as though she could read her old frinds thoughts. She threw the shot Sam had ordered for her back in one. Opening her eyes to find her old friend laughing.

"Well thats definitely one thing that hasn't changed."

"No but in a lot smaller quantities now...."

"God what is this man of your's a miracle worker? Nate tried for two years to settle you down even though we all including you kept telling him it was no use..."

"I don't know how it happened."

Meredith admitted

"It's just him... He's Derek. It's not been easy but I know it's worth it. We're worth it which I know is cheesy but he's cheesy and its infected me in a little way. I love him Sam. Me love someone thats unheard off but I do and he loves me too. Not for what I might be, who I could learn to be but just for me... And well I don't believe in forever. I don't, I have no proof of it and the thought of what may come along terrifies me. But with Derek, I want a forever, if it does exist I want it…."

Meredith paused to look at her friend before shrugging her shoulders with a helpless sigh.

"He's Derek when you meet him you'll get it."

"Show me a photo?"

At the demand she pulled her purse from her bag. Meredith handed over the photo of Derek taken the weekend he had spent at Dartmouth for their three month anniversary.

"Wow... Now I'm starting to see why. Gorgeous absolutely gorgeous but, not your usual type . Which knowing your history is no bad thing Mer."

"Yeah." Meredith agreed with a laugh "Apart from Nate I had crappy taste."

"No Nate included. Twin or no twin, totally not right for you! I didn't tell him I was coming to meet you tonight, I haven't missed the Meredith and Nate drama but I have missed you. Not many have that love of tequila I'm looking for."

"Me too."

Meredith agreed and as the words fell from her lips she realized how true it was. Until she had met Addison she had had no girl friend that she could talk too like she could Samantha.

Though Elliot had gotten into the habit of ringing every night she had missed having someone she could talk too or just hang out with. Derek was her best friend there was no doubting or questioning of that. There was no one she would rather spend her time with but when he, Mark and Addison were working and she was at the apartment all alone she had often thought it would be nice to have someone to help speed up the time until Derek got home.

"Well I should hope you have. I didn't spend two years holding your hair back to just be forgotten about..."

"Hey I did my duty too..." Meredith protested with a laugh and Sam nodded raising from her seat.

"To celebrate the we paid are friendship dues I'll get another round in... Tequila?"

"A beer,"

Meredith said and laughing Sam nodded tossing a remark over her shoulder.

"Tequila sales must really be suffering."

* * *

Laid out on the couch in only a pair of jogging pants and a t shirt Derek glanced up hopefully as the apartment door opened. He was to be disappointed when Mark walked in. Pizza boxes in his hand causing Derek to drop back down onto the cushions.

"Where's my Kid? Is she still pissed?"

"Not here. So no point in sucking up for this morning."

He said trying to hide a smile as Mark joined him looking just as disappointed as he felt.

"Where is she? She's not meant to be working tonight."

"She's not. She bumped into an old friend from high school, they've gone to catch up."

"And you let her?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Well we've got the night off and I brought her favorite pizza and I wanted to see her... Couldn't you have stopped her? "

Mark demanded as if Meredith was a possession that he lent as nothing more than a favor to his best friend.

"No I'm her boyfriend not her keeper. If you haven't noticed she already lives her life around my schedule, and it's her thats here alone most of the time so no I refuse to stop her from having fun just because it means we have to spend an evening on our own here."

Derek told him . It had been playing on his mind a lot since she had left him with a kiss and another invitation for him to join them. She so far showed no effects of it and never once questioned if he didn't have chance to ring her and knew that came from growing up with Ellis Grey as a parent. But he wanted more than that for her, she deserved more than that.

"I know but …"

At Derek's continued frown Mark shrugged.

"Okay, okay... Still it sucks that I'm stuck with just you."

Mark sighed as he handed him a beer from the bag he had brought in with him.

"It's a wonder you managed for the years before I met her."

Derek said dryly as he took a long gulp only for Mark to nod with a serious look on his face belied by the twinkle in his eyes.

"It was hard I must admit. The kid is my reward."

"Good to know."

"Anytime man. Oh but maybe you can be of some use and tell me why the evil older Grey is more pissed at me than she usually is? I know I pissed her off this morning but this went deeper. Dr Sanders was on a case of hers today, this burn victim and if looks could kill it would be me flat lining."

"I refused to tell her where Mer is..."

"Why would she think you would tell her?"

"I have no idea. She'll find out soon enough though, it's not like we're hiding it."

"She'll have killed us by the end of the year."

"Scared?"

"A little."

At this admission Derek started to laugh remembering Meredith's earlier plan of letting Mark be here when her mother turned up for the first time which they both knew would ultimately happen.

"What's so funny?"

Neither of them had heard the door open and looking over the back of the couch at her Derek smiled. She wasn't drunk he knew that with one glance and she was smiling ion the eaxct same way as earlier as he reached out a hand over the back of the couch for her.

"You had fun?"

"I did."

"I'm glad."

"Well thats good because I invited her round tomorrow. I want to be with you and she wants to meet you so if you can share me for a few hours ?"

"I think I might be persuaded."

"I like being persuasive,"

"I know you do."

Derek breathed as her lips hesitated millimeters from his, waiting for a kiss that Meredith was all too happy to give until that was she spotted sight of Mark looking the picture of innocence, the beer and pizza.

"He's sorry."

Derek murmured causing Meredith to nod.

"He should be."

"He is."

Mark confirmed the twinkle in his eye matching the one glinting in the green eyes as she kissed Derek's waiting lips before leaning over to kiss Mark's cheek.

"I'm not."

_**Okay so thats me pushing through.... I'm not sure about this chapter its took so long and its been a real effort so I'm relieved to have it posted. **_

_**Now Sam I like Sam and I think she's good for Mer. It reminds her that she can do this, that she has already done so much and I think that belief is going to be important as we move on in this story... … **_

_**Now all I ask is you take a little time and please review …. **_


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